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Old 03-19-2014, 09:00 AM   #1
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Body image

I was sure there was a thread talking about this, but I canít find it.

I donít know why, but this time my mind doesnít seem to be catching up with my body very fast. I still think Iím bigger than I actually am. Itís strange, because Iíve been this size for most of my adult life. I should be used to it.

Anyone else having difficulty keeping up with the changes?
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:03 AM   #2
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It took me a long time to even try on small t-shirts. I would buy the large or medium and they just hung on me, but I just thought that's how t-shirts fit. Trying on a small never occurred to me.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:09 AM   #3
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The deception of the mirror is one thread. I've said this several times but my DH likens it to phantom limb syndrome - people who've lost a fair amount of body fat/weight can sometimes still feel or see it.

I can say that it's weird being a lower weight but fatter than you were at a higher weight (my current state). And I'm mixing that in with an inability to process that I have shed however much body fat made up the 50lbs that I'm down since my original highest weight of 168lbs. I don't have a good sense of my size at all and can not judge which clothes might fit me.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:09 AM   #4
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Itís odd, isnít it?

I tried some trousers on recently. They had M and XS. I took them both into the changing room, and the XS fit perfectly. The M would have been way too big, but I just donít really see that. I was this weight for 6 or 7 years after I did LC and only heavier for about 2 years. I donít see why it doesnít just seem normal to be this size.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:17 AM   #5
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I've been at goal now for around a year. I just realized on Monday that I'm starting to see myself as I really am. I still have days when I think I'm huge, but we had to order parents' t-shirts for Keira's softball team, and DH texted me for my size. I didn't hesitate, and responded "medium." Even a few weeks ago I would have agonized over whether I should get a medium, large, or even extra large. It's baffling. I'm even planning on getting a "good" swim suit, even if it ends up being pricey, this year because I know the money will be well-spent, meaning I'm going to be the same size next year. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it's how my brain works.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:24 AM   #6
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That makes perfect sense! I can’t bring myself to ask for the size I know is most likely to fit. I hope that with warmer weather (and central heating) I’ll be able to stop dressing like the Michelin man and that will help me to adjust.

I just caught myself describing my mother as tiny — even though she’s taller and bigger than I am!
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:32 AM   #7
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Yep, I don't have a very good realistic idea of what size I am, either. Maybe one day this will settle down and I'll feel more comfortable with that. I'm too used to still thinking "I need to work on x, y, and z before I look ok." I cognitively know that I'm smaller, but I seem to feel bigger in recent months than I did (at this same weight) last fall. <shrug> you got me!

When ordering school shirts, etc, I still order the larger size!
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:39 AM   #8
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I never feel really slim. Many of my friends a truly tiny, smaller than me in stature and in size. So I still feel like the big girl.

I know that I am at a a good size and my clothes all fit. But inside I still feel fat.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:43 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kissa View Post
I never feel really slim. Many of my friends a truly tiny, smaller than me in stature and in size. So I still feel like the big girl.

I know that I am at a a good size and my clothes all fit. But inside I still feel fat.
Maybe this never truly goes away? I was on a clothing board the other day, admiring some other moms in their cute outfits. They are all about my shorter stature, and weigh about 110#. So then my brain is thinking, "see! That's why you are still feeling fat, you still need to lose another 15#!"

It is ALWAYS something. I remind myself that I am 10-15# lower than I was at my "yay, this is awesome" lowest weights when I lost before and not being content was what made me get diet fatigue and balloon back up. How about I just shoot for feeding my body better foods, do some stretching and be kind to myself for once? YOU TOO CINDY!!
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:44 AM   #10
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We all find it completely obvious that everyone else looks good! The mirrors must be malfunctioning!
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:46 AM   #11
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Isn't that the truth? So strange that we can CLEARLY see others' gorgeousness, but not how we realistically look.

That's it...our mirrors are conspiring with the scales! EVIL!!!!!
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:49 AM   #12
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I'm partway through watching Mirror, Mirror with Julia Roberts

Flutter/Melinda, you know what I'm going to say, don't you. (I'm so predictable.) When you're approximately the weight that sounds good to you, your muscle mass and body fat levels are far more relevant than your scale weight and have a far greater impact on how you look - well, those and posture because I firmly believe that poor posture can add the appearance of 10-15lbs to any woman's lower belly.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:55 AM   #13
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Yep, I agree, slow! I can relate to everything you post lately...from fodmaps to muscle mass/fat issues. Yep, yep, yep. I have been focusing on good rotations, healthier foods and more (gentle) exercises. I wish I could do weight training again, but until I get the MRI results back on my knee (any day now!), I'm unable to do that yet. So far, my measuring tape is not showing any improvements with what I've been doing, though. Guess I just need to be patient right now. THANKS for the support, as always, sweet slow! XOXO
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:23 AM   #14
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Wow Cindy, if you are the "big girl" in your crowd, remind me never to hang out with you and your buds! At this point, I'm right in the low/middle of my crowd, but on the older end of it, so I'll take that!

This body image thing really is nutty. I still freak out a little when I'm folding laundry and my clothes seem so ultra tiny to me.

Melinda, your comments about it always being something really resonates with me. I wonder if once one "problem" goes away, we always look for the next thing to be dissatisfied about ourselves. Like the weight is going/gone, so now we hate our not so firm skin, or our slight belly pooch, or whatever.

We don't get much help in that arena either. Have you guys noticed all the titles of the infomercials lately. When I see my guide on DirecTV it looks like:

I hate my wrinkles
I hate by butt
I hate my hair
Don't let your neck reveal your age

Wow, so much hate. Our bodies do their jobs every day, and we hate on them. Sad sad. Thank goodness we have Kissa reminding us of how wonderful we really are in Because We Are Worth It.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:45 AM   #15
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LCG - your comment puts me in mind of Library Girl/Cindy's Fat Talk thread.

As ever, I recall Tim Minchin "Not Perfect" - there are several performances on YouTube. It's rather haunting and lovely and very much in tune with your words, particularly the section about living in his body. (During his London show, several women in the audience were sobbing during this section. Overall, it's humorous but parts of it are very affecting.)

This is my body
And I live in it
It's [31 years and 6 months] old
It's changed a lot since it was new
It's done stuff it wasn't meant to do
I often try to fill it up with wine
And the weirdest thing about it is
I spend so much time hating it
But it never says a bad word about me

This is my body
And it's fine
It's where I spend the vast majority of my time
It's not perfect
But it's mine
It's not perfect...

This is my brain
And I live in it
It's made of love
And bad song lyrics
It's tucked away behind my eyes
Where all my [messed up] thoughts can hide
'Cos God forbid I hurt somebody
And the weirdest thing about a mind
Is that every answer that you find
Is the basis of a brand new clichť

This is my brain
And it's fine
It's where I spend the vast majority of my time
It's not perfect
But it's mine
It's not perfect
I'm not quite sure I've worked out how to work it
It's not perfect
But it's mine
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Old 03-19-2014, 11:00 AM   #16
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:00 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by LoCarbGal View Post

I hate my wrinkles
I hate by butt
I hate my hair

Don't let your neck reveal your age
I think I'm losing it. When I first read this, my brain processed it as I hate my butt hair. I'm exhausted, life is throwing lots of curve balls right now and I'm just trying to hang in there until Sunday BUT I wanted to reply to this so I hope I'm coherent.

I hear you all, on this concept as well. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, both clothed & naked, and I don't see a change from where I was 45# ago. My measuring tape says I've lost 7" off my waist alone, but my eyes don't see it. I have pants that I wear now that I could not before, but my eyes still don't see it.

I alternate between trying to talk myself into accepting what is, and berating myself to do more. Negative self talk isn't helpful, but I feel like "accepting what is" = admitting defeat. I DO NOT ever want to be compliant again - that's how I ended up at 200# to begin with. So I feel like accepting myself is also akin to admitting I'll never reach my goals, so why bother and, well, what's a pound or 2 in the wrong direction? (Except that we all know a pound or two, left unchecked, soon becomes 5, 20, 25+++.) And rationally I understand that accepting myself as less than airbrushed perfection DOES NOT mean I'm okay with still being heavier than I want to be and automatically means I should give up and eat twinkies and chips and gain it all back but for some reason, standing in front of my mirror, it does.

There have been a few postings floating around social media comparing real life photos with those touched up after photoshop. The before/after if you will, to show without doubt how completely unattainable the "perfection" really is. It helps...somewhat.

But I still don't know what size I wear...
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Old 03-21-2014, 08:56 AM   #18
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You know what? If I had butt hair, I think I would hate it, too! And feel completely justified in my hatred.
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Old 03-21-2014, 09:08 AM   #19
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You know what? If I had butt hair, I think I would hate it, too! And feel completely justified in my hatred.
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Old 03-21-2014, 09:32 AM   #20
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Old 03-21-2014, 05:47 PM   #21
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I'm feeling like Yennie. Exhausted and brain dead, but wanting to reply. So, hope this makes sense.

I'll start with the progress. When I go shopping I pick clothes off the rack and examine them. I know basically, by looking at the dress, sweater, whatever if it will fit. I only take smalls or x-smalls and 4Ps to the dressing room. Occasionally I will look at a 6P and say that is a really tiny 6P. I'll try that. I can also look at something labeled XSP and say that is one big XSP and try it on and it fits.

But this morning I was convinced I looked fat in every pair of pants I put on. DW thought I was nuts for asking if the pants made my stomach look fat. I look at myself in the mirror and from the waist up I look thin. Then I look at my belly and thighs and think yuck! I still need to lose 10 pounds.

I don't think of myself as thin. I kind of know I must be, but at the same time I don't know it.
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Old 03-21-2014, 06:49 PM   #22
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... DW thought I was nuts for asking if the pants made my stomach look fat....
I'm looking forward to when you get pregnant. Then, you'll be eagerly puffing out your stomach! At least for a couple of weeks.
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Old 03-21-2014, 06:53 PM   #23
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I'm looking forward to when you get pregnant. Then, you'll be eagerly puffing out your stomach! At least for a couple of weeks.
I'm kind of scared about that that I must confess.
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Old 03-21-2014, 07:25 PM   #24
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I'm kind of scared about that that I must confess.
How did I miss this?
Carly, are you contemplating a pregnancy!?
Awesome, if I am reading this correctly.
I hope it is true!
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Old 03-21-2014, 07:50 PM   #25
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How did I miss this?
Carly, are you contemplating a pregnancy!?
Awesome, if I am reading this correctly.
I hope it is true!
It's true. DW and I have been wanting to get pregnant for years and time is ticking.
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Old 03-21-2014, 08:00 PM   #26
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Oh, Carly!!!
How wonderful and just think of all the honorary aunties and uncles your little one would have!
I just love knowing this!
Thank you for sharing your dreams w/ us.
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Old 03-22-2014, 11:19 AM   #27
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Oh, how I wish I weighed 112 pounds, my "fat" teenage weight! That was the first time I went on a "diet," the Stillman high-protein, low-fat diet. I quickly dropped about 7 pounds and felt great in my bikini <sigh>.

Our bodies are truly remarkable! This week, I had nearly a dozen tests run on a blood draw, and each and every one was within normal limits. Without any intervention on my part, my body is ticking along famously and on track.

If you're unsure of your actual size, take along a trusted friend when you try on clothes. Someone who will tell you what's frumpy and what's fab! I don't know what it is about department store mirrors, but they add 15 pounds to my frame, I swear. Nothing looks good to me, but seeing all of the lovely things to wear is great motivation to keep on JUDDDin'! Best wishes for the weekend, all!
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Old 03-22-2014, 11:30 AM   #28
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You know what? If I had butt hair, I think I would hate it, too! And feel completely justified in my hatred.
I do and I deal with it by refusing to look at my butt.
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Old 03-22-2014, 11:33 AM   #29
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Quote:
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Oh, how I wish I weighed 112 pounds, my "fat" teenage weight! That was the first time I went on a "diet," the Stillman high-protein, low-fat diet. I quickly dropped about 7 pounds and felt great in my bikini <sigh>.

Our bodies are truly remarkable! This week, I had nearly a dozen tests run on a blood draw, and each and every one was within normal limits. Without any intervention on my part, my body is ticking along famously and on track.

If you're unsure of your actual size, take along a trusted friend when you try on clothes. Someone who will tell you what's frumpy and what's fab! I don't know what it is about department store mirrors, but they add 15 pounds to my frame, I swear. Nothing looks good to me, but seeing all of the lovely things to wear is great motivation to keep on JUDDDin'! Best wishes for the weekend, all!
Muy simpatico! I'm 59 and Stillman's was my first diet!

Yay you on all those normal blood test results. Isn't that the best feeling? Besides dropping pounds of course!
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Old 03-22-2014, 11:48 AM   #30
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Muy simpatico! I'm 59 and Stillman's was my first diet!

Yay you on all those normal blood test results. Isn't that the best feeling? Besides dropping pounds of course!
We're practically twins! Yes, in the late '60s my mom picked up a little booklet at the grocery store outlining the Stillman Diet. It was very effective for me then, but too drastic now. I do need a little fat to feel right.

Yes, even my blood sugar, which had been hovering 5 points above "normal," was down. I attribute this to JUDDDing. I'm also, finally, seeing some downward movement on the dreaded scale. It can take me 2-3 weeks to see scale results from a concerted effort. Unfortunately, I may have given up by that time, but with JUDDDing, I'm now confident that the weight will eventually shift.
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