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rubidoux 05-21-2013 06:37 PM

ugh, crash and burn :(
 
That kinda says it all. :sad: I was really hoping that I was getting stronger and becoming immune to this sort of thing and I really hate it that I can't rely on myself to behave. :sad::sad::sad: I wish I knew how to shore myself up. Any ideas? I guess heroin addicts have to walk around in the world knowing they could mess up at any moment and this is no different, eh? :sad:

I'm gonna reread some brain over binge tonight. Today was the first binge-like behavior I've had since I read it at the beginning of january, which is actually a good long streak for me.

Of course my plan is to get right back on tomorrow (well, now, I don't have any binge-worthy food in the house, thank goodness!). Wish me luck.

Patience 05-21-2013 06:44 PM

Good luck, of course! :hugs:
Any idea what tripped you up?

rubidoux 05-21-2013 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bella (Post 16434712)
Good luck, of course! :hugs:
Any idea what tripped you up?

I wish I knew exactly what it was! There are some things that I think may have contributed, so maybe it was one or all of them together... One major thing is that I've had no appetite for a long time and I think I was not eating enough and then I started getting kinda hungry but eating the same stuff bc I was afraid to accommodate my hunger, iykwim. So, maybe I kind of let that build up. I've also been working out really hard (for me), which I think makes me a little weaker willed at times. It gives me a boost that often carries me through and makes it easier to make good decisions, but it also leaves me tired and with less energy to fight off the bad urges. I also just bought myself some new clothes, which I always feel is a jinx. lol Sounds stupid, I know, but I think sometimes that kind of thinking is self-fulfilling. Also, I was just about to a 50 pound loss (like 47.5) and was a hair over half way to my goal, and I think in a way it's hard to be right in the middle. I've been working on it for a looooong time and I'm still pretty far from goal and it's not so exciting to be right in the middle, yk?

So, anyway, you see there are several possibilities...

What I really wish was that there was some way to take care of this problem and have it taken care of. It's too freaking hard to have to be good all the time for the rest of your life. It's, like, nearly impossible. But each time I fall off, it's like having to start all over again, in terms of getting out of my system and getting back to ketosis and all. :sad:

Patience 05-21-2013 07:19 PM

Well you are not really starting over, but I can understand the disappointment.
I'd wager it was being hungry and tired that got you, not the clothes.
I hoping you feel a whole lot better in the morning.

mountaingirl 05-21-2013 07:55 PM

you know, it's okay! Forgive yourself, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on. Tomorrow is another day... in fact, THIS is another fresh hour within which you can make good decisions. So you blew it? Onward from here and don't get overwhelmed by the big picture. Think of how far you've come! and how satisfying it is to feel better! Focus on the better food choices and how great your new clothes feel.... and how nice you will look when you have lost even more weight! You can do it!

cfine 05-21-2013 08:24 PM

Oh Rubidoux, I feel your pain! I ave been on a five day binge fest and feel awful! We shall get back on the wagon together :)

rubidoux 05-21-2013 09:04 PM

Aww, thanks you guys! Mountaingirl, I know you're right. :) And cfine, tomorrow we'll do it! I swear!!! Normally I don't plan a menu ahead of time, but I think I will for the next couple of days just so I don't have to think too much...

Blue Skies 05-21-2013 09:57 PM

rubidoux, are we talking about just a day or two of "binging?" And what do you consider binging, per say? I ask because I find many here consider a couple of off plan treats a binge. Sometimes I think we all need to define for ourselves exactly what a "binge" is and not use it hyperbolically when we've really only been eating off plan here and there for a day or two.

For instance, a binge for me would be if I'd polished off a bag of potato chips, or a package of cookies, or half of a baguette w/butter and jam. But if I just had a piece of pie, or a helping of potatoes, I'd call it definitely off plan, but not a binge per say.

Although LC keeps our appetites lower, I have found on certain days I'm hungry nevertheless. Not real hunger, but hunger for the foods I like and am no longer eating. I avoid giving into that kind of "hunger" for the better part, because I DO plan for treats on my LC woe, and if it's planned for I don't call it a cheat. As long as I know there's a treat in my future, I can say no today. And I'm not miserly w/my treat allowance. Doesn't matter how or when I do it, suffice to say it works for me. And because I don't stay so rigid w/myself, I often pass up a treat I told myself I could have. It's all a big head game, the most important part of which is figuring out how to stay in the driver's seat, and imo, we don't do that by demanding perfection from ourselves. In fact, when we do that we often open the trap door to trouble. I don't think many of us EVER get "immune" from the desire for a treat---best to not let that accumulate till it blows us over.

You have done SO WELL, for SO LONG, this is really just a little blip on a big chart. But it is good to evaluate why this happened without you planning on it. The hard work out thing is one thing to look at. It's a known fact that exercising makes you hungry. So if you're going to do that, have a plan that allows for it.

And yes, DO plan your menu for the next day or two. That will get you back on track and give some structure to your commitment to get back on plan.

This can all be good if you learn from it, and figure out how to be fair w/yourself when it comes to the demands you are asking of yourself. You're going to do just fine. Back on plan, all the wiser, right?

Deosil 05-21-2013 10:30 PM

Don't be discouraged! You have done amazingly and I can only hope to get to where you are one day!! You never know, maybe the binge will actually kick you into more weight loss. You will get back on track and perhaps push that little bit extra. Either way I wouldn't beat yourself up about it just get back on track asap! *hugs* :)

Trillex 05-21-2013 10:46 PM

Awww... Don't beat yourself up, Jayne! You don't have to be perfect! Just getting from January through, basically, the end of May is a huge accomplishment. And you should be proud of the progress you've made. With all of the hormones involved in dietary changes, and emotions, and behavioral cues, any dietary plan is a constant struggle and you've been fighting like a champ!

Luca 05-22-2013 03:16 AM

I just had a 3 day binge that started on Saturday and ended on Monday.
I was also doing so well and I agree, I sort of feel like an addict of sorts.

All I can do is give you :console:

And someone said to me in the grand scheme of it all 3 days does not have to undo the year(s) of hard work -if I DO NOT let it.

I am determined. Stay strong.

baileygirl3 05-22-2013 03:55 AM

We all have days like that. Try not to beat yourself up to hard. We are all human after all. Today is a new day and a fresh start! You can do this!!! You have done great so far, so don't let that one lil slip up determine how this is gonna go down, you got it in control, you know you do!! Just remember, if this WOE is gonna become your WOL, you are bound to have slip up from time to time, you just have to know when to get back on the wagon

clackley 05-22-2013 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubidoux (Post 16434824)
Aww, thanks you guys! Mountaingirl, I know you're right. :) And cfine, tomorrow we'll do it! I swear!!! Normally I don't plan a menu ahead of time, but I think I will for the next couple of days just so I don't have to think too much...

Sorry you are struggling. There are many strategies that help and it is a journey finding those that are right for you. You mention the menu planning and for me that one is of great importance. Maybe think of joining us on the daily 'what are you eating?' thread?

sweetpoison 05-22-2013 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubidoux (Post 16434701)
That kinda says it all. :sad: I was really hoping that I was getting stronger and becoming immune to this sort of thing and I really hate it that I can't rely on myself to behave. :sad::sad::sad: I wish I knew how to shore myself up. Any ideas? I guess heroin addicts have to walk around in the world knowing they could mess up at any moment and this is no different, eh? :sad:

I'm gonna reread some brain over binge tonight. Today was the first binge-like behavior I've had since I read it at the beginning of january, which is actually a good long streak for me.

Of course my plan is to get right back on tomorrow (well, now, I don't have any binge-worthy food in the house, thank goodness!). Wish me luck.

Right there with you.... but the difference between a herion addiction and carbs (food) is you do not need herion to live..... we do have to eat.

SweetMe678 05-22-2013 08:40 AM

You are only human, and things like this happen!

It must be going around! I did it too on Sunday. A chain had 2 for $4 burgers that I love (and can love without the bun) But I ate the whole 2 of them after a super long stressful exhausting day at work with only 3 hours of sleep the night before.

Then

I stopped at another place and ate two more (really?!?) I was so stuffed I couldn't move, but I also felt like I HAD to eat them to hide the evidence. :D

My remedy is to buy myself bacon, burger and lettuce and eat eat eat that until I'm either not craving, or back in ketosis and not craving.

And oh my gosh! Just under 50 pound loss is phenomenal! I wish I was there, but I took that whole two month break Feb and Jan.

rubidoux 05-22-2013 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Skies (Post 16434850)
rubidoux, are we talking about just a day or two of "binging?" And what do you consider binging, per say? I ask because I find many here consider a couple of off plan treats a binge. Sometimes I think we all need to define for ourselves exactly what a "binge" is and not use it hyperbolically when we've really only been eating off plan here and there for a day or two.

For instance, a binge for me would be if I'd polished off a bag of potato chips, or a package of cookies, or half of a baguette w/butter and jam. But if I just had a piece of pie, or a helping of potatoes, I'd call it definitely off plan, but not a binge per say.

Although LC keeps our appetites lower, I have found on certain days I'm hungry nevertheless. Not real hunger, but hunger for the foods I like and am no longer eating. I avoid giving into that kind of "hunger" for the better part, because I DO plan for treats on my LC woe, and if it's planned for I don't call it a cheat. As long as I know there's a treat in my future, I can say no today. And I'm not miserly w/my treat allowance. Doesn't matter how or when I do it, suffice to say it works for me. And because I don't stay so rigid w/myself, I often pass up a treat I told myself I could have. It's all a big head game, the most important part of which is figuring out how to stay in the driver's seat, and imo, we don't do that by demanding perfection from ourselves. In fact, when we do that we often open the trap door to trouble. I don't think many of us EVER get "immune" from the desire for a treat---best to not let that accumulate till it blows us over.

This can all be good if you learn from it, and figure out how to be fair w/yourself when it comes to the demands you are asking of yourself. You're going to do just fine. Back on plan, all the wiser, right?

I find the Q of whether or not this was a "binge" kind of interesting. I have seen definitions that are calorie based, like 2000 calories in < 45 min or something along those lines (don't take my numbers to heart as I'm going off memory). By that sort of definition this was not a binge. I also have seen real life descriptions of binges that are way worse than what I'm talking about, involving many more than 2000 calories, like multiple large packages of chips, cookies, ice cream and more for one binge in a relatively short period of time. And almost always in these discriptions there is a time component -- the food is eaten really fast and usually the person eating is almost dazed, kind of tuned out, not even enjoying the food.

I'm more like a serial over-eater. Yesterday was by no means a particularly bad episode for me. I think my normal every day eating before doing low carb was as bad or worse, day after day. So yesterday I had a bagel w cream cheese at Einstein's Bagels but didn't feel particularly satisfied (as is always the case after I eat carbs), so I went next door to Starbucks and got a pumpkin scone and a coffee. At that point I decided I was done and I was gonna nip it in the bud, etc. two hours later I tested my blood sugar and it wasn't too bad and I thought, phew, I'm almost recovered from this, doing good! Ten minutes later I looked up and saw this guy eating a chicken thing from L&L Hawaiian BBQ and it was like not even a decision, it was like I just floated into freaking L&L. I got myself a small fried chick and fries meal, ate maybe 1/4 of it and decided I'm DONE, resolved to have no food other than a salmon burger for dinner if I need it. Then I went for my big workout and then to pick up my nine year old from school, who is begging me to stop at our fave taco stand. Sigh... At first I said no, then picked up my little one, and thought, eh, my whole day is screwed, I may as well. So we shared some carne Assad dies and I ate most of a plain flour tortilla (these are insanely carby, just paste really). Then 20 min after we're done I decided I needed a choc bar, had two.

So now that I've written that down, I'm gonna say yes, it was a binge. I do think some bingers would have eaten that same amount of food in an hour and a half and I spread it out over the day. But still... I would not be surprised if it was five days worth of calories.

I wish I could do the planned treat thing. I have really tried to do it and there are strategies that make me more likely to succeed w it (like doing it late in the day). But eating carbs really reawakens my addiction and I feel like I have to dry out all over again. This is somewhat dose-dependent, the more I have the worse it is. But I think just having a little can set me off.

Blue Skies 05-22-2013 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubidoux (Post 16435526)
I find the Q of whether or not this was a "binge" kind of interesting. I have seen definitions that are calorie based, like 2000 calories in < 45 min or something along those lines (don't take my numbers to heart as I'm going off memory). By that sort of definition this was not a binge. I also have seen real life descriptions of binges that are way worse than what I'm talking about, involving many more than 2000 calories, like multiple large packages of chips, cookies, ice cream and more for one binge in a relatively short period of time. And almost always in these discriptions there is a time component -- the food is eaten really fast and usually the person eating is almost dazed, kind of tuned out, not even enjoying the food.

I'm more like a serial over-eater. Yesterday was by no means a particularly bad episode for me. I think my normal every day eating before doing low carb was as bad or worse, day after day. So yesterday I had a bagel w cream cheese at Einstein's Bagels but didn't feel particularly satisfied (as is always the case after I eat carbs), so I went next door to Starbucks and got a pumpkin scone and a coffee. At that point I decided I was done and I was gonna nip it in the bud, etc. two hours later I tested my blood sugar and it wasn't too bad and I thought, phew, I'm almost recovered from this, doing good! Ten minutes later I looked up and saw this guy eating a chicken thing from L&L Hawaiian BBQ and it was like not even a decision, it was like I just floated into freaking L&L. I got myself a small fried chick and fries meal, ate maybe 1/4 of it and decided I'm DONE, resolved to have no food other than a salmon burger for dinner if I need it. Then I went for my big workout and then to pick up my nine year old from school, who is begging me to stop at our fave taco stand. Sigh... At first I said no, then picked up my little one, and thought, eh, my whole day is screwed, I may as well. So we shared some carne Assad dies and I ate most of a plain flour tortilla (these are insanely carby, just paste really). Then 20 min after we're done I decided I needed a choc bar, had two.

So now that I've written that down, I'm gonna say yes, it was a binge. I do think some bingers would have eaten that same amount of food in an hour and a half and I spread it out over the day. But still... I would not be surprised if it was five days worth of calories.

I wish I could do the planned treat thing. I have really tried to do it and there are strategies that make me more likely to succeed w it (like doing it late in the day). But eating carbs really reawakens my addiction and I feel like I have to dry out all over again. This is somewhat dose-dependent, the more I have the worse it is. But I think just having a little can set me off.

So yeah, ok, that was a bit of a binge, particularly considering how you have been eating and doing so well at it. Well, that was yesterday, and yesterday's gone. The box that's always empty, ready to be filled w/new decisions is today and tomorrow.

I understand that carbs set some people off, and you have to know yourself in this regard. However, I also think prolonged deprivation can accumulate in a binge---the kind you experienced when you just "floated" through it w/out being aware of making any decisions. Perhaps you could experiment w/an occassional night time snack---starting off w/ things that taste sweet, but are fine on the plan. Like a cream soda---tangerine diet rite and cream, yum. Or say some So Delicious cocounut milk ice cream---a soop is only about 4 carbs. Then every great once in a while, maybe you add in a real carb as a small treat, again late in the day.

I know for myself that if I thought I was never going to have any of the off plan foods I love again, I'd go sliding down the shoot right off the wagon. Knowing that every now and then I will have those things again --- not a day of them, but one meal where I have a treat or two---keeps me committed to my plan. It's all a head game and our challenge is really more about our brains than our stomachs, our taste buds, or our appetities.

rubidoux 05-22-2013 12:48 PM

I hope that ultimately I am able to have sweets as a very occasional treat. Right now, they scare me. :sad: I do have thing like dark chocolate and mascarpone w a little truvia now and then and they don't set me off. I am wondering about some So Delicious, if I can find the sugar free kind. I think I'd like to get a couple of good weeks under my belt before I experiment, though.

Today I am going to treat myself to something yummy, though. I'm gonna go now to walk along the waterfront downtown and hopefully to buy a pair of sanuk flip flops (dying for a pair of these!) and then after I'm gonna go to wings-n-things for some buffalo wings and blue cheese. :) I have had a stressful day already and I need some d*mned treats! lol Mostly I'm thinking of those flip flops as my treat, though. Non-food treats are better.

So, my day was stressful bc I went to the doctor bc I had an ear infection almost TWO WEEKS ago and I still cannot hear out of my right ear! It's terrible. I've been to a couple of parties and other social gatherings and I cannot hear anyone standing on my right side. I can't hear my kid in the backseat of the car. It's really a huge pita. So, I was hoping the doc would do that procedure where they slit your eardrum to relieve the pressure, which I'm pretty sure is exactly what I need. But no dice. :cry: She sending me to an ENT doc, which will take g*d knows how long to get into. BUT while I'm there, she decides to do a freaking EKG (have had this problem of heart rate being through the roof since I was 20 that I finally got the nerve up to talk to her about today, what was I thinking???) and all kinds of lab work. Cripes! Like I really wanna have this done immediately after my worst eating day in five months. :cry:

Anyway, thank goodness, EKG turned out fine and heart rate was only 78. A doctor that I worked for told me, when I was 23, so 20 years ago, that the problem was not that my heart rate was high but that the techs were counting it wrong bc you could hear a little something extra, but that something extra was actually a healthy thing. I think that maybe he was right and the EKG machine was counting accurately, doc was not (she had counted it is a bit over 100). But anyhow... although it turned out all well and good (at least till I get the lab results), it was sooooo stressful! I was sure she was gonna come back and tell me my days were numbered. lol

Alright.... cfine and Luca and all those struggling to get back on plan... I hope you're having a good day!

llisarray 05-22-2013 12:55 PM

I'm a carboholic....one carb and I'm done. I didn't use to be that way because I started off on the CAD and did great. But this is what I have evolved to. It's strictly a mind game with me and I can't handle a carb. I have gone crazy before and will surely do it again :( Jump back on the lc wagon, the quicker the better. You CAN do it.

Blue Skies 05-22-2013 04:08 PM

rubidoux---I SO get the Dr. stress. OMG, I'm a nervous wreck every time I go in for a physical. You get to a point in life where you stop believing nothing can happen to you---that's for the very young and seemingly invincible. So good the tests you've gotten back so far are good!

I hope you got yourself those hot new sandals, and enjoyed your chicken wings. Small joys mean a lot, and life is more than a low carb woe. I just know you're going to get back on plan and this will just be a blip on a long road to success. You've come so far, I just know you're going to figure out how to keep on that good path.

Mistizoom 05-22-2013 05:43 PM

Sorry you had a stressful day again today. I hope things start getting better tomorrow and you are able to stick with the way you want to eat.

cfine 05-22-2013 07:27 PM

Rubidoux, I hate to admit it, but I've had another crappy eating day. I can't get my head on straight. I truly have an addiction and its been in full ON mode! Argh! I am determined that tomorrow will be a good day.

aishka_g 05-22-2013 10:14 PM

Sanuk flip-flops are the BEST. Enjoy!

Port_louis 05-23-2013 04:27 AM

Don't worry ! I had half a pizza the other night :D

Punkin 05-23-2013 05:06 AM

I used to be susceptible to bingeing and have always been a chronic over-eater, after all, that is how I put on so much weight. Since I have been LC I haven't really had a binge episode although I have had a couple of days of over-eating. I find that if I choose to over-eat on LC options as opposed HC options I find two things happen: it doesn't trigger a full on binge, and also the next day I eat less which tends to balance out the extra calories that I consumed the day before. For example instead of snacking on cheesies or baked goods, I choose high fat cheese, nuts or even something like a ceaser salad with no croutons. Or chicken wings with no sauce. I have also done an iced coffee with 1/2 cup table cream and a bit of regular coffee with ice. Its over eating, but I end up being full from all the fat, so I don't go nuts and keep eating. Maybe try that next time you feel the urge, binge on something that is high fat, very low carb and see what happens.

rubidoux 05-23-2013 10:53 AM

Punkin, I think I have only over eaten low carb foods once in the last couple of years, and that was BBQ habenero almonds, which I'm sure have a touch of sugar in them. So yummy though! I steer clear now.

Cfine, I hope today's going better. I did well yesterday but had a rocky start this morning (woke up w very low blood sugar, gah). I am getting a pedicure right now. We're kinda tight on money but I swear I have gotten myself practically every treat I can think of. I think I'll feel like I just can't cheat, yk?

4myfuture 05-23-2013 10:57 AM

Just remember how far you've come, you are a success.

trishthedish 05-23-2013 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubidoux (Post 16434737)
What I really wish was that there was some way to take care of this problem and have it taken care of. It's too freaking hard to have to be good all the time for the rest of your life. It's, like, nearly impossible. But each time I fall off, it's like having to start all over again, in terms of getting out of my system and getting back to ketosis and all.


I am a binge eater/compulsive eater. I will share my perspective but take it or leave it as I firmly believe each journey is unique.

The turning point in my relationship with food came when I recognized this problem with never be ‘taken care of’ or ‘cured’. It can be managed, like many other chronic health issues. I also think it is important to realize management of this issue does not equate being ‘good all the time for the rest of your life’. In fact, I think I made the most growth in this area when I realized it was NOTHING about being perfect. It was about doing my best one choice at a time and them moving FORWARD. It is about how you react to an unhealthy choice, not about avoiding unhealthy choices altogether.

Please reconsider the way you label your behaviors with food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. There is healthy and unhealthy. There is on plan and off plan… but these are only choices and you only make them one at a time. You NEVER have to start all over when you are not on a diet. When you are living a healthier lifestyle one day at a time, you always have your next choice to do better. Nothing starts, nothing stops… it just keeps flowing live a river.

Again, if this doesn’t apply to you I understand. I only shared with the hopes that even one of the things that have helped me might help you. I do feel for you as I have been in this state of mind before and it wreaks havoc physically and psychologically. :console:

In a nutshell, keep on keeping on.

rubidoux 05-23-2013 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trishthedish (Post 16437356)
I am a binge eater/compulsive eater. I will share my perspective but take it or leave it as I firmly believe each journey is unique.

The turning point in my relationship with food came when I recognized this problem with never be ‘taken care of’ or ‘cured’. It can be managed, like many other chronic health issues. I also think it is important to realize management of this issue does not equate being ‘good all the time for the rest of your life’. In fact, I think I made the most growth in this area when I realized it was NOTHING about being perfect. It was about doing my best one choice at a time and them moving FORWARD. It is about how you react to an unhealthy choice, not about avoiding unhealthy choices altogether.

Please reconsider the way you label your behaviors with food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. There is healthy and unhealthy. There is on plan and off plan… but these are only choices and you only make them one at a time. You NEVER have to start all over when you are not on a diet. When you are living a healthier lifestyle one day at a time, you always have your next choice to do better. Nothing starts, nothing stops… it just keeps flowing live a river.

Again, if this doesn’t apply to you I understand. I only shared with the hopes that even one of the things that have helped me might help you. I do feel for you as I have been in this state of mind before and it wreaks havoc physically and psychologically. :console:

In a nutshell, keep on keeping on.

Thanks for your perspective, Trish! Your stats are so awesome! I am sure you've learned a thing or two! :)

I think my problem with being alright with the idea of "managing" this problem is that I have felt like I was really on top of things before only to seriously crash and burn, for like a year. It was a year (or so) of practically every day feeling horrible about it and promising myself that tomorrow (or some other day in the near future) was going to be the day that I got back on track. So, I feel as if I cannot count on being okay next week and the week after. If I fall off the wagon for a day or a week here and there, I don't think it will do me any long term harm, but I have now had type I for more than 20 years and I have damaged my body in ways that I don't think can be repaired, which is so scary to me. And I am so scared that one of these days I'm going to fall off the wagon, not be able to get things turned back around, and then really do damage -- and, well, ultimately, die a slow terrible death.

So, I am happy for every day that I do well, and each day that I am able to stay on plan, I feel stronger and more like this is doable. And then I screw up and it really scares me. :sad:

I think the part that makes me feel like I have to start over is just that I have to make that leap from carb-eater to not-carb-eater, which can take a day or a year and I never know which till I've done it. And its way harder to do that than to just continue on plan.

Casey 05-23-2013 06:29 PM

My feelings exactly, Trish.. I'm a former bulimic / anorexic and I realized that it developed as a way to be in control... Striving for perfection. You are so right... It's one choice at a time. I still experience a binge episode that is like an out of body experience... But I minimize it by eating strict induction food for a few days... And things are back to normal. The time between binges has expanded and each extra day is a victory. I'm in my early 50's and I've struggled with this since I was a teenager. I would,give anything to have a "normal" relationship with food.


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