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Emily-D 05-27-2014 09:38 AM

It's strange to be the thinner one
I have a friend whom I've known for 20 years. She was always the thin one, until she started gaining weight a few years ago. That was around the time I started losing weight. Now I'm thinner than she is and I feel uncomfortable about it. I'm not going to give up on my weight loss, but I almost feel guilty that she's now bigger than I am. Has anyone else had this experience?

We don't really talk about weight or diet, although her husband commented that I had lost weight. He has put on a bit of weight in the past few years, also. She's a vegetarian who eats a low-fat, high-starch diet. I don't think the way she eats is good for her, but I never comment on it.

peanutte 05-27-2014 10:42 AM

If you two don't talk about weight or diet, then it sounds like you are borrowing trouble by feeling guilty and self-conscious.

If she hasn't said anything to you, just try not to even think about it. For all you know she could be the one who is uncomfortable. If you're both letting each other do your own things, then as long as nobody's being snotty or snide to the other person, you don't have a problem.

Emily-D 05-27-2014 01:56 PM

Thanks. One time she mentioned wanting to lose weight, but when she looked up some diet information, it said she could eat only 1200 calories a day, and she didn't feel that she could do that. She eats very low fat, so I think she's trying to lose weight.

Arctic_Mama 05-27-2014 03:08 PM

I've experienced that with one of my friends but I was quick to remind myself that there were years I was fat and annoyed with it, but wasn't ready to really buckle down and fix it. No one likes proselytizing with diet and exercise, it sounds sanctimonious even when done sweetly, so I always keep quiet until they specifically ask me for advice. I will talk occasionally about what I do or don't eat if it is in the context of something we're doing together or already discussing, but beyond that I try and not make it an issue.

Either reaction - pride and vanity OR guilt and anxiety - are falling into ditches on this topic. Stay on the road where you're happy with your hard work and grateful for a healthy body, and not worrying one way or the other about anyone else unless they specifically ask for input :)

moonmirror 05-27-2014 05:39 PM

Interesting, I always get the question. :)

A couple summers ago I got below 160 while lowcarbing and when one of my best friends saw me after a couple months, she looked me straight up and down and said "geez, you look fantastic. Tell me exactly how you did it!"

I told her. She tried it for awhile and said it was too hard for her, she was Portuguese and loves her beans. She ended up going with a South-beachy lower calorie diet with tons of exercise, and lost her weight well on that! She was never as reactive to sugar as I am.

Everyone is different! I think we all benefit from lowering carbs, its just the degree that will matter between individuals.

DiamondDeb 05-27-2014 05:49 PM

I've got a friend who used to be the smaller one, too, but I can't imagine feeling guilty about it. Now I am a little smaller.

She's a Canadian snowbird & when she comes back in the fall I expect I will be quite a bit smaller than she is. We talk a little but not a lot about nutrition & exercise. She does WW or counts calories. She's been dieting as long as I have known her but never had a lot of noticeable success. But she was never anywhere close to as large as I was at my heaviest. I was needlessly concerned about her reaction the last time she came down. She has been gracious & supportive of me and my weight loss and it means a lot to me.

Psmileyf 05-27-2014 06:07 PM

I have the same situation with a good friend of mine, but I don't feel guilty. I feel proud of myself.

My friend knows I do low-carbs and she will tell me about the importance of eating carbs and when I finally asked her why she thinks I need carbs, she said energy. I explained that I still have energy for the past 2.5 years. And that ended that conversation.

Trigger828 05-28-2014 04:07 AM

Your mind can be your own worst enemy sometimes :)

no way you should feel quilty. especially if she isn't acting different or saying anything to you!

You keep on trucking on with your life. This is for YOU! others have to take care of themselves :)

snowangel9 05-28-2014 12:06 PM


Originally Posted by Trigger828 (Post 16923985)
You keep on trucking on with your life. This is for YOU! others have to take care of themselves :)

I like this^^!!! So, are you saying she felt guilty when she was smaller? I doubt it. You've done an awesome job, enjoy it!

Emily-D 05-28-2014 12:13 PM

Thank you!

Ocean 05-28-2014 08:19 PM

I have a friend that I have known for 20 years as well. When we first met I was average sized and she was super skinny. She gained a little weight and became a healthy slender. I gained a lot and became morbidly obese. I used to be so annoyed when her size 00 self complained about being fat. I have always been bigger than her. She has put on a few pounds now that she has had kids and is bigger than me. She still looks fine but is a little overweight. I don't feel guilty about it and she had never tried to make me feel guilty. I happily explained my plan when she asked me about it. She is supportive of me and I am of her if she decides to make a serious effort to lose weight.

Avicenna 05-29-2014 03:11 AM

This may sound cliche, but... if she is your true friend, she'll be cheering you on and wanting the best for you!

To think of it another way - would it do you, her, or her marriage any favours if you were to intentionally put on weight so she wouldn't feel insecure?

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