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Old 03-17-2014, 06:40 AM   #121
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I had totally forgot about the OMM. I plan to add that back in tomorrow!
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Old 03-17-2014, 06:43 AM   #122
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Monica---Glad you had a good time in Tulsa. It sounded like fun. How is T doing?
Welcome back to low carb. I hope it works out better for you then it has been for me lately. But I'm still trying.

I did make myself "green" merangue lc cookies for today and I will be wearing my green dog rescue t shirt. No one will see it however since it is -25 so I have layer upon layer on top of the t shirt. LOL.

Jeanne--Good luck with the tax man and enjoy your lunch out. Happy to see the scale moved down for you. Keep it up. I know what it's like to watch hubby pack it away. Last night mine had ice cream with crushed up Oreos in it and then backing that up with BBQ potato chips and caramilk choc. bars. He is beginning to show a weight gain but he doesn't seem to care.

Well it is the actual anniversary of Sadie's passing today and I am a mess. I am struggling with this so much worse then I thought I would. Please, please, please don't judge me but I have to get this off my chest. I am feeling guilty about the way Sadie died. Last year on this day I knew it was time for Sadie to be put down so we went to the vets, but when we got there I couldn't get out of the truck. I knew I would cry hysterically and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. So I allowed my baby to die on a cold steel table by herself. Instead of in my arms because of vanity. I will never forgive myself and there is nothing I can do to change that she died alone and scared. I am horrible. Sorry to bother you with this I know you will judge me and I deserve that but please don't do it out loud on here, I don't know what I would do then. There is nothing you could say that could make me feel worse anyway.
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Old 03-17-2014, 09:08 AM   #123
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Michelle perfect idea on the COOKIES! how festive of you!!!!!!!
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Old 03-17-2014, 09:15 AM   #124
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle204 View Post
Well it is the actual anniversary of Sadie's passing today and I am a mess. I am struggling with this so much worse then I thought I would. Please, please, please don't judge me but I have to get this off my chest. I am feeling guilty about the way Sadie died. Last year on this day I knew it was time for Sadie to be put down so we went to the vets, but when we got there I couldn't get out of the truck. I knew I would cry hysterically and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. So I allowed my baby to die on a cold steel table by herself. Instead of in my arms because of vanity. I will never forgive myself and there is nothing I can do to change that she died alone and scared. I am horrible. Sorry to bother you with this I know you will judge me and I deserve that but please don't do it out loud on here, I don't know what I would do then. There is nothing you could say that could make me feel worse anyway.
Michelle, you need to forgive yourself and move forward. I can tell you, now that DS15 has worked at a VET's office for 1 1/2 years, MOST people do not go in to witness/console an animal when they are put down. Most often it is just the DR and a nurse. I am certain your clinic had someone there petting her / consoling her in her last moments. I do NOT judge you at all Like I said, MOST people can't do it. Your Sadie would understand! I am certain. She would never want to see you SAD/FREAKED out. Know that your emotional state would have set her on guard as well. She would have sensed you were upset and would have been that much more nervous/upset. You know, I just had a very long conversation with my DD12 last week about Forgiving ourselves. In church we are taught how quickly GOD forgives us all our sins and as children/adults we are taught to forgive others. One thing that is rarely spoke about is forgiving ourselves. I feel this is something that is horribly overlooked. Honestly, WHO in the world is more hard on ME than ME??? You did what was best for Sadie at the time, you did all you could. Please let go of this and come to peace with it. Forgive yourself that incident and move forward. What benefit are you doing for yourself or Sadie constantly beating yourself up over it???
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Old 03-17-2014, 09:15 AM   #125
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I pray you find inner peace with it all soon. That is a huge BURDEN to carry and 1 year is too long to carry it!
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Old 03-18-2014, 05:39 AM   #126
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Good morning all! It's Tuesday! Step in the right direction. Weighed today 174.6. I think that is the same as before heading out of town. It is what it is.

How is everyone doing today? Made anything YUMMY lately??? We had to go to the grocery store tonight. It's a fun day here!
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Old 03-18-2014, 07:36 AM   #127
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good morning-it is cloudy and overcast-I feel so much better with sunny days-I definitely have SAD-give me sun but cooler temps!

WTG Monica on your weigh in--keep it going! maybe your weight loss and change in plans is just what your metabolism needed???

I feel fat today--I really do-ever feel that way-hate the feeling! better go find something to cook-I want to make something lowcarb but just can't get into the groove! holler if you find something good!

Michelle-how is the weather up in the tundra?

just scheduled my mammogram, bone density and thyroid ultrasound for next Thursday--the afternoon will be nothing but tests--oh joy!!!

I have clothes to fold-later
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Old 03-18-2014, 09:43 AM   #128
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Jeanne - what did you decide to COOK??? I am wanting something new/different. I am thinking of trying Linda Sue's ITALIAN CASSEROLE - Linda's Low Carb Menus & Recipes

now that looks good!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-18-2014, 12:28 PM   #129
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just back home from working at Feed my Sheep-didn't think I would have time to really get into cooking so nothing started--that recipe looks amazing!!! let me know if you fix that and how it tastes! I will have to make that one soon-and its rated 5 stars too--it looks so good!

we are headed to Vincennes tonite after Bill gets home-he has had toothaches lately-it could be from all the sweets he eats--seriously! he has had no regular dental care since my brother was not able so it has been awhile-he has several teeth that are bad-and will probably need pulling so we are going to Aspen Dental tonite-we have never been there-I had a bad experience with affordable dentures a few years ago with lower dentures-I never was even able to bite a cracker due to the pain-that was horrible-I went there because my other brother had a good experience-apparently I got a different dentist-they are no longer in business I hear? anyway-this office I hope is more professional and they advertise they guarantee dentures at least! I guess we will find out tonite-they do have evening hours a couple nights a week-that is a great thing!

Monica--are YOU cooking?? really????
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Old 03-18-2014, 01:48 PM   #130
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Worried about you Michelle!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's face it JEANNE, DH would be making that recipe! WHY would I start now????? Good luck with the dentist tonight.
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:24 AM   #131
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Jeanne, you are going to be shocked. I MADE that casserole last night. I doubled it and didn't use as much cheese and such as would call for. It is amazing! Very good. Very flavorful! Dennis loves it too! In my opinion, MUST MAKE!!!! I also made cheesy crack slaw last night! That is YUMMY too!
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:25 AM   #132
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I nibbled and therefore ate too much last night. All LC, but I easily could have eaten less! That being said, Staying on plan and enjoying some of my old faves from back in my LC days!
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:49 AM   #133
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There is hope for you yet susy home-maker!!! I am shocked! I will give that recipe a try for sure! it looks delish!

Our visit at Aspen Dental was AAARRGHH! He has 9 jaw teeth that are bad-both up and down-they will remove them-they call it surgically-I don't think it will require that but they are charging that price!! outrageous! anyway--then 2 partials-and periodontist treatments to bring his gums and teeth back to health-all for the small price of almost 5800.00!! of course they charge 70.00 for cancer screening because he is a smoker! and a 180.00 kit electric tooth brush which we had but theirs is what he needs!! just felt like screaming I don't think so-but I do want him to save what teeth he has left-I know what a terrible thing it is to not be able to bite-I did that for two years before I had my implants-soooooo we are doing it--and I gave him strict orders to take care of those teeth-I can't get him to stop smoking-that would help-the next time it will be total dentures for him- I didn't sleep at all last nite worrying about the finances--of course he sleeps like a baby!!!

Michelle--please check in--we miss you!!! take time away if you need but at least let us know you are ok!!

I am taking Mom out for a few errands this morning so I will be back later!
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:55 AM   #134
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Oh-and we didn't get out of there until after 8:30-they took him back and cleaned his teeth and made impressions-I think they wanted to make sure he signed and got started with THE PLAN!!! so we ended up going to Ponderosa for dinner-it was right across the street-I blew it!! stress!!! and then came home and ate cookies and cookies during the nite-I am a stress eater!!! and chips! ggrrrr
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:48 AM   #135
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Good morning Jeanne and Monica. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. But please don't worry about me. I am not worthy of your concern or anything else for that matter.

Jeanne--- I'm sorry to hear of Bill's teeth. Teeth are so important I know first hand, but sooooo expensive. I hope the cost doesn't cause a great hardship. And as for eating off plan due to stress...well we've all been there and will keep returning there because we are human.

Monica---WTG on making the casserole. Hope LCing works out for you this time. How is T doing?

I am giving up trying to lose. It's not going to happen for me. I am doomed to be fat. I won't be stuffing myself with junk (simply because we can't afford it)but I really don't care anymore. But I can't imagine not hearing about you two every day or so. You two are very important to me. So I will be here to cheer you on.

Off to work .... don't know why though. Haven't had a pay cheque in two months! Oh well !This is my life and I chose it.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:10 AM   #136
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Jeanne - do they take payments? Will they finance "the plan". If so, take advantage of that! I know the orthodontist does, not sure about a dentist in this case. Stress had me awake last night. With DS15s issues, we have been faced with the decision to either medicate or do brainwave treatment. Therapist doesn't think DS15 will have the tools he needs to on his own. Initially we were going the route of the brainwave treatment as it is less invasive but today DH found several articles that fully support meds in 15 year olds when done in conjunction with therapy. I think we will try that route. When we mentioned the brainwave thing, DS15 really baulked! We want his head to be where it needs to for whatever treatment he will be moving forward with. Thinking of that all, I woke a lot last night. Now, I am tired from it. I completely understand Jeanne, it stinks, but DH needs teeth! Plain and simple.

Michelle YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!!!!! Please don't speak like that. That is the exact way DS15 talks and that has us working to try to change it. Give yourself a few days and then see if you can refocus. You have come so far from where you started ! Don't lose faith. I know you can do this. Are you still volunteering? Is there any way to look for a job, even part time, that would get you out and earning something? Might help your spirits!
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Old 03-19-2014, 11:23 AM   #137
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Michelle-have you ever been diagnosed with depression? I think with your area of the country it would be easy to happen--I think half the country is depressed with all that goes on and with your business and how much is on your plate I really believe you might benefit from some therapy and medication-if not that then at least some st johns wort! I have been on medication probably for 30 years-nothing that I hide-I had some severe depression at certain times in my life and have taken medication since my first initial episode-its a chemical thing I can't seem to shake without medication to supplement so it keeps me functioning-I see my doc twice a year for prescriptions and have for years but I did the therapy thing too for a few years-I think that can help anyone actually. we all need a ear to bend at times!

Monica-I know worrying about T is hard and I would never tell which way to go-there are so many different therapists out there-finding a good one is hard-so if you have a good one and trust in him/her and T is comfortable-that is half the battle-I had several docs that just didn't work with me but against me-it really makes a difference over the long haul-I have had mainly psychiatrists since I needed medication so I stuck with them only-but that was my choice-occasionally a new doc would insist I restart therapy after I had already had years of sessions that I didn't feel I needed to do again-so it's a real pain sometimes getting one to listen to you also and really hear you. well--I didn't intend to go to deep but I think I have shared my depression history before-not a big secret-medication can be life-saving. I know I have talked about one of my other buddies Marita-she is actually the one who got me help so many years ago when I needed it--she herself had been depressed and recognized the symptoms in me. I was a nurse and didn't know why I was having so much anxiety, my heart was racing, I was crying but I had no reason-I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping-I was a mess-the first doctor I saw said anxiety is the first sign of depression--It still is for me--always will be I think? gee-you didn't need all this--sorry for the blabber mouth--mental health is a favorite area to discuss!
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Old 03-19-2014, 11:29 AM   #138
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Monica-when you talk brainwave treatment-what exactly are you talking-you aren't talking ECT are you? they are talking about shocking him? surely not! that isn't done except for people who aren't responding to other treatment-we have to be talking about two different things!

My grandson has been on medication that last couple of years and has done wonderful-he was having trouble in school and just kind of zoned out-so they started having him see a doctor and a therapist and he has done so much better on medication with handling his emotions-of course they think a lot of this is genetic-my dad was never diagnosed with depression or bipolar issues but I can look back and see that he had those things going on-and I probably inherited those genes and I think Chris has the depression bug at times-so the therapist knows this history and hopefully this will all stop any serious issues with Colton early-it sure seems he has improved so much in his personality the last couple of years-I was worried about him starting medication but he no longer needs to see the therapist-and I am not sure if he is still on the medication-I will have to check with Kim.. Ok-NOW-the history is over-hopes it helps

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Old 03-19-2014, 11:38 AM   #139
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Yes-they finance THE PLAN! I could have done half the plan for free with a wrench or pliers--sorry 1/3 of THE PLAN was surgical extraction

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Old 03-19-2014, 03:27 PM   #140
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The brainwave treatment is sound waves only. Totally noninvasive and painless. Not sure what we will do. We are having a hard time finding anyone who will even discuss depression meds for a 15 year old . Still looking . Jeanne thank you for your insight!!
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:35 PM   #141
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Monica-the school was a resource for us-they suggested several doctors that they had children who had success-the doctor was/is almost 2 hours away but she and her office is totally for children only-maybe there is someone in your school system who can assist you in making a referral to a pediatric resource and you can get more information in what they might suggest for T? I know it is mind boggling when it is your child and there is so much to weed through.. I have absolutely no knowledge of brainwave therapy..Maybe just knowing he has you guys to talk to about this will make a difference and he won't need anything more than continued support? and open communication lines? will continue to pray for your family.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:14 AM   #142
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Thank you for all the information. We have one more resource we can use to see about the meds. THen we will look more heavily into the brainwave treatment. I think MENATALLY, if he thinks the meds will help that will make a HUGE difference. You know what I mean, the placebo effect alone will help. Him not knowing or understanding the brainwave stuff may put us at a disadvantage whether it works or not. Does that make any sense?
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:23 AM   #143
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I completely feel that meds are a good option for a lot of people. It makes perfect sense to me that chemical issues can be very present in the mind. I know people that just are all negative or are always sad. We have none of that on either side of our family, but DS15 is different. AS a freshman in highschool, he worries a lot about College and Grad School and what will happen when he has Vet school completed. I will say to him, Let's worry about THIS YEAR and move forward from there.

He has also always had sleep issue. I can also remember when he was 8 and he would start worrying about whether he would be able to sleep early. heck, sometimes he would wake up in the a.m. and start asking me if he would have trouble sleeping that night. As he got older we had him go see the therapist he is currently seeing. She found out that as he got older, he worried about people breaking into the house and trying to kill him. That was in 7th grade. He has a lot of anxieties and he worries about the FUTURE stuff a lot! If the meds can help fix that, that would be great. No one, especially at his age, should have so much anxiety or worry on them. I mean, he even worries about how he will pay for college, something we plan to take care of (with scholarships). I would imagine go long enough with all that in your head, it would bring you down!
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:23 AM   #144
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Yesterday was a good LC day! I am really enjoying NOT counting everything. I think I will do this till 04/19. That will be 5 weeks. Then I will decide if I want to switch back to rotations.
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:24 AM   #145
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I want to think of something new to make for tomorrow. I have ate salads this week for lunch, but I know I won't be able to do that forever.
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:20 AM   #146
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well girls-I have been dealing with my own anxieties that sometimes you don't want to share for fear of making them real? the last two months when the Nate and Rachel had Allie's check up they didn't think her head was growing right-her measurements were not in the right percentiles-so they had an appt with a pediatric neurologist last week but he had to cancel due to a surgery in Atlanta-but the appt was today-he felt of her head briefly and said she was totally fine--such a relief--she has been doing everything she should have been doing--my Nate is such a worry wort-that he thinks the doctor was too quick in proclaiming her fine! I told him he just needs to relax-ever since he has had children he is a worrier too-I keep worrying about him because he is such a different man since having children-he can't let things go-he has the whole world on his shoulders. Maybe he has some of my anxiety issues after all? anyway--I have been eating poorly the last few months I think maybe due to this stressor? or is that just an excuse? I don't know-trying today to get back on the straight and narrow--I will not stop trying.
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Old 03-20-2014, 11:00 AM   #147
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OH Jeanne, so glad that baby Allie is good. How old is Allie? Is the the baby? I was thinking the toddler was a boy. I could have that all wrong.
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Old 03-20-2014, 11:19 AM   #148
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Allie is 7 months old this months--they were thinking her fontanels were closed too soon and she might have brain damage if that were to happen-she was turning over this month and doing all the things and meeting her timelines-I didn't think there was anything wrong-Nate thought she had a ridge too hard already-Rachel is a nurse too so sometimes knowing too much is not a good thing! it does happen but they can do surgery if it is caught in time--thankfully not necessary!! Nate in his worrywart condition has always worried about Lucas-his head measures in the big percentile--so he thinks there is something wrong there too--He can't relax!! sometimes I think having access to the internet has caused people to jump the gun reading about way too much! I do it too!

Lucas will be 4 in November--so he is still a toddler I guess--I didn't explain very well about her soft spot closing too soon being the issue!

back to folding clothes--we are headed back to aspen dental tonite-wax impressions!! then we don't go back again until the extractions-that ought to be fun-he already was talking to the woman about needed some time off after having it done on a Saturday--she said oh no-it won't be any problem-MEN!!! I don't even want to get started on that!
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:53 PM   #149
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I thought you gals might enjoy seeing what I see when I look out my windows.
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:55 PM   #150
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Stats: 262/187/170
WOE: LowCarbing my way
Start Date: July 9, 2007
The 1st pic is looking out my sunroom window toward our shed.
2nd is our patio.
3rd is our driveway. That is our neighbor Santa Claus trying to break up some ice.
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