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Garlic 07-22-2013 05:32 PM

Is "sort of" being lower carb a bad thing?
 
My wife is probably very typical insofar as eating the SAD. She loves her bread, pasta, and to a lesser degree, her sweets.

She keeps telling me she wants to eat less carbs, but also that she won't give up bread or pasta. She said she is willing to give up the higher carb / higher GI fruits and veggies. Personally I think that is a bad idea. But then again, I made meatloaf tonight and used flax meal and almond flour as a binder, and she wasn't happy about that.

I would LOVE to support her, but I don't feel like I can if she is only making a partial commitment.

What do you think?

Don't tell me to have a talk with her. As soon as I really start talking low carb, she tunes me out. I mean 100% tunes me out.

Aleina 07-22-2013 05:37 PM

If she needs to lose weight :
Tell her just that,that in your opinion it won't work and leave it at that.She will reconsider if she sees you losing and she does not on her plan.
If she does not need to lose weight look at it this way. Anything is better than nothing.

rubidoux 07-22-2013 05:47 PM

I agree w Aleina. There are some who claim that it's bad to eat a lot of fat if you're still eating significant carbs, but I haven't seen any real evidence of that. Peter Attia posted about what he feeds his daughter and its lower carb, low sugar, and higher fat than SAD, which makes me think that he doesn't believe that if you're eating carb you have to be low fat.

Garlic 07-22-2013 05:51 PM

Yep, I read about Attia and saw his videos.... but at the same time, among the several books I read in the last 2 months, I know that in at least 2 of them, the author did say it was not good to mix higher carb levels with fat... don't ask me which ones, though..... I think I fried my brain and I am all "confuzzled". :hyst:

Ntombi 07-22-2013 05:51 PM

If she just wants to be lower carb, she'll have to restrict calories to lose weight.

Just support her choices and don't give advice until/unless she specifically asks.

rubidoux 07-22-2013 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garlic (Post 16526889)
Yep, I read about Attia and saw his videos.... but at the same time, among the several books I read in the last 2 months, I know that in at least 2 of them, the author did say it was not good to mix higher carb levels with fat... don't ask me which ones, though..... I think I fried my brain and I am all "confuzzled". :hyst:

I want citations, Garlic! If they're out there, someone will come along w them...

Natalia 07-22-2013 06:09 PM

The Eades say (or used to say via Protein Power) that saturated fat is only harmful when eaten with a high carb diet. I think it has to do with a couple of hormones, insulin among them, that when raised with a high carb diet, allow plaque to form readily on the arterial wall.
I don't think it's good to eat a HCHF diet.
That said, how many is too many? Who knows? Prob somewhere between 50-100. I'm just pulling that last part out of my butt. Idk.

Dw doesn't want your advice. I used to think I couldn't live without wheat either . That was the wheat addiction talking. Let yourself hopefully inspire her when she's ready, if you push, she will be resentful & feel judged.

I just use eggs for binder in my meatballs and it works beautifully.

Punkin 07-22-2013 06:09 PM

If you can lose weight without going low carb it is probably easier. Low carb for some people is very difficult. It just depends on your metabolism. Just reducing foods high in added sugar is a great step for most people. Whole grains, fruits and veggies, are good high carb foods.

Aomiel 07-22-2013 06:11 PM

The average american diet is high carb and high fat...and people are overweight. Isn't that what we've discovered with our low carb...that we can do high fat *because* it is low carb?

The ADA considers 140gm low carb but their diet is also low fat. Some people consider 100gm low carb, but I'm wondering what their loss rate is with a higher fat diet or whether they end up cutting back on their fat and calories in exchange for those carbs.

Personally, I think you have to choose, but hey...sometimes only our own experience can teach us the error of our ways. :D

Deosil 07-22-2013 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ntombi (Post 16526891)
If she just wants to be lower carb, she'll have to restrict calories to lose weight.

Just support her choices and don't give advice until/unless she specifically asks.

^This
You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

You can show her through doing it yourself and the results from it. I truly think that seeing effective changes in others will encourage us to make those same positive changes for ourselves. Gently opening a dialogue and perhaps directing her to websites to help her understand how these WOEs work and why could also be helpful. However, pushing and prodding will not give good results. We all need to make the conscious decision for ourselves to change our WOE for it to be effective and purposeful. :)

Mistizoom 07-22-2013 06:33 PM

I think any lowering of carbs is probably good, but I am wondering what types of foods she means by "higher carb / higher GI fruits and veggies"? Personally I have lost some weight in the past by giving up only foods containing added sugar and white flour, since those are so refined I think it is preferable to give those up before giving up any fruits and veggies (though some fruits are total sugar bombs). But she has to start somewhere and if this is where she wants to start I would say to support her.

Garlic 07-22-2013 07:04 PM

See, Misti, I find it hard to support her going halfway, when she ignores my being " all in ". When I made the meatloaf tonight she gave me a hard time. She told me to make my part of the meatloaf low carb, but leave everybody else' part alone..... Meaning she wanted her bread crumbs binder, I guess.

The longer I stay on plan the less she seems tolerant of my WOE.

I do 95% of all the cooking for my family, and I am making some dishes we had never eaten before LC.... Plus, even though she hasn't actually complained yet, I think I am about to hear about the higher cost of eating LC.

Mistizoom 07-22-2013 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garlic (Post 16526989)
See, Misti, I find it hard to support her going halfway, when she ignores my being " all in ". When I made the meatloaf tonight she gave me a hard time. She told me to make my part of the meatloaf low carb, but leave everybody else' part alone..... Meaning she wanted her bread crumbs binder, I guess.

The longer I stay on plan the less she seems tolerant of my WOE.

I do 95% of all the cooking for my family, and I am making some dishes we had never eaten before LC.... Plus, even though she hasn't actually complained yet, I think I am about to hear about the higher cost of eating LC.

That's too bad she's still not being supportive of you. Did she think the meatloaf tasted bad/different or does she just not like the idea of you changing something she/the rest of the family likes? (BTW - I use 1 tablepoon flaxseed meal and 1 tablespoon coconut flour per pound of meat and the ground meat recipes I use taste the exact same as their high carb versions).

It sounds like she is in the "precontemplation" to "contemplation" stage of making a change. She's not ready for it yet. She is testing the waters. You might use some psychological techniques... I would recommend you take a look at "motivational interviewing" techniques to use with her the next time you are discussing the changes in both of your WOEs. It would have to be modified a bit since she is your wife and it would be a personal conversation, but motivational interviewing can get people to think about changing in a way that doesn't seem like you are forcing something on them.

metqa 07-22-2013 07:16 PM

Tell her to start cooking "her" portion of food that she wants high carb. I don't know if you have kids, but if she's the only one complaining then she should be the one to step out to get to her comfort level since you are doing all the work of cooking.

I didn't read that she is actually looking to lose weight but is just interested in eating lower carb. Let her eat lower carb, that's better than nothing. Eating lower carb doesnt mean the fat has to go up a lot, it takes less fat to compensate for calories than it does starch. If she wants to eat less sugar and high starch things, the good on her.

You could play the game of complaining and nagging about her high carb foods, but then you will both become miserable and spiteful.

Just let her be. She'll do it if she wants to and if she doesn't then , oh well. Would you expect her to become a vegetarian just because you are one? Pick any other choices. She's an individual and doesn't have to like the same foods you do , though it helps if she does. But she also shouldn't be giving you grief over what she eats if she has choices she can choose from or she can make it herself or if she can't then she'll just have to eat what you fix or order in. Maybe that's mean, but living with my BF all this time has made me a bit intolerant of people who choose to eat everything and give me grief about what I choose not to eat,....and then eat up my stuff as well.

It will probably be good for her health anyway to shy away from high sugar/starch in general, in any way.

Ntombi 07-22-2013 07:16 PM

How about individual meatloaves, using muffin cups? That way, you can make your portion LC, and hers and the girls' HC, if they choose. She's an adult, and should be able to eat what she chooses without someone looking over her shoulder. Same for you. Honestly, if she's doing more than not supporting (i.e. being snide or actively discouraging), that's not cool either.

Natalia 07-22-2013 07:19 PM

Maybe she thinks youre passive-aggressively putting her on LC (since you do the cooking). i dont think you should have to make 2 versions of everything. \\\\\\\\when I LC and dh doesnt, i will make the meatballs LC and some LC veggies, then put on some rice for him and Thing 2. You could make a "batch" of something high carb that she likes, and then would only have to dirty the pot a couple times a week. bonus points for thinking of a carby side she likes and you hate. Couscous is crazy easy and yummy. I bet your girls would like it too.

flappa1016 07-22-2013 07:22 PM

Quote:

I am wondering what types of foods she means by "higher carb / higher GI fruits and veggies"? Personally I have lost some weight in the past by giving up only foods containing added sugar and white flour, since those are so refined I think it is preferable to give those up before giving up any fruits and veggies (though some fruits are total sugar bombs).
That stood out to me too. If I were going to give anything up first, it would be the pastas, breads and sweets. Veggies and fruits have some redeeming nutritional values; the other refined carbs are nutritionally-void and best avoided at all costs. By everyone, not just the metabolically deranged.

Garlic 07-22-2013 07:31 PM

Let me be 100% clear.... She came to me and sais she wants to cut back on carbs. But she also said she is unwilling to give up bread and pasta.

I don't think I should have to cook pasta dishes with garlic bread when, at least once a week, she takes clients out to the Italian restaurant that is 3 blocks from where she works. Sometimes it is even 3x a week.... Her company is at the restaurant so often that they negotiated a 20% discount on all meals.

I used to make some type of pasta dish, and garlic bread about 3x a month.

rndiane 07-22-2013 07:38 PM

My feeling is, leave her alone. LC is a commitment and if she isn't wanting to go there all the way then leave her alone. Just like you, you would not want someone to preach to you low fat. It takes dedication to eat this way and some people aren't there. Have your meals and your wife's hers. You will be an example to her and maybe someday she will see the light.
My husband has his meals and mine are low carb. We eat the same but I add a carb side dish to his. No big deal.

Garlic 07-22-2013 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rndiane (Post 16527042)
My feeling is, leave her alone. LC is a commitment and if she isn't wanting to go there all the way then leave her alone. Just like you, you would not want someone to preach to you low fat. It takes dedication to eat this way and some people aren't there. Have your meals and your wife's hers. You will be an example to her and maybe someday she will see the light.

Oh, I don't care either way, but she came to me. My point was I think it might be worse to do this half way. Do it or don't, but don't go halfway.

Mistizoom 07-22-2013 07:46 PM

Well, I stand behind what I said. She may "say" she wants to eat lower carb but she is wanting to do it half-assed and backwards (who gives up fruit and veg before they give up bread and pasta?) which leads me to believe she isn't really ready for lower carb yet. However, I think you still should be supportive of her desire to eat "lower carb" even if she isn't supportive of you. Being supportive of "lower carb" does not mean you are obligated to cook higher carb meals for her while you can't eat them. You need to negotiate, if she wants pasta once a week, either she can cook it, she can get take out, or something like that. Or you can be really nice and cook what she wants, and make an alternative for yourself...it's really up to you.

ETA: And I do think motivational interviewing techniques would help you with this line from your first post:

Quote:

Don't tell me to have a talk with her. As soon as I really start talking low carb, she tunes me out. I mean 100% tunes me out.

rndiane 07-22-2013 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garlic (Post 16527050)
Oh, I don't care either way, but she came to me. My point was I think it might be worse to do this half way. Do it or don't, but don't go halfway.

I understand but until she is willing to commit, it is useless. I think the best way to handle this is to be an example. As far as halfway low carbing, it is a great idea if she doesn't increase her calories eating other foods.
I don't think punishing her, making her cook her own food, is helpful to you relationship as some suggested but it will be through soft love and example to help with her this WOE.

Natalia 07-22-2013 08:01 PM

The giving up veg but keeping wheat had me laughing too. I didn't want to sound insensitive, but giving up squash & cantaloupe for example isn't going to help if you're having cheese tortolline, a basket of garlic bread and a Coke.
In my opinion, wheat stimulates the appetite in around 75% of people- the ones who don't do well on low cal . OTOH you're preaching to the choir over here. She's not ready to make that kind of change. It is drastic when you compare it to how "normal" people eat.

Natalia 07-22-2013 08:13 PM

I just wanted to say Garlic that I mean absolutely no disrespect to your wife or her eating plan. It's hard to send the right vibe online :) I'm the last person to judge as a carbaholic and binger :)
Surely I'm just a bit jaded from all the saturated fat ;)

rndiane 07-22-2013 08:14 PM

"The longer I stay on plan the less she seems tolerant of my WOE. "

One other thing, she may be a little threatened by you losing so much weight. This can be a scary time for some spouses. It is nor unusual for a spouse to sabotage weight lose when their insecurities take over. This can really upset a marriage. It will take love, and communication from you to help her. This is a huge change for her too.

Garlic 07-22-2013 08:19 PM

Well, I can say, just from my perspective, the idea of no bread for me, possibly ever again, is still not all that easy to accept.... But she isn't diabetic, so maybe she could have some now and then in the future..... If she went LC.

One of my wife's all time favorite snacks is potato salad on crackers.... She never was a big fan of most fruit, so of course it kind of makes sense that she would rather give up fruit than bread.

Anyway, had she not approached me, I wouldn't be so perplexed / frustrated.

Edit... I have only lost 3 pounds via low carbing.

buttercup30 07-22-2013 09:08 PM

My mother never puts any kind of carby binder in her meatloaf. no crackers, no bread, nothing. she loads it down with bell pepper, celery, and onion.

Take over the shopping as well as the cooking. Do not allow anything in the house that is off of your diet.

I know, that'll go over like a lead balloon.

Beeb 07-22-2013 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garlic (Post 16526867)
My wife is probably very typical insofar as eating the SAD. She loves her bread, pasta, and to a lesser degree, her sweets.

She keeps telling me she wants to eat less carbs, but also that she won't give up bread or pasta. She said she is willing to give up the higher carb / higher GI fruits and veggies. Personally I think that is a bad idea. But then again, I made meatloaf tonight and used flax meal and almond flour as a binder, and she wasn't happy about that.

I would LOVE to support her, but I don't feel like I can if she is only making a partial commitment.

What do you think?

Don't tell me to have a talk with her. As soon as I really start talking low carb, she tunes me out. I mean 100% tunes me out.

Does she have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) or is she eating the SAD and if so what is it? I'm confused....:confused:

Midlyfechrysalis 07-22-2013 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garlic (Post 16526867)
She keeps telling me she wants to eat less carbs, but also that she won't give up bread or pasta. She said she is willing to give up the higher carb / higher GI fruits and veggies. .

This is poor from a nutritional standpoint. Even the other diet traditions (reduced portion, low fat, etc) would not support keeping bread/pasta over fruits or veggies.

That said, I don't think the spousal relationship is a good place for diet advice.

GME 07-22-2013 10:13 PM

I wouldn't say anything but, "Great Honey!"

I am of the opinion that cutting back any carbs is a good idea. Wheat carbs are the worst, but that is her call not yours. Maybe she is warming up to the idea and this is her step one.


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