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AndyBFK 07-12-2013 11:49 AM

Lessons Learned
 
Hi BUDDD's,

I have been MIA for the past 3 weeks or so, but wanted to stop in today. I have purposefully kept away from the boards for a few weeks just needing some me time and to get my head straight. Last time I was on here was the 24th or so of June. I was heading to FL to see family for a week or so, and planning on diverting from my strict rotations while I was there. What I was not planning on was the gain that came. What I didn't plan on was losing NOTHING for June. I was so strict (or so I thought at that time) in June. I set a lofty goal for June (10 lbs) but I was convinced I would hit it. I knew my losses came in clumps and not little losses each day. So, I blew off the fact that the scale was bouncing around the same numbers all month and not really moving. I thought for sure, I would see that woosh I was waiting for right before I left for FL. And if I put on 1-2 lbs on my trip, no problem, I would easily take it right off.
Well, that loss never came. I lost nothing in June. This put me in a bad frame of mind for my trip. And worse it put me in a bad frame of mind coming home from that trip. So, I let myself go. Just for two weeks. But with the zero loss in June, I was back up a few lbs from where I ended May.
However, I was determined not to let this let down get the best of me. I'm done throwing in the towel and letting small things lead to me giving up completely. I knew I had to come back to JUDDD, and quickly, but I knew I had to take some time to figure out what went wrong in June. Trip aside, I can not understand WHY I failed to loose even 1lb when I stuck to strict rotations and kept my DD calories right at 20%. Something was up. And I needed to figure it out for myself.

I love this board. I love the people. I love the support. (Did I mention I love it here :)). But, the first lesson learned, is that sometimes the board can be too much for me. Sometimes there is too much advice, and for an OCD person like myself, that's not good. Everyone of us makes tweaks here and there to make this WOE work for themselves. But my problem is I had to try every little thing I read, instead of figuring out what actually was going to really work for me. Potato DD check, HWC check, total fasting check, LC, High Carb, High Fat, etc. And I've only been on this a few months. I never even let it stick and start working before I started making adjustments. It's good to experiment to find out what works for you. The problem is when you fixate on something that isn't working because its working for someone else. And that's what I think I did. I'll get to that more later.

Second lesson learned, my UD calories were out of control. While I was completely obsessive about my DD calories, it's like I lost sense of reality on UD's. Not every UD was a bust, but, in taking an honest look at June, over 50% of my UD's were probably UUAD's. And that is WITH the fact that I have an enormous amount of allotted calories to begin with. I allowed JUDDD to feed into my propensity to binge eat and emotionally eat. And I used JUDDD UD's as my excuse that this was ok. To be honest, I thought it was so bad, I started to think that psychologically, JUDDD was not going to be a good diet for me. I almost decided to give it up, but that led to realization and lesson number three.

Third lesson learned, fasting DD's led me to binging UD's. I have a lot of weight to loose. A lot. I did a lot of damage to bring myself to over 300lbs. This is going to take time to change my eating habits and to think that I could just all of a sudden make HUGE sweeping changes was asking for failure. Yes, I had a few successful total fasting days. But, then I expected to do that all the time just because I got through one or two. But to take a person who perpetually overate and emotionally ate for YEARS and all of a sudden act like I could completely and totally NOT eat for 24+ hours and not have an issue with it was crazy. It wasn't the hunger that got to me. It was something that I didn't even realize was going on. On every occasion my UUAD's followed and/or preceded total fasting days or too low calorie days. And these UUAD's were due not to hunger but to fear. I realized that I would eat like a crazy person, especially later in the evening, on my UD because of this unconscious fear of eating nothing the next day. I was shoveling food in my mouth, not because I was hungry, because I was so afraid I hadn't eaten enough to get me through the next day. And worse, I think because I WAS eating so much so late and because what I was eating was all carb and sugar laced, I woke up even MORE hungry on the next DD.

Basically in the end, I think two things really did me in. Not eating at all on some DD's and eating way too much too many UD's. I have to realize that I am just starting a journey which took a long time to get too and is going to take a long time to get from. I am such a perfectionist and I am so competitive (even with myself) I wanted to be so perfect with this, and do as well as so many of you who have been doing this for years, and in the end all that pressure led me to do what I do best... overeat. Instead of sticking to the plan, I was trying to tweak it and over perfect it.

So, there was a fourth lesson learned too. I need to exercise. I want to believe what my low carb books were telling me about how exercising doesn't really lead to weight loss and how it can lead potentially even lead to weight gain.... but the fact of the matter is, I need to exercise. Every time I have been successful with weight loss some kind of daily physical activity was involved in it. But more so I need to exercise so I can keep up with the rest of the world. I'm sick of being winded climbing up a flight of stairs. I'm sick of taking forever to walk from point A to point B. I'm sick of being afraid to go on a bike ride with friends, or turning down an offer to play volleyball on the beach, or paddelboarding with the family in FL. I'm missing out on life and things that I enjoy because I'm not physically fit to do most of them. And I know, some of that will change with the weight loss. But, I want to see more of a change as even when I was 100lbs lighter I wasn't as active as I really wanted to be. I want to be active. I don't know if that is something I have ever really said before or really wanted for myself. But, something changed. And this is something for maybe the first time I really do want for my life. I don't need to be a marathon runner, or some gym rat, that's not what I want. But, I want to be active and get out doors to do things more, and do something other than sit on a couch, or at a table.

Whew....

Sorry for the LONG post! I guess I had to get a lot off my mind and sit down and really straighten this out for myself. But here I am, on a DD. 6 days after restarting JUDDD yet again. Up 3 lbs from the last time I posted on here. But I feel better about going forward this month. My goals are not weight related this month. My goals are to eat my 514 allowed calories every DD with real meals and real food so that I'm not fearing them on my UDs. I'll still have an UUAD day now and then, that's ok. But I am trying to take control on my UD's and trying to do a better job of calorie counting. And I want to exercise. 30 min 5 days a week. And this week I have exceeded that and really enjoyed it. And, it's something my DH and I are enjoying together. I had wine last night with girlfriends instead of working out, and it was much needed, but just after a week of exercising, I already am ready to get back to it tonight after taking last night off. I'm planning on active things for my DH and I to do, tonight, on a FRIDAY night and I am excited about it! (Raquetball followed by 30 min of swimming). I won't say I will always be this excited to work out on a Friday night. But usually I dread my weekend DD's because I am bored and we don't know what to do. So, this feels like a big step for me. And I probably will go out tomorrow night for drinks and dinner and it may end up being an UUAD. But I feel like I have a little more control over it and I KNOW to plan ahead and not repeat that for Monday.

So, that's where I'm at. That's a whole long post for just being gone a few weeks, but, I had to get it all out!

calichris 07-12-2013 12:15 PM

Good for you, Andy. :clap:

This is such a learning process, isn't it? It takes some time to figure everything out and we learn all kinds of things not only about how JUDDD works in general, but more specifically for us. We are not all the same. I can tell someone what works for me, but it might not be right for them. I am excited for you because I can see that you have really had some insights that are going to take you down a healthy road. Looking forward to watching your journey unfold. :hugs:

KeirasMom 07-12-2013 12:27 PM

:jumpjoy::jumpjoy::jumpjoy:

I'm glad you've come to terms with how and why this wasn't working and how and why it WILL work for you! Welcome back!

jrudq 07-12-2013 12:54 PM

Thanks for sharing your story and your insights. I can so relate...Especially on the trying everything at once! It is sometimes hard to just let it be and give it some time. Thank you for reminding me of that.
I am so with you on the exercise. I thought about it for a whole month. Everyday. And finally, come July, I committed to exercise everyday for 30 days. Some exercise. Just to get me going. And...so far so good, I have got a minimum of 15 minutes in each day and I am thinking I can do this. I have even started C25K. So good luck to you!

LoCarbGal 07-12-2013 12:55 PM

I'm so glad to hear you've taken the time to figure out those lessons! We're all on such a learning journey here. I've learned so much about my body, and my eating issues since starting JUDDD. You almost can't avoid it.

I really, really want you to know that you can do this. Having a large amount to lose is so daunting - I was there! I am just so thankful I started doing something about it. A year and a half later, I don't have a doubt in the world I'll get to goal.

Lean on us girl! But don't let us distract you from what YOU need to do.

vanilla_latte 07-12-2013 01:07 PM

I got nothing but but :console: :hugs: :high5: . Thanks for sharing - it will help regulars and lurkers alike.

Trini 07-12-2013 01:15 PM

Ditto what Vanilla said. Big hug. :hugs:
It really is a very mental game. Plus, the scale is really a jerk sometimes.

Librarygirl 07-12-2013 02:11 PM

Thanks for sharing, Andy. I do know where you're coming from. I haven't been losing anywhere near like some folks on here, but I do feel a lot of benefit form JUDDD. I keep hoping things will pick up for me and I will finally get to goal one day. We can do this together, and remember all of us have struggled (with UDs AND DDs). You are not alone.:hugs:

Flutter 07-12-2013 02:30 PM

You have a lot of really, REALLY good reasons for getting this weight off!!! Powerful stuff that I have no doubt will bring you to your goals!!! When times get rocky, (and they always do!) retread what you wrote, ok? You have learned so much good stuff about yourself already...that month "off" was not wasted at all!! You learned what WILL work for you and now you are doing something about it!! Great stuff girl!!!! We all know you can do this, I suspect you do, too. ;) :heart: xoxo keep it up, you DO "got this"!!!! Thank you for pouring your heart out to us, too. It's not easy, but we are all in this together!

Anonymousity 07-12-2013 04:46 PM

Great post!

Ignore all that stuff about exercise leading to weight gain. Yes, it may lead to a gain initially, but its only because you're muscles are repairing and holding on to water, or you've built up lean muscle mass. Exercise doesn't increase our body fat!

Carly 07-12-2013 06:17 PM

Learning about ourselves is one of the best parts of the weight loss journey.
Welcome back!

SlowSure 07-13-2013 03:53 AM

:hugs: I'm so pleased that you're back with us and feeling refreshed with renewed enthusiasm and additional knowledge gleaned from your insights.

Flossyliz 07-13-2013 05:49 AM

:hugs: Thanks you for sharing your insights so honestly, Andy.
One thing I've noticed is that the main benefit from JUDDD is what we learn about ourselves. The weight loss is a secondary, though very welcome, bonus.
Glad you're back. :hiya:

grammyw/kitties 07-13-2013 06:16 AM

I can sooo understand. I know I need to stick with something for a long while to really know what works and what doesn't. I didn't put it on overnight and I won't take it off overnight. All I know is not everything works for all people and if I don't watch my ud calories what good is going without on my dd. Thanks for sharing it helped me not feel so alone in my struggles. We can do this and together is the BEST way!! EVERYONE have a GREAT DAY!!!

laceylady 07-13-2013 09:46 AM

Great post, Andy... we all learn what works for us -- and probably more important is what DOESN'T work for us. I've started JUDDD 3 times, after doing Atkins for a few times, too -- JUDDD is so much more rewarding, forgiving and sustainable for ME.

MintQ8 07-13-2013 12:24 PM

All good thoughts! We have to make this WOE work for us, and it can be tempting to try too much, tweak too early etc.

Be patient with yourself and think of the other good things that you're doing for yourself!

Whilst I am decidedly in the camp that doesn't believe exercise makes you lose weight it definitely helps! - I don't see the point in losing the weight and not getting fitter so you look and feel and are the best you can be. Exercise is important for health & mind.

Once I'm back home, I'm hitting the gym- even contemplating C25K!

Good luck!

grannysmith 07-13-2013 04:08 PM

I totally get it Andy, not even doing JUDDD for that long, it can quickly turn into a mental game...it's nothing for me to go 12 or 18 hours without eating, but when i try to put that in a schedule, where i HAVE TO do it, all hell breaks loose! And then the next morning, if I've stuck to my numbers or less, I'm not really hungry...grrr...after keeping my brain busy on DD with what wonderful thing I'm gonna make on UD, when UD arrives, I'm not hungry, and later i start grazing...grrgh. It's really about sticking to a plan, which totally goes against my nature, sad to say.

grannysmith 07-13-2013 05:44 PM

I guess i should say, JUDDD works, my contrarian personality is the issue!

Fluffy_Bunny 07-13-2013 07:23 PM

It's very brave of you to admit everything you did in your post Andy. Welcome back and keep on working JUDDD the way that works for YOU. You'll achieve all your goals and we'll be here to cheer you across the finish line.

sampson1951 07-16-2013 09:57 PM

Andy, I can completely relate to a couple of your points. Sometimes looking at the JUDDD board or any diet community can get just too overwhelming for me. I am also struggling with UUAD's after DD's. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Just keep truckin' along and doing the best you can. Success is never achieved in a straightforward line. There are stops and starts and zigs and zags as we navigate our way through the obstacles. :)

Kimmietoo 07-17-2013 06:34 AM

Oh dear Andy, you know I can so relate to every single word in your post. It can be so daunting, having such a long road ahead (pound wise).

We are so fortunate to have found JUDDD and this forum. It is especially helpful to read posts early posts from Leo41, Keira'sMom and LowCarbGal who have all used JUDDD to shed very major pounds here. It is hard to even comprehend how someone could fit into some of the tiny sizes. I think I wore a size 8 at birth! LOL.

I have been having my own struggles of late, too. I am severely hypothyroid. The manufacturer of Levoxyl (Pfizer) pulled all doseages recently and they will not be available until 2014. I've been trying a naturopath but was allergic to the original trial of Naturethroid and have just switched to something else. The initial doseages are light and I have swung back into full blown hypo symptoms plus the allergic reaction. I had to have a steroid dose pack to get over the reaction and I put on 9 (yes, 9!!!) pounds. Two down days later and I am still at that 9 pound gain -- it is not something that is going to just go away quickly. I have been so despondent about it that I haven't even had the ability to come here and talk about it, until your post just now, when you gave me the courage to finally be able to do so.

Your points about wanting to be active and the importance of exercise are so important and so relevant. I have suffered from "spectator syndrome" now for decades and I am so ready to enjoy life and be actively engaged! It's good for our minds and our spirits as well as for our bodies.

You see, you never know how valuable it is to share your journey. While we all have our own paths to tread, the ability to share your heart and your situation is so incredibly valuable to others!

Thank you, dear one, for your courage, your determination and for sharing your heart with us.


Kimmie
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

KeirasMom 07-17-2013 07:07 AM

T/J: Kimmie, have you tried the "brand name" Synthroid? I haven't used Levoxyl, so I'm not sure how similar that is, if it's a T4 only, or a T3/T4 combo. Anyway, I was still symptomatic with generic levothyroxine, and felt much better when I switched to brand name. I'm still symptomatic, and may add T3 at some point, but I feel well enough right now that I can't be bothered to add anything else. TD sucks!

Kimmietoo 07-17-2013 08:04 AM

T/J Thank you, Dawn. I have tried Synthroid previously but did not do well on it. Levoxyl is similar to Synthroid in that they are both synthetic T4 only medications. Even with a sub-normal TSH (oversuppression indicated at .31) and a free T4 out of range on the high side, my free T3 was at the very bottom of the range. (Like many others, I do not convert T4 to T3 properly.) I am now taking the relatively new market comer, Westhyroid P. It's a natural T3/T4 combo drug. While it's too early to tell (Day 2), I am hopeful as I don't seem to be having a reaction with it and I know that as long as I am patient we will get the dose right. (I need ALOT to be asymptomatic.) What a huge relief it is to finally find a physician who will prescribe and treat TD based on something besides just TSH values! Honestly, the medical community seems to be so hijacked by big pharma that it makes me nuts. End of rant, but it does make me crazy to see how much needless suffering goes on with poorly treated or undiagnosed TD.

I am so glad that you are feeling well and doing well!!!:jumpjoy:

Kimmie
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Goner 07-17-2013 08:20 AM

Thank you for sharing your lessons learned. It was brave of you to put it all out there and you'll never know how much it has helped others. It's true we each need to find our own path, figure out what works and what doesn't. It's great to do this among friends who encourage you along the way and don't judge you. :heart:

One thing I have found helpful, if I may say so - write down a message to yourself to keep you thinking positive - and read it each morning to remind yourself where you are headed and why. Hugs. :console:

Kissa 07-17-2013 11:37 AM

This is my first sight of this Andy. What a great post. Thank you for being so brave and honest.

I am delighted that you are enjoying exercising with your DH and feel back in control.

As Vicky's (MintQ8) mother I know how delighted she was when you started the 100 pound post. You are going to be such an asset to us here on the JUDDD forum.

AndyBFK 07-17-2013 01:37 PM

You all are so awesome, thank you so much for all of YOUR support!!!

Cindy I'm so glad Vicky joined us over there! We're all going to be an asset to each other!

Kimmie, thank YOU for your kind words. It's true, I really had no idea that my struggles would help so many others. I think I just need a place to vent, get it out, organize my thoughts, and it really makes me feel stronger knowing not only that I somehow helped someone else, but that we're all going through this together! I hope you can quickly get the medications you need to start feeling better!!!

AndyBFK 07-17-2013 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MintQ8 (Post 16513402)

Once I'm back home, I'm hitting the gym- even contemplating C25K!

Good luck!

Do it Vicky!!! I know SO many people who have changed their lives with that! If I was allowed to run (or even just walk a 5K) I would be all over it. Maybe I can swim it and we can virtually train together :)

MintQ8 07-19-2013 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyBFK (Post 16519450)
Do it Vicky!!! I know SO many people who have changed their lives with that! If I was allowed to run (or even just walk a 5K) I would be all over it. Maybe I can swim it and we can virtually train together :)

Haven't hit the gym yet, but thinking this week! Sounds like a plan! I may swim too, even though it's grey & wet here!

Kimmietoo 07-20-2013 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyBFK (Post 16519446)
You all are so awesome, thank you so much for all of YOUR support!!!

Cindy I'm so glad Vicky joined us over there! We're all going to be an asset to each other!

Kimmie, thank YOU for your kind words. It's true, I really had no idea that my struggles would help so many others. I think I just need a place to vent, get it out, organize my thoughts, and it really makes me feel stronger knowing not only that I somehow helped someone else, but that we're all going through this together! I hope you can quickly get the medications you need to start feeling better!!!

I'm taking a new med and the reaction is done. Nothing left of it but peeling skin! YAY. I am starting to feel better and am delighted to report that 6 of the 9 steroid pounds are gone. There is light at the end of the tunnel. ;)

Andy, you help so much!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Kimmie

Carly 07-20-2013 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kimmietoo (Post 16523658)
I'm taking a new med and the reaction is done. Nothing left of it but peeling skin! YAY. I am starting to feel better and am delighted to report that 6 of the 9 steroid pounds are gone. There is light at the end of the tunnel. ;)

Andy, you help so much!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Kimmie

Yay! I'm so happy for you :hugs:


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