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Old 01-12-2014, 04:13 PM   #1
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Accepting others choices

I've never really concerned myself with what others eat or don't eat. Sure I joke with my partner and judge ( in private!) our veggie and vegan friends diets and their health issues resulting from ha! But generally I am just polite and accepting and let everyone make their own way unless I'm asked

Yesterday I saw my aunt and cousin for the first time in ages. My aunt has been large small large small large small etc for my whole life. My cousin has always been within healthy limits until she had her kids, and a combination of hubby serving in the army and never home, depression, isolation and two beautiful but exceptionally high needs kids has seen her weight skyrocket. I love these two women more than my own mother ( seriously!) and it breaks my heart to see them suffering all the health problems both have ( they aren't just over weight and happy, they are both sick and suffering). they are the loveliest people, and I want them to be well! Their size as a concept is not an issue so much as their poor and deteriorating health.....but where to start? They found my NK diet appalling, eat fat and lose fat?!! No way! They were concerned about my lack of salads, fruit, vegetables ( I need to keep carbs very low in order to lose).

I so want to help them...but don't want to be 'that' person....I know when I was fatter, if someone sent me a whole heap of articles on low carbing and weight loss, I would have been insulted and felt sorely judged....I also KNOW that just like me, their issues around food and weight are largely emotional, so it's not just a matter of low carbing, there is a whole nother level of stuff they would need to work through.....

Do I just accept their decisions to go on as they are? Do I try and offer advice....( considering I'm not at goal, and have only been healthy since August last year!)???
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:19 PM   #2
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Do they take about their diets or wanting to lose weight? I think that would be the ideal time to give them some information about low carbing, more so than sending info out of the blue and uninvited. Have some headline facts to mind - the really important things like improving cholestrol, heart health, ketoadaptation/fat burning. As we all know, we cannot be made better by others, we have to want it for ourselves. I'm sure others will chime in with some good advice.
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:19 PM   #3
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You let them make their own choices and don't "preach" to them.
As you stated:
Quote:
I know when I was fatter, if someone sent me a whole heap of articles on low carbing and weight loss, I would have been insulted and felt sorely judged.
.
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:22 PM   #4
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Thanks both my cousin does try every now and then..she does the mainstream 12w body challenges etc, but the advice around food they give is very poor my aunt, well I think she just goes about her life, doesn't talk much about her weight, just reappears sometimes and looks a lot slimmer...and then next time I see her she has regained all the weight plus some more
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:30 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dottie View Post
You let them make their own choices and don't "preach" to them.
X2
you said you would not be responsive to it. I doubt they would also.


BUT boy if they asked me anything, or start to chat about what to eat, how to do it for long term, and all that, I sure would jump in and help. THEN judging on their responses I would go further to help or back off

hard call for sure BUT even harder to watch people get sicker from their weight and menu. breaks your heart I am sure!
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:36 PM   #6
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Tough call. I go thru the same concerns when it comes to sharing my "Faith" about life. It's a touchy subject. I used to push the door open because I cared a lot about my friends and family.

Now I wait for doors to open. But you can toss a bone out there too, see if anyone takes an interest. You know...use wisdom. Show them love and acceptance even when they are at odds with your beliefs about diets.

Hope this helps
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:55 PM   #7
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I choose not to proselytize about anything.

I live my life as I think is best, treat people well, eat very low carb, moderate protein, high fat, I feed my dog a whole prey model raw diet, I'm an atheist, a feminist, and much more. People who see me living my life may have questions about certain aspects, and I'm happy to talk about my choices if they seem genuinely interested. If they don't ask, I don't preach. And I certainly don't debate. My choices are my choices, and I'm comfortable with them, but I also respect other people's right to make their own choices. Even if I think they're wrong. I have some close family members whom I would love to see at least cut back on the carbs for health reasons, but they're adults, they're not uninformed, and they have chosen not to. I keep my mouth ZIPPED!

Ask, though, and I'll give as much information as you want. I'll give you basics, or I'll point you to studies, websites, essays, the whole nine yards, if you like. I'm a researcher, and I like information. I also like teaching (informally), and I'm pretty good at breaking things down into understandable parts, so I will help whenever I'm asked.

But I wait to be asked.
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Old 01-12-2014, 05:17 PM   #8
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I admit that I've brought up the subject of LC (unsolicited) with people but never in the context of weight loss. I've told people I'm concerned about that after dropping sugar and grains from my diet I've never felt better - improved mood, extra energy, mental acuity, etc. That seems to be a safe area because everybody is interested in feeling great. Sometimes they'll steer the conversation to weight loss on their own. Sometimes not.
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Old 01-12-2014, 07:58 PM   #9
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Thankyou all so much. I will just sit and wait and love them all a bunch and not interfere. And maybe have a file on my PC ready to go of info lol
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:37 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ntombi View Post
I choose not to proselytize about anything.

I live my life as I think is best, treat people well, eat very low carb, moderate protein, high fat, I feed my dog a whole prey model raw diet, I'm an atheist, a feminist, and much more. People who see me living my life may have questions about certain aspects, and I'm happy to talk about my choices if they seem genuinely interested. If they don't ask, I don't preach. And I certainly don't debate. My choices are my choices, and I'm comfortable with them, but I also respect other people's right to make their own choices. Even if I think they're wrong. I have some close family members whom I would love to see at least cut back on the carbs for health reasons, but they're adults, they're not uninformed, and they have chosen not to. I keep my mouth ZIPPED!

Ask, though, and I'll give as much information as you want. I'll give you basics, or I'll point you to studies, websites, essays, the whole nine yards, if you like. I'm a researcher, and I like information. I also like teaching (informally), and I'm pretty good at breaking things down into understandable parts, so I will help whenever I'm asked.

But I wait to be asked.





Love this! But I agree that it can be hard not to want to share a WOE you know would be beneficial to people you love and care about.

Ntombi, you and I are very much alike, except I've got a cat instead of a dog
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Old 01-13-2014, 10:42 AM   #11
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I love the quote from Epiticus:

Eat as becomes you and be silent

I limit my information (when asked or if it's in context to a discussion): "I'm finally cutting out the extra carbs again - remember how good I used to look?".

Now if there was only a low carb book that was as informative and easy to read as Michael Pollen. And, no, not Gary Taubes (I'm still struggling with GCBC).
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Old 01-13-2014, 11:28 AM   #12
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To each their own. What works for one doesn't always work for everyone.

a colleague of mine.... she whispered her age to me (72)...she looks and feels amazing, she's an amazing person....I asked her what her secret was.... She said, not sarcastically either,.... sugar.

So, whatever she's doing...is working for her.

I just laughed inside, b/c that would never work out for me! LOL
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Old 01-13-2014, 03:57 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sbarr View Post

Now if there was only a low carb book that was as informative and easy to read as Michael Pollen. And, no, not Gary Taubes (I'm still struggling with GCBC).
Why We Get Fat. Yes, it's by Gary Taubes, but it's completely different from GCBC, much easier to read.
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Old 01-13-2014, 04:35 PM   #14
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Emily - thanks, I'll get it. I wasn't knocking Gary Taubes - he's brilliant, great writer, but GCBC isn't the type of book to "loan" to the average person just getting their feet wet on the topic.
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:58 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4myfuture View Post
To each their own. What works for one doesn't always work for everyone.

a colleague of mine.... she whispered her age to me (72)...she looks and feels amazing, she's an amazing person....I asked her what her secret was.... She said, not sarcastically either,.... sugar.

So, whatever she's doing...is working for her.

I just laughed inside, b/c that would never work out for me! LOL
My grandmother is 87 and she eats so much sugar, and very little "real" food. She's slim (she wasn't always, she used to be very heavy in her 40s and 50s) and active and her blood tests are always good.
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Old 01-19-2014, 08:05 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ntombi View Post
I choose not to proselytize about anything.

I live my life as I think is best, treat people well, eat very low carb, moderate protein, high fat, I feed my dog a whole prey model raw diet, I'm an atheist, a feminist, and much more. People who see me living my life may have questions about certain aspects, and I'm happy to talk about my choices if they seem genuinely interested. If they don't ask, I don't preach. And I certainly don't debate. My choices are my choices, and I'm comfortable with them, but I also respect other people's right to make their own choices. Even if I think they're wrong. I have some close family members whom I would love to see at least cut back on the carbs for health reasons, but they're adults, they're not uninformed, and they have chosen not to. I keep my mouth ZIPPED!

Ask, though, and I'll give as much information as you want. I'll give you basics, or I'll point you to studies, websites, essays, the whole nine yards, if you like. I'm a researcher, and I like information. I also like teaching (informally), and I'm pretty good at breaking things down into understandable parts, so I will help whenever I'm asked.

But I wait to be asked.
Quoting myself, because someone I know just approached me out of the blue to ask about information on starting a low carb diet. We have never specifically talked about it, but she knows that I eat this way, and that I've been successful. It's nice, because then you know they're really interested.
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Old 01-20-2014, 08:05 AM   #17
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may I suggest - if you have had a health issue that your LC eating has helped you with (headaches, IBS, blood sugar, anything) - maybe the next time your family states they are having the same issue you can say something like "I have been so blessed to not suffer from XYZ anymore since I gave up sugar / bad carbs" maybe if they see it from a health point they will try it. (?)
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