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Old 05-08-2013, 07:46 AM   #751
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Old 05-08-2013, 02:45 PM   #752
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Yay, Marika!
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Old 05-08-2013, 05:26 PM   #753
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Binge free today. Yeh!

Some uncomfortable feelings came up today. Feelings of indecision. Thankfully, I didn't turn to food. I turned to the phone and my ipad. So grateful for all the ways I have to connect with other people going thru life problems.
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Old 05-08-2013, 05:51 PM   #754
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WTG everyone!

I have finally made it through a Day 1!
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Old 05-09-2013, 03:05 AM   #755
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Old 05-09-2013, 08:18 AM   #756
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Made it nine days. Starting to feel pretty good. #10 in the works.

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Old 05-09-2013, 11:32 AM   #757
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:50 PM   #758
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Made it nine days. Starting to feel pretty good. #10 in the works.
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:50 PM   #759
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WTG everyone!

I have finally made it through a Day 1!
Wonderful!!
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:53 PM   #760
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Made it nine days. Starting to feel pretty good. #10 in the works.


Day 6 for me and today was a test- I ate nuts and yogurt without binging
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Old 05-09-2013, 01:33 PM   #761
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Old 05-09-2013, 01:36 PM   #762
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You are all walkin' the walk. KUTGW!
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Old 05-09-2013, 05:55 PM   #763
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Day 2 binge free I really had to talk myself down today but I made it. It is so scary as I know how easily it could have gone the other way, but I will take it one day at a time and be thankful.
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:51 AM   #764
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KUTGW Ladies!!
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Old 05-10-2013, 04:54 AM   #765
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Had a bad couple of days. No bingeing in the usual sense, but not good eating either. Last night I had 3/4 of a bag of pretzels after dinner. So I think to be honest I need to start over.

I have my monthly doctors appt Monday, and I have been trying to do some of the work she suggested. I realized that my pattern is to diet from April/May until Christmas, then visit family and fall off the wagon, only to gain steadily until Spring, then start all over again. I have always thought all the great food was the thing that derails me, but I now realize that I eat to cope with those freakin' people. In a nutshell, I left home at 17 and have been self sufficient ever since. I left an emotionally abusive father and a mother who didn't protect me from his rages. (like I believe she was obligated to do). There were a couple of times when she was so stressed from my dad that she would turn on me. So I never felt I had any security. So fast forward to today. I am 43 years old. For 26 years in a row I have traveled home to visit them. My father and grandparents are dead. I have a spoiled rotten aunt and 2 cousins, an insulting and patronizing sister and brother in law, and a mother who conveniently cannot remember anything negative. If I God forbid have an opinion I get eye rolls, or my BIL and sis laugh at me. When I try to talk to my mom about anything in the past she either tells me I need therapy, tells me I dream this stuff up, tells me I am too dramatic or sensitive, or tells me she is sorry I feel this way. I have been so confused as to why I have so much repressed hurt and anger since my father has been dead 11 years and I have been divorced from my abusive (emotionally) ex for 7 and have had a lot of therapy, but now I realize that the repressed anger isn't for them, it's for my family that I still see. I see these people for a few days at Christmas each year and that is all, but I think about the hurt they cause me every single day. This past Christmas my sis and BIL literally laughed at me when I tried to express an opinion. I am angry and hurt about that everyday and I know I need to let it go and forgive them, but I just cannot seem to get past it. There have been instances where the rest of the family keeps things from me, and gossips about me. I always find out about it and it just makes things even worse. I cannot even tell my mother anything going on in my life because I cannot trust she won't blab to everybody. (not that I speak to her often, I purposely haven't called her in 2 months to see if she would call me and she hasn't even once). The thing is with all of this, my whole family thinks I am the crazy one. They are all normal and I am the overly sensitive nut job. So of course, I begin to think that if they all feel that way and I am the only one who feels like this, maybe they're right. But today somebody said to me that everybody isn't telling me I am wrong. Only my family. Everybody else in my life thinks they are the dysfunctional ones.

So now I find myself with a dilemma. Do I cut these people out of my life completely? If I was looking at my situation, I would say yes, of course it's a no brainier, but it is not so easy when it's you. The pain and guilt associated with even thinking about doing that is overwhelming. I have been toying with the idea of not going for Christmas this year. I mean, there is literally no benefit at all for me to go, but I almost panic at the thought of boycotting it. I know, Christmas is a long way off, but remember, this is the time of year I start my yearly crash dieting so I won't look so fat and give them more to gossip about. (once my grandmother called all the relatives to tell them how fat I got, another time my sis told me I was an embarrassment to her). The other side of this is that they are not bad to me all the time. There is laughter and games and fun, so that is all anybody but me seems to remember. So they would honestly not understand why I wouldn't want to come. When I have mentioned to my mom or sis about hurtful things they've said, they actually stare at me blankly and tell me they have no recollection of what I am talking about. So I am really unsure of what to do. I fear I will be miserable no matter what I decide.

I apologize for all this rambling. It's 4:30 am here and I cannot sleep so if this is really a jumbled mess please understand! Thanks for letting me vent.

Brandi
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:27 AM   #766
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Brandi,

#1, you are not fat; our primary purpose here in this life is to serve others by taking care of the gifts given to us. The gift of life, this body and soul. Once I realized My job is to have a healthy body,so I can be of maximum service, I started eating healthier and working on my emotional and spiritual growth. You may never have answers to the questions you pose to our family, but the answers are known,whether verbalized or not. The Serenity Prayer was a big help to me in learning to let go of stuff that interfered with my growth. There is a orayer called the Acceptance Prayer that has also been extremely helpful. I will see if I can locate it.

The word boycott js pretty strong. Perhaps, think of staying home next Cristmas for your own self-care. In a positive, Christmas is about love. Love yourself enough and give yourself oermission to have oeace next season with people who you live and care for. If it does not include our birth family, that is ok.

7 Rules of Life that I saw out on the internet by Words of the Heart
1 Make peace with the past,so it won't screw up the present;
2. What others think of you is none of your business;
3. Time heals almost everything, give it time;
4. Don't compare yourself to others and don't judge the. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
5. Stop thinking too much, it's alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.
6. No one is in charge of our happiness except you.
7. Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.


Below is a new book that just hit the shelves that sounds promising.

TRAUMA AND TRANSFORMATION: A 12-Step Guide. Authored by Rivka A. Edery LMSW

How does one formulate a recovery and treatment plan for the profound consequences of surviving trauma? Why should the survivor begin a process of healing with the admission of what happened to them? Is the role of spirituality in trauma recovery necessary in order to heal?

In Trauma and Transformation: A Twelve Step Guide, clinical social worker Rivka Edery demystifies the misunderstood resource of spirituality, as it applies to healing from trauma. She provides a guide to a personal spiritual approach that can lead a survivor in a new and powerful direction, perhaps not previously considered.

Combining the details of the survivor's inner reality with a step-by-step process of applying spiritual tools to each phase of recovery, Edery demonstrates how such a framework can be highly successful for survivors who seek to lessen their pain and confusion. Edery hypothesizes that for a treatment process to be truly effective, a survivor needs to have special skills in order to overcome their challenges. This is accomplished when a survivor embraces this process. Edery shows you how, step by step.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:29 AM   #767
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I was just checking out some info on Buddhism and saw a quote that said, The root if all suffering is attchment.

Learning to let go and let God is a form of detachment that really works. Whenever I get to the point of desparation, I turn to God and in anguish, pray that I can't take this anymore, HELP! There is a sort of peace that comes about as a result.

The last time had to do with a family member and money. Everytime it was brought up, it created anguish for me. Don't know how it affected him. When I finally turned the debt over to God and in a spiritual way way, gave it away, it was no longer my problem, it belonged to God. This brought me peace. I didn't have to think about it anymore. It was no longer my problem. The problem ultimately resolved itself. It no longer brings me anguish.

I only wish I could do this before I get to the point of desperation, but that is where my humaness comes into play. I want to stay in control of the problem with the mistaken idea that I can find the best solution and keep trying and trying. Until I let go and let God.

On another note, the following idea also helped me: Everything that happens to me is in my best interest. My job is to look for the loving lesson.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:42 AM   #768
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mary, thanks for the book reference. I may pick that one up to add to my tool box. I remember the 7 rules from a codependent 12 step program. I don't think about them conciously anymore but have internalized many of them.

Brandi, I am very much against burning bridges in most cases with either words or actions but do believe there are times we must lesson contact with people in order to love them. I have found that though certain people in my family have the habit of putting me down, I no longer accept their words as truth. This is not to say that it doesn't hurt. My biggest hump is the "ruminative thinking" that plays and replays these scenes of torment in my mind with various outcomes. I have worked hard at stopping this because it means that I am actually hurting myself more than they can. I refuse to give them the power to be in my mind so much. I have tried different tecniques to release these thoughts. Some have several steps, but they all seem to start with the realization that I am fighting a battle in my head and the decision to stop. So now when I realize it, I just say "STOP!" Then focus on whatever task needs doing at the time. Sometimes I focus on praying for the people who hurt me. There must be something missing in their lives for them to have developed this habit. You can't hate someone you are praying for. This brings me back around to loving them.

Brandi, about starting over, the challenge of not binging is different IMHO than the challenge of following whatever nutritional guidelines you have determined are best for you. If you have not binged, then Please continue where you were. That is an accomplishment. Besides, if eating off plan counts, then I would have to start over too. This challenge is not about being perfect. It is about not binge eating.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:13 AM   #769
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:43 AM   #770
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Thanks everybody. I am truly torn. There is a part of me that wants to just walk away forever and another part that says that is wrong. I pray for God to help me release my anger and the daily thoughts, but they keep creeping back in. I have never been one to stand up for myself unless I am pushed to the brink. So every time I am around them I feel really beaten up.

There was an incident a couple of years ago when my ex contacted my sister. She didn't ignore him but she and my mom kept the contact from me. I found out a year later from him. (he sent an email I didn't respond to). I was furious and confronted my mom that how could my sister respond to him knowing the abuse he put me through. Her reaction was that when someone wishes you merry Christmas, you wish it to them back, and I needed therapy. I felt betrayed and I made my mom promise not to say anything to my sis as I hadn't decided how and when or if I wanted to bring it up to her. Well guess what? Last week I received emails and texts from my sis and aunt that he had once again tried to contact them. But they were weird because he had done it a week earlier, and the language they used was almost identical, about how they didn't want to upset me but thought I'd want to know. Then I realized that these messages came the same weekend my cousin was graduating. The whole family was together and obviously my mother told them my reaction the last time he did this even though she swore she wouldn't. There was no other reason for them both to wait a week to tell me. This is typical. Overly sensitive drama queen Brandi needs to be kept in the dark. They always make assumptions of what my reactions will be and they are always wrong. These people are not a part of my daily life and don't know me at all. I have often found out that I have been the subject of their gossip, and this was just another time. I feel like I am on the verge of tears all the time and I just don't know how much longer I can feel this way.
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Old 05-10-2013, 12:40 PM   #771
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Hi Brandi. First of all. Second, it is time for you to take care of yourself. Only you can answer the question about attending Christmas. If not going would be more stressful than attending- then go. You can always leave if things get uncomfortable.
It has helped me to remember that my mother and siblings were also on the receiving end of my father's crazy. If it damaged me it damaged them as well. You sister's pettiness/ meanness is a symptom of that damage. Your mom's " head in the sand" is her coping mechanism. If she admits she allowed her husband to hurt her children, then what does that say about her? Not admitting may be her way of protecting herself.
Long story short you can't live with crazy and come out unscathed.
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:23 PM   #772
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Your right Lisa, I do sometimes think about the fact that my mom had battered women syndrome and I feel for her because I too had it. But I would never do (or not do) the things she did. They are absolutely damaged people, and I try and remind myself that be escaping them when I was a teen that I am blessed, and that is the only reason I am not wallowing is denial and dysfunction like they are.

I would have just walked out of Christmas many times in the past except for the fact that I live halfway across the country from them. That's why this is a big deal, I have to save to be able to afford the trip, lost income etc. I tallied it up and Christmas costs me about $5,000 every year. My DH has been out of work since October (he just got his dream job this week thank God) so I truly cannot afford it. But my family doesn't know anything about our predicament. If I share it, it will just be more gossip for them. Last year at Christmas, we just pretended he was working and everything was fine.

I have been talking to my wonderful clients for two days about this and the consensus from them is that I always come back unhappy so why bother? I think it is about time I took care of myself for a change. It's just weird, I have never done that before so I am really not used to it. Monday at the doctor should be very interesting.

Cici, I appreciate you saying my days binge free were an accomplishment. I think so too! I just felt like all the pretzels last night were a "mini binge" so I felt dishonest if I don't start counting over.

I know I have been monopolizing this thread today and I want to thank all of you for taking the time to help me with this. I truly appreciate you all.

Brandi
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:32 PM   #773
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Brandi
So sorry you have to deal with what appears to be a dysfunctional family. I can relate to so much of what you say. You have time to think about things before Christmas so try not to worry about a decision just yet. I don't know if this pertains to you or your situation or not but I know for me when I am eating poorly and not taking care of myself everything is hard(er) and my coping skills plummet. Good job on only eating 1/2 a bag of pretzels, definitely not a binge!
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Old 05-10-2013, 04:07 PM   #774
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Brandi- talking it out has worked! You've made the decision. Wonderful.
So take GOOD care of yourself starting right now. Rely on your husband and friends for whatever you may need.
I had to cut my father out so I understand the ramifications. My siblings were not happy with me but it was really a matter of self preservation...and a tremendous relief

Wishing u the very best always
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:26 PM   #775
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Not going for the reasons outlined, change of life circumstance, is totally understandable. You don't need to explain to them why you can't make it.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:42 PM   #776
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Day 3 binge free!
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Old 05-11-2013, 03:55 AM   #777
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Day 3 binge free!
so happy for you Jeanie!!
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:09 AM   #778
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Day 3 binge free!


Day 8 for me
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:40 AM   #779
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11 days.
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:06 AM   #780
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11 days.
good job Cici
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