Low Carb Friends  
Netrition.com - Tools - Reviews - Faces - Recipes - Home


Go Back   Low Carb Friends > Main Lowcarb Lobby
Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-19-2013, 04:56 PM   #1
Senior LCF Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 133
Gallery: UghNowWhat
Anyone else uncomfortable with people noticing your loss??

Garlic's thread made me think to ask this and I didn't want to hijack her thread.

In general, I've never been someone that gets noticed much period in life regardless of what I've weighed. I don't have that outgoing personality that makes up for it like some women do. If I do get noticed, it's usually the wrong kind of attention like some creepy or loser pervert. It's part of the mental reasons I even gained weight and kept gaining..nobody was really there when I wasn't fat so at least by being fat it keeps people away more and it's like a comfort zone even if it somehow makes me attract more creeps.

I don't want anyone around here actually pointing out I look good now or later or something. It's not like they'd have made much small talk before or pointed out I wasn't appealing before or now. The thought of someone in a place I frequent saying something to make makes me cringe.

This is a whole different thing but somewhat related... I'm also currently annoyed because two things came up next month. An event that was scheduled last minute, the place didn't give any notice whatsoever. And a guy I was supposed to meet last year but he's been away since. He's back now. He wasn't supposed to be back until later this year..giving me plenty of time to lose a good chunk of weight before then. Part of me wants to ask him to go with me.(As friends, not an official date) The other part of me wants to wait until November in case he's repulsed by me now and decides he likes me in November..would just piss me off.
UghNowWhat is offline   Reply With Quote

Sponsored Links
Old 07-19-2013, 05:13 PM   #2
Senior LCF Member
 
Natalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NB Canada
Posts: 665
Gallery: Natalia
Stats: 190/174/125
WOE: VLC
Start Date: June 2013
Me too. I know it's not the norm, but when people notice my loss, it also means they noticed the gains and were probably talking about it when I wasn't around :/

Catch 22, I guess.
Natalia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2013, 05:57 PM   #3
Big Yapper!
 
CherylB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 19,413
Gallery: CherylB
I like when they notice the loss on my body, but I get derailed when someone sees how quickly the numbers may be falling on the scale. For instance, I sometimes make a weight loss ticker in my signature section on LCF. I recently had someone say how fast I was losing and it made me so uncomfortable. I stopped losing and started eating again. Still not back on track but I won't make those tickers anymore. I'll keep the numbers and details to myself.

It's only natural to want to congratulate someone for doing well, but for whatever reason, it has the opposite effect on me.

We're all quirky in our own ways. The thing is to figure out how not to derail because of outside forces. We have to learn to be rock-solid in an inward way and let the winds blow whichever way they will all around us. Do ykwim?
CherylB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2013, 06:15 PM   #4
Way too much time on my hands!
 
emel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 17,635
Gallery: emel
Stats: 179.4/158.8/130ish
WOE: Atkins OWL/NK hybrid
I think when people compliment you on weight loss, they are sincerely happy that you're doing well with it.

That being said, you're entitled to feel any way you want about it.
(I really hate it when someone tells me how I should feel about something--I'll feel what I feel, thank you very much. )

But regardless, please come in to this forum and share your successes so we can share them with you.
emel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2013, 07:23 PM   #5
Junior LCF Member
 
Anglophile67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 27
Gallery: Anglophile67
Stats: 207/167-only weighing once a month for sanity/145
WOE: Under 20 carbs/day
Start Date: January 2013
I can totally relate. I am a teacher and at the end of this year I had several coworkers noticing and complimenting me on my weight loss. I should have probably felt happy, and outwardly I was, but inwardly I was cringing. When school starts again in the middle of Aug I kind of dread hearing people notice how much more I have lost since they saw me last. Although I am proud of myself for losing the weight, I guess the attention makes me very uncomfortable. I thought I was the only one! Glad to know I'm not alone.
Anglophile67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2013, 08:24 PM   #6
Senior LCF Member
 
thatphdguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 382
Gallery: thatphdguy
WOE: Modified Atkins extended induction
Start Date: May, 26 2013
I am with Emel in this one...
Maybe is because I choose to see the good side of people, I think people, generally speaking, are happy if someone loses weight. One of my co-workers lost 40 pounds on LC in a short period of time and everyone sincerely congratulated him.
I was personally very happy for him and for his success.

I am not gonna tell you how to feel...But I will tell you that every time you lose weight I will be happy for you
thatphdguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2013, 10:16 PM   #7
Senior LCF Member
 
brimmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 195
Gallery: brimmy
Stats: 300/232/199
WOE: Other LC
Start Date: 1/1/13
I actually enjoy hearing people comment about my loss, it really provides an ego boost. However the darker side of it is that the thinner I get, the nicer people tend to be to me. That tends to jade me a bit, since I can certainly tell they're being nicer and more attentive to me simply because of how much I weigh. Most anyone will tell you that my personality doesn't change that much if I'm fat or skinny, so it's not like when I'm fat that I'm a bummer to be around. It's a sad truth of life that the more attractive you are, the nicer people are to you.
brimmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2013, 11:33 PM   #8
Senior LCF Member
 
Lola Bartez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Carcassonne, South West France
Posts: 439
Gallery: Lola Bartez
Stats: 181/153/135-140? (5' 6")
WOE: ZC
Start Date: 22 June 2010
I know people are being nice when they mention my weight loss but when they say 'you've lost so much weight - you look great!' I hear 'God you were FAT before!'

My problem, not theirs
Lola Bartez is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 05:20 AM   #9
Major LCF Poster!
 
Aomiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,556
Gallery: Aomiel
Stats: 330/140/140 A1c 4.8
WOE: Bernstein (Maintenance)
Start Date: January 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by emel View Post
I think when people compliment you on weight loss, they are sincerely happy that you're doing well with it.

That being said, you're entitled to feel any way you want about it.
(I really hate it when someone tells me how I should feel about something--I'll feel what I feel, thank you very much.
Aomiel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 05:41 AM   #10
Major LCF Poster!
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 1,084
Gallery: Spanilingo
Stats: 130 now 102 5 ft 1
WOE: Lost Atkins/mod carb. Maint-HFLC
Start Date: Feb-March 2011
People notice weight loss because it is MUCH more noticible and happens much faster than weight gain. Most people DO NOT gain ten pounds in a week then steadily climb week by week until the hit a goal weight.

Also, MOST people WILL say you should feel proud not because you are skinny but because they are recognizing your hard work. It is common in the US culture to commend people for hard work. I'd just go with it
Spanilingo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 05:52 AM   #11
Major LCF Poster!
 
Emily-D's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,205
Gallery: Emily-D
Stats: obese/healthy weight
WOE: 1992 Atkins (no grains, no soy)
Start Date: 3/1/04, Restart 4/22/10
I'm uncomfortable with it, because it means that they're noticing and commenting on what I used to weigh. It bother me mostly when it comes from thin people. I grew up with a lot of shame about my weight, as the only overweight member of my family. I also know that they'll definitely notice if I ever gain weight.

Last year, I saw a woman I hadn't seen in a few years. She kept going on and on about, "you're half your size!" Not even close, and the third woman who was there must have been imagining me a lot bigger than I ever was.

When an overweight friend or acquaintance asks me how I did it, I don't mind that because they're acknowledging that they have the same weight issue.
__________________
"At the end of the day, at the end of the week, I'll only regret what I ate - not what I didn't eat." -- Linda Glein
Emily-D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 06:14 AM   #12
Blabbermouth!!!
 
MaryMary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: NH
Posts: 6,899
Gallery: MaryMary
Stats: Then 376 / Now 156
WOE: Vegan OA NMW!
Start Date: Jan 2001
I figure when people comment on my weight loss, they have good vision, because they would have to be blind not to notice. Most say I don't look like the same person.

It took me a while before my inner vision of myself caught up with the vision others saw when they looked at me. I don't need to know others motivations, just my own. I lost weight because I wanted to have a life. My attitude toward others was different when I was heavy. I was mire jaded and angry. As I have worked lots if that stuff, I am a hapoier person. Eating extra food is not an excuse I give myself when life throws me a curve all.

The last month my DH was in the hospital 20 days out of 30 and I planned my meals each day so I knew what I was having. No surprises.
__________________

MaryMary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 06:38 AM   #13
Major LCF Poster!
 
avid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: treasure coast
Posts: 1,131
Gallery: avid
Stats: 180/134/131...
WOE: Lotsa veggies and LC
This is a good topic.
Personally, I wish people would stop commenting. In my case, While I sometimes get a "you look great" or other positive affirmation. It's usually more like "OMG you got so thin" or something similar.
It makes me self conscious and uncomfortable. I know that the goal I set for myself is correct. I know I'm not too thin. I'm still heavier and wearing larger size clothes than I was in my late teens. (I stopped growing at 16). I'm not going hungry, and except for this dang hernia I recently sprouted, I'm very healthy.
Look at old photo's from a hundred or so years ago. I noticed this while viewing an exhibit of civil war photographs....Very very few people were fat, or even overweight. But over the last century, as processed foods and sugars overtook real food as the staples of our diet, people have gotten steadily heavier. What was once viewed as overweight is now viewed as 'normal".
I do have to be midful though that when people I haven't seen in a long time view me for the first time they are surely going to notice the difference. It doesn't help that many of my clothes are still too big. LOL when my size "L" shirts hang off of me, I gotta admit I do look skinny. But when I wear the "M" size I look better.
Whoa....I just realized I went on a bit of a rant.
LOL.....it's all good.
__________________
Health conscious sixty something since September '12
avid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 07:25 AM   #14
Major LCF Poster!
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2,394
Gallery: Patience
I think most commentors are just making conversation.
I notice and often say something when someone looks different.
Sometimes it's hair style, sometime weight.
I am ok when someone notes something positively different about me.
I don't like it when some one says you have put on weight (that's really tacky but it has happened) or says "you look tired" or "are you feeling well?" Lately to the latter, I just sort of jokingly say, "feel great, just getting older."
I'll take the compliments. I complimented a friend on her losses on her new vegan regime, and she said she had been working hard for six months and I was the only one who had noticed. She was very gratified
Patience is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 07:43 AM   #15
GME
Big Yapper!!!!
 
GME's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CA Coast
Posts: 9,418
Gallery: GME
Stats: 250/166/175 Trying again...223/213/146 5'7
WOE: Misc.
Start Date: April 2000 (the first time)
A lady I work with has lost some weight. I complimented her the other day and I hope she didn't feel like I thought she was fat before. She just looked how she looked and now that look is thinner. I know how hard that is to accomplish and she is a nice person so I said something complimentary to her.

I think most (I know not all, but most) such exchanges have no more to them than that.
GME is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 07:58 AM   #16
Senior LCF Member
 
biancasteeplechase's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 249
Stats: 224/186/???
WOE: Nutritional Ketosis
Start Date: November 2012
It's not just you, UghNowWhat. I don't like it either; I feel like I'm living my life, not putting my body out there for critique. I think people could stand to put some limits on the personal remarks they make (not that I expect this to happen any time soon).
biancasteeplechase is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 08:37 AM   #17
Senior LCF Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 224
Gallery: martha
Stats: 138/102.3/107?
WOE: Low Carb Mediterranean/IF maintenance
Start Date: Feb. 25, 2013 Goal weight Sept. 11, 2013
I think if you want to say something positive and warm to a person about their appearance, "You look great" is much more likely to accomplish that than "Nice haircut", "pretty blouse", or "You've lost weight." It's just friendlier and more respectful. I try to remember that. I think I read it somewhere a long time ago and a little bell went off in my head. I have one friend I dread running into, because she was very aggressive and critical of my weight a few years ago when I was unemployed and really struggling, even when I told her over and over to back off. I know her response to my recent losses will be to roll her eyes and talk about how awful I used to look. (I've known her a long time!) Not very diplomatic.
martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 08:41 AM   #18
Senior LCF Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 225
Gallery: Jrw85705
This is a very touchy subject with many of us who have lost a noticeable amount of weight. I have to admit I’m fairly immune to negative remarks, it’s just the way I am, but I do like positive ones. I have gotten many comments over the last 2-˝ years so I consider the source and the way in which the comment is given.

Most are positive and well meaning. One of my cousins who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years, saw me at a family reunion and when she saw me right out her mouth came “Holy crap…look at you, you’ve lost a whole other you.” That was followed by a hug. She knows my medical problems and knew this was good for me and I took it as such.

Another time I ran into a couple whom I also hadn’t seen since I lost weight. The lady and I chatted a bit and she finally said to her husband “ You remember Ralph don’t you” and his response “I remember a lot more of him.” That was followed by a punch on the shoulder and a thumbs up, a guy thing. The lady apologized for not saying anything but she was afraid I might have been sick and didn’t want to say anything. I can appreciate her concern and I thought his remark was the funniest thing I had heard in a long time.

So I just take the remarks in stride.
__________________
________________________________
Ralph
I have diabetes - I’m not a diabetic.
I won’t define myself by a disease.
Jrw85705 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 08:45 AM   #19
Major LCF Poster!
 
baileygirl3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Where The Green Grass Grows
Posts: 1,706
Gallery: baileygirl3
Stats: 177/135/135
WOE: Low Carb
I think it depends on who it is that is saying it to me and how it comes across.
baileygirl3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 10:48 AM   #20
Senior LCF Member
 
brimmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 195
Gallery: brimmy
Stats: 300/232/199
WOE: Other LC
Start Date: 1/1/13
It's better than the time I gained a chunk of weight over the course of a year or 2, and one of my old coworkers said "oh i didn't recognize you, you gained a lot of weight"
brimmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 11:04 AM   #21
Major LCF Poster!
 
Ocean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,067
Gallery: Ocean
Stats: 240/144/ Below 145 5'1.5"
WOE: General Low Carb
Start Date: June 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by baileygirl3 View Post
I think it depends on who it is that is saying it to me and how it comes across.
Exactly. Most people are nice about it and mean it as a compliment.

However, I have one coworker who goes on and on about how bad I looked before. She even said something once about how I am dressing better. I responded that this is how I have always dressed. Then she says, that she thinks it is because I was so big before, it just made everything else about me look bad too. I was rather offended by this. I have to dress professionally for work and I always have, bigger or smaller.

Of course she has also made age cracks about me too, despite the fact that I'm 41 and she is in her late 50s. So it probably is just her personality.
__________________
Falling down along the way doesn't keep you from getting to your destination. Failure to get back up and keep going does.
Ocean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 11:07 AM   #22
Blabbermouth!!!
 
Ntombi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Boston, then OH, then NYC, now SoCal. Whew!
Posts: 38,355
Gallery: Ntombi
Stats: Restart: 360/284.4/190
WOE: Atkins for weight loss, NK for maintenance.
Start Date: Restarted: 1-3-13 Original: 8-23-02
Well, she just sounds like a jerk, so I would ignore everything personal coming from her.
Ntombi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 11:17 AM   #23
GME
Big Yapper!!!!
 
GME's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CA Coast
Posts: 9,418
Gallery: GME
Stats: 250/166/175 Trying again...223/213/146 5'7
WOE: Misc.
Start Date: April 2000 (the first time)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ocean View Post
Exactly. Most people are nice about it and mean it as a compliment.

However, I have one coworker who goes on and on about how bad I looked before. She even said something once about how I am dressing better. I responded that this is how I have always dressed. Then she says, that she thinks it is because I was so big before, it just made everything else about me look bad too. I was rather offended by this. I have to dress professionally for work and I always have, bigger or smaller.

Of course she has also made age cracks about me too, despite the fact that I'm 41 and she is in her late 50s. So it probably is just her personality.
It sounds like it would always be something.

She needs a bop on the nose.
GME is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 11:53 AM   #24
Fat Burning Machine Extraordinaire!
 
DiamondDeb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 74,069
Gallery: DiamondDeb
Stats: 125+ lbs lost
I enjoy compliments and have learned to accept them graciously. In most cases people mean well by them even when they use poor choices in how they express themselves.

It is when they start asking more questions about it that I become uncomfortable. I have a hard time with answers that will make sense to them while also respecting my own feelings.
DiamondDeb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:06 PM   #25
Senior LCF Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: West of Philly
Posts: 832
Gallery: Garlic
Stats: 326 / 260 / 175
WOE: Atkins 2010
Start Date: May 25th, 2013
Garlic is a happily married father of twin 12 year old girls who will love it when more people notice.
Garlic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:23 PM   #26
Major LCF Poster!
 
Sirtain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: DFW area
Posts: 1,745
Gallery: Sirtain
Stats: 202then/154March/Xnow/140soon
WOE: Paleo+JUDDD
Start Date: March 2013
I have always been uncomfortable about getting compliments/remarks on weight loss, but for a different reason. I superstitiously felt that people noticing meant I would STOP going down, like they were jinxing me or something. So much so, that I would often deflect the comment, by saying, 'oh, do you think so? it must be the outfit,' or something like that.

Now that I am feeling more confident about my ability to KEEP going down, I am enjoying the comments more. I'm even looking forward to stunning some people who won't see me until after I am down to a normal weight.

I don't need anyone mentioning how good I look at a lower weight, to know I did not look good at the higher one. I am fat. I was very fat, and someday soon I will be slender. I am going to look better when I am at a healthy weight. That's just a given for most of us.
Sirtain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:31 PM   #27
Big Yapper!
 
CherylB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 19,413
Gallery: CherylB
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sirtain View Post
I have always been uncomfortable about getting compliments/remarks on weight loss, but for a different reason. I superstitiously felt that people noticing meant I would STOP going down, like they were jinxing me or something. So much so, that I would often deflect the comment, by saying, 'oh, do you think so? it must be the outfit,' or something like that.

Now that I am feeling more confident about my ability to KEEP going down, I am enjoying the comments more. I'm even looking forward to stunning some people who won't see me until after I am down to a normal weight.

I don't need anyone mentioning how good I look at a lower weight, to know I did not look good at the higher one. I am fat. I was very fat, and someday soon I will be slender. I am going to look better when I am at a healthy weight. That's just a given for most of us.
That! ^^^^^
CherylB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:32 PM   #28
Senior LCF Member
 
Natalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NB Canada
Posts: 665
Gallery: Natalia
Stats: 190/174/125
WOE: VLC
Start Date: June 2013
Some people have a gift for making everything sound bad.

I've gotten before ' I can tell you've lost some weight. Your boobs look HUGE because your stomach isn't as big :/ now you're not as chunky.

WTH. Did I ask to be critiqued? FYI, this was a coworker of mine, I had gone from about 178 to about 155. She was around 350.
Natalia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:35 PM   #29
Senior LCF Member
 
Natalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NB Canada
Posts: 665
Gallery: Natalia
Stats: 190/174/125
WOE: VLC
Start Date: June 2013
^^ this was also a person who every time I see her, tells me how "tired" I look. And she told me how small my backyard was AS she was going through foreclosure and about to get an apartment. I mean, really!
Natalia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:37 PM   #30
Major LCF Poster!
 
Sirtain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: DFW area
Posts: 1,745
Gallery: Sirtain
Stats: 202then/154March/Xnow/140soon
WOE: Paleo+JUDDD
Start Date: March 2013
I'm glad I don't have many people like this in my life!
Sirtain is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:41 PM.


Copyright ©1999-2014 Friends Forums LLC. All rights reserved. - Terms of Service | Privacy Policy
LowCarbFriends® is a registered mark of Friends Forums, LLC.