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Old 08-04-2014, 09:10 AM   #1
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How to stop the "Mental Self-Sabotage"!?

Good morning. I have come to the realization that I am a SELF-SABOTAGER!

I have been eating low carb off and on for last few years, losing and gaining the same 20 or 30lbs.

Well I decided I really wanted to lose at least 100lbs this year (ultimately want to lose 150lbs total). So I battened down, and put for the effort and I managed to lose over 60lbs so far. To be honest, I had gotten down to 70lb loss, but for the last 4-6weeks, I have been gaining and losing the same 10lbs. Its almost like every time I see the # 249lbs, something in my head tells me to eat crazy stuff. It’s like mentally, I’m not ready for the 240s or something. I know it sounds weird..but ugghh…I am so frustrated with myself. I know what I need and should be doing, but I think I’m mentally blocking myself from doing it.

Anyone else ever feel like this?
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321.4 (start) 275 (1st goal) MET 250 (2nd goal) 240 (3rd goal) 230 (4th goal) 220 (5th goal) 210 (6th goal) 199 (1st Major Goal)

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Old 08-04-2014, 11:05 AM   #2
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Sorry you are struggling. The battle is ongoing for most of us and the one thing that makes it really doable for me has been the recognition that I am helpless in the face of anything other than very low carbohydrate foods. The less of those, the better.

All the head talk about self-sabotage, weakness, lazy.... whatever, goes away when I realize that it is actual physiology that drives bad decisions. When I have kept my carbs low enough and my protein moderated and fill in the rest with good fats, it all is easy.

It is also lots and lots of practice! You can do this!!!
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Original start - Feb. 2000 180/125

"The energy content of food (calories) matters, but it is less important than the metabolic effect of food on our body." Dr. P. Attia

"dumping carbohydrates on your broken metabolism is tantamount to doing jumping jacks on two broken legs" -The Spark of Reason

“Eat animals. Mostly fat. Enjoy!
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Old 08-04-2014, 12:34 PM   #3
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Slimwithin26-
I am different--as are we all. It is not--and has never been--easy for me. I have a Ph.D. and had a long and successful career as an academic before my retirement, yet losing weight and maintaining my loss for the past 4 years has been the most difficult challenge in my life!

I hear you about self-sabotage. Yes, weight is a physiological reality, but for those of us who have been morbidly obese, it is also an emotional and psychological reality. One example--I never weigh daily because if I see a 'good' number, then I decide I can treat myself, eat a big steak or dip into the almond butter, and the next day, it's not a 'good number. But if I see a 'bad' number, then I feel sorry for myself, eat a big steak or dip into the almond butter, and the bad number gets worse. In other words, I have difficulty with my emotional reaction to the scale number, and my solution has been to weigh weekly, so that I only have to deal with the trauma every 7 days.

I had to distance myself from daily weighing to end that self-sabotage. Others have no problem with daily weighing, but the single most valuable thing I've learned in this weight management process is the importance of knowing oneself and learning how to deal with that 'self.'

What I also did (and might help you) was never have a long-term goal. My goals were all in 5 lb increments. So if I hit 249, as you describe, I'd be motivated to get that single pound off that would put me into the 240s. At 249, I eye was on 245, and that was only 4 lbs away. It seemed much more doable and less daunting that way. And I was constantly motivated because I never had to lose more than 5 lbs.

However, I don't share this as something for you to copy because the major lesson I learned over time is that the key to weight loss is knowing yourself--how you respond and react--and then dealing with that 'problem.' I see weight loss and maintenance as simply a problem to be solved, with my body as the subject.
As in any problem-solving situation, understanding the variables is important, but there's no substitute for personal experience.

You know you tend to self-sabotage--welcome to the club. You are not alone. But I can't tell you how to stop doing that because I am not you. Just know that others struggle too.

I wish you well, and all I can add is that this challenge is worth the effort it takes to overcome it.
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Old 08-04-2014, 01:54 PM   #4
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Yesterday I decided to start a fast. Then the gathering for the potluck. I was going to get tea and join the others. I had to pass the table--and almost passed it when I saw a bowl of pepperoni and salami, in between the salads and dips and crackers and fruits, next to the 3 plates of cheesecakes and two chocolate layer cakes... I got a plate of pepperoni and salami after all. So much for good intentions. Then I sat at a table with a child--who had raspberries. She told me where they were, and did get a spoon of them.
Then I came home and had more protein and fat... So much for good intentions.

Today started out well, got several things done, and thought about my thinking yesterday, and decided to wait till 1PM to eat. I've been busy ever since, and it's now about 12:45 PM. I'm not hungry. I did have water + apple cider vinegar this morning, and I think that helped with appetite removal. I don't know if I'll eat at 1 or not. I'm not especially hungry.

For me, one key is keeping busy doing something to take my mind off food.
I'm learning to go try on the smaller jeans before going to the fridge!
Or, I can go outside. And do something there.
Some times are harder than others. It's certainly true for me. No, you are not the only one in the boat. Determine to find what works for you. You know you sabotage yourself.
So you can track when and how and what the circumstances were. When you know those things, you can head them off.
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Old 08-04-2014, 05:08 PM   #5
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I think most of us perpetual dieters are self-sabotaging… after all, the total regain statistic is over 90%.

After all my reading over the last few years, it is my opinion that we long-term dieters have messed up our metabolism by starving ourselves off and on. And again, in my opinion, both physiological AND psychological factors are working.. Physiological including all the hormones – insulin, leptin, thyroid, ghrelin (sp?) acting to try to save us from starvation and more …

Psychological including all the head trash and limiting beliefs we have carried around – both conscious and unconscious. I’ve tried to non-diet and be mindful and intuitive. But, when my body/brain thinks it’s going into starvation it rebels eventually.. and I eat too much - or the wrong foods because I feel deprived.… I fail on my diet… again.. Repeat…. Repeat…
I rarely weigh myself when I am not in diet-mode.. I don’t need the negative results to fuel how I feel about myself. When I am in diet and health mode I weigh once a week.. it works out well for me.

I am in a celebratory place now with a big vacation just finished and a birthday next weekend. After that I think the idea of mostly low carb, with one reward day with some carbs, and one fast day following the reward day will be a good compromise for me. I don’t mind fasting once in awhile (have tried 5:2 and 16:8), and like having one day where I can indulge a bit but not feel like I am being BAD.. Also, I plan to up the exercise and add resistance training..
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Old 08-04-2014, 08:32 PM   #6
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Slim, you're not alone. I've re-started more times than I'd care to admit. I think there is something very real going on in your body. Leptin tells us we're full. If it's not working or thinks it's starving that's the message you 'hear'. Feed me!!!

I wish I too had an answer for you. Continuing to educate myself about low carb, our food and who makes it have really helped silence that sirens call. When you get to the point, it's either be healthy or get crap and continue down the road so many Americans are on, nothing seems worth it anymore.

I hope you can find your answers. Maybe just back off, take a deep breathe and enjoy how far you've come! 60#'s is awesome!!! Keep low carbing but give yourself a break. Especially from the scale.
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..stop thinking of it as "starting over". It's life, we don't get do-overs. You can only move forward from this point. ~~ pepperanne
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Old 08-06-2014, 06:33 AM   #7
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I used to feel like that. I would give myself permission to overeat or go off plan because I felt bad or happy or sad or because I reached a certain weight goal or didn't. I also excused a lot of it with "I can't help it". Then, I realized how miserable being fat was for me- it was literally ruining my life. My body was my first thought in the morning and my last one at night- mostly how much I hated feeling so fat and so out of control.


I also decided that I would treat diet like other must do things in my life that I do no matter what, no matter how I feel - like waking up in the morning, brushing my teeth, paying bills. I don't sleep in when I have to wake up just because I am tired, I don't skip paying my rent just because I am busy or tired, and I don't not brush my teeth just because I am having a fight with a friend. I started treating my eating the same way and it works for me.

Plan out what you will eat and stick to that - don't let yourself think about it because that's when rationalization and justifications start. Don't think what do I feel like having, what am I in the mood for, what do I want right now? Just eat what you have planned. After a while this robot eating should become easier. I still eat like that most of the time and it's so freeing and easy- I grocery shop and I buy a certain amount of meat, veg, and dairy then based on the food I have in the fridge/food freshness/amount of time I decide ok must eat chicken because it spoils quickly with a big salad then canned salmon tomorrow for dinner because I won't have a lot of time. If I am especially pressed for time/out of groceries I can eat eggs all day in different forms. They are like my little food pills. I enjoy my food but I don't let it run my life and don't expect it to be entertainment or to fill some other need in me besides nutrition.

I still like cooking big elaborate meals and good restaurant meals but those are not the norm so that makes them even more special.
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Old 08-06-2014, 10:36 AM   #8
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Me, too! I usually hit a wall at around 20 pounds and I have such a hard time getting past it that I give up. This time I am working with my doc who is very into low carb. I have a personal trainer. I am putting in the effort. But I am 19 pounds down and I know that my usual day of reckoning is coming up and I have to be very careful.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:07 PM   #9
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Could be psycological. Ive been yo-yo ing on locarb for years. I found in the past i would lose weight to around 210 then go off and gain back another 20 lbs. I couldnt break that cycle. Then i had my A-HA moment. Growing up, i had a controllong mom that was crazy about her own weight and dieting. I mean psycho nutty about it. When i was in high school, i weighed 132. She constantly was hounding me about my weight to the point of embarassing me in public and in front of family. ( for example, when i was 15, one christmas at the table, i asked my brother to slice a piece of pecan pie for me. My moms head spun around and screamed... You are NOT going to eat a piece of pie!!!! My sister in law at the time said, Jesus, if she wants a piece of pie, let her have a piece of pie.... I was mortified and embarassed and deeply hurt how my mother treated food and weight isses with me). Over the years, my weight creeped up and of course, she was always on my back about it. For birthday gifts and holidays over the years, she would give me diet books. (so nice to open those presents in front of my husband and family..... Good times).
Talking to a good phychologist made me see that my weighht gain was me telling my mom, "you can control me, but you wont control what i put in my mouth". Over the years, when i would start losing weight i would gain it back because (as my psychologist explained it) i didnt want to give my mom the satisfaction. (Yeah, serious mother issues here...)
I know this is my own personal story but there could be something blocking you from continuing. Now that i have a better grasp, im dealing with my weight loss for my own benefit and nobody else. So now, ive lost 35 lbs this go around. When my mom who is now 87 years old and is STILL as psycho and nutty about food and dieting says "oh, it looks like youve lost some weight". I just say, "no, i dont think so, im not tryng to..." And i just change the subject and move on.
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Last edited by Atkins Chick; 08-17-2014 at 10:19 PM..
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:32 AM   #10
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Leo41 made an excellent point about knowing yourself.

Slimwithin26, it sure can be a problem for alot of people. ME included. I get so far than whammo, I want my old way of eating back. I feel cheated. I feel like 'why can't I eat what I want, when I want' and be slimmer and the universe can just leave me the heck alone . Why the struggle? Why the pain in the butt trouble of having to 'caluclate' what goes into my mouth at every single stinking meal? Having to plan my foods constantly for some type of control.

it all gets so tiring.

but knowing yourself is key. AND THEN it is all about truth and honesty with yourself. How long can you fool yourself? Deny the fact YOU KNOW exactly how to eat healthy in life and move forward but somehow you can't seem to keep it in check?

I don't know the answer other than sit down and think about why you personally feel that you have a block. what your concerns are if you lose under that number. your concerns about missing foods. all your thoughts about it. Every person has some problems with food, weight, the past, what will the future be with over a 100lb loss etc.

Weight loss and what we eat daily is very physicological thing to me. it is very personal in how we face our truths in life and try to overcome them to reach our goals.

It is hard as crapp and that ain't no lie I am working on me also and that is all I can do at this point. try to find a better place in my head about my relationship with food etc.

Keep working on yourself. I am. In the end we all can change our unhealthy patterns if we keep up the hard work to make that change happen!!
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Old 08-18-2014, 04:36 PM   #11
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I think this is the magic pill we all really want. We all know how to diet, how to lose weight. That's not hard. But the gray matter between our ears will trip us up each and every time, until we figure out the trick that works for us.

Atkins Chick, I'm really proud of you for finding a neutral response to her baiting comments. That is a huge accomplishment.
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:12 PM   #12
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We are all very different & what works for each of us will be a bit unique. It is definitely about knowing ourselves.

I had to change the way I think about food. I did not want to do that but I realized it was the only way I'd ever lose all the fat and be fit & healthy. I decided what I wanted and nothing and no one is going to get in my way. Not even ME.
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Old 08-19-2014, 03:07 AM   #13
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I fight these battles too. All of the sudden I decide I'm going to indulge in whateverI want and eat the carbs..... for no reason it seems. Dh will ask " what just happened ?" and I don't have an answer.. just boggles the mind.
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Old 08-21-2014, 07:39 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clackley View Post
All the head talk about self-sabotage, weakness, lazy.... whatever, goes away when I realize that it is actual physiology that drives bad decisions. When I have kept my carbs low enough and my protein moderated and fill in the rest with good fats, it all is easy.

It is also lots and lots of practice! You can do this!!!


I've found the same thing. It's why, even after a year of maintaining that I am still as strict with my WOE as I was when trying to lose weight and get my diabetes under control. I *know* that if I say, "Oh...just 1/4 cup of raspberries won't hurt" that it actually will because I will start craving again. I've found the same thing with artificial sweeteners.
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Old 08-21-2014, 07:42 AM   #15
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This thread has been very timely and helpful for me. August has been a rough month when it comes to food. I started low carb at the end of April, and happily cruised along with no cheats for the first couple of months. I hit my lowest weight in August (175) and have continually celebrated that by eating pizza and candy. I go up 3 pounds, then spend the next week losing it again, only to do the same thing the following week. I just can't seem to get on track. I wonder why I sabotage myself, its like the closer I get to goal, the less will power I have. Hopefully after yesterday's debacle I can really get back on track now.
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Old 08-21-2014, 05:39 PM   #16
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For me that hardest part of my 9mth (so far) journey has been rooting out and changing my faulty thinking. Much more so than rooting out the carbage from my diet. I stall at every decade mark. There is no way my body knows 150 from 149 or 160 from 159 and so on but I always have a pause there. I've not got to the bottom of that yet but I'm sure it's rooted in my belief system somewhere.
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