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Old 02-14-2013, 05:39 AM   #61
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creseis View Post
That is a mean thing for her to say. You should let her know how it made you feel, stand up for yourself and show her your boundaries. It's just not right for her to treat you that way, even if she does have her own personal challenges. Don't talk to her unless she's willing to be nice and more supportive, and tell her that you won't go to dinner with her unless she is more respectful. You deserve respect, even if you're on the cabbage diet! You deserve respect because you are a decent person who is nice to her (I'm guessing), no matter her choices, and she should treat you the same. This is only going to continue or get worse if you do nothing, and LC is hard enough. Honestly, all of my friends have been very supportive of me in this, even if they disagree. We have had civilized discussions about it and most of them are very encouraging. You deserve the same.

People come into and out of our lives throughout our lifetimes, and sometimes we have control over this in order to make positive changes and get rid of the negativity in our lives. I'm not saying that you need to never see this friend again, but you can set boundaries.
Thank you for the support and nice insight. I agree with everything you said here....
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:46 AM   #62
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You've gotten some really great advice! All I can add is maybe start a journal and write in it every day. It's really comforting to go back and read about your trials and tribulations and keeps you honest during your weight loss journey.
Oh and come here for more support! Sometimes internet hugs are more honest and fulfilling than you think!

Best of luck to you SadieJack! You're doing great!
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:52 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by 1sweettea1 View Post
You've gotten some really great advice! All I can add is maybe start a journal and write in it every day. It's really comforting to go back and read about your trials and tribulations and keeps you honest during your weight loss journey.
Oh and come here for more support! Sometimes internet hugs are more honest and fulfilling than you think!

Best of luck to you SadieJack! You're doing great!
Awwww...thanks. Great idea about the journal. I have been thinking of journaling just in general... now I can include the weight loss struggle as well.

This past year (2012) was just hell. My kitty of 18 years died, my mom died, my grandmother died the very next day and then my brother almost died from a huge heart attack. This all really knocked me for a loop and I put weight loss on the back burner. I really need all the support I can get at this point. I am glad there are such caring supportive folks on this site. Thanks!
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:10 AM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadieJack View Post
Awwww...thanks. Great idea about the journal. I have been thinking of journaling just in general... now I can include the weight loss struggle as well.

This past year (2012) was just hell. My kitty of 18 years died, my mom died, my grandmother died the very next day and then my brother almost died from a huge heart attack. This all really knocked me for a loop and I put weight loss on the back burner. I really need all the support I can get at this point. I am glad there are such caring supportive folks on this site. Thanks!
I'm so sorry for your losses.

You're doing great, don't let any negativity deter you.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:27 AM   #65
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I read your original post, the responses, and your update, and I am honestly kind of surprised at how many people seemed to think you were in the wrong. This "friend" sounds jealous, insecure, and downright mean.

You should be able to talk about what is going on in your life with your friend without the sarcasm or snide remarks. If she doesn't want to talk about diet - ok, fine - you guys can talk about something else (which you seem open to), but she needs to stop with the comments then as well. If she feels you are being high and mighty about it, then she should TELL you that instead of being passive aggressive and resentful. That's what friends do...they TALK about things and support each other - not say hurtful things and try to sabotage your efforts. How can you understand where she's coming from when she's been nothing but snide about it? Why should you even bother trying to see it from her point of view? (Meaning, why bother digging into why she's acting the way she's acting when she can't be grown up enough to TALK to you about whatever her issue may be).

You are allowed to be excited about dieting, results, working out, etc, and she should be happy for you. Ok, she didn't want to get involved this time in your quest for thinness - that doesn't mean she gets to be a snit about it and try to sabotage you.

I would limit my time with her.

ETA: Even if the real reason she is upset is that she's bothered by the fact that you are doing something that she can't (dieting), that just proves what a petty person she must really be. She should only be upset with herself for not being able to do it - she should not take it out on you. Again, that's not what a true friend would do. She should be happy for you regardless.
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Last edited by DD80; 02-14-2013 at 09:31 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:51 AM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadieJack View Post
I have a friend who I've known for 20 years now who is becoming a real downer. Both of us are over weight and we used to eat out together quite a bit (which is probably how we got so fat). She is a TexMex freak. I like it, but not everyday!

Anyway...I told her I was doing the low carb and trying to lose weight. I started working out again at my health club. She is not very encouraging. She just kind of "grunts" when I tell her of my weight loss and changes the subject. No encouragement at all. I have tried to get her to go to her health club (which she pays dues on every month), but she won't go.

I know the psychology behind this.... jealousy, etc. But it is still making me upset. I don't want to lose our friendship, but she is really dragging me down.

Thoughts?
Seems people always jump to this conclusion.... but it's not necessarily right, or sometimes just a small portion of the story. People do get tired of hearing other people talk about diet.... as a couple of others put it... boooring! ... could be that she found company with you enjoying food without thinking about nutrition refreshing and now you are "just like everyone else" who does show concern over it. Or, it could be that she's in denial (burrying head in the sand so she can enjoy the endulgences without "guilt") and you are bursting her bubble. I would say, back off from the subject with that friend and don't "dump" her, but do find friends who will support you on this journey and get as excited about it as you are. Just my 2 cents.
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Last edited by Maryposa; 02-14-2013 at 10:02 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:06 AM   #67
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Just read the update and ya, that was not a nice reaction on her part. Still, I say sounds defensive rather than jealous. The thing that bothers me about people assuming jealousy is EXACTLY related to your friend's reaction... your assumption that she is jealous, if she sesnses that, implies to the other person that you think there is something "better" about what you are doing. If she responded "how noble of you" (i'm picturing a role of the eyes going along with the statement) to me, that implies that she thinks that you think she is jealous, or that you think you are "better" in some way.

Either way, I hope over time things settle and you both get used to the adjustments you'll have to make to the way you relate.

Last edited by Maryposa; 02-14-2013 at 10:30 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:20 AM   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DD80 View Post
I read your original post, the responses, and your update, and I am honestly kind of surprised at how many people seemed to think you were in the wrong. This "friend" sounds jealous, insecure, and downright mean.

You should be able to talk about what is going on in your life with your friend without the sarcasm or snide remarks. If she doesn't want to talk about diet - ok, fine - you guys can talk about something else (which you seem open to), but she needs to stop with the comments then as well. If she feels you are being high and mighty about it, then she should TELL you that instead of being passive aggressive and resentful. That's what friends do...they TALK about things and support each other - not say hurtful things and try to sabotage your efforts. How can you understand where she's coming from when she's been nothing but snide about it? Why should you even bother trying to see it from her point of view? (Meaning, why bother digging into why she's acting the way she's acting when she can't be grown up enough to TALK to you about whatever her issue may be).

You are allowed to be excited about dieting, results, working out, etc, and she should be happy for you. Ok, she didn't want to get involved this time in your quest for thinness - that doesn't mean she gets to be a snit about it and try to sabotage you.

I would limit my time with her.

ETA: Even if the real reason she is upset is that she's bothered by the fact that you are doing something that she can't (dieting), that just proves what a petty person she must really be. She should only be upset with herself for not being able to do it - she should not take it out on you. Again, that's not what a true friend would do. She should be happy for you regardless.
I agree totally with this post.

SadieJack, someone mentioned "if you value her friendship", but WOW, that works both ways. She needs to value YOUR friendship.

You don't need snide petty cruel remarks from her - she's not a friend! She's trying to sabotage your efforts for her own internal reasons for this - jealously or whatever - but that's her problem to deal with. You have enough on your plate.

God Bless!
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:54 AM   #69
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My best friend is almost half a foot shorter than me. I have matched down to my best friend's BMI, and I am closing in on his weight. There used to be a hundred pound difference between us. When I catch down to his weight, I think it will motivate him to stop being a slob about his eating habits. He has tried dieting with me and was successful, but he falls off the wagon regularly which causes him to binge and gain more than he lost.

My ex-girlfriend on the other hand was crushed by my weight loss success. I think it was a big factor in our failed relationship. I made it look so easy, and she has no self-control. I tried to help her. She just got frustrated and pushed me away.

If the people in your life don't want to be a part of you being the best that you can be, find new people to put in your life. Life is too short for any kind of avoidable negativity.
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:21 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by LowCarbine View Post
My best friend is almost half a foot shorter than me. I have matched down to my best friend's BMI, and I am closing in on his weight. There used to be a hundred pound difference between us. When I catch down to his weight, I think it will motivate him to stop being a slob about his eating habits. He has tried dieting with me and was successful, but he falls off the wagon regularly which causes him to binge and gain more than he lost.

My ex-girlfriend on the other hand was crushed by my weight loss success. I think it was a big factor in our failed relationship. I made it look so easy, and she has no self-control. I tried to help her. She just got frustrated and pushed me away.

If the people in your life don't want to be a part of you being the best that you can be, find new people to put in your life. Life is too short for any kind of avoidable negativity.
Men tend to lose weight faster than women for a number of reasons that have nothing to do with self-control. Women typically have more body fat and less muscle, which means their metabolic rate is lower. Having higher levels of female hormones can really mess with a woman's appetite and also cause her to retain fluid, which shows up on the scale.

Women can certainly lose weight despite these obstacles, but I can understand why your ex-gf may have felt frustrated and wanted to give up after seeing slower progress.
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Old 02-15-2013, 07:19 AM   #71
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I understand that men typically shed pounds easier than women. She has no self-control. I wasn't saying anything about the self-control or ability to lose weight of women in general. She had no progress, because she had no diet change or exercise. She continued to eat junk while I ate low carb. Her weight was the least of the factors that turned her into someone I couldn't be with. I don't dislike big girls. Sometimes I prefer them. My point was my best friend entered friendly competition with me while my girlfriend became unbearably negative in spite of my progress.
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Old 02-15-2013, 07:40 AM   #72
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Sadly, sometimes you have to reevaluate friendships. We grow a lot in 20 years, and not always in the same direction. I have had to do this recently, and found that I really have very little in common with my "old friends" and family. Try to have a place in mind to suggest when eating out comes up again, maybe someplace new. Maybe you really don't have anything else to talk about... You may have to focus your energy on more supportive relationship. But don't try to fix her.
This.
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