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Old 11-09-2013, 09:10 PM   #1
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food pushers

i have 2 food pushers to deal with one is y grown daughter (my husband noticed how she kept trying t carb me up the three days we spent down there) she kept telling me have a turkey sandwhich have a oice of bread ect (didnt do it (lol) the other woman is much harder to deal with she is over 80 mostly blind diabetic and gluten intolerent. her son & my husband have been friends for over 25 yrs and her and i for over 20 yrs however every time we go to visit (they live 90 miles away in the same town as our son and hubby insists on staying there half the fime) and it comes to meal time its always the same thing eat more have some more ptotates have some more of his of that and everything else she isnt happy unless u have had 3 big plates and if u say u are full she gets all upset and says u didnt like her meal and carries on for hours crying , and of coourse u Have o have dessert HEEEELLLLLPPPPP. I have tried to explain that i am trying to lose weight (drs orders it doesnt help,,,,and if we dont go over and stay its her crying what did i do wrong y r u mad at me but when u try to tell her about the forced feeding she says she doesnt do that
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Old 11-09-2013, 10:57 PM   #2
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If she's gluten intolerant can you try and explain to her that there are foods you can't eat the same way there are foods she can't? You can eat lots of meat and veggies but not potato or sugars etc?
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Old 11-10-2013, 04:26 AM   #3
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Food pushers! I love that term!


Your daughter should be easy to deal with. I would tell her like it is and say 'I told you I am changing my way of eating. Cut out the food pushing. I will choose my own foods, now cut it out and let me be!!' A daughter is one that can handle direct hard responses from you I would think


The other. yikes. Visit less? When ya go say you are sick and can't eat or you might puke? She just isn't going to get it at all. You gotta 'manuever your way around' this older lady. I don't see her ever accepting your way of eating. I would just find excuses somehow to handle the damage to a minimum. Good luck on this one!!
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Old 11-10-2013, 04:40 AM   #4
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Many, many years ago a good friend gave me some excellent advice on how to deal with a pushy, domineering person I couldn't avoid. Her advice was to tell the difficult individual (when that person was trying to compel me to do something I didn't want to do) simply "I'd prefer not to (do that)" and -this is key- to keep repeating those words, and only those words, over and over again if the difficult person continued to pressure me. This technique worked well for me. It was polite and respectful and yet allowed me to protect myself while not being drawn into further discussion or argument. In your case you could add "Your food is delicious but I'd prefer not to eat anymore" or "I love you but I'd prefer not to eat that". Good luck in dealing with this difficult old lady.
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Old 11-10-2013, 04:58 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by LolaGetz View Post
Many, many years ago a good friend gave me some excellent advice on how to deal with a pushy, domineering person I couldn't avoid. Her advice was to tell the difficult individual (when that person was trying to compel me to do something I didn't want to do) simply "I'd prefer not to (do that)" and -this is key- to keep repeating those words, and only those words, over and over again if the difficult person continued to pressure me. This technique worked well for me. It was polite and respectful and yet allowed me to protect myself while not being drawn into further discussion or argument. In your case you could add "Your food is delicious but I'd prefer not to eat anymore" or "I love you but I'd prefer not to eat that". Good luck in dealing with this difficult old lady.
To be absolutely clear, what really worked for me was saying "I'd prefer not to discuss this". That almost always silenced the other person but if it didn't on the first try, I simply kept repeating "I'd prefer not to discuss it" and eventually the other person gave up. You could try a polite refusal of the food first and then if the elderly woman kept trying to persuade you, tell her "I'd prefer not to discuss this any further". And when she still won't give up keep repeating those words without variation.
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Old 11-10-2013, 06:01 AM   #6
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We have one at work but we call her the FOOD BULLY. She will go to the vending machine and get junk and bring it back to my desk and say want some??? I say nope and she goes on to her next victim. Seriously, we go to dunkin donuts and all get coffee and she thinks something is wrong with us because we didn't get donuts or bagel sandwiches. I am fine with going to places like that and JUST getting coffee. Why is that weird???
My mom is also a food pusher although she has gotten better. Last time I saw her she said I was getting too thin. I think maybe she needs stronger glasses but she has always been like that...I think most moms are!!
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Old 11-10-2013, 09:12 AM   #7
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For me Im a pretty up front , firm person. So my "NO" is polite and firm..most people in my world know not to cross it....if someone is so foolish to go past this I say" you are kidding me right,?? You are going to try to bully me into eating something so YOU feel better?? I figured you were much classier than that" or something very similar to that. I do it privately...

I have people occasionally make fun of how I eat....most times I just tease back about their eating....

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Old 11-10-2013, 12:06 PM   #8
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Well, I think Flagman's right about the daughter just tell her flat out, stop it. Now, the older, mostly blind food pushing woman. How blind is she? You could try the old milk carton idea, remember at school? When we had peas or something equally nasty, I'd hide them in the empty milk carton.

So, maybe a small grocery bag near you on the floor? And when she isn't looking scrape off your plate off and ask for more!
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Old 11-10-2013, 02:54 PM   #9
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I would tell the old woman that I was stuffed and couldn't eat another bite but could I have some in a doggie bag to take home for later? (Maybe even bring your own ziploc bag or two). Then I would toss the doggie bag in the trash when I got home. Yes, it's wasteful and not exactly honest but you'd be sparing her feelings and your waistline, and hopefully be able to have a much nicer visit without all her manipulative theatrics while you are there.
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Old 11-10-2013, 06:06 PM   #10
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Had a lady at church tonight get upset with me because I wouldn't agree to buy some chicken salad with cranberries in it from Sam's...smh...silly folks
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Old 11-10-2013, 06:33 PM   #11
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Perhaps she would back off if she saw her food was wasted. When you've eaten enough, refuse her urging more on you, then relent, take a bite or two and leave the rest in your plate. Why aren't you eating, she asks. You say, I really was full after all. At dessert time, take a plate full of the dreaded carb bomb, mess it around with your fork, and don't eat any. She ask why, you say, I was really full after all. To any further complaints, just smile and repeat, endlessly, some polite phrase.

I once had someone at the dinner table insist on putting wine in my glass when I refused it. I left it there. We are not required by God or Man to eat food we don't want.
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Old 11-10-2013, 07:34 PM   #12
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My mother-in-law is one of these people. She also insists that the only way to be healthy is to eat ZERO fat and high carb. So, she has no concept of the diet I follow, and I've never told her I have diabetes because I don't want her (incorrect) opinion on it. Every time we go to her house, which luckily isn't very often, she insists that we grab candy from her candy dish, and she always serves "non-fat brownies - they're good for you!" with fat free Cool Whip. Even though I've told her countless times that I don't like to eat sweets, she always offers. Some people just don't get it, especially older people who have been told for the last 50 years to stay away from fat and still believe the hype. As others have said, all you can do is politely decline...again and again and again, if you have to.
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Old 11-12-2013, 06:14 AM   #13
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Thank you for posting this... i have the same problem with relatives and family members. sometimes i just want to scream NO!!!!!! when they say "just one bite or just try this" when they know i cant eat sugar. They push and push.....if i give in they win. its happened before especially with my aunt. she provided me with a jar of peanut butter every time i went to visit her. when i told her recently that i quit p.b. because it was a huge binge trigger for me, she kept buying it for me anyway. i think my family...they dont want to see me finally succeed in something.
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Old 11-12-2013, 06:28 AM   #14
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Food pushers are usually people with undiagnosed eating disorders. You will also notice that they will also accuse other people of having eating disorders or dieting too much, or being too skinny, or unhealthy or ......the list goes on. Regardless, you have to see it for what it is. The reality is that they may have a vested interest in keeping you fat, or seeing you eat. If you are fat, then they don't have to feel bad about themselves feeling overweight, or unsuccessful at managing their own issues with food.

Once you understand and can accept that it is their issues and not yours, then you can try managing the situation. Examples are you taking control. You bring the food, you eat the food you bring and offer them some, you invite them over at turn the tables and become the one in control. With my family I literally have to cook up all of the appetizers (all low carb) so everyone gorges on them and has no room for any of the high carb foods that come last, such as dessert or potatoes at the main meal. No one pushes food when they can't even eat any themselves. At last resort, you can always make excuses not to go to their house where they have control. You can instead go out to dinner, where no one will push food, being as though it costs money to order more.
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Old 11-12-2013, 07:24 AM   #15
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No one pushes food when they can't even eat any themselves.
You've never met my mother-in-law.

I view food pushers as people with some sort of control issue. I know that's the case with my mother-in-law. It's a battle of wills in a sense - the pusher wants you to eat something you don't want to eat - who will win? I know people do this for all sorts of benign reasons, and I don't judge or get angry, but ultimately it is a form of social control. Throw in all the things the OP says about the older friend not even listening when she tries to explain what is going on, and I say absolutely there is a form of control and manipulation going on here. Not to say the woman is a bad person, but it is what it is.

I don't allow other people to control me. It doesn't matter why they want to - for what they believe are my best interests or to make themselves feel better - it's all the same. I decide what I eat and what I don't. I politely decline and the more of an issue is made, the less polite I become. I've never had to storm out of a gathering, but I have had to physically move my plate away from a piece of lasagna that was being placed upon it after I had repeatedly declined. I figured, that lasagna was going on the table, the floor, wherever - but no way was it going on my plate. It went back into the pan.
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Old 11-13-2013, 08:03 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by denene View Post
...the other woman is much harder to deal with she is over 80 mostly blind diabetic and gluten intolerent. ...

I deal with 'food pushers' everyday between my DH and mom. Most of the time I just ignore them. When confronted though I just say no thankyou. The daughter should be pretty simple. Just say no or no, thankyou.

The elderly lady is Blind, Diabetic, and Gluten Intolerant - So explain that there are foods that she can't eat and there are foods you can't eat. If that doesn't work, she is almost blind and over 80, say no thank you, my plate is full ,or allow her to put more on your plate and don't eat it.
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Old 11-13-2013, 09:26 AM   #17
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Echoing the advice of 'no thank you' until they stop and to not engage in a discussion. It always makes the pusher feel either argumentative or bad that they themselves might be eating poorly.
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Old 11-13-2013, 03:31 PM   #18
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Quote:
For me Im a pretty up front , firm person. So my "NO" is polite and firm..most people in my world know not to cross it....if someone is so foolish to go past this I say" you are kidding me right,?? You are going to try to bully me into eating something so YOU feel better?? I figured you were much classier than that" or something very similar to that. I do it privately...
I am pretty much the same way. When someone says the way I eat isn't healthy, I say neither is being fat! LOL
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