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ladybarometer 12-02-2013 06:39 AM

Depressed
 
I woke up this morning to put on my work clothes, and they were tight, and one pair of pants didn't fit. I weighed in disbelief that I could have gained that much, but behold, I'm way up! I started getting suspicious after my ring was tight, and it happened almost over night. :cry:

I felt like calling into work, and staying in bed all day. I'm at work though, and I'm very uncomfortable, and cannot believe it. I was practically faint this morning after having an UD Friday, MD Saturday, and MD Sunday (both days were about 800-1200 calories.

Today is a DD, and I'm debating on a full fast, but the way I feel, I don't think I can do one. I'm pretty light headed and cannot concentrate. I just wanna go home and go to bed, even knowing about the gain, and knowing I should hit the gym... I just don't feel like it...

I'm mostly venting, and reaching out. I keep asking myself what is so wrong with me that I cannot succeed. :cry:

I have a friend that has lost a significant amount of weight, 30 lbs - she wasn't big to begin with, maybe a size 5? Now she's a 0/2? She's eating nothing - less than 500 calories everyday. She posted a pic of her thanksgiving plate to "prove she eats" and it was basically a dinner spoon full of three sides items, and a small piece of turkey. She works out every day, and has said multiple times that she burned more calories than she ate, when it was only like 250 calories for the entire day! No wonder her *** diary is private.

I act all high and mighty, because she is starving, but look at me... What exactly am I doing so right anyhow?

I feel like a failure... I've never had this much of a emotional crash after a gain before, I don't know what's different about this time... Maybe it has something to do with more of my BF's family, his aunt in particular, which has this be hang up about overweight people. We were looking at old photos, and she pointed at a few people and said they were pretty until they got fat, and she said it with such emphasis and anger... It made me ashamed to eat in front of them, as if she was thinking, "Look at the fatty feeding her face." That day I at eaten lunch of grilled chicken and fruit, and when dinner came, and we ate out with his fam, we split a small pizza (meant for an individual) even know I was starving! and I ate two slices of it (it was cut into 8 slices).

I just want to enjoy a healthier life that I fit into. The world doesn't support my weight, so I guess it's a given that I fall through every so often.

And yes, I've read the above words... I'm worried about me too. It shouldn't effect me THIS much, but it's as if I'm fighting my worse enemy, and it's winning. I don't know what will make me feel better at this point :dunno:

MintQ8 12-02-2013 06:52 AM

Hi, I hope the day is going better then it started. You've probably put on your skinniest trousers, had too much salt over the weekend and just not happy with the thought of a DD after 2 MD, I know I wouldn't be.

As for your friend, that may work for her, this works for you!

Be kind to yourself - it's just one day.

leonak 12-02-2013 07:03 AM

I understand completely! :console: I have felt this way too many times too!

Today and yesterday my pant are tight, only really have one pair that fits, but they are in the wash! So I am wearing a pair that are more then tight.

The scale is not my friend right now, but the fork and spoon are????:stars:

Today is a DD and I will make it a good one, you can too. We must get over the negative way we feel at times, it is a must!

People can be unkind, but others can be ever so sweet and loving!

When I feel down, I look at some people I know who are really over-weight and see not just their size, but their health problems! Those problems I do not wish on anyone ever! I do not want those problems, so I keep on, trying to get rid of the pounds! It is a must for me!

Hang in there girl, I for one am here for you! Also many more are here for you too! :shake:

Eieio 12-02-2013 07:50 AM

Hi Lady B
I feel your being to hard on yourself.
I think 95% of the pilgrims that took part in Thanksgiving have tighter pants today-tmw too:)
Im squeezed into my size 8 stretch jeans.
For me it is also the season to be easily depressed at times. I try shaking it off:)
Plus the cloudy cold days, and no there are more of them coming, causes some to be more depressed than normal....It's life:( bummer, but life goes on, if we are lucky:)
Hope your feeling better.
Look forward to something, not food or food related!
And keep busy!
Eieio signing off in her tight jeans!

Seabreezes 12-02-2013 07:58 AM

I would say your friend has a severe eating problem.

If you ate food you did not prepare you probably had more sodium than you are used to.

Shame on the aunt for saying people are not the same after gaining weight. Hopefully she is not someone you have to be around very often.

You are trying and doing great.

:hugs:

Locarbarella 12-02-2013 08:09 AM

My heart goes out to you, ladyb. Days like these are hard. But take it from someone who has been in exactly your shoes, down to the weight and the skinny-mini friend bragging about her success --- you can do it. I lost from 188 to 125 eight years ago and have kept it off. (Well, except this 10 pounds I've been battling up and down the last year.) It's doable, believe me.

But it takes patience with yourself and the recognition that it's not a linear process. Some days you will be up on the scale and some days down. Sometimes your body holds water, sometimes you lose unexpectedly. And this is true whether in weight loss mode or maintenance. It's how our bodies work. But if you stick it out and keep trying you will be able to get to a weight you're happy with and keep it (more or less) off over the long haul.

And you will be way better off than your friend with the tiny portions of mashed potatoes on her plate because you will have the knowledge of your emotions, your relationship with food and the way your body works in everyday life, under real stresses. There is tremendous power in that.

FWIW, my skinny mini friend has had less success over time maintaining her weight than I did. She's much more humble now and understands that simply starving yourself thin is not a long term solution. In fact, the only long term solution is persistence (or as my husband calls it, "hardheaded stubbornness.")

I'm new here and shouldn't sound like a know it all. But I felt your pain, I've been there, and just wanted to touch base and give you a virtual hug. Tomorrow will be a better day, I'm sure of it.

Low Carb Librarian 12-02-2013 08:20 AM

I was going to post the same thing this week ( I might have posted a little about it).
I have been following my rotations so well, watching my Family go through the thanksgiving leftovers on DD's has been hard! I had to make another pumpkin pie!

But anyway, I have been so good and my pants are tight. I haven't weighed myself because I don't want to see the number. I am convinced that it is just water weight and it will come off when I am better about drinking water.

I am just sticking with my rotations knowing that it has worked for so many here and that it will work for me.

Let's get that water weight off! We can do it!

Librarygirl 12-02-2013 08:21 AM

LadyB, I understand how you feel so well! I have been battling depression over my entire WEEK of no DDs, worried that I will gain back everything that I've lost--when I still am only half-way to goal! I doubt anyone-ANYone who's lost weight successfully didn't have set-backs or doubts about whether they could ever lose all the weight they wanted to lose. But, we have a secret weapon--JUDDD--and it's a powerful one. We will win this battle of the bulge, no matter how long it takes.:up: We're not in a race, just take it one day at a time and you'll have the last laugh in the end.:hugs:

LoCarbGal 12-02-2013 08:26 AM

Oh LB! I posted on your journal, but I just had to chime in here too. :hugs:

I hate that you are feeling this way. These are the kind of days that makes it so hard to stay on plan because we just feel like we are failing, it's useless, we'll never succeed, what's the point. But none of that is true. I think you are just having an emotional low point after that holiday experience, which is perfectly understandable. We all have those. :sad:

Your skinny friend, in my opinion, has a problem. So please don't compare yourself to her. That level of eating and exercising is not sustainable for the long-term.

I think you are a wonderful, sweet, beautiful and sensitive person. You deserve the best out of life, and that includes a healthy body, and peace of mind. Hang in there today. It will get better, I promise! :hugs:

mafiamom 12-02-2013 08:26 AM

isn't it the irony or all ironies.... we say "ok - i am gonna eat whatever i want" and we do. and hate ourselves the whole time for it. kind of takes the joy away, doesn't it? the whole time i was eating, i was like - oh man... this is gonna come back and kick me in the butt. by sunday, i was almost eating out of spite. makes me wonder why i do it. i know the DD's would have been close to impossible, but the lack or rotations made me feel so bad....

it kinda sucks the whole way around, doesn't it?

gotsomeold 12-02-2013 08:59 AM

Congratulations!

Life has just handed you a most excellent chance to learn more about your body and how it works. This will be unbelievably valuable as you continue to lose weight and it will be a complete life saver in a long and skinny maintenance.

Now, grab the opportunity. What you describe is out-of-control bloat. And that does not happen quickly unless you ate something your body has difficulty handling. What can cause the level of bloat you described?

Salt? Definitely a suspect or a secondary player in the mystery of how your body handles food. Unusually high levels of salt can definitely cause, or more likely, support bloat.

UUADs? Well, yeah. A lot of us are dealing with major bounces just now. But you describe symptoms that might indicate this is more than just UUAD bouncey-bouncey.

Food allergies? Food intolerance? Actually, I wonder if you did not eat, without knowing it, a trigger that threw your whole system into stress. I realize this is a silly question, but did you eat a lot of foods you do not usually eat? One or more of those may need to be on your 'infrequent or never' list. Think about it. Some food allergies are really :stars: and can cause a body to look and feel terrible.

Listen, don't fast today. Your body is trying to recover from something. Eat a normal DD, a controlled UD (not too low, not too high), and get the rotation going again. It will be alright. Eat your normal foods, nothing unusual, nothing that might be a trigger. Bloat can vanish quickly as the cause goes away.

It really will be alright. After awhile, when you are back on track, look at GAPS or other food allergy woes. Find out if you have allergies.

Oh, and as for your friend who is starving herself. There are many people on these boards who can describe the long term consequences of very low cal eating...and it is not pretty. Shock and awe is no way to lose weight and keep it off. Healthy bodies are willing to keep weight off. You are on the right path.

Really :console: it will be alright.

Librarygirl 12-02-2013 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladybarometer (Post 16702817)
I woke up this morning to put on my work clothes, and they were tight, and one pair of pants didn't fit. I weighed in disbelief that I could have gained that much, but behold, I'm way up! I started getting suspicious after my ring was tight, and it happened almost over night. :cry:

I felt like calling into work, and staying in bed all day. I'm at work though, and I'm very uncomfortable, and cannot believe it. I was practically faint this morning after having an UD Friday, MD Saturday, and MD Sunday (both days were about 800-1200 calories.

That could be part of the problem too, right there. If you were doing 2 MDs in a row, maybe your body is holding onto a little extra weight. Go back to regular DD/UD rotations and get that 1000 calorie gap between days going again, and I promise you the bloat will go away.:hugs: You may even need to have a UD today, since you are not well-fueled for a DD (coming from a MD).

LoCarbGal 12-02-2013 09:06 AM

As always, Nancy, :goodpost:!

I'm so happy you're back! :hugs:

ladybarometer 12-02-2013 09:10 AM

I've been using the restroom a lot today, and drinking liquids. I could really just sit at home and cry all day if I didn't have to be at work. I've been chatting with friends all day, trying to feel better. Part of all the salt is probably from my soup last night with the canned veggies and beef boullion, which I like a lot of in my soup, plus a few crackers. Then I had a tiny plate of leftover turkey for lunch yesterday with some green beans, which has ALOT of salt. I'm going to power through this, and keep telling myself the things I know, and just...well, try even harder.

I feel sorry for that aunt - her dad was hard on her about weight even know she wasn't big in my opinion in those old photos, now she's hard on EVERYONE about their weight and herself - they live a few states away, so I won't be seeing her again for a long time thankfully, but it still seemed hurtful, because well, even know I'm just a size 12, I was the largest person in the room - tall, and full, while everyone else is a bit shorter and shaped differently. Suddenly I found myself feeling like Godzilla, and like I was spilling out of my clothes, and that my face was a big ol' blob. IT destroyed my body image for some reason, just those little comments.

This morning was very much a low, I just cried. I layed in the bathroom floor trying to just manage to zip my pants, and I've not been wearing the button all day. They just came out of the dryer, so that's part of it too, but these use to fit, I'm certain of it.

As for my friend I think she has an issue, and it's an on going battle for her since high school - she's battled ED's, and now is going through some stress, so it's aggrivated it for sure, and there's no one there to really point out the fact that no, that isn't "eating".

I also sent an email to my BF to ask for more support, since he's difficult to diet around. He's going to start going with me to the gym more :) I'll start going more often too, even if it has to be alone - I hate going alone, but eh... it's ok.

I haven't felt this bad in a long time :(

ladybarometer 12-02-2013 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gotsomeold (Post 16703009)
Congratulations!

Life has just handed you a most excellent chance to learn more about your body and how it works. This will be unbelievably valuable as you continue to lose weight and it will be a complete life saver in a long and skinny maintenance.

Now, grab the opportunity. What you describe is out-of-control bloat. And that does not happen quickly unless you ate something your body has difficulty handling. What can cause the level of bloat you described?

Salt? Definitely a suspect or a secondary player in the mystery of how your body handles food. Unusually high levels of salt can definitely cause, or more likely, support bloat.

UUADs? Well, yeah. A lot of us are dealing with major bounces just now. But you describe symptoms that might indicate this is more than just UUAD bouncey-bouncey.

Food allergies? Food intolerance? Actually, I wonder if you did not eat, without knowing it, a trigger that threw your whole system into stress. I realize this is a silly question, but did you eat a lot of foods you do not usually eat? One or more of those may need to be on your 'infrequent or never' list. Think about it. Some food allergies are really :stars: and can cause a body to look and feel terrible.

Listen, don't fast today. Your body is trying to recover from something. Eat a normal DD, a controlled UD (not too low, not too high), and get the rotation going again. It will be alright. Eat your normal foods, nothing unusual, nothing that might be a trigger. Bloat can vanish quickly as the cause goes away.

It really will be alright. After awhile, when you are back on track, look at GAPS or other food allergy woes. Find out if you have allergies.

Oh, and as for your friend who is starving herself. There are many people on these boards who can describe the long term consequences of very low cal eating...and it is not pretty. Shock and awe is no way to lose weight and keep it off. Healthy bodies are willing to keep weight off. You are on the right path.

Really :console: it will be alright.

Salt? Definitely an issue - lots of soup with boullion, and canned veggies!

UUAD? Thursday, I'm sure. I didn't count, but I litterally couldn't stop myelf. Everything was so great!

Food allergies? Hmmmm... I don't think do. I eat turkey once a year. I haven't been eating a lot of potatoes lately, but I did this weekend in many forms. I didn't partake in many sweets, but I have a few sips of a home made milk shake last night, and noticed almost instant gastrointestinal distress... That's not normal... Not something that usually happens. :dunno:

gotsomeold 12-02-2013 09:37 AM

If it is salt and food-food-food, it will melt away quickly once you get those lovely little SIRTs doing their thing again. If it is also a food reaction, the SIRTs will clean that up too ... but it will take a little longer because there is more mess to clean up.

Food allergies luck in strange places. I have a friend who has to prepare all of his meals at home because pepper can kill him. And a niece who bloats when strawberries sneak in. And :dunno: I lost a dress size and half a shoe size - without actually losing any weight - after I gave up corn.

BTW - tall and a size 12 can be a stunning combination. There may be some jealousy hiding behind some of the unpleasant comments.

Seabreezes 12-02-2013 09:49 AM

Nancy, so glad to have all of your wisdom back with us!!

And I would agree with the jealousy comment. Short people always want to be tall. We, who are tall, would like to be petite!

KeirasMom 12-02-2013 10:15 AM

I'm just now seeing this. I'm so sorry you're feeling down LB. Nancy and the others have given you wonderful advice, so I won't add to it. I just wanted to say that I allowed a free weekend and gained 8 pounds. Nearly 5 of that is gone with one DD. That's what salt and other infrequently eaten foods can do to you. You did NOT gain enough weight in just a few days to make your clothes tight. It's an anomaly! I promise. A few good rotations, and you'll be back on track. :hugs:

Slimming-up 12-02-2013 01:30 PM

I think the fact that your rings were tight points to water retention. I find the best way to get rid of water retention is to drink water. It's a wonderful feeling to pee freely on a DD... to feel that bloat draining off.

MaryEllenC 12-02-2013 02:10 PM

There has been a lot of wise advice given already, so I just wanted to respond to let you know I hear your frustration and wish that things get better soon! I kept to my rotations during the holiday weekend and stayed within calorie limits each day and gained 4 pounds! Like the others have said, probably salt and eating types of foods that I wouldn't normally have. I hope you do not stay sad....you can do this!

Mary Ellen

Kissa 12-02-2013 02:36 PM

You have had such great support here already from our wonderful JUDDD BUDDDs but I just want to send you hugs and support.

Keep on keeping on, you are going to beat this.

Mssarge 12-02-2013 05:34 PM

Adding some hugs from me, too...trying to lose at this time of year is fighting Mother Nature, and she don't like it...and that's all part of the blues, too. We've all been there at some time of our life.

4devochki 12-02-2013 07:22 PM

As Slimming-up said, if the first sign was a tight ring, it sounds like water weight which piles on from rebuilding glycogen stores in the muscles after you eat carbs (carbo-HYDrate, after all): potatoes, crackers, pizza, milkshake...Cut the carbs, up your water intake and the water will fall off. Be prepared to spend a lot of time in the bathroom.

Yennie 12-02-2013 08:50 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling down. The scale is an evil monster, on that we all agree. Water retention/bloat is pretty awful too.
Although, as Nancy said, what a wonderful chance to get to know your body! Now you know what it feels like and it won't derail you again.
Stick with it, and ignore hurtful comments. I know its easier said than done, I've had my share directed at me by supposed "loved ones" but you're not doing this for them, you're doing it for you.
Hang in there, and come talk to us. We're nicer, anyway!

ladybarometer 12-03-2013 03:09 AM

Thank you everyone!!
I'm feeling a bit better today - I think I got so busy yesterday, I lost all my worry time.

I think I'm going to participate in no weight December - if the scale is going to discourage me that much, then I don't need it!

Carly 12-03-2013 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladybarometer (Post 16704007)
Thank you everyone!!
I'm feeling a bit better today - I think I got so busy yesterday, I lost all my worry time.

I think I'm going to participate in no weight December - if the scale is going to discourage me that much, then I don't need it!

That sounds like a great plan! I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. :hugs:

Flossyliz 12-03-2013 05:39 AM

:console: Glad things look better today LadyB.
You had some great advice from the wonderful JBs. :goodpost:

leonak 12-03-2013 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladybarometer (Post 16704007)
Thank you everyone!!
I'm feeling a bit better today - I think I got so busy yesterday, I lost all my worry time.

I think I'm going to participate in no weight December - if the scale is going to discourage me that much, then I don't need it!

We will be so happy to have you in our No-Weigh group. For me it does seem to help to not step on that evil thing:dunno: I want to see a couple #'s gone and when i step on it every day i don't, but when it is only once a month and I see #'s gone I'm happy! Sounds odd I know but for me it works great!

See you on "our" other thread! :jumpjoy::high5::jumpjoy:

mafiamom 12-03-2013 06:57 AM

glad you are feeling a bit better today. i think the DON'T DO IT! December may be just the thing for you! keep it up. this time of year... it's almost laughable when you think about trying to lose weight....

keep the faith, girl!

leonak 12-03-2013 07:56 AM

Colleen - I see the word "goal" by your sig - when did you make goal?

I see we are both the same height, but I'm much, much older then you!


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