Need a motivating buddy to lose 50 pounds with by April 2007

[Stelakate]

Hi T!!! Hi ASHLEY!!! It's only been 16 days.......let's move on before I cry about it, I am very liable to do just that.

Last night was HARD T, I wanted to cheat so damn bad. Just had 3 scrambled eggs and another liter of that green tea water. It kicked in finally at 3:16 this morning and hasn't let up. I weighed here at 262ish which will be about 263-264 there, what are they gonna do cancel me?

I want to adjust my attitude because it's been crappy lately, I forget sometimes how very blessed I am and how lucky I am to be getting my issues w/ weight 'resolved' if even for a few years, ya know? I know this pouch will stretch out a bit over time, heck I know if I don't play my cards right I could be back up to this weight someday....I will still have to struggle I am just hoping that once getting to GOAL for once in my adult life, I might be able to change my eating habits and actually have a better relationship with food.
That addiction transfer stuff does worry me some, hope it will be to something like sex... who knows what the future holds....until then I want to be an 'upper' in this game of life, ya know? It could be so much freakin worse, for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, that's that. It has taken me like an hour to write, between patients and charts.

Have a good morning, will check ya when I get back from CBS.

Sending hugs and smooches your way sweet

[carbjunkie]

I hear you and understand you...completely. I deal with these same thoughts and issues.

All I would hope is that you are not so hard on yourself..we need to stop doing that to ourselves J..we have been busy with our negative thoughts for too long. Maybe it IS time for change. What are we afraid of?

I know yesterday was hard..I thought about you off and on..wondering how you were doing..your friend over here didn't have a controlled bone in her body. Actually I didn't care to and I've had a crappy attitude too. I was doing so well before I went to vegas and it's been a struggle to get serious again.

Anyway..you've heard this all before. I hope you have a good day and I can't wait to hear what happens at CBS. I'm sure everything will go as planned.

T

[Stelakate]

What's new pussycat...wooooe,woe,woe...
Hey can I even type that word???

Back from CBS, I weighed in at 261.5 exactly 1 pound down from the last visit thank you very much. I was so freakin relieved. I love those girls so much they are the nicest group ever, seriously. Kathy, the nurse, and I sat for an hour going over all the details of the surgery. When I got in there she had a present sitting on my chair. She said, 'that's for you!' I said, 'why???' already tearing up....and she said, 'because I gave your penciled date to someone else and I feel bad about it!' I was like 'Kathy, I never gave it a second thought...not a big deal'...she said, ' I know, but I did.' It was a Willow Tree figure, I actually collect them and she didn't know it....how cool is that??? I was crying and carrying on, hugging her...so sweet.
The little wooden guy holds a wire balloon that has the word hope wired into it, he's looking upward. SO moving and so kind. Love's it.

I have one more appt tomorrow w/ Phelps. I saw the pharmacist, she gave me my meds...iron/b12/calcium/vitamins...she's cool, it was a breeze.
I am so psyched, I cant even tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just feel this release, like a physical release of weight off my body it's hard to explain. I was just smiling the entire way back to work.
Realizing I am this close, it's out of my seat, knee-slappin' fantastic.
Gotta run for now.
Hope your doing well.

[carbjunkie]

Great news..I knew everythiing would go just fine. Good for you for behaving yesterday..that really helped. K - proof there are some good people in this world..very thoughtful of her.

I can imagine the smile on your pretty face It's your turn baby!

I just got back from dropping off at the airport..grabbed some leftovers from yesterday and a diet dr pep. I have to take T to her appt today.

I am so happy for you..I'll check on you tonite around 8:30 my time.

Love ya

[Stelakate]

I 100% suck at texting. NO kidding. I have NO idea what I am doing, Kate's always like...you want me to help you? Natrually me, "no, I can do it!"...not so much, right? I talked about you the whole way home after the text....how great you are, how we have to go and meet you someday, how much fun we'll have, what a great friend you are to me, in a real way.

How did the appt go???? Everything still ok?

We spent the evening at the ballpark, watching lesbo's play. It's been a while since we went down there. The park is on the river, it's a cute part of town called the East Village, restaurants/shops/bars and across is the one ball diamond. We watched 3 games and talked to lots of old and current friends, it was a good time. Saw a couple ex's down there, the circle of lesbians is so very small, it's weird, but I am always like...'thank GAWD I have you Kate..." and vise/versa....Some were surprised to see Stela, they had no idea...all were surprised to see Kate, but some didn't know who she was...lol...good times.

SO, I sat there, cramping/feeling that 'I gotta go RIGHT now' feeling all night, I ate meat/olives/a big dill pickle/strawberries in cream and a bunch of water, still flushing out....other than that I had some pastrami lunch meat and strawberries plain at lunch. That was it. I hate this weird bloated/poopy feeling.
Tomorrow is another weigh day, the last before D-day...M&M have T-ball. Thinking of having a dinner out on Thursday for my last supper...haha, w/ friends. That place Pat Mcguires has the best damn food and from 2-6 it's happy hour w/ 1/2 priced appetizers. The black bean and chicken nachos...YUMMMMMM-O!!! Their wings, to die for...the beer, ICY COLD. Love's it. One last time.
Staying gone helps so Kate kept saying, ya wanna go home??? I was like, NO!!!!! Let's stay. The breeze was wonderful. You know it was up to 92 degrees today? Still low humidity for the time being so that's a good thing.
Alright sweets I must go to bed. Tired tonight.
How was your day? Your eats, not too bad....have I told you lately YOU'RE THE BESTEST?

good night Ashley, where ever you are.....

[carbjunkie]

Thank you for the compliment..so nice to know I kinda suck at texting too..well at least I'm slow. I was going to call you and then I decided to just let you know I was thinking about you.

Watching lesbos huh? how fun It sounds like you really enjoyed your evening..I'm glad.

The appt went fine..you were right that time T and I have is good for us even though we drive forever! 150 round trip

I was thoroughly bad today..I am done though..I don't like how I feel when I eat badly..so I am ready to detox from the poison. I know I said this last week but no more excuses. I had a subway sandwich n doritos for dinner..oh and T bought me a warm choc chip cookie when I picked her up from school. I couldn't say no..it was so thoughtful

Ok my sweet friend. I hope you sleep well and I'll talk to you in the morning.

lotsa love to ya

[Stelakate]

What I wouldn't give today to have one today! I weighed, it's 260 so if I stay good today, I should make Phelps happy today at 4pm. Then I am done til Monday. I check in for surgery at 8:30 in the a.m. I want you and Ashley to feel free to call Kate and check in on me, absolutely-if you want to. I will want you to know right away how things went. If I had a laptop I'd love to have it in the hospital, though I don't think I will feel quite up to it. In my mind it's going to go real well....so I just keep thinking that.

You should have called me. It's so weird, this 'first blind date' anxietyish feeling we have w/ talking on the phone...it was the same w/ Ashley and once we talked it was like....old friends, not enough time to get all the words in.

Happy to hear T is doing well...what a sweet kid she is.
OK, starting my very boring water and protein laden day. Hope you rid those toxins....I swear sometimes I think I am reading MY posts when I see what you have written....
freaky-freakaaaa.....
Who love's ya baby???? I DO! I DO!

[carbjunkie]

I know what you mean..I too read your posts and feel the same way. It is amazing how alike we are..some ways bad..most ways good I really would like to talk with you soon. I am counting the days too..I think about it daily..I will def call to check on you..I'm glad you brought it up bcuz I was thinking to myself..I'm going to worry thinking about how she is doing and how would I know?..what am I supposed to do..call K?..asking about HER wife? so that is a relief.

I am going to ride the bike in an hour while I watch workout. It's taking some serious talking to myself to get motivated..I'm just upset at myself for lagging!

I had a cup of oatmeal and a slice of toast for breakfast. I'll be doing protein for lunch n dinner..gotta ease back into starvation mode

Well my dearest Jina with a J..so cute cuz my kids call M...auntie "G."

Who loves ya 2?

[Stelakate]

Hi! No lunch, had a late breakfast after 2 small cups of plain coffee....boring. 2 hb eggs, w/ mayo so deviled eggs, if you will. They were....fantastic. I was full so didn't eat. Kinda weird sitting here w/ no food but it does raise the question of, how often are we really hungry when we eat????

I, for one, know I am just programmed into eating patterns and habits...it's noon, time to eat, it's 5, time to eat.....weird. Anyway, rainy and cooler today, really kinda nice. M&M's game will probably get rained out...and that's ok...plenty more weeks for that.

They call M, 'g' because of the MarGIE part of her name. Same w/ me, kids couldn't say Jina so it became GG and some friends say G....oh, just one of those things.

Back to work, how is your day going?
You and J must have more pictures than you can count.
love's it.

[carbjunkie]

What's up girl? I haven't had any lunch either..those carbs for bfast really hold me over. Im thinking about making some coffee right now but not in the mood for anything else. I've been doing some work here at my desk and watching workout (or listening to it in the backround)

It's a cool day here too..a little gray but I'm not complaining. I usually won't eat when I'm not hungry..never been a snacker..but I do overdo it at mealtimes so combine that with no exercise = FAT

J always has her camera..she's been that way for years. So..you are doing well..getting ready for those little protein meals..good job.

You sound good...I like that

[Stelakate]

to my appt, big smooches from your favorite Iowa friend,

[carbjunkie]

Good luck

XOXO

[carbjunkie]

How did it go? I just finished a big chunk of watermelon (yum) I know..a bad news high sugar fruit. Please don't lose faith in me J..I will over come my self sabotage.

I'm going to watch Dr. Oz on Oprah right now. I'll check in after to see how things went.

Love me

[Stelakate]

No one that I know of ever got fat off eating fruit, so eat up my friend. So tired of food in general. What will this new life be like??? I wonder so much but mostly, I just need a change...every day, every single meal being tied to 'should I or shouldn't I' is making me coo-coo for cocoa puffs, see, that even sounds good now.
The appt went well and quick....he was in the room for literally 2 minutes. Signed the consent and he was out. The most pissy thing about it was they didn't even vucking weigh me!!! Since I was just there yesterday, what was the point??? After I starved all day til 5 pm w/ 2 hb eggs in me....so irritating.
Went to Pat Mcguires tonight, wasn't as good as I had hoped......that super sucks. OH well, I did have a nice milkshake tonight, I had been craving for a while now.

SO that's that. Really tired and this week is dragging so slow it seems. Well, you're probably watching Idol. Toss up these days as to who will win. Hmmm...time will tell, only 2 wks left.

Check you in the morning, love to you.
Me

[carbjunkie]

I'm over food too..I am over thinking about it..how much..how fat..how sweet. It's true though..I just don't have it in me anymore.

Well..I deleted most of what I said earlier so I will end here..short since we already talked for a few.

I love that I found a friend in you

T.

[Stelakate]

T-D O doubleG-
I am sleepy tired today....but it was totally worth it. How fun was it talking?! Your pic still doesn't match your voice, it just kinda threw me a bit, lol...weird how that is and you definitely have a bit of an accent, so cute!

SO!
Today is another day, gorgeous here today.
I was driving singing at the TOP of my lungs that 'cryin' song from the 70's....'cryyyyyiiinnnn over you......' Roy Orbison? KD Lang remade it but I like both versions....anywho, I kept replaying it over and over, it's a wonder I didn't wreck...

This office is becoming a real drag to me T, seriously. I can't wait to be off for a while!!!!!!!!!!!
What Memorial Day plans do you have???

Off for now you are probably fast asleep?
Talk to you soon my favorite friend in California.

[Stelakate]

Someone is sleeping in??? OR, maybe, I your sick of me...after all that talking, can't say I blame ya! You don't wanna know what I have eaten today. WOW.

Check in again later

love, G-money.

[Stelakate]

"I your"..huh?? Riiiggghhhttt.

[carbjunkie]

Finally a good morning to you my sweet J. LOL..I am so not sick of you..how could you say that? I LOVE you!

You were right..your lazy friend was sleeping..I was just too tired this morning. I actually felt bad for you..thinking..aw..poor thing..she must be so tired..it was late for her..youda thought we were out together late last night the way it sounds huh? LOL

It's another gray day here and I'm kinda dreading my mood..TOM is coming soon and am scared of what I'll eat today..maybe that's the real reason for my sleep

I am glad you'll get a break from the office..can become so mundane huh? (insert little yawn guy right here)

Your voice is full of spunk..just like I thought..you are too cute and I just wish you lived in California!..or even Oregon (wink wink)

LOTS of love to ya..have I said I love you enuf already?

Teresa - that's me

[carbjunkie]

yep..just me and j..tired of us?

[Stelakate]

Me and my bud are sending you a shout out!!! Just back from the worst cheat lunch in the history of bad lunches. We used to go down the street to the Rusty Nail a bar that has food, and it's greasy but good. ANYWAY, we went today...if I could have seen the waitress who was spread wayyy too thin and sucked anyway through the smoke...it might of been ok. SO, we order our tenderloin (grilled) 'baskets' which include fresh cut fries and warm (yah, be jealous!) cole slaw. She must not have put our order in cuz the guys next to us were eating before us and they came 10 min. after us, never saw her for a refill...big pet peeve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had to scarf down the food in less than 10 cuz we'd been gone over 45 min and have a new pt. at 1pm....so the capper, we get the bill-they raised the price by over $2 on that janky ass basket. We were like, HUH??? $10 for that raggedy ass sandwich and the pointy bs 'homemade' fries??????
NEVER AGAIN! Dr. S. says he's gonna call and complain, what do I care? I ain't goin back anyway, so that's that....I hate to cheat, much less when it totally sucks. Day is going faster I guess but I feel like s h i t since eating bad (rolling eyes over and over!!!!!!) yesterday through now, which I must stop right now!
Dr S. is acting really needy and it's totally annoying, though I feel bad for him sometimes today is just not the day...you'd think TOM is visiting me. Will stop refering to period as TOM, that being a man's name just kills me.

OK, rambled enough bs, as if you really asked about the morning, or even cared, who would???
It was so fun talking, hope to do it again soon at a much more resonable hour...lol...
check in later ladybug.

[carbjunkie]

I'm going to lunch with R today..we'll meet at B's school and do an hour of lunch duty then off to grub. I'm deciding to get back on track. I had watermelon for bfast and will have salmon n veggies for lunch. I hope to have a better attitude for you. You don't need a moping friend with what you'll be going through these upcoming weeks. I want to be a positive part of your life..not a negative one.

What have you eaten today?..not a donut I'll look in on you when I get back.

XOXO

[carbjunkie]

Hey you..I guess we were posting at the same time. Yeah..not a good cheat lunch that's for sure..you just been having bad luck with those lately huh? that's really aggravating.

I do care about your morning..otherwise I wouldn't be here reading your long ass posts jk!!

I'm thinking we should change the name too..I'll think of something..maybe TAM (time again month?) lol..I dunno..hate that name Tammy anyway.

Ok..gots to run..I'll see you after 2.

[Stelakate]

that's funny, I hate the name Tammy too....I'll just type pd for period. How's that?
Hope you have the best lunch ever, w/ R! You are a positive part of my life, otherwise I'd pay more attention to my real life friends, lol.....

wink wink.