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jazills 03-28-2013 10:25 PM

Haunted by my weight...
 
I've always been a hefty girl. My first go around on LC I wasn't conscious of my weight, I just knew I had to lose a certain number of pounds to be able to join the Navy. Ok I did, got in the Navy. NOW I'm out of the Navy, new career, new me BUT 50lbs heavier than I was. I'm really haunted by how skinny I was before. I try to put myself in a mindset that I'm doing this now for my health and not for the size 5 I was. I catch myself though being real picky about wanting to get back down to that.

ALSO my weight was such a BIG deal in the Navy, I'm am 10x more judgmental toward myself because of that experience. I had a really hard time with my weight while serving and it haunts me as well. Not everyone was super-fit in the Navy but I was labeled the fat kid because I was a little heavier than the average sailor. I'm not under the pressure anymore but I'm not healed from it either. I still feel like I have to perform up to a certain level for me to be acceptable even for myself.

I wish this would go away, and I just want to be healthy--not necessarily skinny. I'm doing this as a lifetime thing and not just for the here and now. My heart knows this my mind is telling me I'm still under the control of other people.

kiwistars 03-28-2013 11:44 PM

I know what you mean but mine is created by my own inner comments not those of anyone else.I just told myself that as I was happiest and most socially popular when I was skinny it was because of my size so therefore if I am not a size 8 I'm not cool or able to have fun etc.
It might not be so logical but I don't think we totally use our conscious minds when it comes to this stuff.
I guess we just have to keep telling ourselves what we wish to believe until we do.

rubidoux 03-28-2013 11:56 PM

I have very little in the way of expectations about this weight loss, but I've been surprised at how much better I feel in all sorts of ways just being *smaller*. I'm not small by any means. I'm still at a BMI of 35. But it's such a world of difference from 35 pounds ago. I wonder if the size five thing won't seem as important when you get 20 or 30 pounds into it and see how much better you feel and are able to buy smaller clothes. I hope so!

You look just gorgeous in your picture, btw!

kiwistars 03-29-2013 12:16 AM

funnily enough I am looking forward to losing the weight then having a few minor domestic disasters or socially awkward situations while skinny.This might teach me for the future that my weight is a matter of health and secondly aesthetics.Nothing else :)

3fatcats 03-29-2013 01:39 AM

I have nothing to tell you that you don't already know, but I can give you laughter therapy. Do a search for 'Bob Newhart therapist Mad TV'. It's a short video. He'll straighten you right out! *HUGS* Cheapest and best therapist ever!

Dani

mom23kids 03-29-2013 04:45 AM

:hugs:

Julie1972 03-29-2013 04:56 AM

Try to celebrate your smaller victories! Set short term goals and reward yourself for achieving them. If I focus too much on my long term goals they can sometimes feel insurmountable and that can lead to negative feelings. I joined the monthly challenges (currently on March Challenge) in the Atkins Induction forum and that has really helped me stay focused on short term/realistic goals and it helps me stay motivated. It really helps me to have a group of people sharing their daily challenges/success. We would love to have you join us!! Try to focus on the positive and enjoy the journey!! :)


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