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Old 04-05-2013, 09:23 PM   #1
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My Father Passed On Monday, Just Found Out Today!

Posted this in my Night Eating Syndrome thread but needed my JUDDD BUDDDs, too!

I write this post with a heavy heart and a bit of anger. Today I was informed by my Father's wife that my Father had passed away this Monday, April 1st. He had been very ill and was in hospice for a few weeks, I was told.

My Father and I have not spoken for 18 years and a few years back my Aunt contacted me and said he wanted to speak to my children but she was to inform me that he did NOT want to speak to me. My son refused to talk to him because of his past treatment of me but my daughter tried to get to know him and she too decided that he was NOT the type of person she wanted to be around and get to know, let alone try to love and call Grandpa.

I am sad that he never tried to have a relationship with me even though I tried several times though out the years, that he hated me so much because I looked like my Mom (told me this time and again when I did speak with him) and blamed me for their failed marriage (I was 18 months when they got divorced so what I could have done is beyond me ). I have forgiven him a long time ago but what I'm having a problem with is his wife's petty jealousy and the fact she was a key in keeping us apart I'm sure, in my opinion. Talking to her on the phone today when she finally managed to give my daughter a call to let her know he had passed only confirmed again what a immature, jealous and petty woman she is. I am upset because if she had any kind of integrity she would have informed my daughter or me when he was in hospice so we could have at least have said our goodbyes.

My son is calling her tomorrow to ask for a bit of his ashes so I can have a memorial here with my children (he lived in CA) and so I can have closure. I highly doubt she will send the ashes to me, but I still intend to donate something or plant a tree or something else in his name as my honor to him as my Father and for closure for me and my children.

I just feel so hurt by her and sad that he has passed. I can only pray that he now can find peace in heaven where he could never have it here on earth. He was an arrogant and mean spirited man.....but may God and the Universe still welcome him with open arms. May he find and give the love he was denied and denied to others while here now that he is passed on and hopefully in a better place.
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:37 PM   #2
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Peace be with you and your children Beeb. You are a wise and kind woman.
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:51 PM   #3
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Start Date: JUDDD 2/20/13
My heart goes out to you. I am not far from your situation myself. My father had cancer and neither he nor his wife told me. The day he went into surgery I received a call from one of his nurses asking me how he was doing. I was mortified to have to say that I had no idea he was even having surgery and he lives one small town over from me.

I have not been through what you have just been put through, but am bracing myself for what surely someday must be coming. I only hope that I respond with the grace and dignity that you have. Thank you for sharing and being a shining example to us all, even though I know you must be hurting terribly.

God bless you, your children, and your father (and even your mean ole stepmother!) Take care of yourself and your children through all of this!
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:55 PM   #4
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I'm so sorry for your loss and the things you and your family have had to go through, Beeb... I wish you all peace and comfort in this trying time
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Old 04-05-2013, 11:04 PM   #5
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Believe it or not, there are a lot of people out here who can relate to your situation. My mother suffered from mental illness. She never got any help for it and the ones who had to endure the most were her children. My father wasn't around much, he worked 2 jobs for as long as I can remember. When she passed away 3 years ago I felt all kinds of emotions. Relief, anger,guilt, but mostly I felt happy that she is now some place where she can finally experience joy! She hated everyone but I think the one person she hated the most was herself. If you can forgive your father, I'm sure God can! He is in a better place and I am sure he would change things if he could.
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Old 04-05-2013, 11:22 PM   #6
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Your losses really, because you lost him years ago, and now again. I know it's hard to lose someone with unresolved issues and hurts, but you certainly have a wonderful and loving heart to feel as you do. I'm glad you felt you could come back and share this with us. We're always here.
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Old 04-05-2013, 11:33 PM   #7
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My sincerest condolences for your loss, and for the situation surrounding it.
May Peace be with you all.
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Old 04-06-2013, 12:11 AM   #8
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I'm so sorry Beeb.
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Old 04-06-2013, 01:37 AM   #9
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So sorry for your loss. I am saying a prayer for you and your children.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:08 AM   #10
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Dearest Linda, you must be going through a lot just now. So much to think about.

I believe you are handling this brilliantly and you should be very proud of the woman you have become in spite of his attitude.

Forgiveness is such a powerful thing.

I am so sorry things happened this way for you. Sending all the love that can travel through the Internet.
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Old 04-06-2013, 04:46 AM   #11
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Sorry for your loss Linda.
You are full of wisdom and I'm sure you'll come to terms with this and find a way to feel closure.
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Old 04-06-2013, 04:50 AM   #12
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Old 04-06-2013, 04:57 AM   #13
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Dear sweet Linda,

I am so sorry for your pain and for your loss. Your father missed a great opportunity to share in your life and your children's lives. What a painful place it must have been to blame your infant daughter for your problems and never deal with your own issues. Thank you for reaching out to us. Know that you are loved and welcomed here, always.

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Old 04-06-2013, 06:01 AM   #14
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Wishing you solace and peace Beeb.

You are a beautiful soul who has lived with unnecessary burden from a man who never knew what a joy and delight you are to know. Bless you and your family.
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Old 04-06-2013, 06:22 AM   #15
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I'm sending you and your family my warmest thoughts and prayers
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:16 AM   #16
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I agree with others, that he missed out on the wonderful woman you've become.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:26 AM   #17
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:30 AM   #18
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MAY PEACE BE WITH YOU & YOUR FAMILY.

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Old 04-06-2013, 07:31 AM   #19
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So sorry for your loss, Linda. I can only imagine how painful the entire situation must have been. It sounds like you have handled it the best way you could. I hope you and your family can find peace and closure now.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:33 AM   #20
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Im so sorry for your hurt.Prayers for you and your children.
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:13 AM   #21
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I'm sorry for your loss, you deserved the love of your father. Sending love
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Old 04-06-2013, 09:05 AM   #22
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Sorry for the loss of your father.
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Old 04-06-2013, 09:31 AM   #23
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How utterly sad. I have not words, just lots of ((((hugs)))) and . I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 04-06-2013, 10:49 AM   #24
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Beeb, I am so sorry that so many things were out of your control. I hope you find peace in the knowledge that you did what was in your power to do, and that some things were both out of your control and not your fault.
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Old 04-06-2013, 11:02 AM   #25
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Beeb, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you warm thoughts and prayers. Hope you find some peace and resolution.
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:27 PM   #26
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What a terrible loss on many levels. Sending good thoughts for you and your kids.
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:35 PM   #27
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I am so sorry for your loss, Linda.
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Old 04-08-2013, 06:53 AM   #28
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I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 04-08-2013, 08:53 AM   #29
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I just wanted to add my sympathies. I'm sorry for your loss. i'm glad you have found a way to forgive him. As you know, they can hear us on the other side, so speak to him and say your goodbyes.

My father was also not informed of his father's passing until he received the "estate" documents about a month after he passed. He had tried calling (we are on opposite ends of the country) for years and couldn't get through. He's never really opened up about it, but I could tell it wrenched him deeply.

Unfortunately, I haven't talked with my parents in over a year and not a day goes by that I don't miss them. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:18 AM   #30
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