New Maintainers - Week of June 21

[JuliaL]

Hi everyone. Thought I'd go ahead and start a new thread since the other one was getting kind of long. I'm a little late, but oh well.

I'm feeling really stressed today. My number 2 son called yesterday, and as soon as I picked up the phone I could hear in his voice that something was wrong. Any of you moms out there who have grown kids know what I'm talking about. Sure enough, he had a problem - he forgot to pay his rent for the month of June and didn't have the money to pay it.

I need to explain that this "child" is 24 years old. He also has an anxiety disorder and is on Paxil. He's had a lot of problems in the last few years, but recently has been doing well. He is almost finished with culinary school and has a job as a chef. He just got out of school and started this new job, which is why he's short on cash, but I don't know why he "forgot" to pay his rent. I didn't have the money to give him for the rent, so he got it from my mom, his grandma. My parents have helped him a lot in the last couple of years, and I really hated it that he had to ask them for more help. I feel so guilty about the whole thing. He swears it won't happen again and that this new job will pay enough to cover his expenses, but I'm so worried. Of course my parents are worried about it too.

This is the kind of thing that used to send me face first into a gallon of ice cream. Now I just post here.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Julia

[kbgardengirl]

Julia - I understand completely. We would like to think that once our children reach adulthood our job is finished. Unfortunately, I think we are destined to be Mom's forever and their problems seem to keep coming home to us.

[Pedmom]

Julia.

Is this a recurring thing or just a one time thing, do you think? I can understand your concern. While my sons are younger and at home, I have a sister that is 32 years old going on 15. I won't bore you all with details, but drugs are involved. She has never kept a job long, and my parents (especially mom) have given her thousands of dollars that were supposedly for "rent, electric bill, gas" whatever, and were actually for drugs.

I am by NO means suggesting your son is on drugs Julia! Just equating my family drama so you know I understand. You never stop being the caring mom, no matter what. I have watched my mom experience this for more years than I care to remember.

You're a good mom to worry!

[sugarless4life]

Julia, I am so glad you posted here (sure beats a face full of sugar! )

How fortunate to have a mom and grandparents who care so much. I am sure he will make good on his word that it won't happen again and until he proves otherwise, he deserves the chance.

Don't stress over it, trust the fact that he was brought up right and knows what he needs to do.

It will be okay, hon!

Betty

[jvryden]

I'm back from a weekend trip to Chicago to visit family and take my 5 yo downtown to a museum, etc. It was lots of fun, but I came home with a horrible sinus infection and a few extra pounds.

So this week I'll be watching my carbs carefully. Being sick though has certainly weakened my willpower (and the energy to cook...). However, yesterday I was working at my kids' VBS and passed up the sugary treats for just some fruit. Someone put out blueberries and strawberries amongst the brownies and cookies.

Julia, I hope things start to turn around for your son. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be for you. We all want the best for our children and it hurts when they don't make good decisions. Good job passing up on the ice cream!

Valerie

[JuliaL]

Thanks to all of you for your support. Posting here not only helps to keep me from indulging in emotional eating, but there is really no one in the 3D world that I would care to discuss this with, you know?

I know that I'm very lucky that my parents not only care enough to help my son, but are in a position to be able to do so. The problem is my mother feels like I abandoned my kids when I moved to North Carolina because of my husband's job. When something like this happens it just reinforces that idea. Even though my sons are now 26 and 24, she acts like I left her to take care of them. I think the real issue is that she's mad at me for leaving HER and my dad. Anyway, they are very good parents, but I'm the oldest daughter and they still haven't gotten over our moving so far away.

Jill - I know what you mean, and believe me the thought that he might be on drugs has crossed my mind. I'd be a fool not to think of it. But I really don't believe that's the case - that's not to say that he didn't blow his money some other way. He's a video game addict, and my parents think he spent a lot of it on that. Not as harmful as drugs, and not illegal, but just as devastating financially when you're in his situation.

Anyway, thanks again to all who responded so kindly.

Now as far as new maintenance is concerned - I have decided to give up fruit for a while to try to get a couple of pounds off. I've been eating a lot of cherries lately - they're so good Part of me says I shouldn't give them up, that being in maintenance means eating stuff like this, but part of me also wants to get below 140. I guess I still haven't given up on losing weight as a measure of how fit I am.

How is everyone else today? Ann, are you feeling better?

Valerie - sorry to hear you're sick. Good job on passing up those brownies!

Betty, thanks for the good wishes. Are you still running every day or is it too hot in Florida now?

Karen - according to my mom you never get finished! Of course now she has a grandson who can't seem to grow up. How's your garden doing?

Julia

[sugarless4life]

Oh yes, its oppressively hot here now, but I hit the streets at 5:30 a.m. to avoid the intense sun. Logged 37 minutes this morning at my target heart rate the entire time, so that was quite a feat. We have a midnight 3k coming up July 4 and DH, DD and I will take part. I don't mind running if the sun isn't up ... otherwise, all bets are off. My goal one day is to do a 10k (6.2 miles), but I have to be able to run a solid hour before I'm ready. Hopefully by fall.

Have a great day everyone!

Betty

[JONAH'S GRANNY]

Oh, Julia I hear you about your Son. Sometimes I think we never get them grown and on their own. They know how to tug at our heart strings. My 25 year old DD who just moved back home and with a husband asked me for $76.00 yesterday to pay a college fee. At first it kind of upset me and then I realized she is still in school and I guess we should be thankful she has decided to finish her degree. She is working but needed her money to make a car payment. I guess I should be glad she didn't ask for the car payment. Anyway, out of my three daughters, two of them are doing fine and on their own. The oldest makes more money than her dad and I put together (the smart career girl, I guess). I don't think the youngest will ever grow up and make it on her own. The problem is she also married a young man who is just too much like her. They are both good kids but just can't seem to get it all together. I know you worry about your son and being so far away. You start feeling somewhat guilty and wonder what you did wrong that he still can't seem to make it. You just got to hang in there and pray for them. My DD is also like your son in respect to emotional problems. Lord help a Mother's heart, and thank God for grandparents who like to help ever now and then.

I'm feeling much stronger everyday. I'll be so glad when I can go back to exercising. I'm thinking I'll start walking a little more. I see my surgeon tomorrow so maybe he will tell me at least it is ok to walk more. I know I cannot do anything streneous for at least three weeks. It is good to have my appetite back. This time last week the thoughts, smell of food was very nauseating.

I have not been brave enough to eat cherries yet but I have been endulging in fresh blueberries and strawberries. They will both soon be gone. I have had a few squash, tomatoes, cucumbers from the garden so far. Karen, do you also have a vegetable garden? This is my favorite time of year for food. There is nothing like fresh fruits and veggies and a good piece of meat, salmon on the grill.

Valerie, I hope that sinus infection clears up soon. They can really make you feel rough.

sugarless - I continue to be jealous of your running. I didn't realize also how good it felt until I couldn't do it.


Hope everyone else is doing well and enjoying the beautiful Summer. The heat in SC has been good this week although we are getting our share of evening thunderstorms.

Take care everyone. Ann

[velvetns]

I know I kinda come and go with you ladies but I really enjoy reading your thoughts and issues when I can.

SONS - My sons are 26 and 25 and sometimes I wonder when they'll grow up. They are on their own, but still! And my son #2 is married and now I found out I am going to be a Grandma, which I would be happier if his wife cared about being part of our family at all. I have been supportive, appreciative to her, not in their business and she is just not interested. Oh, well. You just can turn off loving or caring or worrying. They have been together eight years, so I thought it would be better by they time they gave me a grandchild.

Anyway - I am having so much trouble firming up, I exercise 5/6 days a week, 3 cardio, 3 weight exercise videos, alternately. I am so discourage to see the fat next to my muscle. I even walk 21 flights of stairs at lunch, at least 4days a week. I am very discouraged right now.

Thanks - velvet

[JuliaL]

Ann - I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better and have your appetite back! I had my appendix taken out when I was 20, and I know its major surgery. My didn't burst, thank goodness, but even so it took me a while to get back to normal and I was only 20! I think your quick recovery is a testament to how good your general health must be.

Your comments made me smile because I was just telling my mother the other day that I wished my son would find a wife because I thought if he had a responsible woman in his life he might stay on track. But after reading about your daughter I realize he'd be most likely to pick someone too much like him and that wouldn't help. Oh Lord, I hate to think of him having kids. Don't get me wrong - he's a very sweet person really, just like you said about your daughter, he can't seem to get it all together. Will they ever grow up? Anyway, glad to hear you're better.

Today the Farmer's Market is set up downtown where I work and someone told me they had beautiful cherries down there. Now that's all I can think about, lol - give me strength!

[JuliaL]

Velvet - how much fat could there be on your little 130-lb. body? I mean really! Have you put your measurements into mybodycomp.com - you should try it. You might be surprised to find your body fat is lower than you thought!

Maybe that daughter in law will come around after the baby arrives - I hope so for your sake. I'm really looking forward to grandchildren, but Lord knows my boys are not ready for that!

[ginabw]

We got back from Greece last night, and I am soooo happy to report did not gain even a lb.! Didn't lose any either, came back exactly the same! I did play tennis for an hour or so 5 of the days we were there in the 90 degree heat. The food was great most of the days. Every day, every meal, was an all you can eat buffet with fresh fruits, veggies, cheeses, and then tons of prepared dishes of meats and side dishes. The night they had the ribs and chicken wings was the best. I did eat some of the prepared dishes, even though I thought the sauces were probably not on plan, mainly just the cauliflower gratin and a few meat dishes. Two of the days also they had fresh strawberries and had to eat double of those. Plus had 2 slices of fresh watermelon twice a day! So I ate a lot more fruit than I usually do, and seconds at lunch and dinner, but that is what vacation is about. And we had to do a lot of walking as well, room was on 3rd floor, farthest from the beach, with no lift, so did a lot of stairs as well, carrying a 30 lb. baby who decided she didn't want to use her legs! Also walked every night after dinner with the kids.
The beach was fantastic, the views so beautiful, we took 250 pix with our digital camera, and for once I am in lots of them! Have to say in general European women are thinner, but also over here no one is embarassed or too shy to wear a 2-piece bathing suit, I saw people of all different shapes and sizes soaking up as much sun as possible! Or is it like that in the US now too? Haven't been to US beach in a long time.
Ann, so sorry to hear about your appendix! I am sure you will be back to exercising soon, but take it easy.
Julia, I am sure your son will be fine. I have to admit that as an adult my parents had to bail me out a time two, I always had a good job and was responsible, but sometimes things just happen. I know they breathed a big sigh of relief when I married my husband, who is an all around great person (can you tell he let me sleep in today to recover while he got up with the kids?!).
Good to be back!

[JuliaL]

Gina - welcome back! Your trip sounds wonderful - sounds like you had a great time. You should post a couple of your pictures. What I've noticed at US beaches is that most people over about 15 years old are overweight (and many under 15 years old), but they don't wear skimpy bathing suits. When my husband and I went to Naples, Florida a couple of years ago we noticed a lot of British accents and people speaking German. The Germans seemed to wear the skimpiest suits, no matter what their size.

Congratulations for not gaining any weight - that's quite an accomplishment on vacation!

I'm looking forward to a very quiet day. My boss is out of town, my husband is out of town on business and my 16 year-old son is on a fishing trip with his friend and his friend's dad. I don't know what I'll do with myself

Have a great day eveyrone!

Julia

[akmd65]

hi everyone!
ok, well my summer vacation has offically begun! Im babysitting for a girl at my church and so far its going ok. she seems to take advantage of everyone she can...so i am a bit worried. but we will see. she was 2 hours late picking him up on the first day i watched him. she didnt even bother to call, so i had a talk with her. hopefully it will be a good situation for both of us! i could use the money and she needs a sitter. grrr. anyway...my friends that were giving me such a hard time have backed off about it! i did throw a huge fit and told them to read the #@$!% book. lol. they did admit that i eat much healthier than they do and i look great. so thank God that is over!!! i am up a pound to 146. bummer. i really have been over enjoying my food with no real exercise. i started back exercising this morning and i will start posting my menus again on the menu thread. i need to go back to planning instead of just winging it. do any of you ever fall into that?
julia, im so sorry about your son. i am so glad that you post here intead of turning to food!!
ann, im sooo happy you are feeling better!
gina, your vacation sounds amazing!!!! can you post a picture of greece?
velvet, i agree with julia....you sound so fit! im very jealous!!! i really need to step it up!!
betty, you always impress me! way to go!!!!

enjoy your day ladies...
jeannie

[JONAH'S GRANNY]

Greetings to everyone. Hope everyone is having a nice June Day.

akmd - Don't worry about that extra pound. You have done so well and I know just one pound can be very upsetting. You get the feeling that if I give into that one pound, I guess I'll give into another next week, etc. A lot of it has to do with you also trying to adjust to your CCL. Just follow Doctor A's rules and once the 5 lb. mark arrives, you know it is time to do something. Also, do get back to that exercising. I can tell you it is as important as watching every bite you eat. Right now while my exercising is limited I keep thinking every time I eat, I'm not doing much of anything to work this stuff off. Makes me feel a little guilty. Just hang in there and don't ever let things get bad enough to go back to the old way of eating. You still amaze me with your accomplishment.

Gina - Congrats on a great trip. I know there had to be a lot of good foods you passed up and that takes a lot of self control. THe fact that you kept your weight in check says a lot about your WOE. Most people gain a few while on vacation. Our family week at the beach is coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm already worried about how much fresh fried shrimp I'll have to pass up. It has got to be my favorite food in this world. Last year I was in the middle of my losing phase and splurged on the fried shrimp one time. Came home with a one pound loss. It can be done, especially as long as we stay very active in the meantime and don't go overboard.

velvetns - Being a grandmother is one of the most precious gifts one can have. I have treasured my sweet grandbabies to no end and finally have them close where I can see them often. I hope the grandchild will help bring your DIL closer to you. I've been very fortunate with two very sweet SIL's. One of my DD's says her MIL tries to "help" too much and makes her feel like she is not capable of making her own decisions. I don't know what your problem might be with your DIL, but have you talked to your son about it? It could be that DIL is just a very distant person and doesn't get close to anyone. Anyway, I hope you work it out and your DIL will allow you to be a "granny" to the baby.

Always good to hear from you Julia. Enjoy your day of freedom and do something special. Usually if I can catch a little extra time I like to go to the mall and look at all the new clothes, etc. Even if I don't buy, its fun trying on new things. With the 4th of July sales, might even find a few bargains for Summer. Also, thanks for the website for the bodycomp. I plan to check it out.

Have a good one everyone, Ann

[JuliaL]

Oh Ann - I'd better stay away from the mall! I could really get in trouble there

[velvetns]

Yes, I have been looking at the babies alot lately and can't wait to get a little munchkin to cuddle. My DIL is pretty distant, I try not to take it personal. It's different when it's your daughter or your son with the grandkids. I know there was a little problem cause I am down on them both for smoking! Thank you all for your comments.

GINA - My dream vacation Greece, I am jealous. I bet you looked great as well as had fun. I eat some fruit about 4 days a week now and don't seem to be gaining which is great because I love fruit. I guess you do too. Tennis is great for the body too.

Julie - I shopped with the Chadwicks clearance catalog it's a more controlled shopping for me. If I can break the sugar addiction I can break the shopping addiciton (maybe). By the way I can feel my butt bones when I sit on hard chairs it's great but, still a little firmer on the bottom would be better.

I just looked at myself exercising the other day and finally felt thinner, does it catch you guys off guard sometimes too? You just catch a glimpse of yourself or a picture and go wow I look better! I was overweight for a few years so I could imagine how much it would be hard to believe it if I weighed more longer. I've always been afraid of weight because I have generations of extreme obesity in my family.

[JuliaL]

VNS - I'm one of those people who never was overweight until I hit about 30. I didn't adjust my eating or start exercising and my metabolism slowed down, so I gained a lot of weight and just didn't face facts until last year. I finally realized two things, 1) I can't keep eating like a 20 year-old and expect to be fit and healthy, and 2) baking goodies and cooking fattening foods does not make me a better wife/mother. I'm not doing my family any favors, and I can make delicious nutritious things that are not so bad for us all on this woe.

Smoking is the other thing I've conquered lately so I have a perspective on that too (even though you didn't ask ) Your son and DIL probably feel very defensive about it. I know I did. No one could say anything to me about smoking without it making me mad. Just like eating healthy, people have to be ready to make a major lifestyle change in order to quit smoking. I can certainly understand why it frustrates you that your DIL is a smoker, especially since she's pregnant, but there's really nothing you can do about it and bringing it up will only alienate her more. Good luck

Julia

[velvetns]

Julie - My son's grandfather (my ex FIL) died from smoking so it bothers me more for both my sons. I have to say she is really trying not to smoke. I bothers me even more that her mother is insane and talks about how happy she smoked when she was pregnant because it causes low birth weight and her kids were over eight pounds. She doesn't mention the fact that is about four inches taller than her daughter, and that data is so incomplete about why the birth rate is lower and babies are born addicted to cigs too. Oh well. I already stuck my foot in my mouth so I don't say nothin' no mo'.

I knew that with boys I would not be as involved as if I had girls when the grandkids came.

Later

[velvetns]

[ginabw]

The first picture is a view from our rooms, and then second is on the beach. It really was beautiful, restaurant was right by the pool with a view of the beach as well, would have been able to enjoy it much more without the kids! Club Med does have kids clubs, but we didn't make the kids go, but next year they are going. My DH and I deserve some time to have fun ourselves. We both love to play tennis and most Club Meds have tennis programs with lessons and tournaments that are a lot of fun. I truly didn't have too much trouble staying on plan, I am so determined to not gain again that I won't eat anything off plan, but I do have a big appetite and so sometimes have that portion control problem.
Yes, they do wear very skimpy bathing suits in Europe, and a lot of topless sunbathing/swimming as well. I was waiting for one of my kids to ask me why so many women had their tops off, or why I didn't, but they did not seem to notice. Also men over here wear very skimpy suits, a lot of skintight, and in one case see through, speedos! Nothing to left to the imagination. Also saw several men just strip down on the side of the pool and change clothes.
My mom has just arrived in town today, will be here for two weeks, so I am going to have to try to meld together the world of low fat and low carb, there is no convincing her to try LC. But I am so happy to have her here I will buy low fat everything to make her happy! That is the only thing I really miss, is seeing my family often. But at least now when I do, I see them all day every day, not just for a few hours.
Cheers!

[JuliaL]

VNS - that is really stupid, to be glad for low birth weight caused by smoking. Thats like saying you're glad you'll die of a smoking related illness so you don't have to live long enough to get wrinkles! Again, I understand how you feel, and I'm sure you understand how bad the addiction to smoking is. Its very, very tough to kick the habit.

My MIL still smokes, and is beginning to have health problems. She's 75 and fell recently and cracked her pelvis. She's not healing very well at all and its complicated by the fact that she has some sort of dementia - the cause is not diagnosed yet. My husband is so mad at her because she hasn't taken good care of herself, but I told him he should not expect her to be able to quit now, she's too confused to be able to deal with it. I'm so glad I quit when I did. Maybe your son and DIL will be motivated to quit by becoming parents, I sure hope so.

Gina - what a beautiful place! Thank you for sharing those pictures. So nice to see on a Friday morning when I'm stuck at the office, I can dream, right? I miss seeing my family often too since we moved here to North Carolina, though its only a day's drive from my hometown. With DH and I working full time and our son in school we don't get to make the trip as often as we'd like. We're heading up to KY to see our families next week for the 4th of July holiday. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with them all.

Have a great Friday everyone!
Julia

[JONAH'S GRANNY]

gina - beautiful pictures. I know you had a glorious time.

velvetns - again I'm so sorry for the problems. I guess it is harder when your children are boys instead of girls when it comes to the grandchildren. I will have to admit I am closer to my DD since she has had children than I can ever remember. She was always the distant child who never needed a whole lot of love, attention, and affection. I see her MIL struggling to get close to her but they truly are so different. I know her MIL has good intentions but she is one of these people who just will not shut up until you give into doing things her way. I'm so sorry; we know smoking is not good for her or the fetus. One difference too, is that if I keep on about some issue, my DD just tells me to back off. Its a shame your DIL cannot see you have good intentions; you could be such a good friend and source of support for her if she would just let you. WHat does your son have to say about the whole issue? I've never really been a smoker but I saw my DH struggle with giving it up after about 40 years. Thank God he is now two years, smoke free and can finally get a life insurance policy as a "non smoker".

I know you all are getting tired of hearing about all my health problems but I have got to pass on a few good comments I have heard over the past couple of weeks which I think I can attribute to this WOE.

(1) One of the first things I was asked was had I always been so thin. (2) Another comment was about the veins in my arms; the nurse commented I must work out because I sure had some good veins for a little lady. It is true considering it used to be a job for them to find a vein to draw blood. (3) I had several comments in the hospital about how much fluid I was putting out. I was still drinking that water as fast as I could put it away along with the IV's. All they could say was how important that was to drink those fluids and it was the last thing my surgeon told me when he released me from the hospital.(4) Yesterday when I went back to my surgeon for a check up he commented about how extremely well I was doing for someone who was "in the mess" I was in. Most people stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks. (5) He asked had I tried to return to work to which I answered I have worked all week. He wasn't surprised that I had done that. Anyway, everyone just kept commenting and was amazed at how well I had done.I truly wonder how things would have been had this happened year and a half ago when I weighed 160+lbs. Thanks Doctor Atkins.

[JuliaL]

Thats wonderful, Ann. I agree with you that this woe probably contributed to your quick recovery. I'm so glad you're doing well!

I forgot to say earlier to VNS - my mom has two boys and two girls. Three of us have kids (one brother has never married), and mom says its definitely different with the children of your daughter vs. the children of your son. She loves them all the same of course, but didn't ever feel like she could comment on certain things with my brother's children, like discipline, diet or stuff like that. With my sister and I she didn't hesitate (and we both benefitted from it, believe me).

I have three sons, so I guess someday I'll know the feeling.

Julia