Need a motivating buddy to lose 50 pounds with by April 2007

[Stelakate]

How are you? Everyone's busy huh, like me in this office....but that's about to change. First 5er is gonna be like a 3er since I have ONE sports physical the rest of the day. What a day, eh?

Things are going better today, yesterday I was in a funky mood.....getting excited for Estela Kate's birthday party.

Well, I will get back to my green beans and arm routine. BLAHHHH!

[carbjunkie]

Hi..just checking in. Why the blah mood Jina? If you need to talk I'm a phone number, PM or email away

I feel like eating something really good today but I won't..here's what I've eaten so far

B - grapefruit n 3 eggwhites
L - tuna w/mayo handful grapes
D - prob chicken - eek

Ok..I'll come back to see u girls later

T.

[carbjunkie]

Good morning girls. I came to check in last night but I didn't see either of you. I hope you had a good evening.

I didn't have such a good night sleep..went to bed at 10 and didn't feel like I went to sleep until 1am...I hate that! I had an espresso at starbucks around 4 so I think that's what did it.

I'm out early this morning to head to OC for T. We are gonna meet up with J and do some shopping afterwards..they have some awesome malls over there. R's corp office is over there and he'll be in that office today for meetings so he's gonna meet us for lunch.

It's going to be another miserably hot day at a mere 100. Funny cuz my bro called yesterday wanting to swim around 1pm and I told him no way..I heated the pool a couple days ago (mistake) and it's much too warm outside and the water isn't refreshing. It should be much cooler today cuz we need it.

Ok girly girls..sending my

T.

[Stelakate]

Happy to see you T, yesterday slipped away from me. We took Stela to the park, had dinner w/ Bre and fam and watched some Dane Cook comedy, I just LOVE him....so hilarious. Dinner was Azteca, one of my favorite places....but I felt so sick afterwards, had a couple bites of and enchie and a few chips and salsa. I MISS FOOD SO MUCH!!!!!!

Thanks for being there T. Kate and I are going through some changes, I mentioned the new job and that is one change, it's hard for me to adjust to any kind of change..but we've been on different pages for a while and finally realize we need to get things better or (much to my dismay) seperate. We both decided we wanted this to work more than anything and it's worth the effort to make it work. She just feels so different since surgery, like a renewed person which makes me feel bad because now that she is feeling so good I think I deserve the best of her, not this new social circle we're in.

I am a control freak. Period. I know it has to change and the more I lightened up these last 5-6 wks the more she seemed to want to go, do and hang out....when is it enough? I think I am a homebody by nature, but it is fun hanging w/ our friends and it is summer...there is just a shift in our balance.
Last night we really talked - I am going to get into a counselor and she is getting in with hers. I am considering medicine (GASP) for mood swings and we are going to give this the gool ol' college try.
There is so much good here, so much love and connection.....why do people change? Am I going to change too?
Our focus is on Estela. Priority one....but I sure dont know what I'd do w/o my Kate.
Just a heavy heart. A lot of down time, a little feeling sorry for myself and some nervous anxiety.....
if I don't seem myself....I just have a lot on my plate and for once, it aint food.
I love you girls.
XXXOOOXXX!

[cardenas5usa]

Okay, I am back, yesterday was dreadful not checking in!! But E and I had some serious catching up to do, he goes nuts when we are not home, just doesn't know what to do with himself. He painted the whole play house and cleaned up and downstairs. Anyway, sorry bout that!

So Jina, it sounds like you had a really fun time out!! And that is so good of Bre and Pete to be out and around already, it can get stuffy staying at home all the time with a new baby, so double thumbs way up for her!! A little hung over, and a long day ahead, yikes, but looks like you worked it out and had a shorter day. I have never played Loaded Question, but I am sure I would love it, I love all those funny out load games that require English,lol. Jeez I swear I am going to show up one day just to play game and drink with ya girls. Stel's party is getting closer by the day, I can't wait to see the birthday girl all decked out in birthday gear.

T, your pool sounds so refreshing! And skinny dipping, you surprise me girl, how fun, and in the dark is the only way to go. And champagne by the pool, ahh, what a dream! So shopping is done for wedding but that can't conclude all shopping right, there is always more of that to do, especially in CA,lol. And I see your off to OC today, have a good one!

We are hanging out this morning, I am out for a walk, didn't get up early enough to go to curves, I can't believe I woke up at 8, that is so late for me.

So how does a mini-survey sound, whatever pops in your head first?

1.Favorite color?

2.Dog or cat?

3.Talk or listen?

4.Last thing you bought?

5.Last thing you read?

6.Pet peeve?

Okay, that looks long enough to start, this should be fun, I love ya girls!! Hugs, Ash

[carbjunkie]

I knew it! I've sensed it for a while now that you haven't been doing too well emotionally. Well, like I said I am so here for you...anytime. I had a feeling you and K might be having some issues that needed sorting. Anyway, I want you to know you have my support.

Ashley you have been in such a great mood lately I tell you it has lifted me up! Thank you for that. I will be back later to answer your poll. I'm running out the door now.

How is it possible to love someone you haven't met?

XOXO
T.

[cardenas5usa]

OMG, I am so sorry Jina that things have changes SO much already between you and her. I can see how losing weight gives you more confidence, but deff now you should have the best of her now that you saw her through all the lower points. I am glad to see you two are being proactive and doing something about it before it is too late, I think that is one of the millions of great things about woman, especially two women, they are willing to to seek help and talk about it, rather than stuffy ol' men, ignoring the facts. In all honesty, I can't picture you changing that much with weight loss cause you have never let your weight inhibit you, you always put yourself right out there and had fun, I think you'll just continue as you are, as the great person that you are!! I am here anytime too, you got my 24/7 number now,lol. Hugs and Kisses XOXOX, wish I could really give you a hug, Ash

[cardenas5usa]

1. Red
2. Cat
3. Listen then talk
4. Gas (3.03!!!)
5. Pages from a Nora Roberts book
6. People that drive like sh it

[Stelakate]

I knew I could lean on the two of you. At the heart of me and Kate there is unequivocal love, we'll make it....just sometimes love isn't enough and we all need intervention and change at times, yes? I am a Virgo through and through....dramatic and controlling...but DAMN good looking, funny as hell and great in bed....(enter facetious smiley here) so it balances, right?

Anyway, it's gonna be ok. I never thought my sweet heart could change but how do you not when you are 1/2 the person you were and everything is more exciting and new? Roll with the changes Jina.......roll with it.

Survey, love's it...
1. Grass green (or any shade of green)
2. My cat COOPER
3. Both, but I am a town-talker
4. A bday card for Miss Ashley that yes, is STILL sitting on my counter. I SUCK.
5. That I enjoyed? A love note from Kate this a.m. otherwise paperwork...blah!
6. This list could go on and on but I will just say people that spread gossip and don't even know the facts....so many patients have been spreading rumors about Dr. S. and it irritates me, if you don't know the deal...don't say anything. UGH!

[Stelakate]

7. your favorite thing about yourself (we do spend a bit of time on all the things we'd change) part 1. physical 2. otherwise

8. What do you fear?

9. something I wouldn't ever know about you two...

10. The last time you laughed really hard and why, the last time you cried and why?

I was crying a couple weeks ago on that TT website when a girl posted that...."If you really knew me, you'd know" it was SHOCKING how many private things these people shared and what it made me open up and say, maybe we'll save that for another day when I am feeling stronger.

On a up-note Kate stopped to see me today since she is going to work at 5 and we wouldn't of seen eachother. How sweet is that?

[Stelakate]

Part 1. my lips 2. quick wit

Dying. I really don't know what happens when it's "done" here, where do we go, I dont buy the heaven and hell thing...forever is soooooo hard to grasp that we just....die and never return....forever and ever and ever??? It really is a fear of mine.

I did private care for a very famous artist, Isabel Bloom...she was a sculptor, known in the mid-west, studied under Grant Wood (American Gothic)....her stores BLOW up around here, and in other places. It was a really good experience.

Laughed, Saturday night...probably something Jason said, he is the funniest person!!! !!! !!! Cried...last night, you know why. BUT it doesnt take much, I am a bawlbaby.

[carbjunkie]

Ashley dear..shocked that I'd "skinny"..or should I say chunky dip? Hey..at night and when the pool lite is out..I'm ok with it. My take on your questions...

1 - blue (orignal huh?)
2 - cat (except Ivan)
3 - listen but talk too
4 - T's black dress
5 - article in O magazine on sex
6 - flakes!

7 - I like who I am
8 - my children's future (in this dark world)
9 - I **** ***** ***!
10 - In the hotel room in vegas Jen was talking about bed bugs and she thought there was one on her blanket she jumped up as if one was on her (but there wasn't)..it was pretty funny and we were all cracking up at 3am. About 3 weeks ago? I was frustrated with myself - weight issues..surprise huh?..but yep..that's the last time.

When we were out shopping I was going to peek in on you two while at the apple store and R gave me that look so I didn't LOL He wants to buy me the iPhone..we just missed it cuz the woman before us got the last one.

Girls..I loved reading your posts today..lotsa fun.

T.

[cardenas5usa]

Hey girls, just checking in real quick before dinner time. That was good of Kate to stop in and see you at the office, well put, roll with the punches.

We saw Transformers today, although predictable at points, it was completely funny, I laughed out loud so many times!

Love the answers to the survey, now I am going to answer the next round. It is so fun to learn the unexpected about you girls!

7.1 The color of my eyes 7.2 My willingness to forgive others
8. Raising my kids on my own
9. I have battled acne all my life, but cover it really well, and took acutane in HS(it was horrible!) Finally it is getting under control since I found a new system
10. Laughed: in the Transformer movie when they talk about masterbation Cried cried: Last week thinking about my dad's and my relationship or lack there of.

T,haha, no, just surprised that you have the guts to go nude, I am so freaky about it. So good for you!

Okay, now I need to finish reading our posts. Lotta love, Ash

[cardenas5usa]

The iPhone, I can't wait to see one up close, but man they are spendy, looking at someone elses will be the closest I'll ever get probably,lol. How fun though!

[carbjunkie]

I see you Ash..well..your green lite

I believe in God and don't fear dying..I trust he will be with me..although I don't know what will really happen.. I don't believe it is the end. I just do what he says, "have faith."

I have no worries that you and K will work stuff out. She knows what a wonderful person she married. Good marriages always work things through. You girls are no exception. Work on yourself - that is the key.

T-doggy dogg

[carbjunkie]

Hey Ash..u like the song by Timbaland, "the way I are?"

gawd..I just looked at my weight..and I post that for all to see? yikes

[Stelakate]

It's bedtime, almost 11:30 here. I am plum tuckered, long ass day here. We went to the District where Kate works at the KK, they had a kids fair thing and then fireworks. I dont usually drive into Illinois and the bridge makes me hella nervous, so I decided to leave before the traffic got crazy. Bre pete and kids went, it was fun. Stela CRIED HARDDDD the entire drive home, I swear it makes me nutty. I just started crying with her, what else do you do? Patience was never my strong point (COME ON PERIODDDDDDD!). Kate looked so hot in that little apron, not realizing I was looking at her, it's a fun thing.
I know it will work out, I can't imagine my life without her. Marriages are tough stuff, right? DAILY work, man.
I am glad you have a strong faith T, it's not something I believe in, but am happy when people find contentment in the "UNKNOWN'S".

Tomorrow we are traveling a bit to my friend Steph's for a pool party. I might stop and get this fabulous cowboy hat first, we'll see. Fireworks are in Bettendorf, an ajoining town.....they put on one hellova show. Stela's first fireworks.
Pretty bummed, I went to the fabric store for a pattern of a dress I used to make for Madi, tons of them in the summer....well, they didnt have it. sigh.

Alright, I have salsa to make for tomorrow. Going for a spicy tex-mex vibe for tomorrow, insert: sombraro wearin' me.
I made a huge a ss pan of pb rice krisy treats w/ a milk choco top. YUMM I SAID YUMMMM!

T, so jealous of that damn Iphone. DAMN, I want that muther f'er.
I didn't tell you two, we found a car we liked, it's a Saturn Ion. Practical, great deal, slightly boring yes, and my most hated car color....WHITE. BUT, it's cute.

Okey dokey ladies....should go. Ash, I would never see that movie, but glad you thought it was funny. Glad to be home to E? You two are adorable.

Love to you, cookies. NIGHT NITE!

[carbjunkie]

Hey G..really do love that pic. I'm glad you are positive about your outlook with K. It will work out so try not to stress.

I'm getting ready for bed too..been talking with T for the last two hours. That baby has a heavy heart.

Thank goodness I don't have to watch kiddie movies anymore..well I know Transformers is not a "kiddie" movie but still they are so painful for me

Ok..goodnite my dear friends.

T.

[carbjunkie]

Hi girls..just a quick hi to say hope you have a great day.

T.

[cardenas5usa]

Yipee, it's fireworks day! Happy 4th to you both too! Hope you are both out playing on this fine day! It is going to be mid 80s, perfect, with big puffy white clouds. We are doing BBQ, what else for the forth, and just enjoying our time, E doesn't have to work tonight so we are good, and my mom should arrive this afternoon. Oh, and to put the cherry on top, yesterday my BIL Fofo go his apartment all lined up and will be moving on the 15th if not sooner, HOT DOG!!!!

T, that is so good that you and baby T can talk so well, my mother and I were always like best friends, since I am the only one, but in my teens I remember it being hard to really talk "well" with her, typical teen stuff I guess. So are you type of parent to put it all out there in the open so they can make the best informed decisions? That is the parent I hope and aspire to be.

Jina, now you are really making me salivate! PB rice krispies with chocolate ganache!!! That is so my mom's quintacential 4th of july party food, she used to always make a huge pan of them and take them with us to the park where we would go watch the BIG fireworks with all the neighbors. It is one of those memories that will stick with me forever. I say YUMMMMM too!

T, thank you very much for the card for my Bday, I recieved it yesterday. And Jina, I noticed the last thing you bought was a Bday card for me, how nice, and don't worry, I am ALWAYS late at getting stuff like that in the mail, notorious for it I am cheesy like that,lol.

Alrighty, being back to good healthy food has been going well so far, I find I really do crave salads and veggies and meat when I am taking a break from LC. So I suppose that is a good sign that my body and my brain have learned something from this process. I have come to the realization that thin/average people must internally and/or subconsciencely make allowences and compensations for splurge food on an everyday basis and that at some point, my process got all whacked out of shape, so I am relearning it..........and that is way too many long words in one sentance but oh well,lol.

Alrighty then, think I'll eat something now, check ya laters, Ash

[Stelakate]

Have a seat, it's gonna be a long one.
First off, HAPPIEST 4th of JULY girls! Sounds like you two were doing just fine, I love that! We did go to Steph's house, I made choco covered strawberries in addition to the pb rktreats and salsa.....we had great food and it was a hot and beautiful day. The night before it stormed like CRAZY so I was really relieved it shaped up so nicely, not a cloud in the sky: ENTER SUNBURN SMILEY! Steph bought Stela a covered baby float, thank gawd, ours doesn't have a top on it. She had a blast. The smell of the grill.....it is one of the best smells in the entire world. I really took the time to just take it all in......since I couldn't eat it. The adjustment is getting better but it's still so drastic, it makes me really appreciate stupid things like the smell of a grill.
SO, we got home at 4 pm to shower and nap before the park (ENTER FIREWORKS HERE). On the way home I got what I will now call these "episodes" mini-breakdowns, or MB.....just about Kate and this changing thing...anxiety of her working the next two days, all night long...what the weekend will bring, how often she chats it up on the cell phone w/ Leigh and others, and how jealous and sloppy second's I am starting to feel. All really insane, all really out of my control....as often as I say it I have thought it 10x more.
That led to another 1 hr talk about these changes. I tell you girls, if we make it through this time, we can make it through anything. I guess it was brought on by being around our old friends, my best friends.....it makes me happy and comfortable and relaxed. Then you bring up this other circle and I just get anxiety.
It's the unknowns. I just cant take it. I keep mentioning 'is there someone else, are you desiring to be with someone new?????' The look in her face alone says HELLLLLL NO, but it doesnt settle me for long and I am asking these stupid things again.
I pity these weak women that are always "jockin" their spouses, checking up on them...email, texts, calls....questions out the a-double-s......its annoying. Something I have tried to live by, no one likes an insecure girlfriend. It's so beyond my control you guys....I just can't settle my heart.
I guess I should have said I woke up BAWLING yesterday morning having dreamt (SP?) Kate was cheating on me with Leigh and other girls. It was so real, one of those that shakes you to the core. GOOD MORNING, right? Yah, it sucked.
We got a lot resolved and the night was wonderful, Stela had the nicest time, it was Fischer and her first and only first holiday....really fun. I love my family time.
This morning I came in at 9. It was nice to visit with my girls before I left but I had anxiety again, so we talked some more.
I know I have to change my ways a bit, I just do. These changes are ok, and a good thing........I dont know, trying to self-evaluate I think I am so used to the control and normalcy, I just see these positive changes as being danger...the beginning of the end. WHY OH WHY OHHHH WHY?
Kate says she doesnt really know herself right now, it's so different, and she feels so bad for hurting me and not being supportive during all these new changes, but she just cant help it. It torments her too.......so what do you do?
I think I need a hobby, a real change of attitude and a new outlook.
I have no energy or gumption, I dont think I can get on happily in this new way of living, i just dont know how.
I dont want medicine.
I work with these issues daily. Anxiety, slight depression, panic disorder, PMDD (I do think that Yaz would help me, at times). How can I act like this is all Kate and not me? It's the result of the changes and how inept I am at handling them.
Girls welcome to crazyville, population: Me.
It helps to talk about it to whomever will listen.....it's better than holding it in.
I am calling the Davenport Yoga Club today, they have a meditation session on Thursday nights (Buddhist) and I think I could benefit from it.
Also making the call to a counselor today. Can't hurt, right?
This too shall pass is just not cutting it anymore.
Sorry to be so one-sided today.
Will check in on you two later.
Mucho love.

[carbjunkie]

Good morning girls. I'm first confessing (I'm sure you're not shocked) on my bad eats/drinks yesterday. Here's what I ate

B - 2 bacon 2 eggwhites (R made me bfast - too sweet)
L - half a bag of reduced fat ruffles with onion dip
S - french roll
S - cherries
D - no dinner cuz I was so full of potato chips and sour cream - eek
Drinks - 4 pomegranate martinis

Ok..now Jina..I am sorry that you have a heavy heart..makes me sad that you are going through this but I can say I identify with your insecurites (when I was younger) I was reading your post and I felt bad but I definately understand. I can say that there is good news..you won't always feel like this..you will mature and things will get better for you. The best thing to do when you start feeling this stuff is to work on yourself. Meditation and time to yourself is priceless. You're right..a nagging spouse is not attractive so you'll have to do your best (even if it doesn't feel good) to NOT be that right? It's hard..all easier said than done. I do know one thing..when you work on yourself..feel better about yourself..and focus on yourself things get better...or at least you put a question mark in your partner's head..get me? I think some of these thoughts that are racing through your head are hormonal and not your fault. I hope you don't ever take any "anti" pills..they are just bad news. I know you'll go through rough times but you'll eventually work things out. I have a great book for you - I'll email you the title. I know a book can't change things but it does make you think...and look at things in a different prospective. I hope I made some sense. I love you and wish you the best. I'm always here if you need anything.

Terese

[Stelakate]

"I do know one thing..when you work on yourself..feel better about yourself..and focus on yourself things get better...or at least you put a question mark in your partner's head..get me?"


I do believe that. I really do. Doing it is the hardest part. I know I have to, I will find the strength and just get through it. Get on with it. Reading at lunch has helped me, whenever I read from the Buddha I just feel such clarity, it all starts within.....I know I can make it. I can do it........................................right?:c onfused: