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Old 03-04-2013, 06:13 AM   #541
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2/10-3/3 - 18 days binge free and 4 NOT


I blew it again yesterday. I made a birthday cake and was determined that I'd keep to my woe except to just have a small piece of cake at our little get-together. Making the frosting was my undoing, and this happens to me a lot. I just couldn't avoid the temptation of cleaning off the beaters. So since I did that, I had to eat every carby thing I could find for the rest of the day. My DH doesn't do low carb, so there's lots of stuff around here that I shouldn't eat.
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Old 03-04-2013, 06:33 AM   #542
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Originally Posted by Doxymom View Post
True, I do tend to be an all or nothing person, and when I am doing well I do tend to be restrictive. I understand the concept of kindness towards oneself, but have up to now been unable to put it into practice.

Sometimes I think, "this would be so much easier if I had a problem with alcohol, I could just give it up totally, and be fine. But you can't give up food. Poor me! Those alcoholics have it so easy!". Ridiculous, of course they don't. I realize this is just another one of my excuses. I DO have a problem like alcoholics, it's called carb addiction. I DO have something I could give up totally and be fine, SUGAR and anything my body turns to sugar. But here is the rub (and I suspect alcoholics and other addictive people feel this too) sometimes, I JUST DON'T WANT TO!!!! Sometimes I don't FEEL like being a carb addict, sometimes I don't want to deal with this, sometimes I want just a bite of dessert, sometimes I don't want to have to think about this. So that's where my head is at the moment. Any suggestions on how to get back on track would be wonderful, because I am really struggling.

Brandi
Brandi, I am such an all or nothing person, too! And the alcohol, I haven't had anything to drink since 1987, but it's still one day at a time and always will be. And it IS easier (at least for me) to give something up totally, but, of course, we all have to eat. I am so envious of people who can just have a taste of something carby and be fine.

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I totally get Brandi. It sucks I hate that everybody else can have XYZ and I can't. But remember- all those normal people don't eat an entire cheesecake so if we want to be like them, we have to act like them
I'm no expert. Been up and down this road 4 times already. My mistake has been believing I'm cured
Lisa, the belief that I'm cured has been my downfall for years!

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I'll just say that I had some really dark thoughts and was even crazy enough to believe that after 30 years of marriage that I was driving my husband away with the foul moods that were a result of the binging.
I get the dark thoughts, too, Jeanie, and usually after I've blown up about something.

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But is it something I can change? I am almost beyond hoping.
Cici, I believe that every good day is a step in that direction!
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:58 AM   #543
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Hi everybody, thanks for all your kind words over the last few days. I wish I could hug every one of you! I am in a better frame of mind today. I got on the scale this morning and over the last week I have gained 6 pounds. Bingeing is so incredibly damaging and that is the proof. It takes me weeks to lose 6 pounds. Last night I started re-reading my Atkins book and today I am starting from scratch. No bingeing, no carbs. I have got to start thinking of this in terms of something manageable, but never curable. I have got to end the denial or I will always feel like I have the past week. I think it might be easier for me to completely eliminate carby things rather than try to incorporate just a few.

Shirl, I think not having a drink since 1987 is such an incredible accomplishment. I hope one day I can say the same thing about sugar.

So today is white knuckle day 1. Please send prayers!

Brandi
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Old 03-04-2013, 02:39 PM   #544
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Originally Posted by shirlc View Post
Start - 2/10/13


2/10-3/3 - 18 days binge free and 4 NOT


I blew it again yesterday. I made a birthday cake and was determined that I'd keep to my woe except to just have a small piece of cake at our little get-together. Making the frosting was my undoing, and this happens to me a lot. I just couldn't avoid the temptation of cleaning off the beaters. So since I did that, I had to eat every carby thing I could find for the rest of the day. My DH doesn't do low carb, so there's lots of stuff around here that I shouldn't eat.
I don't understand why we do that to ourselves Shirl. What is more harmful a binge or a small piece of birthday cake? The binge of course is much worse, so why do we feel we have to eat it all now that we have "blown" it? Perhaps it is because tomorrow we know we can't/won't have any cake so better eat it now! I know that is my way of thinking and I also know that it is backward thinking, yet I repeat the pattern over and over.
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Old 03-04-2013, 02:40 PM   #545
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Hi everybody, thanks for all your kind words over the last few days. I wish I could hug every one of you! I am in a better frame of mind today. I got on the scale this morning and over the last week I have gained 6 pounds. Bingeing is so incredibly damaging and that is the proof. It takes me weeks to lose 6 pounds. Last night I started re-reading my Atkins book and today I am starting from scratch. No bingeing, no carbs. I have got to start thinking of this in terms of something manageable, but never curable. I have got to end the denial or I will always feel like I have the past week. I think it might be easier for me to completely eliminate carby things rather than try to incorporate just a few.

Shirl, I think not having a drink since 1987 is such an incredible accomplishment. I hope one day I can say the same thing about sugar.

So today is white knuckle day 1. Please send prayers!

Brandi
How is your day going Brandi?
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Old 03-04-2013, 05:20 PM   #546
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So far so good.
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Old 03-04-2013, 05:50 PM   #547
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So far so good.
Good to hear! Keep eating lots of protein and soon all those feel good chemicals will kick in and before you know it you'll be back on track and feeling great!
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:54 AM   #548
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2/10-3/4 - 19 days binge free and 4 NOT



Did well yesterday!
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:56 AM   #549
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I don't understand why we do that to ourselves Shirl. What is more harmful a binge or a small piece of birthday cake? The binge of course is much worse, so why do we feel we have to eat it all now that we have "blown" it? Perhaps it is because tomorrow we know we can't/won't have any cake so better eat it now! I know that is my way of thinking and I also know that it is backward thinking, yet I repeat the pattern over and over.

Jeanie, it's got to be the sugar (carbs) at least with me. I really love the food that I eat with my WOE, but once I start with the carbs, I'm a mess!
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:09 AM   #550
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You know ladies, I think we "blow it" because we are in such denial that we convince ourselves that: (A) "the diet starts tomorrow and we are never gonna be able to have this again ever, so we better enjoy it now". Or (B) "what's the use, this is futile and it doesn't matter and I cannot control it anyway so why try". I think you are exactly right. I believe that sugar affects our chemistry differently than "normal" people and makes us think these things, and cause almost insurmountable cravings. I think that the innocent looking piece of cake, or cookie, or potato is dangerous to us and we have to start treating them like they are toxic substances. For us they are.

Yesterday I restarted my no bingeing and made it through day 1. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I made the recipe for Stacy's soft bread rolls (eggs, cream cheese) and for dinner had a hamburger on one. It is a little merangie but really helped me feel not so deprived. This morning I had turkey sausage and cheese on one and was satisfied.

I wish everyone a successful day today. Stay strong!
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Old 03-05-2013, 04:28 PM   #551
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I have tried very hard to release the resentment I have had in the past for needing to eat differently than "normal" people. I can eat like them but I know that for a variety of reasons this also leads to overeating and not having control, which normal people do not do on a daily basis to the extent I am prone to eat. Or I can eat the way I am eating now, with smaller portions and lower carb foods gaining some sense of control over my habits through measuring and weighing food, food journaling, posting and weighing every day. Eating "normal" lands me in the category of being morbidly obese and out of control. If I eat that way I am sure I will eventually die prematurely from weight related issues or in the least live a life full of limitations. The limitations in life of being morbidly obese are a lot greater in number and impact than the limitations of eating LC and smaller portions and having to consciously think about how to control and divert binge urges.

I have a choice and this makes choosing how I eat, even though controlled and fairly highly managed, the easier option. Changing my attitude and perception about how I eat, what I eat and how I deal with emotions as they are related to food and binge urges is really helping me. I am starting to be able to notice the emotional need to eat bubbling up in me sooner. I look at the way I eat as a life saving and freeing thing rather than feeling constrained by it or resenting it.

I know all my food issues are still in me so I am trying to learn permanent behaviors and practices that will counter the binge urges. I know I cannot make high carb foods that I like in my kitchen unless it is going right out the door to a party or event. It is just too much for me to have a big plate or pan of something sitting there. The thought of it will worm itself into my brain until I can think of nothing else. If I have one bit I will think non stop about it until it is all consumed. If I am having a planned higher carb food, which I do on occasion, it is when I am out at a restaurant where there is one portion and not something I can go back to six times like I can in my own kitchen. I limit the quantity of LC treats (that I can tend to overeat) that I have in the house. I keep them in one cabinet and if I open that cabinet I stop and take a minute to think why am I browsing in here as this is my danger area. Before I eat something, I measure it and log it in my food journal so I know the impact for the day and can determine if I need to change something else I had planned on eating later in the day. This is difficult when eating out but I actually do have a small pocket digital scale. I am trying to train my brain to understand just how much I really need to feel satisfied and not deprived. This is a fine balance.

I am not sure these things will work for anyone else but they are some of the things I do to get an edge over my compulsive overeating.
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Old 03-05-2013, 10:45 PM   #552
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Frankie,
You are so right about changing your attitude. You made me think about my father, constantly lamenting his type 2 diabetes saying things like "I can never eat anything good for the rest of my life". He was so resentful (like I have felt lately) that he made really bad choices. He didn't have the attitude that avoiding certain foods could make his life so much better. So those bad choices, (again, like me lately) made him obese, sick, miserable and dead at 60.

I appreciate your words of wisdom. True, watching every morsel I eat isn't a lot of fun, but I need to think of it not as a curse, but as an opportunity to live a healthy, long, happy life. Thanks for helping me get my head on straight!

Made it through day 2 not bingeing!

Brandi
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:52 AM   #553
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Great post Frankie!

Brandi- day 2


I ordered a box of Girl Scout cookies yesterday but I ordered the peanut bitter ones that my husband likes. It felt great not to plan how I was going to hide the box of Samoas and eat them all. Freeing...
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Old 03-06-2013, 04:31 AM   #554
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2/10-3/5 - 20 days binge free and 4 NOT
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Old 03-06-2013, 04:33 AM   #555
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Frankie...Great post...really good food for thought!

Brandi, appreciate your comments, too.
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Old 03-06-2013, 07:31 AM   #556
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Good morning. I have been lurking for a few days. Reading but not really up to commenting. It has been a very interesting and deep discussion. Have been really battling depression and think that giving up cigarettes is probably part of that, but have had no strong desire to smoke. Sucking on a straw still effectively relieves the hand to mouth thing. Gave myself permission to eat to satisfaction on plan. There has been some weight gain but it seems to have stablized the last couple days. No binges since last reported. Have been supplementing to help with the depression and immune system and hopefully the appetite. Too soon to tell if it is working but feel good this morning. Crazy. This sounds like a report to a doctor.
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Old 03-06-2013, 05:17 PM   #557
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Blew my 15 day binge free run grr. Windy and snowy here today, work was cancelled and I couldn't get out which started my day off on the wrong foot. Looking back I felt the anxiety building and now wish I had remembered to try the Gaba. I am determined to NOT let this start a string of bad days!
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Old 03-06-2013, 06:50 PM   #558
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Thanks Lisa, Shirl.

Cici, my gosh I can only imagine how the change in your chemistry after not smoking would cause depression. I know an interesting tidbit about chemistry. So you know I am a manicurist, and one of the things I do are acrylic nails. Well, not to toot my own horn but I am really good at my job. My people never have problems. So you can imagine my dismay when all of a sudden not 1 but 2 of my clients acrylics started popping off. No matter what I did I could not keep them on. Well guess what they both had in common? Yep, they both quit smoking at the same time. It took about 6 months for their chemistry to straighten out and all of a sudden, no more nail problems. So be patient with yourself. Your body is in flux right now but if you stay the course, it will regulate itself. Good for you for staying on the non smoking track in spite of the depression.

Jeanie, just keep your chin up and you'll get right back on track. 15 days is awesome. You can do it again! I have faith in you!
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Old 03-07-2013, 02:38 AM   #559
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Blew my 15 day binge free run grr. Windy and snowy here today, work was cancelled and I couldn't get out which started my day off on the wrong foot. Looking back I felt the anxiety building and now wish I had remembered to try the Gaba. I am determined to NOT let this start a string of bad days!
Hi Jeanie
I take the GABA daily, not as a "as needed" thing. I honestly have not anxiety issues in months! Good luck.
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Old 03-07-2013, 02:42 AM   #560
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Good morning. I have been lurking for a few days. Reading but not really up to commenting. It has been a very interesting and deep discussion. Have been really battling depression and think that giving up cigarettes is probably part of that, but have had no strong desire to smoke. Sucking on a straw still effectively relieves the hand to mouth thing. Gave myself permission to eat to satisfaction on plan. There has been some weight gain but it seems to have stablized the last couple days. No binges since last reported. Have been supplementing to help with the depression and immune system and hopefully the appetite. Too soon to tell if it is working but feel good this morning. Crazy. This sounds like a report to a doctor.
Hi Cici
My heart goes out to you Quitting smoking is the most difficult thing I have ever done but also the very best thing I ever did for myself!
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Old 03-07-2013, 06:33 AM   #561
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2/10-3/6 - 21 days binge free and 4 NOT
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Old 03-07-2013, 08:31 AM   #562
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I have tried very hard to release the resentment I have had in the past for needing to eat differently than "normal" people. I can eat like them but I know that for a variety of reasons this also leads to overeating and not having control, which normal people do not do on a daily basis to the extent I am prone to eat....

I look at the way I eat as a life saving and freeing thing rather than feeling constrained by it or resenting it....

I know all my food issues are still in me so I am trying to learn permanent behaviors and practices that will counter the binge urges.
Just picked out a few things that really hit home. You are way ahead of me with control. But I agree with your approach and attitude.

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Frankie,

Made it through day 2 not bingeing!


Quote:
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I ordered a box of Girl Scout cookies yesterday but I ordered the peanut bitter ones that my husband likes. It felt great not to plan how I was going to hide the box of Samoas and eat them all. Freeing...
Never could do this unless I wrapped them like a present and ....forget it. Never could do this. It wouldn't matter who they were for.

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Blew my 15 day binge free run grr. ... I am determined to NOT let this start a string of bad days!
Brush off and get back on track. You know you can do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doxymom View Post
Thanks Lisa, Shirl.

Cici, my gosh I can only imagine how the change in your chemistry after not smoking would cause depression. I know an interesting tidbit about chemistry. So you know I am a manicurist, and one of the things I do are acrylic nails. Well, not to toot my own horn but I am really good at my job. My people never have problems. So you can imagine my dismay when all of a sudden not 1 but 2 of my clients acrylics started popping off. No matter what I did I could not keep them on. Well guess what they both had in common? Yep, they both quit smoking at the same time. It took about 6 months for their chemistry to straighten out and all of a sudden, no more nail problems. So be patient with yourself. Your body is in flux right now but if you stay the course, it will regulate itself. Good for you for staying on the non smoking track in spite of the depression.
That is so interesting. I was thinking it was really quite easy this time with no compelling urge to smoke. However, since smoking was started a few years ago to help with anxiety and depression, it makes sense that I am no longer covering up these tendencies. Never thought about how other internal chemistry might be changing.

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I take the GABA daily, not as a "as needed" thing. I honestly have not anxiety issues in months! Good luck.
I am trying to remember my supplements in this manner. It is hard to get into the habit.

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Hi Cici
My heart goes out to you Quitting smoking is the most difficult thing I have ever done but also the very best thing I ever did for myself!
Thanks, Lisa. Congratulations on your success.

Good Going, Shirl. Keep it up!

Last edited by cici52; 03-07-2013 at 08:34 AM..
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Old 03-07-2013, 10:08 PM   #563
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Days 3 and 4 no binge!
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Old 03-08-2013, 08:11 AM   #564
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2/10-3/7 - 22 days binge free and 4 NOT
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Old 03-08-2013, 08:12 AM   #565
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Days 3 and 4 no binge!


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Old 03-08-2013, 08:30 AM   #566
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Thanks Shirl-You Too!!!!!!
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Old 03-08-2013, 10:45 AM   #567
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Snowbound and on the brink!! Those damn peanut butter chocolate pops from Christmas are giving me fits!! Gotta throw them out. DH will just have to get over it!
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Old 03-08-2013, 11:28 AM   #568
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Hang in there Lisa, same bad weather is what got me on Wednesday!

Way to go Brandi!!

Shirl- You are not binging more days than you are! Is that typical for you? I will be happy to get to that point.
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:35 PM   #569
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Shirl- You are not binging more days than you are! Is that typical for you? I will be happy to get to that point.
Jeanie, not typical at all! Being accountable here is really helping me...thanks for starting this!
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Old 03-08-2013, 01:20 PM   #570
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Jeanie, Shirl is exactly right. I shudder to think where my eating would be without this thread.

BTW Shirl, you are doing so great!

Lisa, what is a chocolate peanut butter pop? Is it like a Reese's? Wait don't tell me, it's better that I don't know. Oh! And your abstinence from bingeing is inspiring. You should be so proud!

Does anybody else find this time of year as frustrating as I do? What with those dang Girl Scout cookie pushers on every corner PLUS the return of the Cadbury eggs? I dread the grocery store and wal mart!

DH did me a big favor the other day, apparently those little demon scouts convinced him he needed 2 boxes of those freakin' cookies. Good man kept them in his car and ate them when he drove alone. I found the evidence after they were gone. Wait a minute, it occurs to me that this might not have been as kind a move as I initially thought. Is it possible that he knows me so well that he knew to bring them in the house would be to sacrifice them to BrandiBinge ? Hmmmmm, yeah, probably cookie preservation on his part. *sigh*

Elaine, are you reading this? Hope you are ok and you get back to us soon!
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