How to motivate someone else... ???

[GetFitNYC]

Hello everyone,

This is kind of a personal thread for me. Some of you may have experienced this yourselves, or may be experiencing it now, so thought maybe a thread could be helpful.

I know we're all here to make a positive change to ourselves, and hopefully inspire others as well. It's already difficult enough to be self motivated, be strict with your way of eating, and follow an exercise routine while most of the world around us thinks we're wrong. That said, I'm trying to find a way to motivate my brother to start dropping some pounds and getting in shape.

I've spoken to him about all the merits of LC, and hell I've lost plenty of weight here over the past 5+ years. Over 65 lbs overall. 23 pounds since last November should be proof enough for him, but it's not.

I've tried different approaches to get him to lose weight:

I've offered to create a meal plan for him. He won't go for it. He says he'd rather do weight watchers. To me, I think that's great. As long as he's trying to do ANYTHING about his weight. So, he talks about it, but he doesn't do it.

I've asked him about his 2 little kids and if he ever exercises with them. He says they play out in the yard, that's about it.
So, I offer to buy him a bicycle. One with a buggy he can pull behind it and take the kids out for a ride (not cheap). He says, it's too hot right now (he lives in Arizona), so he wouldn't use it.

I offer to buy him some used gym equipment on Craigslist so he can workout at home and the kids could get involved too. Nah, he'd rather have a heavy bag he says. So, I offer to buy him a heavy bag. Thanks... I'll look into it. The end.

I've offered him money. I told him I'd pay him $500 to lose 50 pounds. Money I can't really just afford to give away, but he's a worthy cause. I didn't even put a time limit on it. Still, won't budge.

Offered to pay for his flight to NY with his 3 yr old and take them to a Yankees game. Still, nothing.

I know he's going to have to motivate himself, and I try not to mention his weight every time we talk. I know how annoying it is to people to be nagged about it. My brothers are my best friends. I'm concerned.

He's 5'4 at most and definitely over 220. He sweats profusely, has problems with his feet, and I'm afraid he's going to have a heart attack.

I've told him he needs to do something about this not just for him, but for his kids. They won't have a daddy to grow old with. What's he waiting for?
We talk about the health risks and all that goes along with it.

It's the fast food, the chocolate bars, the meals between meals, stopping for a $0.99 cent cheeseburger on his way home when he knows he's going to have dinner. The constant diet cokes, the pizza... all of it. I know. I lived with him years ago and I was headed down the same path.
If I lived with him now I'd probably be able to get him on track with me, but I'm in NY and he's in AZ.

Back in the day he was into body building and fitness. Now he's married, unmotivated, miserable and doesn't care much about anything but his children.

I had a serious sit down with him about it too. I talk to him almost every day. I rarely mention this stuff to him, but when I do I let him know I'm serious. Of course every time we talk he tells me he lost about 10 pounds. Of course if he lost 10 pounds every time I spoke to him he'd be a skeleton by now. He's gaining, not losing.

What do you think? What can I do to get him to realize he NEEDS to do something?
Is there anything or is he just going to have to figure it out himself?

Thanks for the input... and sorry for the length of this post.

[JuliaL]

Leadsinger - You are a good sister, and you obviously love your brother, but unfortunately there is really nothing you can do. He is going to have to want to do this for himself, otherwise there is no point. Until he decides he's ready to deal with it, you cannot make him lose weight. All you can do is be supportive and provide a good example.

My heart goes out to you because I know how you feel. One of my sons is overweight and I worry about him constantly. I wish there was something I could say or do to make him want to lose weight, but I know that it has to come from within him. I try to make suggestions, and like your brother, he just makes excuses. Hugs to you - keep up the great work with your weight loss, and maybe he will see the light.

[GetFitNYC]

Originally Posted by JuliaL

Leadsinger - You are a good sister

... err... I'm male. lol. Good Brother. Thanks!

Thanks for the supportive comments.

[Leo41]

VISIT HIM!

I just posted my 'story' on the JUDDD thread, and I want to share it with you because I had a similar problem.

Both my sister and niece (her daughter) are each more than 100 lbs overweight, and my sister is a type 2 diabetic. They've made a couple of half-hearted attempts to lose, but nothing has persisted. They live about 75 miles from me, so although we talk almost daily, I see them only every few months.

At one time, I was heavier than they are, but I have been losing slowly over the past few years, but I guess there's a point where one really looks different and the weight loss appears very dramatic. That seems to have happened with me recently because my sister visited a couple of weeks ago, and all she could talk about was how 'skinny' I looked, how great I looked, etc., etc. It seemed strange to me because in the few months that we hadn't seen each other, I haven't lost all that much weight.

In any case, this week we were talking, and I learned that both she and her daughter have begun JUDDD. My niece went to the website and found out all the info necessary to get started. JUDDD is very difficult for many people at first, but both of them are "high" on their accomplishment and really believe that this plan fits their lifestyle and needs. I am beyond thrilled.

So perhaps if your brother sees YOU and the changes in your body, he'll be inspired to make some changes himself. I mention this because there's really nothing else you can do. Like you, in the past I tried to encourage my sister--bought them a treadmill because they said they really wanted to exercise--unused; bought them an Atkins book because they really should be doing low carb--nothing. People have to come to it in their own time, but I'm glad that my sister and niece seem to have found their time. I hope the same for your brother.

[MsWoods]

You can't force a change on someone. Point blank. If they aren't ready to change they won't no matter what you say or offer them.

My mom tried to guilt me into going back on a LC diet because I had lost so much weight on it before, but it didn't last a week...because I wasn't in that state of mind.

Now I'm doing it myself because I want to do it. Not for anyone else but myself. He's just going to have to realize it on his own and just remind him you are there for him when the time comes.

[Dreams]

There will be no convincing him. It's like people who quit smoking and try to tell smokers it's not healthy and how to stop and all that good stuff. They will be ignored.

He needs to want to change. I think the best you can do is tell him you really are concerned and that you care about him and when he's willing to care about himself - you'll be there to help him out.

[GetFitNYC]

Originally Posted by Leo41

VISIT HIM!
So perhaps if your brother sees YOU and the changes in your body, he'll be inspired to make some changes himself. I mention this because there's really nothing else you can do. Like you, in the past I tried to encourage my sister--bought them a treadmill because they said they really wanted to exercise--unused; bought them an Atkins book because they really should be doing low carb--nothing. People have to come to it in their own time, but I'm glad that my sister and niece seem to have found their time. I hope the same for your brother.

Good advice... but I did that too. When he saw me he told me I should switch up my plan to Weight Watchers now since it's healthy eating. He said I'm getting too skinny... yeah, I wish.
Still... didn't motivate him at all.

[Rachelocity]

I spent the past year batting my head against the wall with my brother's health, too, so I know whereof you speak. I just admitted that I was powerless and let him chow down on sugary-sweet General Tao's chicken right after injecting himself with insulin while keeping my mouth shut.

A few questions: Is your SIL amenable to doing WW together with your brother? My WW meeting has several husband-and-wife couples and they do phenomenally well. (BTW, you can eat anything on WW, which means you can eat lower-carb/South Beach style. Works for me!) Also, and please don't take this the wrong way, is your brother showing any signs of depression? If so, then I'd just encourage him to start walking. It has been proven to be as effective as anti-depressants in proper, peer-reviewed studies.

[Jannybunny]

Sadly, you probably can't

[Mogget]

Hey Leadsinger - I understand wanting to help the ones you love get healthy but if you think back to when you were overweight how receptive were you to messages from family to get healthy and lose weight? Maybe you were one of the few who found it the tipping point, but for many of us being pressured, harassed, and "helped" by our loved ones pointing out that we are fat and must lose weight just kinda perpetuates thing. Julia was right it has to come from within, something in your mindset has to shift before you can be congruent about the weightloss and open to accepting all the help and freebies...

It is much easier to influence people you are close to geographically eg just by leading by example being around him every day with my new eating and activity habits my fiance has changed his and started coming to personal training with me twice a week and paying for it himself even though it cuts into his budget significantly... previously I had offered to pay for him to go and he didn't want to, it took constant exposure to my new lifestyle and my own consistency to transition his mind set to the point where it was HIS idea and now he is even more into it than I am!

[ItsMyJourney]

you are such a caring person! And you have bent over backwards to try to help your brother--I am really impressed!

BUT--no one changes until THEY are really ready to change. When he is ready to make a change--having a great support network will be wonderful.

The only thing that I might recommend is talking to him and asking him--"how would YOU like for me to support you"? It may be that what he really needs is something that you haven't even thought of.

When I started dieting--I told my BF what I really needed. I needed for him to tell me occasionally that he noticed my efforts and that he was proud of me. We all need different types of support. Now that I am not morbidly obsese--I have asked him to support me by doing more activities with me (like hiking and skiing) things where we will both get a good workout. He wanted to be supportive, but would have never known what I needed unless I told him.

[Yellobrix]

I think many of us struggle with this very issue with dear friends, siblings, or spouses. I'm no saint when it comes to staying focused, but there is never a time that I give up completely on LC. I either maintain or lose - just this week I decided to change modes from maintaining to actively losing again.

The person I wish I could help is my husband, and it pains me to be at home and watch him sit down in front of the TV with an entire bag of chips and a mug of beer, or a package of cookies and a big cup of milk. His family is packed with obese diabetics with heart attacks and cancers galore. I have invited him to join me, I've cajoled, begged, pushed, demanded, you name it - but it doesn't matter, because it is ultimately his choice. Even my kids beg him to stop, make comments about his weight (teens, and they aren't nice about it, nor are they sympathetic). My younger son has even gone into the freezer and thrown out an entire carton of ice cream - he'd rather do without than have it in the house because he knows his father will wipe in out in two nights.

I'm so sorry, Leadsinger, because I feel what you feel, and know many on this board share this experience with you. You want what is best for him more than he wants it for himself, but you don't have ownership of this problem. The best you can do is love him as he is, and be the example. If he wants to change, he'll ask you about your experience and success.

[emgee]

In the past when people made comments about my weight, even if they were not really comments but you kind of knew what they were thinking, it drove me to eat more. The pressure, the shame, the self loathing..etc etc just felt worse. Your brother knows. Anyone who has been fat is keenly and painfully aware. I came to it when I was ready and even now I don't like it when people police my food or diet or body. When I was reading your post, I could just feel how all that well intentioned effort would drive me into a 3 day binge.

[peanutte]

You want what is best for him more than he wants it for himself, but you don't have ownership of this problem. The best you can do is love him as he is, and be the example. If he wants to change, he'll ask you about your experience and success.

Pretty much. I sympathize with your concern because I have it too, for some people in my life. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make someone be ready to change. But you can change, and demonstrate commitment and determination and success. Your brother might take notice. A few of my family members have tried to follow my example, even though I never preach about it and don't even bring it up unless someone else does. I wasn't expecting that to be a benefit of losing this weight, but it was very touching to hear my dad say I'm his weight loss inspiration, and to hear my mom say "I just keep remembering what you told me--'I do Atkins by the book and I don't cheat.'"

So hang in there. You love him and want something better for him, but until he cares about HIMSELF enough to want it, the best thing you can do is to give yourself permission to let it go and relieve yourself of that stress.

I know it is easier said than done. I live with it every day. It sucks. But I'm happy about my own changes, and that's all I can control, you know what I'm saying?

[GetFitNYC]

Originally Posted by Mogget

Hey Leadsinger - I understand wanting to help the ones you love get healthy but if you think back to when you were overweight how receptive were you to messages from family to get healthy and lose weight? Maybe you were one of the few who found it the tipping point, but for many of us being pressured, harassed, and "helped" by our loved ones pointing out that we are fat and must lose weight just kinda perpetuates thing.

For me... I was kind of waiting for someone to say something. No one ever did. My parents were Obese. My brother was heading that way... I got there. It was a friend of mine I hadn't seen in years. There was a big reunion. A bunch of us went sailing. The first thing out of his mouth was... 'Woah Rick, what'd you do? Let yourself go?'. That's all it took for me. One person to say something. I jumped into action right then and there. I have a warped view of myself, so I unfortunately rely on others at times...

Originally Posted by Violet Skye

A few questions: Is your SIL amenable to doing WW together with your brother? My WW meeting has several husband-and-wife couples and they do phenomenally well. (BTW, you can eat anything on WW, which means you can eat lower-carb/South Beach style. Works for me!) Also, and please don't take this the wrong way, is your brother showing any signs of depression? If so, then I'd just encourage him to start walking. It has been proven to be as effective as anti-depressants in proper, peer-reviewed studies.

Yeah, he's depressed, won't walk... won't exercise. He also works in the funeral business. So, if things weren't depressing enough for him already that definitely doesn't help.
My SIL was really big. She had gastric bypass surgery and then went back to her old ways of eating. She'd eat things she shouldn't eat and throw up because it didn't agree with her after surgery. Still she continues. She doesn't throw up anymore and she's fat again. She's on WW now which is why he preaches it, but he won't do it himself. They talked about going together. He was supposed to go. I don't know what happened. Still she's a bad example. She eats the wrong foods. If she has points she'll get out of bed at 2am and have cheese doodles and diet coke, or snarf down an oreo or 2 and go back to bed.
The entire lifestyle needs to change.


I will do as suggested by ItsMyJourney and ask him what he needs. Other than that, you may all be right. It could be he needs to figure it out on his own and I'll just be there to help when he's ready.

I just wish he'd look at how my parents were when he was a kid. They were obese. All the kids used to make fun of us about our parents. If he could remember how he felt. He vowed never to be like that. He was jacked... totally cut up. I know some say it's in our genes, but we have the power of choice.
I guess I already knew this, but it's good to hear from others to reinforce.

It must be harder for some of you like Yellobrix who has someone living in their house being this self destructive. I don't know if I could watch it happen. I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Your kids obviously love him and want what's best. I applaud them for throwing away the ice cream.

Anyone seen that anti-smoking commercial where a guy is sitting on a Dr's table waiting for the Dr to come in and give him his test results? Each scene they show the Dr coming in with a different diagnoses - You've got Lung Cancer, You've got Heart Disease, You've got Emphysema... etc. Then it says... Still smoking? What are you planning?

I think that's the kind of advertising that would help the obesity problem. All the issues that go along with obesity... What are you planning?
Instead we get a $5 footlong. Who needs to eat a foot long sub sandwich??? How about half? I digress... I'm off topic.

Thanks everyone.

[mamabear6]

The will and drive to get healthy is something he has to find within himself. How great would it be if he would have accepted your offers to help! But, you can only hope someday soon he will change his mind. Never give up on him, but understand that you can't change him. You are a good brother. When he's ready, I'm positive you'll be the first person he will go to for help and support. But good for you for being persistent. It just shows that you care a great deal about him. Hang in there.

[DEEDLYNN]

I think we all are pretty much on the same page....that you can motivate someone who does not want to be motivated. BUT.................... there are some things that I can think of.....it seems that he has a strong decisive personality and doesn't want to be told what to do..... But the power of suggestion is pretty strong.

For example.....has he ever looked at a FOOD PORN thread on LCF...because he probably doesn't understand the healthy world that could open up to him. He probably thinks restrictive. Diet, restrictive, rules, blah, blah blah. He probably thinks he has to commit to count points, which means figuring out points.

Maybe send him a book...and since he may believe you are pedaling ATKINS at him...maybe a different LC book. Jimmy M has a good book out there that I enjoyed reading (and if I recall it had an excellent sweet snack type recipe in it....I need to get that back out.).

Maybe if you have picture texting on your phones....pics of what you eat and how low carb does not have to be BORING by any means.

I think he needs the idea of changing his lifestyle to come from him, but there is nothing wrong with opening his eyes to some of these things....because no matter what you "say", I think he probably thinks restrictive....he has to "see" something else, something doable and even desirable.

Send your SIL some simple LC recipes that you enjoy. See if she will just experiment with them.

Once you get a little interest stirred up.....How about a little brotherly Biggst Loser competition. Brothers and competition seem to go hand in hand.....(and it's okay if he wins.....because that is your goal for him ).

But....you do have to accept the fact, that he may resist no matter what...no matter how subtle you are....no matter what you offer.

I wish you luck....

Dee

[bmbshl]

I empathize with you...from the other side...strangely enough. My mom offered me a $500 reward for 50 pound loss, and that still didn't motivate me. (Side note: when I decided to try about 10 months after she offered it, she was still willing to pay...and ONLY at that point, when I motivated myself, did the money become an external motivator - and ka-ching - I cashed in on that a few weeks ago.)

Back to you and your brother. I feel really badly for you, because it's evident how much you love him. Unfortunately it's like everyone else said...motivation comes from within. When your friend said to you the comment about letting yourself go...it motivated you because that was your breaking point. You brother isn't at his breaking point yet. I have a Master of Science degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology...I studied extensively motivation, rewards, etc. Your brother must hit bottom on his own.

Another note...I hit bottom when I saw a picture of myself that my sister posted on her myspace page. I could have killed her because I looked huge. (Fact - I was) That was my bottom - and it took me another month to work through my pain and figure out a plan. Important - be there (metaphorically speaking) and be ready!

I hear men are visual creatures, next time you visit, take lots of pictures. Take one of him sitting down. Get your s-i-l to take one of the two of you together. Then after your trip send copies to him. Not over the computer...real photos. Who knows, it may "help" to be the wake up call he needs. Whatever the case, tell your brother your concerns, and let him know that when he's ready to make a change, you're there heart and soul to help. Then drop it.

Your a good brother Rick - the world needs more people like you.

[tinatina]

Does you brother realize he's depressed? Is he seeing a doctor? taking medication? Depression is a terrible thing and can lead to even more overeating/bad eating.

[Houston Heather]

In my opinion, no one person can "motivate" another person. They have to decide, on their own, to commit to a healthy WOE and fitness program.

My husband suffers from depression, drinks daily, and does foolish things with alcohol and meds. I think he has a death wish.

Can I do or say anything to snap him out of it? No. I don't beat myself up about it because it's his life to ruin if he wants.

I do need to have a talk and tell him if he hurts himself combining the alcohol and prescriptions I am not sticking around to take care of him. That's about the only thing I can do.

My dad and husband nagged and lectured me for years about my weight.. none of it mattered until I decided one day that I deserved better.

[sistertzu]

Sadly he has to want change. It is so hard to deal with, I have similar cases in my family not limited to just weight.

Sis

[KutiePie]

Your brother is the only one that can decide when he is ready. Badgering and persistence obviously isn't working. You can't do more than what you've done....let him know you love him, are there for him "in thick and thin" and will help him in any way that he needs whenever he is ready.

I'm sure you haven't told him anything he doesn't already know and you don't want him to begin avoiding you and close himself off -- it is important to be there to support him and let him know that you love him no matter what.

[KrisJ]

When you think about it....could someone else have motivated you by all of those tactics? or did you finally come to the conclusion to change your life on your own? For most of us, it's the latter. The more folks who said stuff to me, the more irritated I became....I did NOT find it helpful even though I knew their intentions were good.

What may help is challenging his thinking if the topic comes up...not in an argumentative way, but just cause him to step back and reflect a little.

For Example: As I was gaining and gaining and struggling with sticking on plan for more than 1 day in a row, I was telling a co-worker how I won't do her diet plan...that the only thing that worked for me was Low Carb, I just had to STAY ON IT......and she said "Interesting, so, how's that working out for you?"

Whamo!!! Right in the ole' kisser. I just sat there with my mouth open and said...."yeah, nice one!"

It took me another couple of weeks to struggle with the denial and getting restarted, but by not TELLING me what I should do, but CHALLENGING my current thinking and actions, she was part of a catalyst that helped me to get back on plan. Did I pick her plan??? nope, but I got back on LC.

Hope this story helps.

[Mayberryfan]

Could you get him to agree to at least read DANDR or Protein Power Life Plan?? Maybe that would be a first step. If he truly "understood" why LC'ing is HEALTHY, then maybe he would be more motivated.

Also, if you were going to pay him to lose, how about hiring someone to cook for him for 30 days instead? Someone who can follow Linda Sue's recipes could make a believer out of anyone!

He may feel overwhelmed thinking he *can't* learn this WOE or that it might not work for him. Before I started LC'ing, I tried every dang diet in the world. Stuck to them, but could never lose much. I felt like a failure all the time. I NEVER told anyone I was trying to diet because I didn't want them to know I was failing. Could your brother be the same?

Good luck. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have such a caring brother as you!!

[peanutte]

When you think about it....could someone else have motivated you by all of those tactics? or did you finally come to the conclusion to change your life on your own? For most of us, it's the latter. The more folks who said stuff to me, the more irritated I became....I did NOT find it helpful even though I knew their intentions were good.

I heartily agree. No matter how pure your intentions, it comes off as completely obnoxious, and until that magic moment when the person himself wants to change, it will only serve to make him feel like a loser and a failure. It doesn't matter how right you are and how wrong he is. There's just no way to badger a person into wanting to change.

[fireflyfaster]

If I were you I'd get and have ready your own before and after numbers (cholesterol, triglicerides, etc.), and then memorize basic scientific reasons why LC is healthy.

But I would say utterly nothing and make no suggestions or observations unless your WOE is brought up by someone else.

The first thing and probably only thing out of your mouth if the SIL or your bro spouts the "WW is healthy eating" dogma would be "My cholesterol was XXX and now it's XXX. My low carb info board is full of refugees from WW who weren't getting the blood results they needed and felt like they were starving all the time."

The idea is that you can't spur the change, but you can hope to get him on track if and when he ever gets with it. Because even if he doesn't say it, he does respect you and the work you've done on yourself.

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by Leadsinger777

For me... I was kind of waiting for someone to say something. No one ever did. My parents were Obese. My brother was heading that way... I got there. It was a friend of mine I hadn't seen in years. There was a big reunion. A bunch of us went sailing. The first thing out of his mouth was... 'Woah Rick, what'd you do? Let yourself go?'. That's all it took for me. One person to say something. I jumped into action right then and there. I have a warped view of myself, so I unfortunately rely on others at times...


.

That goes aklong way to explaining why you want to be proactive with your brother, becase for you it was the tipping point,and you have had great success - of course you want to share that with your brother... but also note that "you had been kinda waiting for someone to say something"... you had already worked something out in your own mind and once it was confirmed you were able to make the change... unfortunately it seems your brother isn't in that same frame of mind at this stage.

If you want to you could try asking him very honestly, face to face;

"What would it actually take for you to make the changes in your lifestyle? what would motivate yoU to change your life, what would be worth making those changes? What is the MOST important thing in your life?" his answer ABC...

and "What stops you from making those lifestyle changes now?"

Really get the answers to this one, there is something that is stopping him and it isn't "just laziness" ... you can draw out the info if you get dismissive answers like that "What does being lazy get for you/allow you to do?" ... once he answers, if it doesn't ring true ask the same questions again of THAT answer "What does never having to acjieve anything get for you or allow you to do?" - you are looking for the genuine pay off to maintaining this lifestyle - until you know what that is you can't provide the payoff in a better way. Usually the "right" answer is indicated by a deep flush of color, a catch in the voice, tears, crying, deep shuddering breaths... it is called neurological engagement and it ihappens when you feel very strongly about something unconsciously. You want the answer that has the strong unconscious response.

Once you know what their lifestyle DOES for them you can frame it up - "If there was a way to still have/get XXX AND be healthy and fit and active would you want it?"

Usually the answer is "yes, but...." and a list of reasons why they think they can't have both...either obstacles or qualities they think they lack or a belief they have that means to have both is against their internal rules or values...

And this is where you find out what he NEEDS to be able to be that person... maybe he needs someone to drive him, maybe he needs heaps more self confidence, maybe he needs a way to deal with his emotions, maybe he needs a different job, maybe he needs more sleep, maybe he needs permission to put himself first, maybe he needs permission to be really indulgent in some other way... this is what you need to find out...

You can feed it back when you have the info "So if you had x, and y, and z and you knew that you would still be able to have XXX then you would have everything you need to make those changes in your life now, and you would make those changes to achieve/avoid ABC?"

If you get a congruent Yes, then now it is not about getting him to change it is about finding how to find and provide those resources that he needs...

This is a paint by numbers version of the NLP process "Present to Desired State Model" and can be very helpful for creating change...

[MNLisaB]

My heart goes out to you, this is so not under your control.

Yes, you can have the heart to hearts with him, but like someone mentioned, at some point self loathing may kick in, and may start a binge. I know what my breaking point was, spent years in denial, I was finally able to view myself as others saw me, and I was properly HORRIFIED at how much weight I had gained.

Ask your brother and SIL for dinner, make them a great LC meal, show off how great one can dine on LC, and not be deprived. Knock 'em off their feet, it may surprise them. Many folks assume lc=just lots of meat and cheese, nothing else.

[GetFitNYC]

Thanks so much everyone. You're the reason I come back here time and time again.


R

[ny_shelly]

When I finally decided to get back on program. I asked my mom for help. She motivated me because I asked for it.

I'm sorry that is such a hard answer. No one could make me do it.