Low Carb Friends  
Netrition.com - Tools - Reviews - Faces - Recipes - Home


Go Back   Low Carb Friends > Main Lowcarb Lobby
Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-10-2014, 06:35 AM   #31
Senior LCF Member
 
where's_kyla?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: nova scotia
Posts: 490
Gallery: where's_kyla?
Stats: 208/not sure, think im down about 20/175 - 5'10"
WOE: atkins
Start Date: Jan. 11, 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBigKahuna View Post
This was one of my thoughts as well. Since it's been revealed that it was a man who made these comments, I wonder the same thing. To be honest, the average man isn't going to notice a woman's wardrobe or style. Unless he has "eyes" for that woman, and takes notice of what she looks like every day. Maybe this guy is just clumsy with words? Most days, if I were asked at the end of the day what certain women I regularly encountered were wearing, I'd probably not have a clue. I know very few guys who would comment on a woman's clothes, even to other guys, unless there was a really good reason, such as horribly ill fitting, too revealing, etc.

My guess is this guy may "like" the OP, or he may just be a bully. The bully thing would have been obvious well before now though. That doesn't come and go. A bullying personality rears it's head daily. A shy or insecure man attempting to flirt, may seem much more random and awkward.
lol, well, this man at work is married to a man, and is very fashion-y. However, he thinks he is very funny, and sometimes he is not. He is very bold at telling someone if he doesnt like what they are wearing. Like OMG Girl you gotta get a new coat... (not to me) etc. ah well.
where's_kyla? is offline   Reply With Quote

Sponsored Links
Old 06-10-2014, 06:41 AM   #32
Senior LCF Member
 
TheBigKahuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 263
Gallery: TheBigKahuna
Stats: 290/233/220
WOE: reduced carb
Start Date: January 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by where's_kyla? View Post
lol, well, this man at work is married to a man, and is very fashion-y. However, he thinks he is very funny, and sometimes he is not. He is very bold at telling someone if he doesnt like what they are wearing. Like OMG Girl you gotta get a new coat... (not to me) etc. ah well.
Well, that changes things then! You're dealing with a jerk, and shouldn't tolerate it. You can try the bold approach, and say something loud and publicly, or the tactful approach, and pull him aside and tell him that you don't appreciate the comments about your clothing choices, and prefer that he mind his own business. Don't smile and make jokes when you tell him this. I'd simply say:
"I'm working on getting into shape and losing weight. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe every time I lose a dress size. I'm making do with what I have at the moment, and plan on splurging on some stylish new clothes when I'm at my goal weight. Until that time, I'd appreciate you not making rude comments about my clothing. It's not helpful, and I don't like it. But when I do reach my goal weight and am ready to buy a new wardrobe, you're more than welcome to tag along and offer up your fashion advice".
TheBigKahuna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 06:52 AM   #33
Senior LCF Member
 
Mr_Geiri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reykjavik, Iceland
Posts: 953
Gallery: Mr_Geiri
Stats: 209/170/170
Start Date: December 2013
He sounds very stereotype-ish. That flamboyant up in your face personality, am I right?

If so then it's not really something to take personal, he's probably like that with everyone. It might come off more mean or strong than it's suppose to. It's suppose to be a playful thing but not everybody will take it that way. Especially if he starts the sentence with "guuurrrrl"...
Mr_Geiri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 07:16 AM   #34
Senior LCF Member
 
where's_kyla?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: nova scotia
Posts: 490
Gallery: where's_kyla?
Stats: 208/not sure, think im down about 20/175 - 5'10"
WOE: atkins
Start Date: Jan. 11, 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Geiri View Post
He sounds very stereotype-ish. That flamboyant up in your face personality, am I right?

If so then it's not really something to take personal, he's probably like that with everyone. It might come off more mean or strong than it's suppose to. It's suppose to be a playful thing but not everybody will take it that way. Especially if he starts the sentence with "guuurrrrl"...
True, Geiri
where's_kyla? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 07:17 AM   #35
Senior LCF Member
 
where's_kyla?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: nova scotia
Posts: 490
Gallery: where's_kyla?
Stats: 208/not sure, think im down about 20/175 - 5'10"
WOE: atkins
Start Date: Jan. 11, 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBigKahuna View Post
"I'm working on getting into shape and losing weight. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe every time I lose a dress size. I'm making do with what I have at the moment, and plan on splurging on some stylish new clothes when I'm at my goal weight. Until that time, I'd appreciate you not making rude comments about my clothing. It's not helpful, and I don't like it. But when I do reach my goal weight and am ready to buy a new wardrobe, you're more than welcome to tag along and offer up your fashion advice".
I really like this!!
where's_kyla? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 07:36 AM   #36
Major LCF Poster!
 
Demonica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Eastern Indiana
Posts: 1,468
Gallery: Demonica
Stats: 210/164.9/150
WOE: Moderate carb JUDDD
Start Date: February 2010
Take EVERYTHING that is supposed to be an insult as a compliment. I know from personal experience that is the FASTEST way to tick people off.
Demonica is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 08:41 AM   #37
Major LCF Poster!
 
Aomiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,569
Gallery: Aomiel
Stats: 330/140/140 A1c 4.8
WOE: Bernstein (Maintenance)
Start Date: January 2010
Some people aren't being deliberately rude. They just don't have a filter for acceptable behavior. It's not something most parents teach anymore so their 'teacher' is what they see in action (on tv and from others). I don't try to figure out their 'reason' because it doesn't matter 'why'...it just matters that it be corrected.

So I usually do an 'in your face' response (but calmly and politely) response of, "Is it your intention to be deliberately offensive and rude, or is it just coming off that way?" Sometimes it just leaves them speechless (literally). Usually though they back off quickly with an apology because they didn't 'mean to be' (even if they did). If they're a bully, this type of response usually keeps them from coming back since they know I'm not going to let them get away with rude behavior. If the person is clueless, they 'might' think twice the next time...but some people just can't be taught.
Aomiel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 12:15 PM   #38
Major LCF Poster!
 
Ocean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,069
Gallery: Ocean
Stats: 240/144/ Below 145 5'1.5"
WOE: General Low Carb
Start Date: June 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by where's_kyla? View Post
lol, well, this man at work is married to a man, and is very fashion-y. However, he thinks he is very funny, and sometimes he is not. He is very bold at telling someone if he doesnt like what they are wearing. Like OMG Girl you gotta get a new coat... (not to me) etc. ah well.
I had a feeling that this was the case as I was reading the other posts. I don't think it is anything personal and I would just let his comments roll off my shoulders.
Ocean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 12:27 PM   #39
Major LCF Poster!
 
mimivac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Alexandria, VA
Posts: 1,140
Gallery: mimivac
Stats: 160.4/131.4/132 -- body fat % 42.2/31.8/24
WOE: Back to low carb
Start Date: July 1, 2012
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Geiri View Post
But yes often it's jealousy. I haven't gotten comments like that but I have plenty of "worried" people, who are against "extremism". None of them of course showed any concern when I was living mostly on bread and noodles and was gaining weight.
Exactly. Often people who lose a lot of weight, but who are still quite overweight or even obese will get comments like, "don't lose anymore," or "you're starting to look sick." Some of these people are very uncomfortable with the loser's improvements and want to see it end. They see another person's success as a negative reflection on their own life. I had a friend who, when I was at my lowest weight (a healthy weight), would suck in her face and say that's what I looked like.
mimivac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 03:09 PM   #40
Major LCF Poster!
 
werkn'it's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,348
Gallery: werkn'it
Stats: 187/133/125
WOE: Atkin'ish
Start Date: 8/13 (this time around)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimivac View Post
Exactly. I had a friend who, when I was at my lowest weight (a healthy weight), would suck in her face and say that's what I looked like.
Wow. How did you handle it? You think she was operating out of jealousy and not concern? I have one GOOD friend who hugs me and says, "I'm so jealous." This, I can handle. Being ignored or underhanded comments, not so much.
werkn'it is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 08:18 PM   #41
Senior LCF Member
 
Mr_Geiri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reykjavik, Iceland
Posts: 953
Gallery: Mr_Geiri
Stats: 209/170/170
Start Date: December 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimivac View Post
Exactly. Often people who lose a lot of weight, but who are still quite overweight or even obese will get comments like, "don't lose anymore," or "you're starting to look sick." Some of these people are very uncomfortable with the loser's improvements and want to see it end. They see another person's success as a negative reflection on their own life. I had a friend who, when I was at my lowest weight (a healthy weight), would suck in her face and say that's what I looked like.
That's awful.

I'm ashamed to say I have been on that other side though. Not as harsh as some of the examples here, but still.

It's not just the comments but other different behaviors as well. When I meet friends and they buy sweets and I don't, they can't resist to offer me some, despite knowing why I didn't buy any. The classic "one bite won't kill you". If you take that bite then they will feel better about themselves and that's the whole point, not because they felt bad you weren't getting any.

It's awful how insecurities can impact our behavior this way.
Mr_Geiri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 08:36 PM   #42
Way too much time on my hands!
 
Jennyl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: GTA
Posts: 49,817
Gallery: Jennyl
Start Date: manana
I had a family member who, when I gained weight, asked why and was I sick? Then, when I lost weight, the asked again if I was sick. I'm not sure what that was all about. I just ignored it.
Jennyl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 08:42 PM   #43
Senior LCF Member
 
TheBigKahuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 263
Gallery: TheBigKahuna
Stats: 290/233/220
WOE: reduced carb
Start Date: January 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Geiri View Post
When I meet friends and they buy sweets and I don't, they can't resist to offer me some, despite knowing why I didn't buy any. The classic "one bite won't kill you". If you take that bite then they will feel better about themselves and that's the whole point, not because they felt bad you weren't getting any.
I have a couple of those people in my life, who KNOW I'm watching what I eat, but insist on tempting me and trying to talk me into things "that won't hurt ya".
TheBigKahuna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2014, 08:50 PM   #44
Senior LCF Member
 
Mr_Geiri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reykjavik, Iceland
Posts: 953
Gallery: Mr_Geiri
Stats: 209/170/170
Start Date: December 2013
It kinda reminds me of when I was a teen and it was "one smoke won't kill you".
Mr_Geiri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-11-2014, 07:25 AM   #45
Senior LCF Member
 
TheBigKahuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 263
Gallery: TheBigKahuna
Stats: 290/233/220
WOE: reduced carb
Start Date: January 2014
Right after I started "induction" back in January, there was a local music festival I was planning on attending. This usually involves several hours of standing around watching bands, and drinking lots of beer. The availability of foods is slim. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was a terrible idea while I was going through induction. I'd get hungry, and there would be nothing there I could eat. And I knew one of my buddies would be buying me beers every 5 minutes! In a previous visit, I've limited myself to two, knowing I was the one driving us home. And even though I expressed that I wasn't drinking any more, he kept buying them for me, even after I told him to stop. When I called him and told him that I probably wouldn't make it this year, and explained that I just started a diet, and wouldn't be able to drink ANY beer, his first comment was, "come on, 5 or 6 beers won't hurt anything". I knew it was a losing battle, and did not go.

I have at least two of these people, who will push me to temptation, knowing that I'm not eating or drinking certain things. And yet one of these people, actually told some other people recently, how proud they were of me for how great I've done so far. Puzzling.
TheBigKahuna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-11-2014, 08:10 AM   #46
Senior LCF Member
 
Mr_Geiri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reykjavik, Iceland
Posts: 953
Gallery: Mr_Geiri
Stats: 209/170/170
Start Date: December 2013
Well one beer pretty much ruins your induction so.

A person can have mixed feeling. In general happy for you but can enter a dark moment where they feel insecure and want you down on their level.

Last edited by Mr_Geiri; 06-11-2014 at 08:12 AM..
Mr_Geiri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-11-2014, 08:36 AM   #47
Senior LCF Member
 
TheBigKahuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 263
Gallery: TheBigKahuna
Stats: 290/233/220
WOE: reduced carb
Start Date: January 2014
I don't think this friend was trying to sabotage me. I think is his mind, the beer and the party was just more important than a diet. Induction is quite a struggle for me, and I couldn't risk blowing it all for one night of fun. Unfortunately, I seem to know a few people who think beer is more important than life itself.

My take on it is, if all I can have is Michelob Ultra, I'll just do without!
TheBigKahuna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-11-2014, 12:08 PM   #48
Senior LCF Member
 
vastamper's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 928
Gallery: vastamper
Stats: sw145/cw128/begin pre maint 125
WOE: Atkins/Modifying it 5/2014
Start Date: April 2001, April 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aomiel View Post
Some people aren't being deliberately rude. They just don't have a filter for acceptable behavior. It's not something most parents teach anymore so their 'teacher' is what they see in action (on tv and from others). I don't try to figure out their 'reason' because it doesn't matter 'why'...it just matters that it be corrected.

So I usually do an 'in your face' response (but calmly and politely) response of, "Is it your intention to be deliberately offensive and rude, or is it just coming off that way?" Sometimes it just leaves them speechless (literally). Usually though they back off quickly with an apology because they didn't 'mean to be' (even if they did). If they're a bully, this type of response usually keeps them from coming back since they know I'm not going to let them get away with rude behavior. If the person is clueless, they 'might' think twice the next time...but some people just can't be taught.
All of the responses here are great. How people act is sometimes their jealousy or insecurity showing, fascinating stuff. But if they are HARD CORE I love this post.

I personally am trying to teach my children how to behave correctly, I just don't know if it's getting through. And they have to live in a world where SOME other people barely interact with their children and don't teach them anything positive about behavior. SIGH

Last edited by vastamper; 06-11-2014 at 12:09 PM.. Reason: added in SOME
vastamper is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:12 PM.


Copyright ©1999-2014 Friends Forums LLC. All rights reserved. - Terms of Service | Privacy Policy
LowCarbFriends® is a registered mark of Friends Forums, LLC.