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-   -   I'm a mess... :( (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/juddd/803080-im-mess.html)

sorenkkg 04-29-2013 05:01 PM

I'm a mess... :(

So, some of you know this, that we had to put our baby girl Aleeya (13yr old greyhound) to sleep on April 22nd b/c her limp, which we thought was a slip injury from the ice, turned out to be a very fast growing bone tumor in her left front shoulder.

That was a week ago. Today, the vet called and I picked up the ashes and her paw print.

My DH is out of town visiting his parents and then actually my mom, so that's where he is tonight.

I guess I should've waited for him?

I called and totally bawled my eyes out on the phone for a few minutes.

Now, of course, it's a DD, and I'm not feeling it. I'm not totally off the rails, more like a MD at this point.

I wasn't posting here this week b/c I try to be really positive and I'm just not feeling that way, but I'm really upset right now so I'm reaching out b/c I'm not sure what else to do.


SlowSure 04-29-2013 05:05 PM

Soren, I'm heart sorry to learn of the fate of your much-loved Aleeya who was so much a part of your family and life.

I have no advice but want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

KeirasMom 04-29-2013 05:08 PM

:console: I know the pain you're going through and hope it eases with time. It sucks. :console:

Jbinme 04-29-2013 05:10 PM

Soren-I was thinking about you the other day. So sorry to hear about your girl:console:
I don't know what I would do different. When our heart hurts we want to find some kind of comfort.
Sending you lots of :console:and:heart:

LiLi914 04-29-2013 05:10 PM

Aww Soren, I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better. Just know that we're all here for you. xoxo

DaSHMith 04-29-2013 05:10 PM

Soren, I am so sorry to learn of the passing of your furbaby Aleeya. I haven't been here long, but I hope that you find the support you need with the group. My thoughts are with you as you mourn and heal:aprayer:

lisamt 04-29-2013 05:11 PM

:hugs: I'm so sorry you lost Aleeya. It sounds like she was a much loved member of your family. :heart:

My 12 year old cat lost her battle with cancer last month. I didn't want to see her suffer but it was so hard to let go.

Librarygirl 04-29-2013 05:13 PM

I'm so sorry, Soren.:console: I know how you feel, and there's nothing but time that will heal it. Please know that I am thinking of you and I feel for you so much.:console:

Sleepingduty 04-29-2013 05:15 PM

So sorry for your loss
Oh I am praying that God gives you the comfort you seek. I have a special fondness for greys, had a retired one for a couple years and he died suddenly at the vets while he was undergoing a sedation to get a lodged stone out of his paw. I know you miss your buddy terribly and nothing can replace her at the moment. Do you have any special tea you can sip? Like chamomile? I absolutely love greyhounds, they have such a wonderful temperament. Do something wonderful for yourself that doesn't involve food...can you think of anything? Sending loads of hugs your way and hope you get some hugs from someone you really care for soon.:hugs:

tofucheez 04-29-2013 05:15 PM

Soren, you are doing a good thing by reaching out. You know if any of us were physically near you we would all hug you in a big ol' huddle! Is there anyone you can be with right now? Sometimes having that physical void filled can help. Be sure to get lots of snuggles from your other pup, who I am sure is also feeling the loss. And personally, I think counting cals should be furthest from your mind right now. I know that when I lost my last pup, I was in a daze for quite a while. It can be extremely hard....I just wish someone was there with you and your other pup now....

piratejenny 04-29-2013 05:17 PM

So sorry, Soren. :hugs:

tofucheez 04-29-2013 05:17 PM

Oh, and you don't have to be chipper to come here, you know. We are here to bring each other up when we need it most...

sorenkkg 04-29-2013 05:29 PM

I'm reading and crying, then stopping, then starting again. This blows. It's like last monday, all over again, but this time, DH isn't here with me. He'll be home tomorrow of course.

Haka, our other greyhound (Aleeya's littermate, or actually she was his b/c he technically came first in birth order, and we adopted him a year before we found her)-- anyway, he's not the cuddly type.
Sometimes he'll come up if I'm really sobbing :cry: but at the moment, he's on his favorite spot by the front door on the cold tile. I don't want to freak him out by hugging him, he'd probably have a seizure from it :p

phoenix17 04-29-2013 05:32 PM

Soren I am so very sorry. It is so hard to say what to do because each person grieves differently. is there a walk she specifically loved or a park that you could bring your other honey (brother?)? I definitely echo the sentiment that you should not think about calories right now but if you are going to, then is there a treat she especially enjoyed with you? if you are going to have calories then go ahead and make them special. If you want to resist then resist in her memory.
I'm sending lots of healing energy your way :(

sorenkkg 04-29-2013 05:35 PM

I'm trying to be mindful, so I'm just thinking about what I want to do (eat) next, if anything.

I changed my avatar. That's Aleeya in the back and Haka in the front.

I'm going to try to breathe, and the tea is a good idea. If there's anything I have in the house, it's tea :)

I'll see if I have something with valium in it...

Carly 04-29-2013 05:39 PM

Soren :hugs: and :heart:
Oh, I know how your heart is aching. It will get easier, but you will always miss her. I still get emotional when I think of Salty who died at home one night in May of 2009. It's ok to cry and to come here and be sad.


TryingJudd 04-29-2013 06:03 PM

I know we all wish we could make it better somehow. You won't always feel this way but you will always have those wonderful memories. Sending hugs!!!

Kaos0100 04-29-2013 06:11 PM

Soren, it is so hard to lose a family member. I lost my 16 year old maltese in 2008...it's been 5 years and I still think about him. The pain does get better with time. I know that doesn't help you now though.

Deosil 04-29-2013 06:19 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My furkids have always been such an important part of my family that I know how tough it is when we lose them. It will get better with time but it is the sadness of the "now" that has to be dealt with. So many people on these forums are so very wonderful and it is truly awesome to see so many concerned folks here. There are many good ideas too. The tea idea is a great one and maybe taking Haka out for a walk might help just to get you out of the food zone. Or, maybe sit down and keep your hands busy by making a collage or small scrapbook of all the wonderful pictures you have of Aleeya.

Again, I am truly very sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you at this trying time. <3

Flutter 04-29-2013 06:26 PM

Oh Soren, my heart just breaks for you. It's excruciating losing a beloved family member like you have. Just be kind to yourself, that's all you can really do right now. It always helped me to think that they were waiting for me and I would see them again someday. I truly believe that. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3...ps05f1c3ed.gif

sunday 04-29-2013 07:11 PM

:console: I am so sorry Soren. I know how difficult this has been for you and DH, as well as your other baby. Sending hugs to you and hoping that you find peace in knowing that she had the best home life that any dog could ask and that is a true treasure. :heart:

calichris 04-29-2013 07:19 PM

Soren! :console: I can only imagine how hard it must have been going to the vet's today by yourself. :(

Once an a while, it's just not the right time for a DD. This sounds like one of those days, and it's OK.

I've been thinking about you this week ... we care about you, and you don't have to be positive here all the time. I'm so glad to see you post, but I'm sorry about this very hard day. :heart:

stephdray 04-29-2013 07:57 PM

Soren, how my heart hurts for you.

I'm an animal lover and I've lost a few. I loved them all, but some hurt so much worse and left holes in my life. When I lost my cat, Opie, I cried so hard and for so long that I irritated my sinuses and lost my sense of smell for more than a week. Knowing Opie, and his sense of dignity, he probably felt that my grief was not excessive.

What I try to remember, when I am sad, is that I'm sad for me. He lived a happy life with me, had all that any cat could want, is now free from pain and fondly remembered. I'm the one who was lost and grieving.

You will love another pup and s/he will make you laugh and cuddle you on cold nights and greet you when you get home and you will get past this. But right now, it's just the most awful thing and there's nothing to do but get through it.

And for heaven sake, don't stress about your medium day. Drink some tea. Curl up with a good book. Pamper yourself in some way you seldom do. And try not to be too hard on the other dog.

jaymar 04-29-2013 08:54 PM

Hey, Soren..I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad, I hope you will be very kind and understanding toward yourself, whatever you need to say or do, give yourself permission., we all wish there was something we could say to make it a little easier for you, when we love our sweet animals so much it does hurt so much to lose them. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as you are in everyone's here, because you are such a sweet and kind young lady. I agree with Flutter, I think we will see our little friends again.

LoCarbGal 04-29-2013 09:59 PM

Oh Soren :hugs: Nothing I can say will make this any easier, but I wish I could. Picking up the ashes and pawprint is so hard. When I had to have my Dusty put down almost 8 years ago and went to get her ashes, I didn't know they would also have done the pawprint. That, and the blanket I had her wrapped up in when I brought her in were waiting for me, and it nearly did me in.

Do not ever think you have to be only positive here. It has amazed and delighted me how this group of people encircles whoever is having a rough time, with love, caring, and understanding. I'm so glad you posted how you're feeling. I hope you can find some small comfort in all the love you have coming toward you tonight. :heart:

Yennie 04-29-2013 11:02 PM

:console: :heart::heart::heart:
My heart aches for you. I wish I were closer, you need a big hug.
Get some tea, snuggle in bed and remember your baby. Its ok to grieve, and its ok to grieve in your own way. You do not have to "function" or "be normal" - you lost a family member & who gives a hat what anyone else things.
I wish you peace and a balm for your broken heart. The pain won't ever go away but you will reach a point where you can remember your baby without tearing up. And even if you do, its ok.
You honored her in life by making her home the best it could be, and you honored her by making a courageous decision to end her pain. Not everyone does that. (Believe me, I see it every day that not everyone does that.) I know thinking about her being pain free is not enough to stop your own sorrow. You did the brave, selfless, honorable thing. You are a good doggie momma.
Many, many hugs to you.

Joyjoy 04-30-2013 03:16 AM

Ahhh, Soren, honey, :heart::heart::heart::heart:
How awful and beautiful at the same time. You are gorgeous.
Lots of love your way.:heart:

tofucheez 04-30-2013 04:29 AM

Sending more love and hugs your way, Soren....

Mamatomany 04-30-2013 04:41 AM

I'm so sorry sweetie :( Thoughts and prayers are with you today!

Silverrain 04-30-2013 04:44 AM

Oh, Soren, I am so sorry to hear you're in so much pain. :( It is never, ever easy to lose a loved one. As others have said, allow yourself to grieve - there is nothing bad about that, and it helps you get through the experience. It is good you reached out, and I am hoping things will get easier for you over time.

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