I think my parents are trying to sabotage me

[chasemama23]

My parents invited me and my family over for dinner tonight. They invited us last week and my stepmom says "don't worry, we eat low carb like you do so it will be something you can eat." So I called my dad today to find out what we are having and he tells me we are having breaded pork chops! How is that low carb? He says to me "well, you can have something like that just once, its no big deal." No big deal to him maybe. They always invite us over for dinner telling me it will be low carb and when I get there, it isn't. I know they know what low carb means and they think that my version of it is extreme but its just good old Atkins. I think they follow a more South Beach style. Sometimes I think they want to trick me into eating carbs and its really aggravating. I'm just going to have to scrape most of the breading off and deal with the dirty looks!

[AngieCakes]

Aww man LOL that sucks. I have a friend who is always doing that. No matter how many times I tell him about my lifestyle, he's always saying stupid things like "So, you can't even have just ONE of these french fries?" or "You mean you can't have a BUN with your burger?" or, "You mean I get all of the pringles? Don't you wan't just ONE pringle?"

Sooooooooooo annoying LOL

[poopsie2223]

Fried breaded pork chops are not South Beach, either! I think they either don't really have a good understanding of what constitutes low carb (a lot of people don't, even those who claim to be following a Low Carb diet!) or you are right, for some weird reason they want you to eat too many carbs.

[sassy_red]

I wouldn't be too hard on them. My boyfriends father does "low carb" but will sometimes eat a serving of potatoes if that's what his wife makes. He still has managed to lose nearly 30lbs in 3 months.

Low carb doesn't have to mean Atkins induction. Considering the RDA of carbs is nearly 300 (I think?), then staying under 50 (which a lightly breaded chop may fall under) is still lower carb. I wouldn't attach much ulterior motive to what's probably a misunderstanding.

[chasemama23]

Originally Posted by poopsie2223

Fried breaded pork chops are not South Beach, either! I think they either don't really have a good understanding of what constitutes low carb (a lot of people don't, even those who claim to be following a Low Carb diet!) or you are right, for some weird reason they want you to eat too many carbs.

I don't know much about SB but I do know they eat more carbs and less fat than Atkins. I can't even say my parents follow that because they eat bread and potatoes all the time. Then they eat things like light yogurt and light salad dressing that is full of carbs. The rest of tonights menu is green beans, salad (I was instructed to bring my own dressing as there's will be lite) cream of mushroom soup (which I will not be eating) and some stove top stuffing so as they put it "Mike (my husband) can have some carbs." Like there isn't enough carbs in the rest of the meal!

[Livywilltim-mom]

Aww, I am sorry they don't get "it."

You can keep on plan while there...maybe you could eat before you go, or plan to have something LC after?

So what if they send you dirty looks about scraping the breading off, you could use that moment as a chance to educate them about LC...if they are willing to listen.

Hugs

[peanutte]

I think it's disrespectful, even if unintentionally so.


I'm sure they're lovely people and I'm sure they love you and enjoy your company for dinner, but if I were you I would eat something beforehand, have the green beans and salad, and either scrape off the breading or just skip the pork chop entirely, saying "I'm sorry, I don't eat breading on my plan." Would it be considered obnoxious to call and request one unbreaded chop? I mean if anything, it's less work to leave one plain.

It would be one thing to say "I think what we're having is low carb--can you have breaded pork chops?" But to say things like "It's not a big deal for you to have this just once" is dismissing the value you place on your plan. No one gets to decide for me that going off my way of eating isn't a big deal.

[Tylar_Connar]

most ppl dont get it unless they have read the book or do this woe themselves.
they think one bite or just this one time wont mess u up.

[chasemama23]

Originally Posted by peanutte

I think it's disrespectful, even if unintentionally so.


I'm sure they're lovely people and I'm sure they love you and enjoy your company for dinner, but if I were you I would eat something beforehand, have the green beans and salad, and either scrape off the breading or just skip the pork chop entirely, saying "I'm sorry, I don't eat breading on my plan." Would it be considered obnoxious to call and request one unbreaded chop? I mean if anything, it's less work to leave one plain.

It would be one thing to say "I think what we're having is low carb--can you have breaded pork chops?" But to say things like "It's not a big deal for you to have this just once" is dismissing the value you place on your plan. No one gets to decide for me that going off my way of eating isn't a big deal.

Exactly. I was hoping I wasn't coming off as a snob here. I am grateful that they are making us dinner but at the same time they KNOW that I can't have that and they are making it anyway. It would be so easy to just leave one chop without breading but instead of asking me that they are just going ahead and assuming I'm fine with it, I'm not. This is not the first time this has happened. I think I need to say something more firmly this time as being light and brushing it off is not getting the point across.

[HerBoudoir]

Next time, bring your own dinner :-) Tell them that you would love to have dinner "with them" but you really have to stay away from any "extras". Bring a cold salad with grilled meat on it or something that can be heated up in the microwave quickly.

My fiance can be a pain about my eating as well. He's gung ho about me losing weight - thinks it's good for me and very proud of the results. But he'll keep asking if I can eat foods that if he thought for about a second, he'd know I couldn't eat. We'll go out to dinner and he'll complain that I'm "fussy" when I start peeling off sauces and changing sides so it's on plan, and he'll complain if I don't finish something because I'm full and the restaurant portion was too big. He thinks he's "being nice" by turning on food shows that he thinks I'll like on TV, and doesn't get that if I'm having cravings, I don't want to watch them. Argh!

He's lucky I love him too much to take him out back and shoot him.

[ljguitar]

Hi Chelsea…
Glad you can use us as your soundboard, and vent so you can go there and enjoy the time.

I make it a point to not focus on food when I'm at family or other social gatherings where people think they know how I eat. And I'm pretty bold about just getting the food on my plate into a form I can eat it, even if it means skinning coatings off or shucking the crust off pizza etc.

And I do it without comment, and all the while carry on conversations about life which are important to ''us''. If they comment on it, I'm pretty kind about saying something like ''I don't eat starches or sugars'' and move right back to our conversations.

Never had an argument yet or a prolonged conversation...and my friends and relatives still love me, invite me and put out carby food.

A thought is we usually bring some dishes (side dishes mostly) to the party. Even if we are staying at somebody's house, we will go to the store and secure a roasted chicken, a head of cabbage, head of iceberg lettuce, some caluliflower and some broccoli (and we will have our own toasted almonds, cheese etc. along and some other ''goodies'') so even if we are at their house for several days, we build some side dishes that are friendly to everyone. We just borrow a bit of fridge space (or keep it in the RV when we are travelling).

Our side dishes we've developed are so good people request them.

Hope you really have a good time there with them...

[peanutte]

I am grateful that they are making us dinner but at the same time they KNOW that I can't have that and they are making it anyway. It would be so easy to just leave one chop without breading but instead of asking me that they are just going ahead and assuming I'm fine with it, I'm not. This is not the first time this has happened.

Well, it's disrespectful. Like I said: I'm sure it's not malicious in the least. They just don't value what's important to you about your way of eating. Try to explain it kindly and firmly and let's see what happens. Remember to keep a pleasant demeanor and not act negative when speaking to them. Good luck, Chelsea!

[rotten]

Sorry, i know how ya feel though. It's more of the same. People just assume they know what this WOE is. It's no different when they tell you it's just meat and eggs and cheese.

I had a friend recently that tried to get me to eat an apple. I told her i can't have apples. Her words were "i've never heard of a diet where you can't eat an apple" The funny thing is she was training to become a physical trainer and has had tons of nutrition classes. Well i guess we already know what they are and aren't teaching them.

[JazzleBug]

Oh my God, I'm totally with you. So sorry. I've been talking to my parents about us low carbing and all that - they have experience with Atkins, so they know. I think they either underestimate our commitment or motivation or something, because I got a Valentine's day care package in the mail yesterday with all sorts of my favorite specialty stuff. Marzipan, chocolate, brandy soaked pecans covered in chocolate....holy hell. And now, my unshakable husband is having cravings 'cause he stupidly stuck his nose in the box and took a deep breath. WTH is with these people?!

For the record, my parents are typically very supportive, but my mom LOVES to send specialty foods to us on the holidays since we're all big foodies. It's their way of sharing and being a part of our lives, but for cryin' out loud...I don't want to have to have THAT TALK with them.

Good luck - I'm interested to hear how it goes.

[daisyHair]

I really think it would be ok to impress upon them every time you go that you LOVE that they cook for you and the time you get to spend with your family is wonderful but you are sticking to your plan no matter what.

In the long run I believe they will respect you more if you do.

If you don't eat what you can NOT eat on your plan maybe next time they will put more thought into it or even ask YOU what you think would be a good meal.

Seriously it's so easy to make a meat dish and veggies for you (and everyone) and other sides and bread for the rest of the family.

It might take time but if you stick to your guns they will "get it" much quicker.

Maybe next time offer to cook for them!

[peanutte]

I really think it would be ok to impress upon them every time you go that you LOVE that they cook for you and the time you get to spend with your family is wonderful but you are sticking to your plan no matter what.

Nice way to put it!

[HerBoudoir]

Originally Posted by daisyHair

Seriously it's so easy to make a meat dish and veggies for you (and everyone) and other sides and bread for the rest of the family.

That's how we eat 90% of the time. Mom has always cooked a meat/veg/starch with a side salad type meal as a staple, so that's pretty much what we do. I just don't eat the starch, and keep an eye on how the meat is prepared. Mostly it's just a simple change (they take the skin off the chicken and I eat it on mine; my fish is just seasoned while theirs has a dusting of breadcrumbs) or it's exactly the same.

On the occasions they want something that I can't have, I just make something different.

[poopsie2223]

I just had another thought about this. Maybe they really do think they are cooking Low Carb and are basically "happily in denial" about the way they eat. I certainly have seen people doing WW who are easily eating more than twice the points they are allocated, they just try to pretend that a "portion" of potatoes is one huge baking potato instead of one small baking potato, etc. People that are doing this do not take kindly to having it pointed out, I have found, even if they are complaining and wondering why they are "following the diet but not losing". Is it possible your parents are doing a version of this with low carb?

[peanutte]

poopsie, there is so much validity to what you just said. People are often on certain diets...in their minds, more than in reality!

[scrappychik]

I didn't read through this entire thread, so I apologize if this point has already been made, but your parents should def be more respectful of your WOE. If you were diabetic they certainly wouldn't put candy or a big ole piece of cake in front of you or if you had Celiac, they wouldn't dream of breading the meat. Just because you don't have a disease and you choose to eat LC doesnt make it any less significant. Hope you enjoy your visit despite the menu

[jijane21]

You should buy them a copy of Fathead. I think everyone in the world should see that movie!

[Bodhi]

Actually, this is one of the few times where I think flat out lying is OK. I tell people I'm allergic to bread/flour and can not eat sugar. Nobody ever questions that.

Close friends that show understanding or others in the same situation are the only ones that gets to know what it's about. It doesn't matter, I don't have to prove my choice of foods to anyone.

[RobbyC]

Parents Just Don't Understand
-The Fresh Prince

[chasemama23]

Originally Posted by RobbyC

Parents Just Don't Understand
-The Fresh Prince

nice.

[miss sparky]

I'm so fed up with people thinking I'm being 'faddy' because I don't do carbs AND I'm gluten intolerant. My mother always puts potatoes on my plate, and says'..go on one biscuit/slice of bread/whatever won't hurt you'.
Yes it will. It'll make me fat/lose control of how much I eat/give me a really bad gut for 3weeks.
Why don't people get it? I would NEVER presume to comment on what people eat.

[verbqueen]

I usually just eat at home before I go to things like that. Then I know I won't get that panicked "I'm so hungry and there's nothing here for me to eat!" feeling.

Then you can just scrape off a bite here and there that you can eat and stir the rest around on your plate. I find most people don't notice what I do or do not put on my plate, or what I leave on it, if I don't say anything about it.

[KajunDC]

Absolutely - scrape it off and as you start scraping say "I really hate to do this but the breading is not allowed on my current diet."

That should keep the dirty looks to a minimum and let them know that no matter what they make, you are only going to eat what you allow yourself... period.

[DBrown8614]

Sometimes also explaining it in terms of ....... it is what I want/choose to eat or/not eat as opposed to what you can/cannot eat ........ make a difference to some people. I know when I say that I do not want to eat something instead of I cannot eat something, I get less comments LOL.

[AnneEliot]

If it were me, I'd bring my own dinner in a tupperware container. You couldn't do it with non-family (well, I couldn't), but this is your own parents. I'd just breeze in, say, "It didn't sound like you were serving anything I could eat, so I just brought my own," put it on a plate, pop it in the microwave, and then sit down and join everyone in eating. No big deal, no drama. You can even act like it's your fault: You haven't really explained to them well enough the program you're on (tho I'm sure you have); or you haven't really made clear how serious you are about doing it (tho I'm sure you have). You're sorry about that, but it just seemed easiest to bring your own rather than expect them to cook special for you. Then, like ljguitar says, change the subject to talk about something else. You don't have to make your WOE or your actions A Big Deal or even up for discussion. Just "Oh, don't worry about me, I brought my own," and move on.

I prefer this approach to the recommendation to eat befoe you go, because eating before still leaves you the only person who isn't eating, who is not partaking of the ritual of sharing a meal, who is just sitting there feeling deprived or automatically being the center of attention because everyone else is eating and you're not. Just bring your own, something super-easy to just re-heat and eat. Then act like it's not a big deal, and hopefully it won't be.

[teri f]

Originally Posted by AnneEliot

If it were me, I'd bring my own dinner in a tupperware container. You couldn't do it with non-family (well, I couldn't), but this is your own parents. I'd just breeze in, say, "It didn't sound like you were serving anything I could eat, so I just brought my own," put it on a plate, pop it in the microwave, and then sit down and join everyone in eating. No big deal, no drama. You can even act like it's your fault: You haven't really explained to them well enough the program you're on (tho I'm sure you have); or you haven't really made clear how serious you are about doing it (tho I'm sure you have). You're sorry about that, but it just seemed easiest to bring your own rather than expect them to cook special for you. Then, like ljguitar says, change the subject to talk about something else. You don't have to make your WOE or your actions A Big Deal or even up for discussion. Just "Oh, don't worry about me, I brought my own," and move on.

I prefer this approach to the recommendation to eat befoe you go, because eating before still leaves you the only person who isn't eating, who is not partaking of the ritual of sharing a meal, who is just sitting there feeling deprived or automatically being the center of attention because everyone else is eating and you're not. Just bring your own, something super-easy to just re-heat and eat. Then act like it's not a big deal, and hopefully it won't be.

Well put. This is what I do. I never leave food to chance and have always carted my "bag of food" with me to dinners and functions. If nothing else, cook your own pork chop and take with you. Tell them you don't eat the breading and didn't want to put them to any extra trouble by making something special for you, so you brought your own. End of subject. It works for me.