Why the fascination with Kimmer? #18

[LoraJR72]

"She also handed me a card to a nutritionist......who I likely won't call right now...I don't wanna hear nothing about eating carbs."

My nutritionist has really surprised me by saying to go on Induction. She said many of her colleagues are re-thinking their stance on low-carb as being "a new fad" or "trendy". I'm reading 2002 DANDR and going shopping tomorrow!

I also start the group therapy sessions for my eating disorder when I come back from vacation!

[OhYeahBabe]

Originally Posted by DEEDLYNN

I am seeing that my friend Carly is getting heat for our "friendship" she's not going down with my ship. So here it is....what you wanted to know. Why I am now saying that I did not do KK, I did my manipulated version of KK. No one told me to do this....I did not give this advice to anyone. What I did, no one else knew of...not my doctor....not my eating disorders psychologist...it was my secret, until, I just made the connection of how following Heidi Diaz's flawed diet can cause a 240 lb woman of 43 years to have an Eating Disorder.

I started the diet in June of 2007. I was off work on a disability for severe depression. The doctor had one rule. Everyday, I had to go to the gym and work out or go for a 3-5 miles walk, in addition to my volleyball, which I play 4 nights a week. I agreed.

I started going to the gym. I worked on the treadmill. I played with the numbers. I knew that by increasing the incline, I would increase the calories burned. And, that I did. I had hours to burn calories. I could leave there and go to the Y and burn more calories swimming. What I hung to as far as the KK plan was 20 carbs a day....20 carbs a day...no more. Nothing more. With lots of exercise, and 20 carbs a day...weight was dropping.

I started realizing how long it took to burn 800 calories...WOW, the out of control binging Dee could eat 800 calories in 5 minutes, but burning them...dang, it took more than an hour. Increase the incline. I was fixated on those numbers. 20 carbs and as many calories as I could burn in a day. I was able to devote lots of time to exercise thru July and August. Everyday. September 10, 2007, I returned to work.

When back at work....I didn't have the time to devote to exercise. I went every evening, but not the hours that I could do when I was off work. I had to pack as much as I could in 1-2 hours in the evening. The scale began slowing down. I could figure out in fitday, what my approximate metabolic rate for just waking up and "breathing" was....so, somewhere along the line, the goal became to make sure that my metabolic rate and calories burned were approximately 3500 more a day than my intake. The only way to do that was to workout as long as I possibly could, including lunch hours at work, and decrease the calories--now I really had to pay attention to not only the carbs, but the calories that I was consuming. Basic math...this should make about 1 pound a day...allow for fluctuations...still should be at least 5 lbs a week....basic math...right? But the scale didn't do that. I posted about the "mystical scale". I posted about the "toggling" effect of the scale. But in the end...I believed that the basic math would give me an average of 5 lbs a week. It had too...didn't it. It's basic math and math is factual....
It wasn't working....so....in comes magnesium oxide....I'd just supplement to "move" things along. I had seen people post about it. I had seen Gary post about it. It's just a supplement...right? So I started taking it. At first as directed, but then....more than recommended. I'm not sure if it helped with the scale moving or not. I have no idea....but whatever it did....it didn't satisfy me. The reward at the scale didn't match the exertion and dedication. It needed some help. So....with no prompting and no word to a soul...I began taking laxatives. It started with just a dose...once a week, before my "weigh" in for a challenge or the BL contest at work...Just a dose. Then, it turned into two doses a week. Three doses a week. By the time that I made the decision that it wasn't doing enough....I was taking 8 pills/day 3 days a week. Now, I'm frustrated...the scale isn't helping me. The eating low calorie isn't helping me. THIS HAS TO WORK. IT WORKS. I'VE READ THE STORIES. I WILL MAKE THIS WORK.
I remembered when I had the lapband, that you are forced to not overeat. If you do there are immediate punishments....not to be graphic, but you throw up. The lapband forces you to eat small quantities, if not, you throw up.
I think somewhere around Holidays...November/December...sometime then...I did it for the first time. It was easy. Timing was everything. And, I could make myself do it.
Funny, at 350 lbs, these ideas never crossed my mind...but they are soooooooo easy. At 43 years old and weighing 200 some odd pounds...that's not an eating disorder...it's a tool...just like the lapband (that's how it's rationalized)....Eating disorders are for 97 lb teenagers. Not 43 year old 200 some odd pound women.
Now I had the ticket...and now...I could eat. Because if I was going to "purge" it...why not eat what I wanted at least some of the time....But, food was really scaring me.....Lots of confusion. Some days on plan put together, but I could also binge and not see it on the scale.
Why did I give KK credit? Well, my weight loss was recorded out there. I hadn't ate more than 20 carbs. I was following KK and for the first time in my life, I was successful at weight loss. Wow, I think the word is "intoxicating" (TY--to the person who put the perfect word to it). Getting credit for losing weight, getting attention from guys. Having people look up to me. Yep...intoxicating.
So, I continued on.
But the attention that I wanted so bad...brought me out into cyber-space.
Since I have been out here...I haven't been able to stick to any plan. Well, the only plan I have had out here is binge/purge/binge/purge. Everyday is just like the days of what seems like years ago...I will start tomorrow. No one on earth new what I was doing. I finally told someone the "secret". It was something that I couldn't journal about. It was something I couldn't talk about...it was something that I pretty much ignored and lied to myself about. Because...a 43 year old woman does not develop an eating disorder....especially at 240 lbs. If I told a soul that I had an eating disorder, they'd look at me like I was nutz....yeah Dee...you really look like your eating is suffering. I'm still obese. The scale still needs "manipulated". I can't move forward and I can't go back.
Yesterday, I finally admitted to someone in real life what I was doing. My doctor. I told her the entire story of how it started, how it kept going. She said to me....you are in the throes of an eating disorder. I looked at her and said exactly what I said out here. 43 year old, 240 lb women do not get eating disorders. 97 lb teenage girls do. She told me....I think you are wrong and she set up weekly appointments rather than monthly. She also handed me a card to a nutritionist......who I likely won't call right now...I don't wanna hear nothing about eating carbs.
Anyway, yes, I believed until very recently that I lost my weight with KK, I gave Heidi all the credit. She showed me the way. Recently, I've decided that many people are right....I get the credit for losing the weight. I maniuplated the program. I made decisions of what had to be done to lose the weight and I did it. So what does Heidi get credit for....for showing me a flawed plan...setting false expectations....not encouraging medical consultations...not considering psycological evaluations (for the record any VLCD medical program has a psyc evaluation, including LAPBAND--I should've known better). So, by creating those expectations...false stories, etc...Heidi set the stage and contributed to this full blown eating disorder. Something that I'm ashamed to admit, something that my friends and family don't know...and I guess something new for me to deal with.

Carly....thank you for sticking by me. But I will tell you now...one of the things that I saw when you and I started the 12 week challenge, was your "strive" for numbers of calories burned and consumed.....just like me last summer. That is where the obession started with me. When you started posting in the 12 week challenge at KK, one of the things that you did was post those accomplishments of exercise everyday--do you remember that my posting stopped and/or slowed. I think that then...I was starting to realize the cycle. what can happen? Was it happening again to someone else? What would this 12 week challenge do...it struck a chord.

Carly, thanks for being a friend. Thanks for standing with me. Thanks for including me. Thanks for caring about me.

There's the story of why Dee is not a KK success story. There's the story of who gets credit for what as far as Dee's 108 lb loss. The rest of the story is yet to be written....I believe it will be between me and Dr. McFarland....It's a real story and a painful story for me....It's a disposable story for Heidi....

Dee, I am so sorry. I'm glad you have Dr. McFarland, and I'm unbelievably glad you're out of Heidi's grasp.

I think you would be shocked to know how many women have eating disorders, particularly here. Kimmer knows how to attract people with that tendency, and how to train those who aren't quite there.

[Cutie]

Originally Posted by HevinMonkey

Dee,

It took alot of courage to admit the things you did. Good for you.

That is exactly why you can't go back...you are in a very fragile place right now and you need strong guidance and support to move in the right direction....in a healthy direction.

I can feel the pain in your "voice" as you cry out for acceptance and understanding....but you won't get it there. Humiliation and manipulation is all you will find.

You have been through so much...and surely no one would be sick enough to lie about the hell you describe as your weight loss journey. A journey motivated by loss, fear, pain, disappointment and rejection.

Surround yourself with people that will nurture and love you...people that will hold your hand and be your strength. This thread probably isn't that place....but this board is wonderful and filled with some of the most helpful, knowledgeable, caring people you could hope to ever find in one place. Find a place here that you can be surrounded with those people, as you pick up the pieces and face the first step of your new journey.

Right now, for you, it DOES have to be all about Dee. And there are those that will stand by your side as you figure it out.

Best wishes and prayers.

KIMBER! i've missed you!

[Magicsmom]

Originally Posted by LoraJR72

"She also handed me a card to a nutritionist......who I likely won't call right now...I don't wanna hear nothing about eating carbs."

My nutritionist has really surprised me by saying to go on Induction. She said many of her colleagues are re-thinking their stance on low-carb as being "a new fad" or "trendy". I'm reading 2002 DANDR and going shopping tomorrow!

I also start the group therapy sessions for my eating disorder when I come back from vacation!

My nutritionist eats low carb, as does her husband, my doctor. I think of them that it's as if I had the Eades' giving me personal advice.

So Dee, not all nutritionists are against low carb. You can find one.

[Carly07]

Dee.. my heart is crying for you. You know I love you. You really laid it all out there today and I know that took guts and courage and love to do. honey I am trying.. I really am.

I am here for you.. ALWAYS. I think that needs to be our new motto ALWAYS. You and I have said that one word quite a bit the last few weeks.

Call me when you want to talk.. IM me.. Text me.. ANYTIME... for ALWAYS

[emmyjane]

De-lurking just to say: Keep up the fight, Dee. Don't ever give up. You can do it.

[MissMerize]

Originally Posted by LoraJR72

"She also handed me a card to a nutritionist......who I likely won't call right now...I don't wanna hear nothing about eating carbs."

My nutritionist has really surprised me by saying to go on Induction. She said many of her colleagues are re-thinking their stance on low-carb as being "a new fad" or "trendy". I'm reading 2002 DANDR and going shopping tomorrow!

I also start the group therapy sessions for my eating disorder when I come back from vacation!

Wishing you success as well! Thank you for sharing.

People need to know there are others who share the same obstacles. No one is really alone.

[WildAngel6]

Elloise! I love your avatar!!!

[SMP]

Originally Posted by Cutie

yes, that was "salongirl" (susan). she ended up in the hospital with some diverticulitis issues after following a M/E regime. some people said that she was following kimmers' advice but she really wasn't---she said she ate a LOT of steak and other high fat meats & it was the high fat content that caused her problems.

In fact, she may very well have been doing Kimkins. High fat by itself is a lubricant for the colon, but diverticulitis is more to do with being "plugged" than anything else. It's possible it was only high-fat in relation to what Heidi recommended - and as it didn't "work" for Susan, then maybe she needed enough more to make it work. My bouts with diverticulitis started after I got off my heavy grain intake. All those years of loose and easy B.M.'s were due to celiac and digestive upsets. When I started with Atkins, my intestines needed their fix of gluten, didn't get it, and left me in misery. I eat a lot more fat now (steak for lunch -mmm mmm!) and my constipation is held at bay.That may have been a case of - found beside the corpse, with a smoking gun.

[Mayberryfan]

Dee,

I'm truly sorry you're going through this. But, you are not alone. A few days ago someone sent me passages from a KK journal of a person who is struggling with the same issues you are. I've taken out the names, and posted it at my blog which is in my siggy. I posted it in hopes of helping people who are facing what you're facing. Reading it might help you to get a handle on your situation and see that it is the KK diet that encourages this ED behavior. It is not YOUR fault.

I'm not a therapist, nor do I play one of TV. I hope you will continue to see your doctors, the nutritionist and anyone who can help you. Like the others have said, you CAN do this!

[wackytobeme]

Originally Posted by WildAngel6

Anyone remember EzineArticles and all the trouble we had getting the Kimkins articles removed from over there?

Well, look what I found:

Are You Faux Dieting?

There are options on that page to "post a comment" and "report article", for those of you who are so inclined. Your help would be greatly appreciated in pulling this weed before it spreads too much further.

Thank you!

It seems to be gone

[wackytobeme]

Dee, you've taken a big step laying it all out there for all to see. It's maybe the most important step to getting onto the right path toward a healthier life. In reading all of your posts here and in your blogs, you've had a lot of issues to deal with over which you don't have a lot of control. It would seen you've focused a lot of that frustration into the area you do have control over, exercise and eating. I hope you take full advantage of the professional help you've been accessing and you do truly become a success story.

[SMP]

Originally Posted by DEEDLYNN

I am seeing that my friend Carly is getting heat for our "friendship" she's not going down with my ship.

Carly will get no flak from me for sticking up for her friends. I view loyalty as a highly desirable trait. But you know Carly, unlike the Kimmer you thought you knew, and your loyalty to her and Kimkins was entirely misplaced. I think you're seeing that now. But, I commend you for coming to Carly's aid - not that she needs it. There will always be some who question everything. That is one of the unfortunate side effects of believing Heidi and being thoroughly betrayed.

IT WORKS. I'VE READ THE STORIES. I WILL MAKE THIS WORK.
I remembered when I had the lapband, that you are forced to not overeat. If you do there are immediate punishments....not to be graphic, but you throw up. The lapband forces you to eat small quantities, if not, you throw up.

My daughter lost a bundle, a baby, and her rationality by having WLS. It has taken her years to adjust. Vomiting is still a problem if she eats meat or spicy foods., but she won't have it undone.

Funny, at 350 lbs, these ideas never crossed my mind...but they are soooooooo easy. At 43 years old and weighing 200 some odd pounds...that's not an eating disorder...it's a tool...just like the lapband (that's how it's rationalized)....Eating disorders are for 97 lb teenagers. Not 43 year old 200 some odd pound women.

That's something else many here have learned, through Medusa's blog, and through experiencing Kimkins.

the only plan I have had out here is binge/purge/binge/purge.

The secret life of a bulemic, and the inevitable result of a VLCD.

Yesterday, I finally admitted to someone in real life what I was doing. My doctor. I told her the entire story of how it started, how it kept going. She said to me....you are in the throes of an eating disorder. I looked at her and said exactly what I said out here. 43 year old, 240 lb women do not get eating disorders. 97 lb teenage girls do. She told me....I think you are wrong and she set up weekly appointments rather than monthly. She also handed me a card to a nutritionist......who I likely won't call right now...I don't wanna hear nothing about eating carbs.

You have taken 2 of the most important steps to recovery, Dee. You admitted you have an ED, and you told your doctor. Congratulations. I would keep that nutritionist's appointment, and hear her out. Then decide whether her advice is worth following.

Anyway, yes, I believed until very recently that I lost my weight with KK, I gave Heidi all the credit. She showed me the way. Recently, I've decided that many people are right....I get the credit for losing the weight. I maniuplated the program. I made decisions of what had to be done to lose the weight and I did it. So what does Heidi get credit for....for showing me a flawed plan...setting false expectations....not encouraging medical consultations...not considering psycological evaluations (for the record any VLCD medical program has a psyc evaluation, including LAPBAND--I should've known better). So, by creating those expectations...false stories, etc...Heidi set the stage and contributed to this full blown eating disorder. Something that I'm ashamed to admit, something that my friends and family don't know...and I guess something new for me to deal with.

Don't be too hard on Dee, Dee. VLCD's wreak havoc with mental reasoning, and you were already deep in the throes of one when you joined KK. And why not? Heidi seemed to validate your experience, and that rang your chimes. She seemed like the perfect partner for your continuing weight loss. But Dee, you are free now from her clutches, although her "teachings" will continue to haunt you for some time. Let the doctor and nutritionist guide you back into healthy eating patterns. You will regain some weight as you replenish your poor body's depleted stores, but in the long run, you need it.

Carly, thanks for being a friend. Thanks for standing with me. Thanks for including me. Thanks for caring about me.

There's the story of why Dee is not a KK success story. There's the story of who gets credit for what as far as Dee's 108 lb loss. The rest of the story is yet to be written....I believe it will be between me and Dr. McFarland....It's a real story and a painful story for me....It's a disposable story for Heidi....

Thank you Dee for that painful honesty. It's hard enough to admit this to yourself and your doctor ... you owed us no explanation, but really, it explains a LOT! Dee, wherever you go, wherever you end up, you have my best wishes for a speedy recovery of health and wellbeing.

[WildAngel6]

Originally Posted by wackytobeme

It seems to be gone

Indeed it IS! Thank you EVERYONE for your help pulling this weed! You All ROCK!

NEVER underestimate the power of the DUCKS!

[Cutie]

Originally Posted by SMP

Thank you Dee for that painful honesty. It's hard enough to admit this to yourself and your doctor ... you owed us no explanation, but really, it explains a LOT! Dee, wherever you go, wherever you end up, you have my best wishes for a speedy recovery of health and wellbeing.

me too

[RockyMtnAngelEyes]

Dee... I know how hard that was for you. I was telling some friends, that I thought this was exactly what was going on with you... Having been there myself, I could just 'feel' what was up, so to speak...

You can do this Dee.. I wish you all the strength and power over this..


***Kimber, sweetheart, I'll be in touch soon!

[HevinMonkey]

Originally Posted by Cutie

KIMBER! i've missed you!

Hi Sweetie!

[JustKim]

I am asking for all of your prayers and strength and good thoughts. Tiggerr's mom just passed away. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts

[Mayberryfan]

Oh, goodness! I hate to hear about Tigger's mom! Was it unexpected??

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Magicsmom

Go to the recipe room and look up Spongebob's Flax Bread. I follow his recipe, only I use banana flavored DaVincis and add banana extract. Also, I put in walnuts and it tastes remarkably like banana nut bread to me.

Thanks, Terry! Sounds delish!

[MomToEli]

Originally Posted by Barbara B

Are we positive that Gary was here the night of the carpet bombing by Carly/Dee and clicked a link to someone's blog? Why would his last activity be shown as 5/15 instead of 5/21? Does activity mean just being online, or do you have to be posting? I assumed it was just being online. If so, how could his last time online show as 5/15 if he was here the night of the carpet bombing?

If he was here, why would he sit out the carpet bombing? Remember how long it was before the posts went poof? People here could hardly believe it went on so long. Not at all like the normal time. Was it orchestrated by HD? Was he here to pick out recalcitrant KK folks? Were D**'s inflammatory remarks at the beginning designed to pull out KK lurkers when they saw her "turn around"?

Barbara, it is 100% certain that he was here. This particular blog has tracking software, as do most of them, that records where the person was just before the hit their blog. The exact link he clicked on to get to that blog was recorded and time stamped - and that link was on this thread, posted in the middle of a bunch of comments about the carpet bombing. Plus, the time he visited that blog was during the time span that the carpet bombing was taking place. So yes, he was here. You don't have to log on here in order to read posts or click on links in those posts. You just can't reply, start threads or view profiles. So, he didn't log in here - that's why it shows he last logged in here 5-15.

Hope that helps you understand that part better.

As for the rest of it - very good questions - all of them.