WHAT GOAL?

[Jewels]

I'm warning you, this is long but worth it. It's from "The Skinny Daily Post." If anybody wants the website, pm me.

What Goal?
» by juju on August 25, 2004

“I’m five pounds from goal.”
“I’m ten pounds over my goal.”
“I got to my goal, but then I gained some back.”
“I just can’t get to goal.”

Goalspeak. Goals. What are they? What are they good for? Who gets to decide what our goals should be?

I’ve just kicked my old goal to the curb. Juliekins of Throesofwhatever.net, a blogger with an attitude about getting to goal, made me do it. Well, that is, she made me realize I long ago achieved the only goal that really, really, really matters to me. My blood pressure is back under control, my resting heart rate is normal-low, diabetes has been stopped, I have energy and much better health than I’ve enjoyed for years. I’ve done what I need to do to push off some really nasty health issues.

But. I don’t fit into the size I covet, a goal of mine dictated by… culture? I’m not sure. I haven’t reached the BMI number that tells me I’m safe, a goal dictated by a chart on a wall. I don’t weigh what I did when I reached my lifetime goal in WeightWatchers when I was 23.

Have I failed?

Juliekins talks about the problem of the “last 10 lbs,” those incredibly hard pounds to lose, the pounds that, if you never lose them, may flatten your ego, but may not make much significant difference to your health.

If I lost a few more pounds, the size-of-my-dreams would fit. But to maintain it, I would have to eat less than I do now, and also work out more. Is it worth the tradeoff? I don’t think so. Will my health statistics improve? Not by much. And they are already really good. So I wouldn’t get enough improvement to make the difference worth the effort. What is a smaller size worth? For me, it’s not worth giving up the occasional ice cream cone. Not worth the grind. Not worth stepping up my workouts still more.

So I’m refocusing on my original goals, my own goals. They have to do with bloodwork and blood pressure, resting heart rate and wellbeing. And staying the size I am now so I don’t have to invest in yet another wardrobe.

Let’s remember that the body mass index, the diet program weight tables, the insurance charts, are all guidelines based on averages. You are not average. You are you. Your skeleton, your muscles mass, your heritage, your family, your life, your way of being in the world should all factor into your goal that you set for your self.

So, if you’ve struggled for months and months to lose that last five pounds, you might ask yourself if you really need to lose it and why?

If your goal is your health, body weight isn’t a very good measure of your goal when the issue is a few pounds.

If your goal is about beauty, about a size, think some more. Consider what you need beauty for. Exactly how beautiful do you need or want to be, and why? How beautiful do your friends think you already are? What does beauty mean to you? What does it get you? What is it good for? It’s probably naive to completely dismiss beauty as a reason to get fit. Few of us can ignore it in others much less ourselves. We may wish it didn’t matter, but millions of years of habit says it does matter. But it matters in different ways and in different degrees depending on your stage and station in life.

Understand this, though, beauty isn’t a size. Beauty can’t possibly be a number on a scale, because no one but you sees that. If beauty is the reason for our fitness efforts, then we owe it to ourselves to be specific about what we want, and be honest about why we want it, so that, at the very least, we know when we’ve arrived, and won’t spend a lifetime perpetually feeling we have never arrived because “thinner is better.”

Above all, let your goals be clear and be your own. And try to know when it’s time to change that goal to one that makes more sense for who you are now.

I will if you will.

» by juju on August 25, 2004

[JONAH'S GRANNY]

I enjoyed reading it. Actually makes a lot of sense. Makes you feel kinda dense for worrying so much about a certain number. Thanks Julie.

[Loretta V]

Thanks Julie for that article on our goals. I have to agree with the author about :

Beauty can’t possibly be a number on a scale, because no one but you sees that.

Nor do they care about your numbers on the scale!!!! IMHO

[LowCarbRachel]

What an excellent post, thanks for putting it up for us!

Rachel

[SuSUN]

Great read Julie,

Thanks for posting this!

SuSUN

[Janina]

and for being one of the idiots that gets so consumed with 5 pounds.
It is very true. For me I can weight 105 to 115 and wear the same exact clothes. What gets me is the overhang on my jeans. In the big picture of life it seems really small. Sigh...

What I do think that is important for us maintainers is to relish that we have come so far and make sure not to get past the point of no return. I am not yet 40 but will be soon. In my 20's and early thirties i could roll out of bed and put anything on and no makeup and look amazing. I know that staying in my range and wearing a size 0 and 2 is vanity. I don't mind saying goodbye to that gorgeous girl, as I have my own little gorgeous girl now. I an happy to hand over the crown, as it came with mixed blessings. i stress to my dd kindness and how smart she is before her looks. I just want to to hold it together as best as I can..for my health and yes, just for me. my dd said to me"mommy, i want to look just like you when I grow up..you look exactly like ariel and I think she is the prettiest princess" she is three and a half. It made me happy in a way that no man in a bar ever did buying me a drink(when i drank) I want to be "Ariel " for her as long as i can...but if this ariel has alittle jean over hang..I am not going to sweat it....

[sugarless4life]

If I lost a few more pounds, the size-of-my-dreams would fit. But to maintain it, I would have to eat less than I do now, and also work out more. Is it worth the tradeoff? I don’t think so. Will my health statistics improve? Not by much. And they are already really good.

I liked the article up to this point. Its ALWAYS worth the effort to work out more. And yes, your health statistics WOULD improve and not only that, you would feel better, sleep better and look better.

If you're happy where you are, then stay there. But if you want to be the best you can be, then stop making excuses and start making progress. For me, at nearly 50, exercise is VITAL. I push myself hard because it continues to keep me where I want to be.

My two cents.

Betty

[LowCarbRachel]

I had someone ask if I was going to stop working out now that I've reached my goal, and my answer was no. First of all, I like working out, and second of all, I enjoy all the extra benefits...besides keeping my body fat low, I love the endorphins and I love knowing that I am keeping myself healthy and fit. Besides, for me, working out is very much about being focused on what I am doing at the moment. I need that mindfulness in my life!! And, I did a weight loss timeline for myself and figured out that whenever I've stopped exercising in my adult life, I've gained fifteen-twenty pounds. So, exercise is pretty much the "magic pill" for me.

Could I drop another size and lose another five or ten pounds? Yes, I could, and in the past, it's all been about how small I could get, not what weight was healthy for me. I look and feel good at this weight. I think that's part of what the post-writer is referring to in her essay! I have gotten caught up in the "I need to be as thin as I can possibly be!" mindset before myself, it's very very easy to do! (It's like when I count calories, I always think, if it's "good" to eat 1000 calories, then it's "excellent" to eat 400 calories! Same thing with size, if it's "good" to weigh 130 then it must be "excellent" to weigh 120. That's just my convoluted way of thinking about numbers and weight and it has NOTHING to do with my health, with my happiness, or with the amount of joy inmy life!!)

Janina, I wanted to add--I think it's all about feeling comfortable. I don't like it when I get "overhang" because that makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't think that's necessarily a "vanity" kind of thing, I think it's a being comfortable in your own clothes kind of thing. What I'm trying to say is that five pounds of "overhang" is different than thinking, "hmmm, I made it this far, I want to be as tiny as I could ever be because the smaller I am, the better I am!!"

[Jewels]

Betty, I don't think the writer was saying to give up exercise or even do very little. My impression of the article was to NOT OBSSESS over it. One time I was exercising at the YMCA doing the step machine for an hour and then walking as fast as I could for another hour. I didn't feel I did enough unless my shirt was totally soaked with sweat. I couldn't figure out WHY I was getting sick with a cold every month. I just would get over one and another one would start. I even went to the Dr. and he didn't figure it out until I decided to try cutting out some of the exercise. I immediately quit getting sick. So you can do too much and I'm convinced of it. I think even in exercise there is MODERATION!!

I'm 61 years old and all my life obsessed over my weight. This artlcle really hit home. Everybody tells me I'm skinny, look good and I feel good. I use to try and get down to 110 as the charts say. I'm 5'2". But when I did this about 15 years ago, I was gaunt and sick all the time. My goal now is beteen 115-120. I have been struggling to keep it there. Over this weekend, I decided it just wasn't worth the extra few lbs. I'll stick to 120 and keep it there. I feel good and healthy and don't feel more weight loss or less exercise now, would make me any more healthy.
IMHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Janina]

I think bC I have never been over 120(I could eat and eat and that would be where my body would stop gaining) my perspective has always been a bit more vanity. Sometimes I think how silly i am to worry and stress over it, but that being said..i have never been seriously over weight..just dealt with an extra 10 lbs. I am tiny with a tiny frame so 10 lbs does make a huge differance(in my eyes) but I don't ever want my dd to see the obsession behind this. I think stressing to your children health is important and not weight. Our goals and plans are so unique and so individual, one persons goal weight is not alls goal weigh even at the same height. I used to run 30 miles a week, my body looked great, but my knees were so beat up it just wasn't the right approach for me. I want to commit to gentler yoga where it will tone my body and be good for my stress level..obviously not many people will follow the yoga excersise plan...lol! i also wouldn't spend that much time excersising in my life right now, as i did running all of the time as I would rather spend my moments with my dd. We go to the park and chase each other rather then me on a formal plan. I am thinking when she goes to school i can actually go to a gym again! it is so individual...
what I love about the article is how it pointed out to me the madness that I feel sometimes and how much engery i put into it. I needed to stop and think about that one!

rachel, i get caught up in that same mind set. i am glad we both are trying to be more healthy in our thoughts. I am the same with my numbers. There is no overhang at 110 but I push for 105 bc I like the number. I just don't want to be so crazy about it lol

[CorgiGirl]

Julie, thanks for posting this. This whole article hit home for me. I do obsess over the few lbs between 105 and 112. I am not even trying to get in a smaller size because size 4 is the lowest size I can find around here and size 4 clothes are too big on me anyway. I get frustrated that I have lost over 70 lbs but am still agonizing over a few more. One reason is that the 5lbs are in my stomach which I really hate. I am focusing more on exercise and I am developing muscle which is important to me. I just need to convince myself to focus on exercise and eating healthy foods and be content where I am. Vickie

[Jewels]

Vickie, we are together on this subject. Just trying to keep the exercise up at our age. My stomach is the biggest spot on me too. Jezzie just posted a good article on waist size (on the GY) and was shocked when I measured and mine is 132.5!! Not suppose to be 33 or higher. Everybody tells me I look skinny. Got a good exercise for waists that do NOT hurt the back??

[shawneesioux]

Hi Y'all

Happened to be snooping here, reading the excellent article Julie posted.

LOL, Julie...I had to over your (hopefully) typo of waist size being 132.5 !!!...please tell me the "1" shouldn't be there!!

When I get skinny enough to be happy with my butt, my face looks horrible...at my age, its a trade-off. Since I have to look at my face waaay more than my butt, I'll stick with the face. (Yes, I exercise moderately and eat LC.)

As for a possible exercise without back strain, maybe Isometrics?
I've done them off and on for 40 years...just tightening up muscles, holding, then releasing.

Good luck to all here.

Shawnee

Maintainer

[LoveMontana]

Great read Julie, thanks. I never obsessed over the number on the scale. All I cared about was fitting into a certain pair of old jeans ( shush, from the 70's ) Made it.

[BarbCO]

THANKS GOD YOU SAID - 132.5

i WAS GETTING WORRIED ABOUT MY NUMBERS!!

BARB

[Jewels]

Hope you all got a kick out of my mistake ~~sarcasm~~~
Need to shake all you people up once in awhile!

OF COURSE I MEANT 32.5!!!!!!!!!!!

[CorgiGirl]

Julie, I wondered if you were posting the measurement in cm instead of in. I have had back surgery before and the exercises I do for my stomach don't bother my back. I do find that crunches on a large exercise ball are easier and don't hurt my neck (have had disk surgery there too). Vickie

[bratts3]

good article...this was what i needed to read about right now. i am fighting this....do i keep trying to lose or be happy where i am? ive been stuck at this wt for about 6mths now and no amount of exercise has changed it.