Sometimes, you just have to eat the cake

goohsmom · 07-01-2012, 04:07 PM

The title says it all, but let me explain.

I lost a good deal of weight a few years ago on lower carb, but let life influence me to not stay on the regimen. I've recommitted to being true to plan about 90% of the time, which for me is much more doable, even if it means I only lost about 4-5 pounds per month. I've been working really well, especially avoiding breads and starches....other sweets (like ice cream) don't seem to affect me as much as starches do, for whatever reason. Progress has been slow but steady, between the heat wave and TOM, my scale is stopped but my pants are fitting better and I'm feeling better. Which brings me to the reason for the post.

Tomorrow is my mother's 86th birthday. She has been through a lot the past 6 months, including being admitted to a mental institution due to complications of a UTI. During all of this, she and my brother had a major falling out, leading her to lose the support of the one person who was always there for him for the last 14 years. It's taken a lot of strength for her to come back, and she and I have developed a new relationship because of it, but I know she misses what they had, and I hope they get it back in time. We shall see.

Tomorrow she turns 86, and it's a big thing for her. We don't know if she'll make 87. Even though she's diabetic, birthday cake is a huge thing for her, even more so in assisted living, where it's a status thing to share what your family brought for you. So, along with a gift and a card, I knew we'd have to bring a cake. We opted for a single layer; it's easier to cut small pieces and easier to share. We got there and she was so excited, just like a child seeing a nice cake. I knew, no matter what my logic, that she would feel as if she was being snubbed if I didn't eat a slice.....and honestly, one small slice won't wreck me if I so choose. She and I each had very small slices, my fiance had two larger pieces so she was able to enjoy watching a man enjoy his food. The whole time we were there, I realized that this might be the last chance I have to enjoy her birthday with her.....compared to that, a bit of water weight doesn't compare. I'm already back on plan, I don't think I even got knocked out of ketosis. And even if I had, so what? I got to sing happy birthday and enjoy cake with my mom, and share in her enjoyment. In the long scheme of things, that's much more important.

I suppose I could have declined to share with her, but somehow that didn't feel right. Alternately, I could have found a sugar-free dessert, but she has intestinal issues and I'd hate to have put her in the bathroom the entire night. And honestly, sometimes I feel we have to do things for others, even if it's not to our best interests at the time. Otherwise, what's the point? I'm sure I'll get blasted for letting others dictate what I eat, but that's okay. I'm here to live and enjoy life, and that means that 90% of the time, I'm eating clean and on plan. The other 10% I can enjoy, especially if it means a family member has a better day.

Okay, enough for now

Pam

Arctic_Mama · 07-01-2012, 04:16 PM

It's not some moral failing or sin to eat the cake, surely! As long as we are making informed choices for our health and understand what will and won't get us to our goals, the rest is up to us and our evaluation of the situation.

I've had plenty of occasions where I have stayed on plan and abstained from carby junk. I've also had occasions where I have knowingly and intentionally consumed the aforementioned junk and not felt an ounce of guilt. But I do understand that I have to eat on plan daily and consistently to see weight change, and then the occasional cake doesn't matter much. But if I am cheating or failing my own plan on a consistent basis then there may be an issue.

In your case? I'd have eaten the cake, too. And enjoyed everything it symbolized for my mom and me, as much as the taste.

cfine · 07-01-2012, 04:17 PM

You are right...sometimes you gotta just eat the cake

Kimberli33 · 07-01-2012, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goohsmom

The title says it all, but let me explain.

I lost a good deal of weight a few years ago on lower carb, but let life influence me to not stay on the regimen. I've recommitted to being true to plan about 90% of the time, which for me is much more doable, even if it means I only lost about 4-5 pounds per month. I've been working really well, especially avoiding breads and starches....other sweets (like ice cream) don't seem to affect me as much as starches do, for whatever reason. Progress has been slow but steady, between the heat wave and TOM, my scale is stopped but my pants are fitting better and I'm feeling better. Which brings me to the reason for the post.

Tomorrow is my mother's 86th birthday. She has been through a lot the past 6 months, including being admitted to a mental institution due to complications of a UTI. During all of this, she and my brother had a major falling out, leading her to lose the support of the one person who was always there for him for the last 14 years. It's taken a lot of strength for her to come back, and she and I have developed a new relationship because of it, but I know she misses what they had, and I hope they get it back in time. We shall see.

Tomorrow she turns 86, and it's a big thing for her. We don't know if she'll make 87. Even though she's diabetic, birthday cake is a huge thing for her, even more so in assisted living, where it's a status thing to share what your family brought for you. So, along with a gift and a card, I knew we'd have to bring a cake. We opted for a single layer; it's easier to cut small pieces and easier to share. We got there and she was so excited, just like a child seeing a nice cake. I knew, no matter what my logic, that she would feel as if she was being snubbed if I didn't eat a slice.....and honestly, one small slice won't wreck me if I so choose. She and I each had very small slices, my fiance had two larger pieces so she was able to enjoy watching a man enjoy his food. The whole time we were there, I realized that this might be the last chance I have to enjoy her birthday with her.....compared to that, a bit of water weight doesn't compare. I'm already back on plan, I don't think I even got knocked out of ketosis. And even if I had, so what? I got to sing happy birthday and enjoy cake with my mom, and share in her enjoyment. In the long scheme of things, that's much more important.

I suppose I could have declined to share with her, but somehow that didn't feel right. Alternately, I could have found a sugar-free dessert, but she has intestinal issues and I'd hate to have put her in the bathroom the entire night. And honestly, sometimes I feel we have to do things for others, even if it's not to our best interests at the time. Otherwise, what's the point? I'm sure I'll get blasted for letting others dictate what I eat, but that's okay. I'm here to live and enjoy life, and that means that 90% of the time, I'm eating clean and on plan. The other 10% I can enjoy, especially if it means a family member has a better day.

Okay, enough for now

Pam

Annabelle · 07-01-2012, 05:14 PM

Beautiful post

Enjoy your Mom!

gello5440 · 07-01-2012, 05:18 PM

I'd give anything to eat cke with my Mom again. You are a good daughter.

steady · 07-01-2012, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cfine

You are right...sometimes you gotta just eat the cake

Exactly! Like is too short to be too restrictive. Some moments are too important. The secret is to partake, but not indulge. Mom will be happy and so will you.

flatferenghi · 07-03-2012, 05:11 AM

i think it would be quite all right. Happy 86 for your mom, and enjoy the guilt free cake. Love & Profits: FLATFERENGHI

rotay60 · 07-03-2012, 05:30 AM

Great Post - cherish the moment!

Ocean · 07-03-2012, 05:50 AM

Some things are way more important than eating low carb. I would have done the exact same thing if I were you. My mother's cancer came back shortly after I went low carb. She became very weak and bedridden. She also developed quite a sweet tooth and would send us out to get her favorite doughnuts. I shared quite a few doughnuts with her in her last days. It made her happy and I wouldn't trade it for anything. My mom was only 65 when she passed away. I would have given anything to see my mom make it to 86. Cherish the time that you have left with your mom and believe me you will never regret eating the cake.

LiterateGriffin · 07-03-2012, 10:41 AM

In a similar situation, I, too, ate the cake and refused to feel guilty. (It was a friend's baby shower, put on by her in-laws, and she was very uncomfortable with the entire thing for various reasons. Refusing the cake would have made a fuss, which would have upset my friend, which I didn't want. I shut up, smiled, and took the cake!)

There's a WORLD of difference between actively deciding to eat (and enjoy) the cake, and doing what I did at my daughter's birthday. (ie: eating cake off my kids' plates as I cleared them into the trash.) One was a conscious decision. The other was food controlling me.

YOU made your decision. Not someone else. Nowhere in your post do I see others dictating to you. What I see is a woman in control of her own choices, which is something I will applaud even if I happened to disagree with those choices.

I wish your mother every happiness for her birthday, and you continued success with your losses -- something I'm sure you won't have a problem with.

MicheleS · 07-03-2012, 11:03 AM

yep... sometimes it is important to eat the cake. glad you were able to put it in perspective and that it didn't lead to a binge.

sfmom · 07-03-2012, 12:16 PM

I agree with everyone one else - I would of cherished the moment and had the cake - I no longer have my mom with me and would love to be able to have a piece of cake with my mom one last time, she is very lucky to have you for a daughter

Audrey

rose1 · 07-03-2012, 12:31 PM

It's not a matter of letting others dictate to you; it's a matter of you choosing to share your mother's cake. Sometimes you just have to eat the cake! May you get to share cake # 87.

Mom.

itzme91 · 07-03-2012, 03:53 PM

Good for you!! What I wouldn't give to share a slice of cake with my Momma.

Tomorrow is a new day,you'll be back on track,and you'll be happy knowing you made your Momma's birthday a good one.God bless you both.

August Moon · 07-04-2012, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cfine

You are right...sometimes you gotta just eat the cake

Especially if it's Red Velvet...or Costco cake.

PS...I agree. My mother is 85, and I can still buy her red velvet cupcakes. My mother loves any kind of 'birthday cake' (white cake/ buttercream). Bless her, and bless your mom too!

Glendora · 07-08-2012, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gello5440

I'd give anything to eat cke with my Mom again. You are a good daughter.

I would too...(sniffle)

Chelveston · 07-08-2012, 04:04 PM

Excellent post.

zombiegoat2000 · 07-08-2012, 04:15 PM

tybeeanna · 07-09-2012, 03:18 PM

aww What a Good Daughter your Mom has.

So glad you got to spend her birthday with her cherish these days.

SeaMaiden · 07-09-2012, 04:57 PM

I think you DEFINITELY did the right thing!

07-01-2012, 04:07 PM	#1
goohsmom Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 441 Gallery: goohsmom Stats: restarting 5/31/2012 at 184.2/180.2/we'll see WOE: Low Carb	Sometimes, you just have to eat the cake The title says it all, but let me explain. I lost a good deal of weight a few years ago on lower carb, but let life influence me to not stay on the regimen. I've recommitted to being true to plan about 90% of the time, which for me is much more doable, even if it means I only lost about 4-5 pounds per month. I've been working really well, especially avoiding breads and starches....other sweets (like ice cream) don't seem to affect me as much as starches do, for whatever reason. Progress has been slow but steady, between the heat wave and TOM, my scale is stopped but my pants are fitting better and I'm feeling better. Which brings me to the reason for the post. Tomorrow is my mother's 86th birthday. She has been through a lot the past 6 months, including being admitted to a mental institution due to complications of a UTI. During all of this, she and my brother had a major falling out, leading her to lose the support of the one person who was always there for him for the last 14 years. It's taken a lot of strength for her to come back, and she and I have developed a new relationship because of it, but I know she misses what they had, and I hope they get it back in time. We shall see. Tomorrow she turns 86, and it's a big thing for her. We don't know if she'll make 87. Even though she's diabetic, birthday cake is a huge thing for her, even more so in assisted living, where it's a status thing to share what your family brought for you. So, along with a gift and a card, I knew we'd have to bring a cake. We opted for a single layer; it's easier to cut small pieces and easier to share. We got there and she was so excited, just like a child seeing a nice cake. I knew, no matter what my logic, that she would feel as if she was being snubbed if I didn't eat a slice.....and honestly, one small slice won't wreck me if I so choose. She and I each had very small slices, my fiance had two larger pieces so she was able to enjoy watching a man enjoy his food. The whole time we were there, I realized that this might be the last chance I have to enjoy her birthday with her.....compared to that, a bit of water weight doesn't compare. I'm already back on plan, I don't think I even got knocked out of ketosis. And even if I had, so what? I got to sing happy birthday and enjoy cake with my mom, and share in her enjoyment. In the long scheme of things, that's much more important. I suppose I could have declined to share with her, but somehow that didn't feel right. Alternately, I could have found a sugar-free dessert, but she has intestinal issues and I'd hate to have put her in the bathroom the entire night. And honestly, sometimes I feel we have to do things for others, even if it's not to our best interests at the time. Otherwise, what's the point? I'm sure I'll get blasted for letting others dictate what I eat, but that's okay. I'm here to live and enjoy life, and that means that 90% of the time, I'm eating clean and on plan. The other 10% I can enjoy, especially if it means a family member has a better day. Okay, enough for now Pam

07-01-2012, 04:16 PM	#2
Arctic_Mama Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Alaska Posts: 1,731 Gallery: Arctic_Mama Stats: 257/163/140 WOE: Atkins 2002 Start Date: R1 12/11, R2 3/12	It's not some moral failing or sin to eat the cake, surely! As long as we are making informed choices for our health and understand what will and won't get us to our goals, the rest is up to us and our evaluation of the situation. I've had plenty of occasions where I have stayed on plan and abstained from carby junk. I've also had occasions where I have knowingly and intentionally consumed the aforementioned junk and not felt an ounce of guilt. But I do understand that I have to eat on plan daily and consistently to see weight change, and then the occasional cake doesn't matter much. But if I am cheating or failing my own plan on a consistent basis then there may be an issue. In your case? I'd have eaten the cake, too. And enjoyed everything it symbolized for my mom and me, as much as the taste. __________________ Taryl - 5'3" powerhouse! http://www.aurorafiberarts.com/weightloss R1P2: 207.4 down to 176.8 (-30.6 lbs) R2P2: LDW was 168.0 (-20.4 lbs) R3P2: LDW 163.6 (14.4 lbs lost), ended early due to baby#4

07-03-2012, 05:11 AM	#8
flatferenghi Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 13,813 Gallery: flatferenghi	goohsmom, u sound like a person in control. i think it would be quite all right. Happy 86 for your mom, and enjoy the guilt free cake. Love & Profits: FLATFERENGHI

07-03-2012, 05:50 AM	#10
Ocean Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 820 Gallery: Ocean Stats: 240/157/Below 145 5'1.5" WOE: General Low Carb Start Date: June 2010	Some things are way more important than eating low carb. I would have done the exact same thing if I were you. My mother's cancer came back shortly after I went low carb. She became very weak and bedridden. She also developed quite a sweet tooth and would send us out to get her favorite doughnuts. I shared quite a few doughnuts with her in her last days. It made her happy and I wouldn't trade it for anything. My mom was only 65 when she passed away. I would have given anything to see my mom make it to 86. Cherish the time that you have left with your mom and believe me you will never regret eating the cake. __________________ It doesn't matter how you get there or how long it takes you. It only matters that you get there.

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07-01-2012, 04:17 PM	#3
cfine Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Tennessee Posts: 2,456 Gallery: cfine Stats: 276/215/199 WOE: NK Start Date: Atkins 4/12 Nutritional Ketosis 1/13	You are right...sometimes you gotta just eat the cake

07-01-2012, 05:14 PM	#5
Annabelle Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Long Island,NY Posts: 1,529 Gallery: Annabelle	Beautiful post Enjoy your Mom!

07-01-2012, 05:18 PM	#6
gello5440 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Ohio Posts: 698 Gallery: gello5440 WOE: Low Carb - Atkins Start Date: October 2010	I'd give anything to eat cke with my Mom again. You are a good daughter.

07-03-2012, 05:30 AM	#9
rotay60 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Georgia Posts: 538 Gallery: rotay60 Stats: 142/134.2/115 for now, 4'11" WOE: Low carb	Great Post - cherish the moment!

07-03-2012, 10:41 AM	#11
LiterateGriffin Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Jacksonville, FL Posts: 1,700 Gallery: LiterateGriffin Stats: 236.5 start (Jan 2012) /194.0150 goal 5'9", 42 yr WOE: Atkins (though I think a fairly early version) Start Date: Jan 6 2012	In a similar situation, I, too, ate the cake and refused to feel guilty. (It was a friend's baby shower, put on by her in-laws, and she was very uncomfortable with the entire thing for various reasons. Refusing the cake would have made a fuss, which would have upset my friend, which I didn't want. I shut up, smiled, and took the cake!) There's a WORLD of difference between actively deciding to eat (and enjoy) the cake, and doing what I did at my daughter's birthday. (ie: eating cake off my kids' plates as I cleared them into the trash.) One was a conscious decision. The other was food controlling me. YOU made your decision. Not someone else. Nowhere in your post do I see others dictating to you. What I see is a woman in control of her own choices, which is something I will applaud even if I happened to disagree with those choices. I wish your mother every happiness for her birthday, and you continued success with your losses -- something I'm sure you won't have a problem with.

07-03-2012, 11:03 AM	#12
MicheleS Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: deep south Posts: 356 Gallery: MicheleS Stats: 140 (biggest)... 118/110/107... 5'0" WOE: mostly Atkins but organic and no beef or pork Start Date: restart May 2012	yep... sometimes it is important to eat the cake. glad you were able to put it in perspective and that it didn't lead to a binge.

07-03-2012, 12:16 PM	#13
sfmom Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: North Central, Illinois Posts: 1,045 Gallery: sfmom Stats: 176/122.0/135 5'8" tall WOE: Low carb	I agree with everyone one else - I would of cherished the moment and had the cake - I no longer have my mom with me and would love to be able to have a piece of cake with my mom one last time, she is very lucky to have you for a daughter Audrey

07-03-2012, 12:31 PM	#14
rose1 Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 25,198 Gallery: rose1 WOE: Vegetarian SB Start Date: June, 2005	It's not a matter of letting others dictate to you; it's a matter of you choosing to share your mother's cake. Sometimes you just have to eat the cake! May you get to share cake # 87. Mom.

07-03-2012, 03:53 PM	#15
itzme91 Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: SE Kentucky Posts: 1,809 Gallery: itzme91 Stats: 198/138/125 WOE: just watching my carbs	Good for you!! What I wouldn't give to share a slice of cake with my Momma. Tomorrow is a new day,you'll be back on track,and you'll be happy knowing you made your Momma's birthday a good one.God bless you both.

07-08-2012, 04:04 PM	#18
Chelveston Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 651 Gallery: Chelveston Stats: Health at every size WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart Jan '09	Excellent post.

07-08-2012, 04:15 PM	#19
zombiegoat2000 Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2012 Location: Florida Posts: 734 Gallery: zombiegoat2000 Stats: Start 296.0#/269.8#/150# 5'8" Female WOE: Low Carb Start Date: January2012

07-09-2012, 03:18 PM	#20
tybeeanna Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern, IL Posts: 2,744 Gallery: tybeeanna Stats: H286 }232VSG{ C185 G when I get there WOE: low/carb 8-21-12 Start Date: 8/21/12	aww What a Good Daughter your Mom has. So glad you got to spend her birthday with her cherish these days.

07-09-2012, 04:57 PM	#21
SeaMaiden Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Southern California Posts: 664 Gallery: SeaMaiden WOE: Low Carb/Gluten-Free/No Aspartame or Sucralose	I think you DEFINITELY did the right thing!