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Old 06-18-2013, 06:30 AM   #1
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Would you rather people say "you have lost weight" or

Would you rather they not say anything at all?

I am going to a wedding this weekend and I will not have seen most of the people there for about a year. I was 290ish then, and 260ish now. Personally, I hope some people can actually see the difference, as I can't see it, even though I know it.

I put my scale away a few days ago because I was upset at losing only 2 pounds in 3 weeks on LC. But at the same time, I know I am thinner based on my clothes. So, I hope other people can give me some extra motivation.
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:35 AM   #2
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I've gone from a 26/28 to an 18/20 and most people have said NOTHING! I want someone to acknowledge my weight loss!
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:42 AM   #3
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It all depends on who is saying it and how they are saying it. I generally enjoy the compliment. If they are harping on about it I get the idea that all they ever see in me is my weight and it annoys me.
Garlic, if people do not comment do not take it badly. People are trying to be politicallt correct these days. Don't think that it is not visible that you have lost a lot.
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:56 AM   #4
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I never say something to someone unless I know they have been really struggling for a long time to lose weight, and know they would like people to acknowledge it. If I don't know then I don't say something. It has nothing to do with being politically correct. It is more from years of experience with weight loss.

However, at a wedding when people are dressed up fancy, I would probably give a bit more compliments on how good they look without actually mentioning the weight.
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Old 06-18-2013, 07:03 AM   #5
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I wish someone would notice!! I'm wearing smaller sizes now and feeling much toner. But not one person has said anything. Even my husband
I'm only down 8 lbs and have a good 40+ till goal. So maybe it's gonna take a bit more before I hit that point.
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Old 06-18-2013, 07:21 AM   #6
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I've lost about 15 pounds now, and no one has noticed, though I've dropped a size. What has been great, though, is that I've had several general compliments, such as "that top looks pretty on you" or "you look nice today." I'll take that over a discussion of my weight any day!

I look at it this way: I didn't want everyone to notice as each pound crept up on me, so I have to be satisfied that they can't tell when each pound drops off, either.
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Old 06-18-2013, 07:56 AM   #7
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I learned my lesson when I worked in a medical office. A patient told me she had lost a lot of weight. I instinctively replied "That's great!" To which she replied, "No, it's not, I've been terribly ill!" I now never comment on anyone's weight unless I know they are actively trying to lose weight.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:06 AM   #8
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I think people are respecting your privacy when they don't comment. Gushing about weight loss is pretty much the same as saying how bad you were before. And since most of us regain it pretty fast, that just ends up leaving bad feelings.

I would guess people's reaction would also largely be based on how you have looked over the last 10 years or so. If you were your highest weight most of that time, they will comment, because you are smaller than their mental image of you. If they don't comment, just be grateful they don't think of you at your highest weight!
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:07 AM   #9
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I always go out of my way to let people know when they look great. Especially the ladies! Not always weight related just "Wow, whatever you're doing keep it up. You look fantastic!"
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:13 AM   #10
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Depending on who's saying it I usually like hearing people comment on my loss. But I get the Reverse comments now too! I get the " Do Not lose anymore weight" I have had people comment that I have lost so much do I have an eatting disorder!? The Backhanded compliments about how I look Great BUT I could have lost the weight by eatting in Moderation instead of "giving up" foods! So I would rather just hear that I look good Or nothing at all right about now! Sad but 99% of the back handed compliments come from family members!
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:23 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ravenrose View Post
I think people are respecting your privacy when they don't comment. Gushing about weight loss is pretty much the same as saying how bad you were before. And since most of us regain it pretty fast, that just ends up leaving bad feelings.
Excellent summary. I had an experience like that where someone of the extended circle of friends (friend of a friend) who had never met me before, but who must have seen me in pictures gushed at the top of their voice while I was still at the door almost marveling at how much weight I lost, how it must be rewarded with praise to keep up the motivation to lose more.
Now that was even before the customary hug and perfunctory introduction. All it made me wonder was "now what did you really mean to say?
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:29 AM   #12
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i agree, comments on weight loss can be a two-edged sword. it's nice to get compliments that acknowlege your hard work on weight loss, but there are people who feel that they have a license to make other comments if you respond with anything more than a "thank you".

i prefer any comments made regarding my weight loss to be very general ... the "you look great" type.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:33 AM   #13
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Congratulations on your weight loss Garlic! Great job!

I appreciate it when the people closest to me mention that I'm losing. It feels like genuine validation because it's harder to notice when someone is around you every day.

For the rest, I agree with Aleina, it all depends on who is saying it and how they are saying it. While I appreciate compliments, I really don't like them broadcast in public like front page news. I am however forgiving of delivery if I feel the intent was good and just say "thanks" and keep it moving.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:36 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aleina View Post
Excellent summary. I had an experience like that where someone of the extended circle of friends (friend of a friend) who had never met me before, but who must have seen me in pictures gushed at the top of their voice while I was still at the door almost marveling at how much weight I lost, how it must be rewarded with praise to keep up the motivation to lose more.
Now that was even before the customary hug and perfunctory introduction. All it made me wonder was "now what did you really mean to say?
wow! talk about knowing how to give a backhanded compliment!
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:57 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin57 View Post
I always go out of my way to let people know when they look great. Especially the ladies! Not always weight related just "Wow, whatever you're doing keep it up. You look fantastic!"

Yes! That is more what I meant..... even though it is not what I posted.... though, I personally wouldn't mind if someone said "Looks like you have lost some weight". I am not one to get offended easily. And I think most political correctness is nonsense anyway, LOL.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:07 AM   #16
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Eventually, you might end up with the opposite problem...

If my weight moves even 5 lbs down now, its noticed.

Someone told me recently, "Oh You've lost more weight, cause I can see it in your face" ...Not a nice compliment

They will notice!! Dress to show case the "newer" you!! Hold your head high and strut your stuff
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:07 AM   #17
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I think a comment like "you look great" is generally fine. But getting too specific about weight loss starts treading into a risky area for offending people or worse if the weight loss had occurred due to an unfortunate medical condition.

I can count on one hand the times someone has given me a true compliment about weight... usually its fraught with backhanded compliments or actual criticism.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:36 AM   #18
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I just take whatever weight related comments I get with the best possible intentions in mind. I always assume, no matter how clumsy or blunt, that anyone who knows or cares about me means to pay a compliment (otherwise why would they waste their time?). It may not be true of all of them, but it certainly makes me happier to think that!
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:02 AM   #19
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I just take whatever weight related comments I get with the best possible intentions in mind. I always assume, no matter how clumsy or blunt, that anyone who knows or cares about me means to pay a compliment (otherwise why would they waste their time?). It may not be true of all of them, but it certainly makes me happier to think that!
I think that's an excellent policy! Maintain your own happiness and don't worry too much about others' intentions. They're probably way more complicated than you know, anyway.

As for people noticing, my experience is that it happens all at once --- and it's an avalanche of comments when it does. Hang in there. It's guaranteed once you reach a certain point, don't worry.
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:09 AM   #20
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I think that's an excellent policy! Maintain your own happiness and don't worry too much about others' intentions. They're probably way more complicated than you know, anyway.

As for people noticing, my experience is that it happens all at once --- and it's an avalanche of comments when it does. Hang in there. It's guaranteed once you reach a certain point, don't worry.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I didn't get any comments for a long time, but then people just wouldn't STOP commenting. At some point, it's too much, and you'd rather they just kept their comments to themselves, even when they're kind. It's a weird thing.
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:32 AM   #21
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If people want to convey that you look nice, they can simply say "You look wonderful!" or "You're looking great!" It doesn't have to be about weight, specifically. But if a friend or family member knew you were trying to lose weight and never acknowledged it at all, that seems kind of weird to me.

If someone I knew had made a noticeable change in her appearance, like growing her hair out or changing her style of clothes, I would say something. I wouldn't assume my compliment would be received as a veiled judgement that her previous hairstyle was awful or her clothing used to look shabby.
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:36 AM   #22
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Since January, I've lost about 36 pounds, going from size 14 to now wearing size 10 jeans and medium tops.

Only three people have said anything (not counting my dh): two of my employees, and a customer that I haven't seen in probably 10 months. But I know people notice (and I sure get a totally different reaction from some of our male customers. Kind of nice but kind of creepy at the same time )
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:51 AM   #23
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I like acknowledgement as long as it's not something my grandmother would say, like "You're not as fat as you used to be."
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:55 AM   #24
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I lost over 30 pounds before anyone really said anything. Now, it seems someone is saying something every time I turn around.

It doesn't bother me -- even the boneheaded "You've lost like what 100 pounds" or the "Where is your other half? You've literally lost like half of who you are." comments. Like Arctic Mama, I know they are intended as compliments even though I was never needing to lose 100 pounds or half my body weight.

Beachy
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:11 PM   #25
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People noticed when I lost cause my clothes were very baggy. Not many said much. But it was acknowledged a bit.

Now I have another problem. I got all new smaller sizes. Size 14. But a bit tight. SO the TIGHTER looking 14s actually make me look like I am getting heavier and wearing tighter clothes 16s are too big but the 14s are a bit tight----I finally ditched all loose clothes. Now into tighter clothes and my Mom said---hey are ya still losing? you look like you are putting some back on? WHAT THE? HAHA I told her my smaller new size is a bit tight but it won't be long before they are loose again and then you can say, yes! you are still losing. I found it funny she thought I might be gaining again.
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:15 PM   #26
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Trigger..... my brother, who I "think" is heavier than I am said "you look like your getting fatter" to me, when I was 40 pounds down. And he wasn't joking, so I said, "Maybe, but you used to be the "skinny" brother."
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:37 PM   #27
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It depends on my mood that day and how the person comes across when they are saying it to me. KWIM?
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:30 PM   #28
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I would totally want someone to say something. It feels good when someone acknowledges all your hard work. Of course, I don't care for when people ask if I have when I actually haven't because that makes me feel like they think I'm a fat slob. LOL! But that's probably a smidge of over sensitivity.
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:11 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin57 View Post
I always go out of my way to let people know when they look great. Especially the ladies! Not always weight related just "Wow, whatever you're doing keep it up. You look fantastic!"
Me too! Most people need a word of praise every so often!
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:16 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garlic View Post
Trigger..... my brother, who I "think" is heavier than I am said "you look like your getting fatter" to me, when I was 40 pounds down. And he wasn't joking, so I said, "Maybe, but you used to be the "skinny" brother."
You should say back to him "you look like you're getting uglier" to me.
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