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Old 03-25-2013, 07:55 PM   #1
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Teenagers and JUDDD

So... my 13 yo daughter wants to JUDDD. I let her do my 500 calorie down day today and she ended up crying herself to sleep about 7 pm.

Then I started worrying - maybe because she is growing (but probably not really because she is 5'11" and 185 pounds) that I am doing something bad to her.

But then I think we are just spoiled Americans that get three square meals a day with no hunting required, and that it is fine for people of all ages to skip meals and fast, because that is what we always used to do anyway and we are still here...

Plus all the benefits of this WOE.

But will they pertain to a teenager.

As you can see, I am torn on this. I want desperately to help her get healthy - she is pretty chunky unfortunately - size 12-14, XL, etc, but I don't want to make her sick.

Thoughts?
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:15 PM   #2
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Her bmi is 25.8, so she doesn't need to lose much at all to be in the normal range. I would suggest she doesn't need to be on a diet, but maybe cut out one thing(example sodas). My son cut out sodas in 9th grade and lost 10 pounds.
Also, my sister struggled with her weight as a teenager and she was only slightly overweight like your daughter, and I don't think the cycle of dieting helped her at such a young age. Good luck, I hope it won't be too much of a struggle for her, I know that's a hard age.
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:13 PM   #3
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I can't imagine someone 5'11" being chunky at a size XL. are you being too harsh/worried?

I don't know if there is any actual research, but I don't think DDs that low sound like a good idea for someone going through all the physiological changes of puberty. it's hard enough for them already!

I agree that just cutting back a bit should do wonders.

It's true we are spoiled Americans, but on the other hand, that's why our life expectancy is like three times what it was at times for the people who had famines and disease to contend with! LOL

give her a hug from us
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:13 AM   #4
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Her waist is 38 inches, that is what has me concerned. I don't think that she is huge or anything, but she just has a huge spare tire (shaped like me) and that is supposed to be the worst kind of fat to have.

Not to mention, the poor girl cries every time she is in a social situation which requires her to dress up, and her 8th grade trip is to a water park, so she has already told me she is definitely not going.

You are right about cutting things out. Maybe I will try to suggest just cutting out sugar. I can try to find things sweetened with stevia or splenda (as opposed to aspartame) and just see if that works. ... ... ugh. Makes me so sad that she isolates herself at a time when she should be having fun.
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:40 AM   #5
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I agree with the other's responses here. 13 seems too young for such a strict diet. Plus, as I have found after a few months of DDs, you can get on a "high" and actually get through them fairly well, to very well and this might reinforce her need to lose quickly, to where she may possibly become anorexic. I think 500 cals a day is not designed for anyone under 18, or with very, very close supervision. She could do 1000 cal DDs and lose nicely with her age and metabolism, probably. Just my thoughts and I am no expert!!
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:00 AM   #6
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Does she workout? And if no, why not?
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:03 AM   #7
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I would help her learn how to make good food choices and if her insurance plan will pay for a nutitionist that may really help. Can she get more physically active- go to the gym at school or join a sport after school. If she is isolating and sad counseling may help. I agree that a DD 2x per week of 1000 calories should be more than enough to help her lose, but it would be better at her age if she could just learn how to eat healthfully and moderately everyday and encorporate daily physcal activity.
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:28 AM   #8
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Although 13 year old girls might tend to cry at the drop of a hat, I would amend any family-decision activity that actually causes more tears.

Did you check Dr. Johnson's calculator? Putting in her stats, it looks to me as if she needed a 2,300-calorie day the day before the 500-calorie day. (I used "light exercise" to compute, assuming, like most her age, she takes PE class at school or has recess activity, and just generally walks all over the school grounds.) Did she have that many calories? If not, there was a problem going in to the day.

Although I wouldn't have another 500 calorie day, I would think JUDDD is still an idea, just at a higher DD level to UD level ratio.

For a thick waist, try exercise programs that target that area. There are short DVDs out there for trimming the waist - I remember one by Denise Austin hit best-seller status I think. Some who post here do Callanetics, which promises waistline help. T-Tapp has specific waistline moves that I do.

Oh, editing to say Hula-Hooping with a real dance hoop would be perfect for a teen girl for fun and gracefulness. Very good for trimming waistlines. Canyon Hoops makes them custom to be correct for your height. Can I say that here? There are DVDs for hooping, too.
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:28 AM   #9
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I agree that JUDD is too "much" for your lovely daughter....


eat healthily, exercise, and put the focus on being HEALTHY, not on losing weight. Even when she starts her new "plan," compliment her on her HEALTHY choices, not on how much weight she has lost. Teen girls latch on to that and, as LibraryGirl said, this can be the start of anorexia if not approached properly.

Good luck to you both!
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:39 AM   #10
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I don't have a DD that age, but one of my sons went through something very similar at 13. He gained a ton of weight and became very depressed & anxious. He also avoided activities because he was sensitive about his weight. For him, he's always been a picky eater and not a particularly healthy food lover. I wish I could say focusing on healthier foods helped, but counseling to cope with his whacky hormones combined with getting him involved in weight training did the trick. He is on the thin side of the range now and much happier. 13 is a VERY VERY hard, emotional and tricky age. It's very hard parenting that age, too! Huge hugs to you both. Let me ask this, what does your DD want to try? I had a lot, a lot, a lot of heart to heart talks with my DS (and still have to check in often about these things). He just struggles with lower self esteem and body image still.

I could go on and on here. PM me if you need an ear. My DS went through a lot and is very vocal about it when he thinks other teens are going through similar issues. I'm likewise pretty passionate about parents that are. I just want to give you both huge IRL hugs! It can get better...it will!!!! Focus on the good stuff, give lots of praise, listen WAY more than you talk. XOXO
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:44 AM   #11
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Flutter- what a wonderful and supportive mom you are!
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:02 AM   #12
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=) You guys are amazing!

She does not talk to me, she yells at me and cries, if I bring up anything that is a touchy subject. She brings them up, and I can listen, but if I respond at all, the conversation is over, so I know what you mean flutter about listening more than you talk! LOL.

She exercises with her PE class, but she is in general lazy. Her extracurricular activities all revolve around singing and acting, so not very physically active, though she transforms when she is on stage into a very confident person. She just got done doing The Little Mermaid and played chef Luis and did a wonderful amazing job. So I know she has some confidence!

I thought maybe just going for walks with her would help? For your son, Flutter, weight training seems like the most amazing idea - what boy wouldn't love that? (actually I have no idea - it just seems like they would all want to be "buff"). My son is 9 and so far is of normal weight, but I hope he finds something active to do because I don't want him to suffer through this.

I have always always always been overweight, very tall, just a big girl. My DD is doing better than I as far as confidence is concerned, but... Man, I wish I just had a magic wand sometimes so I could make her body image problems disappear. My mom had me on a diet from the time I was 12 - HOWEVER - my parents were cruel - which I know contributed to my current fatness. I am very careful to be the opposite of cruel. My mom was always very thin and angry with me for not being thin as well. I am sure she wanted the best for me, just a coldish person in general. (not that I don't love my mom but weight issues + my mother = very unhappy thoughts). I don't want this to be an unhappy thing between my daughter and I.

So, I will look for activities for her. I just went to the kitchen for breakfast this morning and noticed that she got up in the middle of the night and went crazy eating several hot dogs, bagels, etc. Poor kid. Yesterday was too much for her, lol.
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:09 AM   #13
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aww, thanks tofucheez! I try, but I sure feel like a clutz parent most of the time. I think the Big Guy pushed me to become a social worker just so I could parent my kids. Seriously. It's all good, though. They are my life and are truly great people. I am so proud of them. When DS speaks out in public about he's been through, well, words can't describe the beaming that takes place on my face.

OP, again, you're not alone if you need an ear. I was a MESS when my DS was hurting. It's hard to see your kids in pain.
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:11 AM   #14
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OP, I am only halfway through reading your post and am going to PM you later. (it is a ridiculously crazy day for me today) My DS is very artsy...writes poetry, song writing, sings, etc. I bet we have a bunch in common.
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:12 AM   #15
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Andrea-
Your post really touched my heart because your DD's story sounds almost exactly like my DD's, down to another parent actually calling me to tell me that her DD witnessed my DD crying in the bathroom at the local water park and refusing to come out in a bathing suit at that age. She is 15 now.

It also seemed to me that she made the worst food choices possible. I have been essentially low carb for years and felt like my advice always fell on deaf ears. I finally decided that anything I said was almost counterproductive. I decided to focus on telling her that she was beautiful, no matter what.

Last summer one of the youth pastors at her church had a workout session every night and talked to the kids a great deal about nutrition. This really helped my DD make better choices and she has slimmed down so much! Part of it was her age, too, I believe. Once they get through puberty they slim out and lose a lot of the baby fat.

If you could find a group somewhere of like-minded kids (or start one yourself) maybe at a local community center, maybe that would help???

You are doing a great job and it is awesome that you want to help your DD! I know how heartwrenching this age can be and how cruel other kids can be!

Hang in there! It will get better!!
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:14 AM   #16
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Oh yea, I'm going to have a lot to say later. LCA, my heart is with you. I'm going to think about you all day! Listen, walking with her is a FABULOUS idea. It will help you both, and when the weather is warm in my area, I walk with each of my kids separately when I can. It is immensely helpful, and I think doing something helps them feel a bit less uncomfortable talking about personal stuff.

I have to go, but you will help DD! You are doing so much right already! XOXOXOXOXO Will pm this evening.
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:18 AM   #17
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Just saw the rest of the posts...my daughter did the SAME thing, with the tantrums, etc. My sister is an OB/GYN and one of her peditrician friend recommended a book that saved my sanity during this period. It is called "Why Do They Act That Way" by David Walsh. It is a great read, he uses examples from his own children and I recommend it to ANYONE trying to raise a teenager! I dl'd it to my Kindle. If nothing else, you will be very surprised at how you are definitely NOT alone.

GOOD LUCK!!!
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:43 AM   #18
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My son, last summer, watching DH and I slim down expressed a desire to follow our WOE. He was 13 at the time. I would not consider him doing 500c down day, his limit was 1000c. We literally had him do 1000c DD and 2000c ud. It was not something I pushed upon him or asked him to do. He came to us. He did well on it for a couple weeks and then, he was done. Weight is so very personal. I watched my Mother bribe, scream, cry, you name it with my sister growing up. NONE of it worked. I do my best to keep the "crap" out of the house. He also is not involved in any sports and his "exercise" is at school or his walking to work. He could stand to lose a good 25 pounds, if not more. I never mention it. I do stand firm on NO SUGAR pop ever. He could drink 32 oz in a matter of seconds. I also keep treats to a minimum. I am hoping he will continue to grow in heighth and will slim down a bit. He is a self professed Nerd but he loves his Job at the Veternary clinic. He is ubber smart so the JOCKS when he did play ALWAYS made fun of him. His 7th grade year was hell specifically because of Football. I wanted to just share this so you would know, you are not alone and it isn't just a girl thing.

Life is NOT fair. His best friend is TINY! Not tall and has no meat at all. He can literally eat whatever he wants and never gain an ounce. When DS and I discuss things, I merely tell him, that is not how it goes for everyone. I too was NEVER able to eat like my friends and look like them. I was always big and always battled! Thankfully I think DS is going to be super tall. He will need every INCH God will grant him. He is already 5'9" at 14 and when he injured his knee last August in PE, the orth told me the MRI indicated the growth plate showed extensive growth was still going to happen. He wears a size 11 1/2 shoe and his feet keep growing too! I pray he is 6'5" I know from experience, height truly does make a difference!
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:11 AM   #19
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I wanted to send you hugs too Andrea, 13 is such a tough tough age, and it doesn't help that other kids can be cruel. As a mother, it hurts more when your child is hurting, than if it was something happening to you. Please come here for support with the issue. I went through an awful awful time with my son when he was 13, and 14 was worse, but when he turned 15, things starting getting better miraculously. These are a rough couple of years. Just keep telling her how beautiful she is, give her lots of hugs when she's open too it, and I always have found that smiling, just smiling at the children can help with their self esttem,. sometimes we are so worried that it shows on our face, and that can make them feel that we are actually disappointed in them. So let your eyes light up when wshe waks in the room. Also, I love the idea for core exercises. One of my neighbors daughters is a little chunky, and she got her a personal trainer(this is not something I could afford), but that girl is so strong now. Also, bike riding is a great exercise and maybe something that could be done together? good luck, i know you will figure it out
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:28 AM   #20
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OH, Andrea, I had another idea! What about martial arts? or Kickboxing? Those both sound empowering!
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:49 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by hot-in-texas View Post
OH, Andrea, I had another idea! What about martial arts? or Kickboxing? Those both sound empowering!
Sher! I agree. She can learn as she's getting in shape. Plus, being a young lady and knowing how to defend herself is not a bad thing this day and time.
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:22 AM   #22
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I relate to your daughter. I remember being chunky at 13. I recall blaming myself a lot for my body not changing like I thought my parents wanted. They'd openly worry about it, change around my diet, tell me to get outside and ride bikes and what not, but I never took that as care. I just thought that I was failing at a daughter because my body was causing concern and I never had to deal with that pressure before.

I think my body just needed that fat at the moment though because by 15 I started to lean out, my belly fat moved to my hips and tights and caused another host of body issues...but that neither here nor there. Your daughter could just be at an awkward stage in developement, but as long as healthy habits are formed, they should come to fruition at some point in time. I think most, your daughter just would like to know just how much you love and accept her and that being healthy isn't a punishnment.

Kudos for being so receptive to your daughter. I'm sure she'll appreciate it when she gets older.
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:25 AM   #23
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I relate to your daughter. I remember being chunky at 13. I recall blaming myself a lot for my body not changing like I thought my parents wanted. They'd openly worry about it, change around my diet, tell me to get outside and ride bikes and what not, but I never took that as care. I just thought that I was failing at a daughter because my body was causing concern and I never had to deal with that pressure before.

I think my body just needed that fat at the moment though because by 15 I started to lean out, my belly fat moved to my hips and tights and caused another host of body issues...but that neither here nor there. Your daughter could just be at an awkward stage in developement, but as long as healthy habits are formed, they should come to fruition at some point in time. I think most, your daughter just would like to know just how much you love and accept her and that being healthy isn't a punishnment.

Kudos for being so receptive to your daughter. I'm sure she'll appreciate it when she gets older.
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:31 AM   #24
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LCA, I don't have anything helpful to add except ! You're a great mom, and she will appreciate it someday. Probably she already does, but you know that age. They can't fully formulate it in their minds and definitely wouldn't express it to you!

Flutter, your son sounds like an amazing young man! What a sensitive soul. Had to have a pretty good mama to get to be like that!
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:37 AM   #25
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So, I am inspired by y'all. I am going today to pick up the parks and rec. booklet and hopefully find a class or two that she and I can take together once or twice a week. =) Maybe martial arts or even aerobics or water aerobics, just something. I think it will be a bonding experience and a chance for me to work in some of my much needed exercise as well. =)
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Old 03-26-2013, 01:21 PM   #26
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That's a great idea Andrea! Keep us posted
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:10 PM   #27
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A friend of mine is taking Zumba classes with her 13 y/o daughter (who has the teen mood swings), and they both really enjoy it.

I think you are on a great road. You can spend healthy time together, that shows her you care, but isn't so "in-your-face" that often turns teens off.

Even if she doesn't tell you she appreciates it, I'm sure she will. I say that from MY experience as a teen.

You'll both be the better for it. Go you!
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:30 PM   #28
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I went to the local college when I was a teen and started taking ballet classes. It was fun and inexpensive, but I doubt that would be feasible these days...
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:52 PM   #29
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I have a suggestion
(actually, I like to make this suggestion anytime someone asks about kids + weight loss)

Have DD keep a food journal for a week BEFORE starting any "diet".
Just food and amounts WITHOUT the calories.
(That might make her start to restrict them.)
At the end of the week, she could look up the calories (with or without your help, if she wants to keep it private).
She could then decide to cut some things out--if she drinks juice or soda, for example. Or snacks.
Or she might see patterns...like if she skips breakfast, does she eat more at night, or does it help her eat less all day?

I think food journaling is a very very important self-awareness tool, even if you're not trying to lose weight. (A person could use it for nutrition or budgeting at some other point in their life.) IMO it's a good idea to get a "baseline" or "control" before making a change.

Good luck!
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:32 PM   #30
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WOE: A.I. 1/1-1/20; JUDDD 1/21/13, Potatoes as needed

I love this idea, Jen.
I was also going to suggest maybe a yoga class? If she's an actress, the meditation and inward reflection can help calm & center her, improving performance. I'd suggest that perhaps toning is more important at this stage than weight loss. Yoga, zumba, tae kwa do, all those would be great for that, increase personal fitness (ie not team sports) and would also give her a new circle of friends with similar interests.
I guess I'd also echo the above cautions on how you handle it. My mom gave me some HUGE food/body image issues. She'd say things like "If you'd lose XX pounds, you'd be a knockout, If you don't lose weight you wont get a boyfriend, If you dont lose weight your husband will cheat on you" (!?!?!?!)
I think one of the worst was when I was a freshman in high school, towards the end of the year and I'd just made the cheerleading squad. We were getting measured for our uniforms and she was there. I can't remember why. Anyway, my waist measured at 28". I will always, until the day I die, remember this because she proceeds to announce, in a room full of all the other girls on the squad, that the seamstress should take my measurement again and I should not be sucking it in because she (my mom) wonb't be paying for a second cheer skirt when this one doesn't fit me because I'm sucking it in for the measurements.
Now, I realize you'd never be that harsh, but part of my point is that if you asked my mom about this, I promise this isn't how she'd remember it. Off hand, seemingly harmless comments can cut deep and last a lifetime.

PS: I did eventually tell my husband how she was making comments about him cheating on me/leaving me if I didn't lose weight and he called her out on it. She's never mentioned my weight since, except now to tell me I'm looking good due to weight loss.
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