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Old 07-20-2013, 12:51 PM   #31
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I love it when people comment and get annoyed if they don't. If it's someone that I consider to be just an acquaintance, I assume that they feel uncomfortable saying something, and I'm not bothered by that, though it's nice if they do say something. But if it's someone that I have a real friendship with or even who I have any kind of connection to, I am really bothered if they pretend to not notice.

I had a friend a while back who I spent a ton of time with, we were very close. She stayed with me in the hospital the night I had my second baby so that dh could be with our older one (they wouldn't let me keep baby in my room w/o a healthy adult there). I considered her a very close friend. Well... I didn't see her for about a year, during which time I went from 214 to 170 pounds and when I did see her she said nothing. That was almost two years ago and I haven't seen her since and I probably won't. I think that she wasn't happy I was doing well and didn't want to acknowledge it. It felt almost passive-aggressive, like "I see you're doing well and deserve a big congratulations and I'm not going to give it to you, so there!" I know all of that sounds nutty, but of course, it was in the context of a relationship.

And it was almost immediately after that that I started gaining the weight back. I was pretty hurt by it. I don't know if it was related, but it didn't help.
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Old 07-20-2013, 12:58 PM   #32
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I wonder what makes us so sensitive to the perception others have of us. I'm not saying we all do, but those of us on this thread that can relate all seem to have a trace of whatever that is flowing through our veins. I wish I was strong enough so that nothing that was going on around me (outside of me) had any effect on the internal environment where I live. Oh, if only.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:23 PM   #33
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My boss sort of noticed. I don't work in the same office as her, I see her every 4 or 5 months. She said, "you look younger what did you change". I said "well I lost about 25 pounds, maybe that was it." That kind of made me feel good. I don't really care about compliments but that one was kind of out of left field.
People could mention it or not I wouldn't care. I'm doing this for myself so I'm happy when I can see the difference. Both my GF and my mom have definitely noticed the difference. I'm sure most people notice if they pay attention to you at all, they just don't say anything.
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Old 07-21-2013, 03:30 AM   #34
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Aside from the physical, people notice us because we behave differently, even though we may not be aware of it. Emotionally, we are not as angry at the world. We start to love ourselves. We are trusting ourselves because we are taking care of ourselves. Our spirit knows the difference and shiws it. I have days where I get up on the wrong side if the bed, so to speak. On those days, I try to be gentler with myself, knowing I might just be tired or lonely. I need to be vigilant not to turn to food to wake me up or give me company. There is always another meal company.

Nowadays, i am used to people treating me just like any another person. I have been this weight, except for a blip in 2011, for the last 7-8 years. Today I show pictures when appropriate because many didn't know the old me. I want people to know it is possible to change oneself throu diet and exercise. Even many doctors seem skeptical and almost always surprised that I lost it and kept it off without WLS.

I thank God everyday for this miracle.
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:43 AM   #35
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I was thinking about this thread, and as a guy, I can't wait for the day that I don't get called "big guy" or "big fella". I am kind of doubting people, on a routine basis call women "big gal" or big lady" to their faces by the sales people at stores.

About 25 years ago I walked into a car dealership with plans to buy a brand new car. My first brand new car. I was assigned a salesperson, who walked over and greeted me with "What are you looking for in a car, big guy?"

I said, "Well, to start off with, I am not looking to be called "big guy".... and I left. I ended up buying a different brand entirely, though 1 year old, and not brand new.

No way I could imagine someone walking up to a lady and saying "Hey big gal, what can I get for you today?"
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Old 07-21-2013, 07:41 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by Garlic View Post
I was thinking about this thread, and as a guy, I can't wait for the day that I don't get called "big guy" or "big fella". I am kind of doubting people, on a routine basis call women "big gal" or big lady" to their faces by the sales people at stores.

About 25 years ago I walked into a car dealership with plans to buy a brand new car. My first brand new car. I was assigned a salesperson, who walked over and greeted me with "What are you looking for in a car, big guy?"

I said, "Well, to start off with, I am not looking to be called "big guy".... and I left. I ended up buying a different brand entirely, though 1 year old, and not brand new.

No way I could imagine someone walking up to a lady and saying "Hey big gal, what can I get for you today?"
You bring up a good point. Society in general, and I stress in general, treats man and women quite differently and that includes how they react to our size. I have a friend who is about 6’7” and hates it when strangers come up to him and ask what is the weather like up there or you must be great at basketball. I don’t think they would do that to a tall woman. They might think it but not say it.

My wife has pointed out that remarks to women can be much more subtle and thusly more insidious in their nature. “You have such a pretty face.” “You are so light on her feet when you dance.” I sure you can think of others you have heard.

When a long time family friend, who was 98 years old at the time, told me “Boy you got a big belly” I had to agree with her and accept the fact at her age she only saw what was in front of her (which at the time was my rather large belly). She wasn’t judging me. But that same remark from someone who should be able to understand the hurt that may cause another would be totally unacceptable.

I think you did the right thing in letting him know what he said was unacceptable.

"Big guy" should be reserved for the 6 year old son or grandson who wants to help you bring in the groceries.
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Old 07-21-2013, 12:06 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garlic View Post
I was thinking about this thread, and as a guy, I can't wait for the day that I don't get called "big guy" or "big fella". I am kind of doubting people, on a routine basis call women "big gal" or big lady" to their faces by the sales people at stores.

About 25 years ago I walked into a car dealership with plans to buy a brand new car. My first brand new car. I was assigned a salesperson, who walked over and greeted me with "What are you looking for in a car, big guy?"

I said, "Well, to start off with, I am not looking to be called "big guy".... and I left. I ended up buying a different brand entirely, though 1 year old, and not brand new.

No way I could imagine someone walking up to a lady and saying "Hey big gal, what can I get for you today?"
Yeah I used to dislike that a lot, it was one of my key motivators for a while. But a funny thing happened, when I lost a bunch of weight and put on a large amount of muscle, I still got called big guy, but then I realized that it was due to the fact that I was 6'1" and muscular. Obviously if you're overweight it's more targeted at that, and that's really a hit to the ego at times, but eventually you might get to the point where it rolls off your back.
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Old 07-21-2013, 04:22 PM   #38
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Are you kidding me! Absolutely, not. I crave for the day when I can make the heads of the opposite sex turn, stop and do a double take as they did when I was thinner and shapely. I have been thin and I have been obese, let me tell you life was much sweeter for me on the thinner side of life. I hate this extra weight. I still cannot understand how the fatter you are the more invisible you become to the world; particularity men. I cannot tell you how many times men have let the door go in my face, after the line of skinny chicks pass through, it's appalling. I-can't-wait to get to the other side. I sometimes think, there was some divine intervention involved in me packing on the pounds so I would learn a lesson in humility. Lesson learned and I don't need any extra classes
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Old 07-22-2013, 05:12 AM   #39
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I sometimes think, there was some divine intervention involved in me packing on the pounds so I would learn a lesson in humility. Lesson learned and I don't need any extra classes
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Old 07-22-2013, 09:57 AM   #40
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I am uncomfortable when men comment on it. Because they always seem to have to add the part "not that you were big before!" Which come on, dude, I have a scale and I know what dress size I was, so spare me the feel-good b.s. I'm not going to get all bee-yotch on you or start crying or something!

At least, that is the way I take it. But I had a very interesting conversation with an older gentleman friend of mine a couple of weeks ago. Somehow he managed to get my starting weight out of me and he was honestly shocked it was that high. He said he never would have thought I was that heavy because I did not look it. So maybe all along I really was just carrying my weight well and that comment doesn't mean anything more than that.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:09 AM   #41
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Luckily, at my full time job, no one knows I used to be bigger or that I've lost alot of weight so I don't have to worry about comments about how I look so much better or whatever from a bunch of guys. (I work with 98% guys. One girl besides me on my shift)
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