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Old 01-29-2013, 05:37 PM   #1
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So disappointed in myself.....

I am feeling so deflated and disappointed in myself - my first born was just married and the photos are now available on the photographers website....I never lost any of my weight and attended the wedding at my heaviest....I am so ashamed of the pictures - I feel that as long as I live I will regret how I looked, (look) I feel embarrassed, worthless - I know this day was not about me please know that -

I have been nervous about seeing them (the pictures) of course not of everyone else - but myself....and sure enough - I just want (again) erase myself out of the pictures....I have been avoiding full length mirrors, avert eyes....I can't remember the last time I was happy with my reflection.....


I know that I am the only one to blame....this is a true regret...
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:08 PM   #2
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You're not worthless. No ones worth is measured in how many pounds they carry around with them. Your worth is in who you are and what you've done, including bringing a child into the world and raising him safely and with love. He won't love you less because you weigh more than you'd like - don't love yourself less for it, either. How much weight you carry is one of the most inconsequential reasons we judge ourselves - I know it's hard not to in a judgmental world. Don't spend the rest of your life regretting one day. Let that day be the one that motivated you to love yourself more and treat yourself better.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:31 PM   #3
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Moonlights....

Thank you so much....I am crying tears, but also letting your words "feed my soul"....I needed that so much....thank you again...I will be re-reading your post many times...

life has been very challenging lately....the wedding was well planned-but also held during the most challenging time/month in my field. (I had a year to plan...but enjoying the event was also challenging for so many reasons....again not my day - theirs,...).

Your words were just what I needed.....


Kim
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:39 PM   #4
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I am sure your daughter loves you no matter how much you weight. I am sure it isn't as bad as you think. Today is a new day, let's get back on band wagon and loose the weight so you will be able to run around the yard with your grand-kids that will soon follow.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:48 PM   #5
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You are not worthless.

The past is the past. Time to live positively in the present for the sake of your future. That picture, it is now useful to look back on when you need motivation. Use it as a tool to keep the weight off once you've lost it. You can do this!
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:51 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlights View Post
You're not worthless. No ones worth is measured in how many pounds they carry around with them. Your worth is in who you are and what you've done, including bringing a child into the world and raising him safely and with love. He won't love you less because you weigh more than you'd like - don't love yourself less for it, either. How much weight you carry is one of the most inconsequential reasons we judge ourselves - I know it's hard not to in a judgmental world. Don't spend the rest of your life regretting one day. Let that day be the one that motivated you to love yourself more and treat yourself better.
Try to think of yourself as a valuable person--because you are--and aim to become healthier and happier by finding a lowcarb plan and sticking with it--because you are worth it.

I encourage you to join a challenge group to get support every day and give support to others. As you develop friendships, posting often, you will get encouragement for staying on plan and will be appreciated as a kind person who helps others.

Visit this board often. You are not alone, and many people here would like to help and to get to know you better.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:59 PM   #7
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I totally get it. It was photos of my D.D. convocation that were the catalyst to getting back on track. It was painful. I had been in some pretty amazing denial but the photo evidence was hard to deny.

But be assured and without any doubt, it is not about you lacking character strength or moral fiber. You are a victim of your physiology. Fortunately, you can fight back. Please read `why we get fat`by Gary Taubes if you haven`t already.
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:08 PM   #8
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Have you read Why We Get Fat? *You* aren't the one to blame.

Your family isn't going to look at those photos and see weight. They see Mom watching her oldest get married and enjoying the day with her and for her.

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Old 01-29-2013, 07:32 PM   #9
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I'd like to add that you are not your weight, and just by being here you have made a commitment that will change that. You are still here and able to take control of this. You will not believe how much time will pass on low carb and soon it will be second nature and you will be dropping the extra weight without trying! Just keep believing! I mention this a lot, but it's a good idea to write reminders on postits or paper like "I am losing 10 lbs this month!" or motivational stuff like that, and repeat it out loud several times a day. It sounds corny, but it really works! Also, it puts your mind in a positive place and out of a negative hole. Once you fall into the hole, it's so hard to get out, so it's good to keep your mind in a happy space!
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:40 PM   #10
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Ah I am so sorry how sad you are right now.
just know you couldn't change for those pics. but if anything use it for your motivation to change NOW. so many woulda, shoulda, coulda's in my life. I know.
take care of yourself. Once you feel a bit better, go on the attack at what made you sad. fight for the improvements you wish.

I also want to say CONGRATS! to your daughter
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:03 PM   #11
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I think everyone else has pretty much said it all, but I will just add that I know how you feel. Pictures are killers and it's even worse when you know ahead of time that it's going to happen and you just can't seem to get with the program. I think most of us have been there.

Don't let this ruin your memory though. As everyone has said, your worth is not your weight. And you have many wonderful family occasions to look forward to. I'll bet in the not too distant future you'll see yourself in some pictures at one of them and be very happy with what you see!
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:39 PM   #12
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You are the only one thinking these things about the pictures. I'm sure when family and friends see the pictures all they will see is how happy you are and how lovely you look.

I've looked at pictures of myself years after they were taken and at the time I thought how huge and gross I looked, hating myself. Then after years pass I see them and I think I didn't look so bad after all and then I have great memories of the pictures being taken.

I bet everyone here has had that experience.
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:07 PM   #13
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I wish we could get over blaming the pictures! If we look like that day in and day out, everyone knows already and there is nothing shameful or newsworthy in having it on "film."

Of course you wish you were not so fat. Most of us do. But think about this: how would you react if one of us were trashing our precious self over something so superficial? Just let it go, stop looking at the pictures, and cherish the good part of the wedding and your family. *hug*
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Old 01-30-2013, 01:12 AM   #14
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Look at it as another reason to get moving and lose that weight! I have been there...heck, I was 248 or more on my OWN wedding day. I hate the pictures in a way. But in another way, I look at them now and it makes me proud...because even though I wasn't slim that day I am looking great now, and didn't let my past become my future. I took charge of things when I discovered how to eat this way and effected a great change in myself. Yes, it sucks to be overweight. I KNOW the feelings of worthlessness. I know them intimately. But don't let them defeat you. You are more than your weight, and your family is going to see the person they love when they look at those pictures, not the weight and flaws that you see. Someday soon, if you use this as motivation and not demotivation, you will look back on those photographs and they will make you proud of all you have accomplished since!
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Old 01-30-2013, 04:23 AM   #15
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I, myself was heavy in my son's wedding picture, even after losing a little weight, but now I can look back at that picture and see how far I have come. And yes, by the way my grand daughter was born this past Friday and I want to continue on the journey to loose more weight to be able to keep up with the grandchildern. Grandchildren are so sweet and need us as role models also. You can succeed and it is well worth it. We can do this together, one step at a time. Good luck to you.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:47 AM   #16
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The wedding is a special day in your life no matter what weight. You, I'm sure had a beautiful dress, makeup, hair, jewelry, please focus on the beauty of the entire day. Life is a journey and we, our bodies, are changing everyday. That was just one picture of one day in your life, and in twenty years you will be happy to see that picture again.
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Old 01-31-2013, 09:02 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by workingmomof3 View Post
I am feeling so deflated and disappointed in myself - my first born was just married and the photos are now available on the photographers website....I never lost any of my weight and attended the wedding at my heaviest....I am so ashamed of the pictures - I feel that as long as I live I will regret how I looked, (look) I feel embarrassed, worthless - I know this day was not about me please know that -

I have been nervous about seeing them (the pictures) of course not of everyone else - but myself....and sure enough - I just want (again) erase myself out of the pictures....I have been avoiding full length mirrors, avert eyes....I can't remember the last time I was happy with my reflection.....


I know that I am the only one to blame....this is a true regret...
I absolutely know how you feel. I was standing on my scale Sunday morning bawling my eyes out. 218.4. My all-time highest weight. I felt like the biggest, ugliest, slob ever. Defeated. Deflated. I spoke to my husband on the phone a little later telling him about it and started crying all over again. Then I got pissed at myself. One for the pity party, two for letting myself get to the condition I am. Commence crying all over again... Between getting really mad and then coming here looking for support (that I found, thanks Clueless) I am now motivated enough to do something about it. We are not our weight. It may influence our moods, confidence, actions (or lack of), etc, but we are SO much more. I don't know about you, but I'm mad enough to do something about it. Pull up your bootstraps and join me!
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:11 AM   #18
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I know plenty of truly amazing, spiritually healthy people who just happen to not be slender.

Please, you are *not* your weight, beauty only exists if it persists with the eyes closed...
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:26 AM   #19
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As everyone has said, you are so much more than just your weight or your size. Your family loves you and will remember that you were part of that special day. Please try not to be so hard on yourself.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:14 PM   #20
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here's a great blog.I think all of us that try to stay away from photo's could take a few pointers from here
So you’re feeling too fat to be photographed . . . – My Friend Teresa Photography
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:33 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by itzme91 View Post
here's a great blog.I think all of us that try to stay away from photo's could take a few pointers from here
So you’re feeling too fat to be photographed . . . – My Friend Teresa Photography
this is an inspirational link! Your daughter will remember that the mother she loves was at the most important day in her life so far! You are beautiful!

Last edited by Izzysdream; 02-03-2013 at 08:37 PM..
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:53 AM   #22
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Thank you so much

Thanks for all your responses... I hadn't clarified - it was my son's wedding and he and his wife did an amazing job (they are in graduate school and they pulled off an amazing evening without too much (money) help from us!)

I loved the link - I know this... I don't want to erase myself from my life....

putting on my big girl pants.... owening it!!!

Have a great week -

Love,
KIM

Last edited by workingmomof3; 02-04-2013 at 03:54 AM.. Reason: correct grammar
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Old 02-04-2013, 01:06 PM   #23
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I'll bet in 2 years, when you've been successfully following a carbohydrate restricted plan, you'll cherish those pictures. I'm sure you'll cherish them anyway because of what they mean to your child. But you'll look back on them and realize you were worthwhile all the time, regardless of your weight.
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