Old Timers and Newbies Challenge

[MomToEli]

Hi Everyone! Well, I'm back. Bowling was a blast! Yes, jean, we are VERY involved with our little guy. I homeschool him, I'm his den leader, Dad is his Cub Master ... I do almost everything with my little gift from God. I had 8 miscarriages trying to have him, so I know enough to appreciate him for who he is!

Tooter - how could you? I mean, you must have KNOWN I'd want to see that picture too Pretty please, with Splenda on top??

Well, my dh told me that if I reach onederland by the end of January that he will buy me a new computer! Oh, wow! I don't know if he thinks I can/will or not, but I WILL.

So, today I'm back on strict Atkins induction.

So far, I've had a ham and cheese 2 egg omlet, a BLT w/o the bread at the bowling alley, a mock danish and some fried cheese with a dip of sour cream and spices. I know the first 2-3 days I'll need quite a bit of fat to get me through this withdrawl I have to re-go-thru. Oh, why did I do that to myself?
Anyway, please help me stay strict. I need to prove it to both of us that I can do this ... Oh, and I already took a Centrum and Vitamin D ...

[Lost and Found]

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am here, but can't "talk" much right now...will be back later!!!!

[MomToEli]

I've had about 10 black olives for snack ....

I would do fit day for the fun of it, but I never measure or weigh things like meat or cheese, and I really don't want to do that now ...

[newfocus]

Originally Posted by Tooter

Here is what my Menu was today.


Brunch: Cold Sliced Turkey with Butter and salt/pepper. Left over chilled Shrimp

Dinner: Chef Salad with left over Turkey, swiss cheese and Oil/vinegar dressing.


Snack: 2 tablespoons of cream cheese with peanut butter and splenda (taste like Peanut butter Cheese cake)


Drinks: 2 cups of Coffee with Cream. 3 Cups of green tea with Coconut oil and Stevia. The rest water.

I would like the idea of the cream cheese and peanut butter snack - if I liked peanut butter. Have you tried cream cheese, splenda with coco? I wonder if that would taste like a chocolate cheese cake? I do like chocolate.

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

Ok, I'm back.

Click, this is a bit up my alley here. I've worked quite a bit with adults (through our church) in a program that deals with this sort of thing a LOT - issues from childhood on, yada yada, and all that.

Anyway, NO, you are not a bad person, and there is NO reason you must subject your OR you kids to this type of behavior. Honoring our parents does not require we endure abuse, and what he is doing IS abusive. Does this man drink? Or did he at one time? Honey, I don't care what kind of teenager you were (compliant or rebellious), how much trouble he might think you gave him, whatever he tries to tell you you've done to bring this on - know right now that that is one big fat LIE. We can not be MADE to treat others badly.

Actually, he sounds much like an alcoholic, and your mom sounds like an enabler. I feel for her, as I doubt she has any idea that she doesn't have to put up with him either, but regardless, that isn't YOUR issue. YOU take care of YOU and YOUR children.

Click, to keep them in this environment is it's own kind of abuse. PLEASE get those boys away from a man that models to them this type of treatment, particularly of women.

Hope I'm not coming on too strong, but I've helped too many people - women AND men - try to put their lives back to healthy following this type of upbringing.

Hi...MomtoEli!!!!

Thanks for your advice!!!! No...I do not feel like you are coming on too strong!!!! I'm happy to have your input...I just hate bothering/boring all of you with all of this!!!

No...my Dad isn't, and never has been a drinker, but his behavior is one of a person that I do not like....my brother treats women the same way...that is why he is no longer married.

I do not advocate divorce, but that is why I divorced my husband...I wanted my boys to know that it IS NOT ALRIGHT to treat another human being like this. I think that they have learned....because they do not think that their grandfather's behavior is acceptable.

My mom.....now, that's another story!!! She's so worried about "keeping her lifestyle" that she sugar coats his behavior. She makes things worse by opening her mouth, and in her mind she blames me...instead of her husband. That is her problem...as I didn't do anything wrong now...or as a child (I was too afraid---I thought that it was neat to get away with smoking).

I almost think that I should get my name on the waiting list in Minnesota...since the places around here have a closed waiting list, and are no longer accepting applications. Plus, that would put an end to the ex's new game!!! I just hate moving my youngest back and forth like that.

Also, I wonder if I need to "play" nice...you know act like nothing ever happens around here...and bide my time? (It seems that since I am the only one that stands up to him...and doesn't wake up the next day and pretend that everything is fine...that I'm making it worse).

Now that I am 40+ yrs. old, I have finally put all of the pieces together....I guess that I can look at this as a good learning experience...one that can finally free my soul, cut family ties...and not care about doing so!!! (Although it sounds harsh, it feels so good to think of).

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

Hi Everyone! Well, I'm back. Bowling was a blast! Yes, jean, we are VERY involved with our little guy. I homeschool him, I'm his den leader, Dad is his Cub Master ... I do almost everything with my little gift from God. I had 8 miscarriages trying to have him, so I know enough to appreciate him for who he is!

Tooter - how could you? I mean, you must have KNOWN I'd want to see that picture too Pretty please, with Splenda on top??

Well, my dh told me that if I reach onederland by the end of January that he will buy me a new computer! Oh, wow! I don't know if he thinks I can/will or not, but I WILL.

So, today I'm back on strict Atkins induction.

So far, I've had a ham and cheese 2 egg omlet, a BLT w/o the bread at the bowling alley, a mock danish and some fried cheese with a dip of sour cream and spices. I know the first 2-3 days I'll need quite a bit of fat to get me through this withdrawl I have to re-go-thru. Oh, why did I do that to myself?
Anyway, please help me stay strict. I need to prove it to both of us that I can do this ... Oh, and I already took a Centrum and Vitamin D ...

Happy that you're getting back on track!!!!

[Lost and Found]

I'm doing my best, under the circumstances, to stay on track.

Today:

4 servings of pork skins
McDonald's chicken bacon ranch salad (grilled chicken---dressing 9 gr. of carbs)

Broiled chicken breast---slathered with butter
Black Bear Salad (Cauliflower - cut-up real small, shredded cheese, grated carrots, bacon, lettuce--dressing= mayo and spenda)

water
diet 7-up

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by newfocus

I would like the idea of the cream cheese and peanut butter snack - if I liked peanut butter. Have you tried cream cheese, splenda with coco? I wonder if that would taste like a chocolate cheese cake? I do like chocolate.

Hi...NewFocus!!!!

Nice to see you here!!!

I bet that it might taste good!!!! Try it with a real small amount...and see!!! Let us all know...we like chocolate too!!!

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Lost and Found

Also, I wonder if I need to "play" nice...you know act like nothing ever happens around here...and bide my time? (It seems that since I am the only one that stands up to him...and doesn't wake up the next day and pretend that everything is fine...that I'm making it worse).

Now that I am 40+ yrs. old, I have finally put all of the pieces together....I guess that I can look at this as a good learning experience...one that can finally free my soul, cut family ties...and not care about doing so!!! (Although it sounds harsh, it feels so good to think of).

Click, I'm going to be very direct here, so if you don't like direct - SKIP THIS POST!!!

This is classic behavior of an abuse victim. You are rationalizing that if you are just good enough that it will get better. It is a way to blame youself while allowing you to SAY you aren't blaming yourself. But listen to your words here. You can never be good enough for him to stop, because it isn't about you. You sound very much like a woman living with her abusive husband - rationalizing why they can't get away - usually it is because she has no resources, can't get a good enough job, who will take care of the kids, and so on and so forth. Would it be hard to change right now? Of course it would.

Here is the question you must ask yourself. Can you live with the situation JUST LIKE IT IS, right now. You have to assume things are NOT going to change or get better, and make your decisions based on that.

Honey, you have written enough to see that this has been going on for many, many, many years. This isn't a new thing. As grown women, we tend to marry men very similar to our father's, particularly if our childhood relationship with them was all screwed up. It is like we keep trying to get it right. If we just get it right, we'll have the things we really needed as young girls and then we'd be better at being women. This is very typical. But it doesn't have to be this way! You have much more power than you believe. These people have put you in the BASEMENT, for God's sakes. You have NO electricity down there! What would you tell your daughter (if you had one, of course) to do if she found herself in your situation?

And you know how you look at your mom and think she is weak? And how if she had any self respect she wouldn't let herself be treated the way she is - or worse, wouldn't let YOU be treated the way YOU are, so that she can live like SHE wants? Be very, very careful, because your kids could well be wondering the same about you right now - why you would let yourself be treated like this.

I'm sure you can't tell I'm really passionate about this, can you? I hope you don't hate me for being so blunt, but as you have probably figured out by now, I don't really know how to be any different. And, frankly, your situations scares me. Just, whatever decision you make, make it with your eyes wide open ...

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Lost and Found

I'm doing my best, under the circumstances, to stay on track.

Today:

4 servings of pork skins
McDonald's chicken bacon ranch salad (grilled chicken---dressing 9 gr. of carbs)

Broiled chicken breast---slathered with butter
Black Bear Salad (Cauliflower - cut-up real small, shredded cheese, grated carrots, bacon, lettuce--dressing= mayo and spenda)

water
diet 7-up

Oh, and this looks like a day I'd enjoy eating

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

Click, I'm going to be very direct here, so if you don't like direct - SKIP THIS POST!!!

This is classic behavior of an abuse victim. You are rationalizing that if you are just good enough that it will get better. It is a way to blame youself while allowing you to SAY you aren't blaming yourself. But listen to your words here. You can never be good enough for him to stop, because it isn't about you. You sound very much like a woman living with her abusive husband - rationalizing why they can't get away - usually it is because she has no resources, can't get a good enough job, who will take care of the kids, and so on and so forth. Would it be hard to change right now? Of course it would.

Here is the question you must ask yourself. Can you live with the situation JUST LIKE IT IS, right now. You have to assume things are NOT going to change or get better, and make your decisions based on that.

Honey, you have written enough to see that this has been going on for many, many, many years. This isn't a new thing. As grown women, we tend to marry men very similar to our father's, particularly if our childhood relationship with them was all screwed up. It is like we keep trying to get it right. If we just get it right, we'll have the things we really needed as young girls and then we'd be better at being women. This is very typical. But it doesn't have to be this way! You have much more power than you believe. These people have put you in the BASEMENT, for God's sakes. You have NO electricity down there! What would you tell your daughter (if you had one, of course) to do if she found herself in your situation?

And you know how you look at your mom and think she is weak? And how if she had any self respect she wouldn't let herself be treated the way she is - or worse, wouldn't let YOU be treated the way YOU are, so that she can live like SHE wants? Be very, very careful, because your kids could well be wondering the same about you right now - why you would let yourself be treated like this.

I'm sure you can't tell I'm really passionate about this, can you? I hope you don't hate me for being so blunt, but as you have probably figured out by now, I don't really know how to be any different. And, frankly, your situations scares me. Just, whatever decision you make, make it with your eyes wide open ...

Thanks...MomToElli!!!

I like it that you are direct!!!!

I get my money in February....that's what I meant about wondering if I should "play along" to keep things "alright"? Because my oldest isn't considered a minor...a shelter won't work. So, I wondered if "making do" until I have the resources would be a good thing?

I've explained to the boys that this is unacceptable...they know about my finances...and they know that I will do something about it...as soon as possible!!!

All my sister, and I, were to my Dad = $$$$$$$$$$$$$!!! (From my dead Dad!!!) He's such a loser!!!!

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Lost and Found

Thanks...MomToElli!!!

I like it that you are direct!!!!

I get my money in February....that's what I meant about wondering if I should "play along" to keep things "alright"? Because my oldest isn't considered a minor...a shelter won't work. So, I wondered if "making do" until I have the resources would be a good thing?

I've explained to the boys that this is unacceptable...they know about my finances...and they know that I will do something about it...as soon as possible!!!

All my sister, and I, were to my Dad = $$$$$$$$$$$$$!!! (From my dead Dad!!!) He's such a loser!!!!

You have to do what you have to do, of course. Do you get your money in early Feb? Do you have anyone else, like your sister, who can/will help you out until then?

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

Oh, and this looks like a day I'd enjoy eating

What do you mean?

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

You have to do what you have to do, of course. Do you get your money in early Feb? Do you have anyone else, like your sister, who can/will help you out until then?

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

My sister....has a one bedroom apartment with her son!!! There really isn't room for us!!!

Heyyyy!!! Maybe, since my brother helped eat-up all of my money....we could stay in his $300,000 house!!! His granite countertops are finally in!!!

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

You have to do what you have to do, of course. Do you get your money in early Feb? Do you have anyone else, like your sister, who can/will help you out until then?

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

I'm never sure of the exact date for disbursement, but normally...it's early February!!!

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Lost and Found

What do you mean?

Your food looked good! Sorry - that really didn't make a lot of sense

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Lost and Found

My sister....has a one bedroom apartment with her son!!! There really isn't room for us!!!

Heyyyy!!! Maybe, since my brother helped eat-up all of my money....we could stay in his $300,000 house!!! His granite countertops are finally in!!!

You want to sleep on the countertops?



maybe he has an attic he isn't using ...

[MomToEli]

I'm headed for bed. I've looked at so many profile photos tonight that my eyes are crossed! Get some sleep and I hope tomorrow is a brighter day!

[jeanran]

Originally Posted by newfocus

I would like the idea of the cream cheese and peanut butter snack - if I liked peanut butter. Have you tried cream cheese, splenda with coco? I wonder if that would taste like a chocolate cheese cake? I do like chocolate.

Welcome, newfocus, we are glad that you joined in and hope you will care and share with us.

Please do try the 'chocolate cheese cake' and let us know how you like it.

Jean

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by MomToEli

Your food looked good! Sorry - that really didn't make a lot of sense

The dressing probably ruined my carb count for the day, but...hey!!! I didn't want a "dry" salad!!!

[Lost and Found]

Originally Posted by M