WWTPGD? Hellllllp Meeeeeeeeee!!

[Violet Skye]

PGers - I need help! Very long story short: my brother is leaving my SIL, to move in with his new girlfriend. My brother is the best brother I could ever have, and my SIL is a lovely woman and a dear friend. I have a great relationship with each of them.

My brother is moving out of the marital dwelling on Friday. On Saturday night, I have plans with my SIL to go out for dinner and then clubbing, as my niece has a Bat Mitzvah downtown (where I live) and my SIL does not have a car and would have to shlep back to the 'burbs after dropping her off and then trek back.

Reasons why I don't wanna go:
I remember my own freakouts after I split with my ex (long time ago in a galaxy far away...) and can imagine my SIL will be equally freaked;
I don't want to have an evening of listening to her bashing my brother;
I hate going clubbing!
I feel like I'm taking responsibility for launching my SIL into the Singles Scene, which for me is like giving her swimming lessons in a shark tank (I meet my men online or in bookstores, etc.)

N.B.: I made these plans with her long before we knew about the moving-out date.

My choices are:
Ask her to change the plans to include other friends (setting no-bashing ground rules);
Do dinner & a movie or a karaoke bar;
Come down with a *virulent stomach flu* and hide in my apartment.

Opinions? You know you got 'em! And I appreciate every single one of them.

(I'll be off line till tomorrow a.m., as my home computer isn't hooked up post-move. I'm looking forward to reading everyone's responses!)

[erg1269]

ok
1) --- does the SIL know the B is moving out?

2) if one does goes out.. one must set a standard of ground rules...and if she can not comply with said ground rules...then the party is over!

3) dinner and a movie sound great!

4) I personally wouldnt do clubbin --because of said sharks!

im not sure if that helped any -- but its the best i can do

[kristinalyn2001]

Originally Posted by erg1269

ok
1) --- does the SIL know the B is moving out?

2) if one does goes out.. one must set a standard of ground rules...and if she can not comply with said ground rules...then the party is over!

3) dinner and a movie sound great!

4) I personally wouldnt do clubbin --because of said sharks!

im not sure if that helped any -- but its the best i can do

I totally agree with this. It is really soon to launch her into the singles scene, that you lead to rebound reget and stir up too many emotions. Dinner and the movie is perfect because right now she really just needs to know someone cares about her and is there to support her. Also, the alchohol drinking in the club may bring on the bashing and moaning and groaning that you fear! Plus, you don't want your brother to blame you if he gets jealous if she happens to hook up--who needs that!

[Determinedtolose]

Hi!
I agree with the above. You could always tell her because of the circumstances maybe a movie and dinner would be the best bet.

[Zer]

Originally Posted by Violet Skye

PGers - I need help! Very long story short: my brother is leaving my SIL, to move in with his new girlfriend. My brother is the best brother I could ever have, and my SIL is a lovely woman and a dear friend. I have a great relationship with each of them.

My brother is moving out of the marital dwelling on Friday.

On Saturday night, I have plans with my SIL to go out for dinner and then clubbing, as my niece has a Bat Mitzvah downtown (where I live) and my SIL does not have a car and would have to shlep back to the 'burbs after dropping her off and then trek back.

So you are just helping SIL pass the time between dropping her daughter off and picking her up after a downtown party? Can you do this as a friend, even allowing her to vent if she's in pain? I agree on avoiding a bar scene. How about dinner and a show or a movie? She might welcome something upbeat as a distraction.

Does not have a car? I hope she is not losing transportation as well as a husband in residence. That's rough. Does she drive or is she fine using public transportation? I realize that city folk DO manage without cars.

Is she dreading a probe from her husband's sister? Maybe so. Best to let her - a friend - lead the discussion and to support her - as a friend - as best you can. Be a friend.

It's hard to be on both teams at once, so you MAY have to pick sides - later - but for right now, I'd think you can be a friend for a woman whose husband is probably not a friend. She may be feeling sad. There are many ways to say you are sorry, without bashing or blaming. You might practice a few honest sorrowful comments that you can use IF SHE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THIS. For all we know, she's fine with his decision to leave. Right? I hope you can offer her true friendship.