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-   -   46 Weeks on JUDDD -- Grim Victories (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/juddd/804627-46-weeks-juddd-grim-victories.html)

stephdray 05-22-2013 10:00 AM

46 Weeks on JUDDD -- Grim Victories
 
This week I weighed in at 247 lbs for a loss of 3 lb this week, a total of 43 lbs lost, 36 of them on JUDDD.

Yeah, that's right. I lost three fricken pounds this week. I should be all aglow. But I'm merely steely-eyed about it. And now I'll explain why...

Low Points


Seething Rage. So not only did I see a net gain last week after finally wrestling my calories under control and doing a great week of rotations. But then I had a dinner party--one that I starved all day for, so that I could enjoy--only to see my weight go up another three pounds over night. And even though I knew most of that had to be water, I thought, ok, so now it's actually happening. Just like Soren warned me, I'm no longer losing slowly or maintaining, now I'm actually reversing trends. Re-gaining weight that I already lost. And wow, I stood on that scale staring with seething rage. Which, as it happens, is a lot better than the alternative of despair. You all know what I'm talking about--that pit of despair in a diet where you start to fail and you think, that's it then, this isn't going to work, I've failed again, time to just accept being fat and stop tormenting myself.

Tormenting Myself. But while I stood there in my seething rage, I thought about the week to follow. Another convention filled with food. Days I won't have control of anything. And if I was already up to 253 then I might well be up to 260 by next week, a prospect so damaging to my psyche that I dared not risk it. So I considered the things that I have been able to control and the things that I have been less successful at controlling. When I started this journey, I would never have thought myself capable of fasting but relatively incapable of controlling my up days. I can't think of a single down day that I've screwed up in almost a year whereas I can't even count the number of Up Days that became binges. Perhaps I've been tackling this from the wrong side. If I can do one down day can I do two or more? This is my third down day in a row and while it is not pleasant, it's not noticeably more unpleasant than any other down day. I do not recommend this experiment for anyone else--this is my own regulating measure--but it saw me to a loss of three pounds. And these three pounds were particularly important to me.

High Points


In Your Face. So yeah, the ability to do three down days in a row has given me a certain grim pride. Sure, I may not be able to stop eating once I start like any normal person ought to be able to. But I can go without food longer than any other person I know personally. Perhaps that sense of confidence, that strength, will carry through to my normal up days.

Coping. In each of the next five days I will be in a circumstance where it's a food-topia. Normally, I tell myself that I will just try to eat moderately, but, this time, I've decided not to lie to myself. I'm not going to eat moderately. I don't know how. But what I am going to do is fast until dinner each night. And JUDDD has given me the tools to do that. So next week's number won't be good, but if it's 250 or less, I will consider it a huge victory.

desertgirl 05-22-2013 10:08 AM

I know I'm in a completely different place - but I have suffered from gaining and losing the same 30 (or 5 or 10 or 20) lbs for my entire life. :down:

I did IF a few years ago - only ever ate at dinner (and until about 10pm) each day - and I enjoyed being the thinnest I'd ever been. There is only so much damage you can do in a short amount of time, right?

I wish you luck.

Whitlin' 05-22-2013 10:46 AM

Well, I'm a firm believer that it's the randomness of our ancestors' diets that is the actual example for working with our bodies toward weight loss. So I may not be as shocked over 3 DDs in a row as others. Still, very hard to tell our bodies what to "think", and the starvation-mode idea might get through instead.

With food-topia on the horizon, hopefully any starving ideas will be quelled fast.

Best wishes on knowing when the difficult mealtimes will be and trying to work with the schedule. Hoping that next week will be a calm weigh-in.

Carly 05-22-2013 05:55 PM

Steph, I totally hear how your rage was motivating and I think you proved to yourself that you got the DD thing down pat! Now put that motivating anger into sheer determination to control your UDs. You. Can. Do. It! I think fasting till dinner is great. I do it all the time and that way get to enjoy me DD energy well into my UD. I also get to eat a nice dinner and snack before bed, which with 1500 calorie UDs I won't get to do much if I eat through out the day. I'm not particularly worried about the occasional double or triple DD this far into the game. I believe you know your body well and what it can handle. Maybe it was the shake up you needed, but the UD make this WOE sustainable and healthy so do have an UD soon. :hugs: and :heart:

deedee 05-22-2013 06:54 PM

Great, honest post as always steph. It sounds like a rough patch but you have been at this for 46 weeks now and you're still making it work for you. I hope fasting until dinner allows you to enjoy the food you do eat without stress or worry, and that the scale rewards you for this next week!

SlowSure 05-23-2013 01:23 AM

Grim Victories as a title put me in mind of both Crawford and Davis - an impression that was only heightened by reading about the seething rage.

Good luck with the convention week.

Librarygirl 05-23-2013 03:28 AM

Steph, thanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I know well of what thou dost speak. ;) I can't imagine doing 3 DDs in a row, but if you can and it works, more power to you!!! I hope you can find a happy medium where you can eat sensibly (ha! It's worth hoping for, at least) and not have to starve (for prolonged periods) to lose weight between UDs.:console:

Stash'sWife 05-23-2013 06:43 AM

Love the honesty here. Personally, I feel seething rage if I weigh daily. Don't know how y'all do it...ANY gain at all after "all my hard work" makes me see red.

Anyhow, I totally get what you are saying about knowing you have the tools and the resolve.

I hate the stereotype that fat people are lazy. I don't look like someone who ever misses a meal, but I have more resolve and sticktoitiveness than many thin people I know. I hear people complain about having had "nothing to eat since breakfast" and inwardly say "if you only knew".

Looks like my post, which was meant to be encouragement, is turning into "all about me", so I will leave you for now, hoping some of this was helpful.

calichris 05-23-2013 09:37 AM

Steph, I too love your honesty. It's why we love your daily updates so much! You tell it how it is for you, which is so helpful when others are going through the same thing. So glad you were able to get off those rage pounds with your superwoman 3 DDs!

We all need to figure out what works for us, but I actually figured out I was stalling my losses with very low DDs and when I took a break to avoid getting discouraged by sticking to UD cals and increasing DDs to 650-750, the scale not only started moving dramatically but both UDs and DDs have been easier. Just wanted to share that, but it might not be right for where you are right now.

deedee 05-23-2013 09:58 AM

Quote:

I hate the stereotype that fat people are lazy. I don't look like someone who ever misses a meal, but I have more resolve and sticktoitiveness than many thin people I know. I hear people complain about having had "nothing to eat since breakfast" and inwardly say "if you only knew
:goodpost::goodpost:

People are so incredibly judgmental of the overweight and obese and assume we're both lazy and glutenous. I'm sure it would shock most thin people (who are more often than not thin by accident and not effort) to know how many of use overweight and obese people go every other day without any food.

LoCarbGal 05-23-2013 11:30 AM

Thanks for another great update, Steph. You are really hanging in there with your tough work schedule, and I am impressed by that. I'm glad you had a loss this week - we really do need that to keep us motivated.

stephdray 05-30-2013 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calichris (Post 16437159)
Steph, I too love your honesty. It's why we love your daily updates so much! You tell it how it is for you, which is so helpful when others are going through the same thing.

I hope so!!! :heart::heart::heart:

stephdray 05-30-2013 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stash'sWife (Post 16436825)
I hate the stereotype that fat people are lazy. I don't look like someone who ever misses a meal, but I have more resolve and sticktoitiveness than many thin people I know. I hear people complain about having had "nothing to eat since breakfast" and inwardly say "if you only knew".

Looks like my post, which was meant to be encouragement, is turning into "all about me", so I will leave you for now, hoping some of this was helpful.

Never apologize for that. You wrote some fantastic stuff above that I wish people realized.

stephdray 05-30-2013 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16436584)
Steph, thanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I know well of what thou dost speak. ;) I can't imagine doing 3 DDs in a row, but if you can and it works, more power to you!!! I hope you can find a happy medium where you can eat sensibly (ha! It's worth hoping for, at least) and not have to starve (for prolonged periods) to lose weight between UDs.:console:

I'm tempted to throw in an extra DD a week, but mostly I'm content to do it only when there's a special occasion.

stephdray 05-30-2013 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgirl (Post 16435567)
I know I'm in a completely different place - but I have suffered from gaining and losing the same 30 (or 5 or 10 or 20) lbs for my entire life. :down:

I did IF a few years ago - only ever ate at dinner (and until about 10pm) each day - and I enjoyed being the thinnest I'd ever been. There is only so much damage you can do in a short amount of time, right?

I wish you luck.

Dunno how you did it! ;) I found it harder than just a normal down day in some respects.

sorenkkg 05-30-2013 09:06 PM

I've been mia for a bit... Just getting back to the boards.

I said something? Am i like a prophet? ;)

Im back in the 240's also, and not giving up, and not giving up JUDDD either. Ditto on tools, and in my case, traveling is the factor to overcome.

Ok, on to week 47.

calichris 05-30-2013 09:43 PM

I wanted to know what Soren said too. :) I love all the words of wisdom here and I feel like I might have missed out on one!

stephdray 06-03-2013 01:06 PM

A few weeks back, Soren warned me against complacency, saying that it could get to the point where you're not actually maintaining, but regaining weight you lost. I had that in the back of my head as the BRIDGE I WILL NOT CROSS.

sorenkkg 06-03-2013 02:10 PM

Oooooh.

Yay Me! :jumpjoy: I have a nugget or 2 of wisdom, once in a greeeeeaaaat while.

;)

Hugs. Don't cross any bridges, they have trolls and billygoats. :duh:

;)
S.

Cacountrymom 06-24-2014 11:32 AM

As a beginning JUDDDer, I appreciate every detail of the things you all share. I think it will help as I run into issues in the future! Thank you all, for being so transparent!

CaliChris - I'm in Penryn!! :-)

calichris 06-24-2014 11:37 AM

:hiya: cacountrymom!

Kettleboy 06-24-2014 11:44 AM

I like your style

Eloquently put..

EmmaLiza 06-24-2014 01:42 PM

Up days are far harder than down days for me, too. I have the same binge tendency. I have no answers, but I'm right here with ya, trying to make it all make sense.

Librarygirl 06-24-2014 03:56 PM

Thanks for bringing this back. :) I see myself in this a bit, or the bit about complacency and re-gaining. :( I have not gained back very much yet, but I really thought I'd have gotten a lot closer to goal by now. I think I got discouraged somewhere down the line (a few times) at not losing, then lately I just started having an occasional DD instead of eod or even 4:3. I am worried, and I need to get back to it ASAP!!!

Carly 06-24-2014 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16953391)
Thanks for bringing this back. :) I see myself in this a bit, or the bit about complacency and re-gaining. :( I have not gained back very much yet, but I really thought I'd have gotten a lot closer to goal by now. I think I got discouraged somewhere down the line (a few times) at not losing, then lately I just started having an occasional DD instead of eod or even 4:3. I am worried, and I need to get back to it ASAP!!!

You can do it Cindy!!!! You've done it before, you've got this!

Flutter 06-24-2014 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16953391)
Thanks for bringing this back. :) I see myself in this a bit, or the bit about complacency and re-gaining. :( I have not gained back very much yet, but I really thought I'd have gotten a lot closer to goal by now. I think I got discouraged somewhere down the line (a few times) at not losing, then lately I just started having an occasional DD instead of eod or even 4:3. I am worried, and I need to get back to it ASAP!!!

We've been doing this awhile now, gf. I'm right there with you on being much more lax (and regaining to the top of my comfy range)...time to get back on the strict saddle! You know I'll do it with ya girly!!! PM me if you need me!! :love:

Miss stephdray over here. :(

LoCarbGal 06-24-2014 10:09 PM

Cindy and Melinda, we've all been at this for so long, and I think it's natural that we're all feeling a little bit worn out by the strict counting and rotations. I know I just want to get the weight off and be done with it. Oh, I know I'll still need to do some kind of rotations to maintain, but not as strict and maybe not as often. Sounds like heaven right now.

We can do this!!!

Librarygirl 06-25-2014 03:52 AM

Yes we can!!! I made through my DD yesterday, but it's official. I have gained weight. 179 after a DD, ugh. Granted it was a high DD that almost wasn't so I'm glad I stuck with it. I didn't eat anything really after I got home but a couple of small pieces of cantaloupe, but I had coffee and a pepsi.:o

Let's do this, Girls.:friends:

Leo41 06-25-2014 06:49 AM

Carol-
Your 'be done with it' was a red flag for me. I did JUDDD strictly for the last two years of my weight loss (100 lbs), but in the 4 years that I've been maintaining, I've found that much more challenging than losing!

Scientists say that after any significant weight loss, the body fights to add back those pounds, and I've experienced the truth of that idea. Even after 4 years, it's a daily battle to maintain my weight within 5 lbs.

So be careful what you wish for. Anyone who sees goal weight as the 'end of the journey' may be in for an unpleasant surprise. Weight loss is only one aspect of good weight management, and IMO, it's not the toughest part.

LoCarbGal 06-25-2014 07:54 AM

Leo, I know you're right. I know I'll have to think about weight and weight-management for the rest of my life. And I'm not crazy about that thought. I want to be slim and not have to work at it so darn hard. That's why I'm hopeful that combining ADF and Intuitive Eating will make things a little bit easier. We'll see...

I appreciate your input. You've traveled this tough road, and are still traveling it. I admire your determination and tenacity to keep all your hard won losses!


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