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Librarygirl 02-20-2013 08:13 AM

Having a Down Day
 
And it's an Up Day! I just found out that the position of head of my dept has been listed and I wasn't even aware of it. Others were told, but I wasn't. I am the most qualified for the position of anyone else in the library, but because of personal conflicts, I will not get it and will probably have to answer to someone with no experience and less than half of my seniority on the job. I knew it was going to be posted soon and I also knew I wasn't going to get it, but the reality is depressing. I am up to 1200 calories already today and haven't even had lunch. Plus it's TOM and I feel like bawling crying. Just needed to vent to someone. Thanks for listening.

zipp2play 02-20-2013 08:16 AM

Cindy, I am so sorry! Work stuff can really suck sometimes!!!!!!!

Yennie 02-20-2013 08:19 AM

Ug, the politics of working. Don't you ever wonder why people can't put personal agendas aside and just pull the wagon the same direction?
I used to work in medical research and the political/backstabbing crap that went on there was UNBELIEVABLE!!! I've always thought of writing a book, as sort of an expose of behind the scenes, what really happens, not just the guy in the white lab coat lauding all our advances. I even have a title for it - although I have absolutely NO IDEA how to even start writing or researching this book beyond my own experiences. Anyhow, I digress.
Personally, I think you should apply. Perhaps there will be impartial people on the panel who would see you're the most qualified. But then, I'm sort of in-your-face like this. Instead of not applying thinking I won't get it, I'd apply and force *them* to reject me and admit its for personal, not professional reasons. If you don't apply, then that's the excuse *they* need not to hire you! But, again, I'm pretty aggressive about this kind of stuff (probably why I didn't last in medical research - too aggressive and - gasp - a WOMAN!)
Anyhow, whatever you decide to do, it's gotta be the right thing for YOU. I wish you the absolutely best of luck in soul searching, etc.
:hugs:

Librarygirl 02-20-2013 08:23 AM

My dean has made it clear that she will not put me in the position. If I apply, then I have to go through the "formal" rejection all over again. I'm not that tough. I am just going to try and deal with it the best I can.

LoCarbGal 02-20-2013 08:25 AM

Oh Cindy, that's just awful. You should post for it. You may get it. And even if you don't, you can force the issue and make them have to work hard to justify to themselves hiring someone who's less qualified and won't be able to handle the job as well. Show them you won't back down to their stupid politics!

That may not be the best advice, but I always like to make people as uncomfortable as I can when they're acting like IDIOTS! :hugs:

And don't worry about your eating today. You may just need to relax and let it happen. Tomorrow's another day.

hot-in-texas 02-20-2013 08:26 AM

:console:
That bites.

ETA-I agree you should apply for it. We all have your back here :)

Yennie 02-20-2013 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoCarbGal (Post 16269631)

That may not be the best advice, but I always like to make people as uncomfortable as I can when they're acting like IDIOTS! :hugs:

This is me too. But I recognize not everyone works this way. Cindy, you've gotta do what you need to do to survive, both mentally and also at work. Is there a point in asking her why?

Having said that, during one stage of my training, there was one professor - a very influential one - who just plain didn't like me. Other professors in our program knew it, told me it wasn't my skills it was totally, 100% personal but since they weren't strong enough to stand up to her, I suffered. And there wasn't anything I could do about it except suffer through it for the sake of the certificate at the end, move on and vow to never treat anyone like that if I'm ever in her position.

Sometimes people are just a******s. And then you give those people some power or authority and they become bigger ones.

Best wishes in whatever path your pursue, and you can always vent to us, dear. :heart:

hot-in-texas 02-20-2013 08:45 AM

BTW Cindy, I know what it feels like to want to cry at work. I am the lowest on the totem pole here and always will be. We only have4 people working here, (besides 3 owners)and all of them have been in the business twice as ling to 4 times as long as I.
I am usually treated as a nobody here. I'm not saying the people I work with mean to be that way, but that is how they truly feel about me it seems(all but 1 of them) Also, I am never headhere. I have had conflicts twith ohters that were clearly their fault, almost to the point of verbal abuse toward me, and my side is never heard or considered. I am only telling you this to let you know you are not alone. Everything will be ok.:console:
If you don't want to apply for the position, that is totally understandable, I am sure that would be a hurtful and uncomfortable situation. I don't know if it is something I could do. But if you can do it, that would be awwesome! It ousld point out how unfair and wrong the dean is, as you are the most qualified. And then if you ever wanted to quit-you could use that as an example of why.

Flutter 02-20-2013 08:54 AM

Is there any possibility of you transferring to another department? Are these personal conflicts with the dean in question? I am so sorry you are going through this! :hugs: Are you comfortable in your current position? Any way you can transfer to another department with a chance of moving up there?

Obviously I am clueless, but I don't like you being unhappy! It's super hard on you physically and emotionally to be somewhere you feel unappreciated at. We love you!!!

Flutter 02-20-2013 08:55 AM

Tex :hugs:

adillenal 02-20-2013 08:59 AM

Oh the school politics are so much fun. NOT. And there is no reason to waste your time applying for a job you won't get. Been there and know how it is. I hire people and can't always hire my choice or even my committee's choice since there is always someone higher up than me with more power.
Hang in there is all I can say and do your best.

svenskamae 02-20-2013 09:07 AM

I'm so sorry, Cindy. In my experience, there is very little relationship between who is favored in a workplace setting and who actually gets the most work done, brings in the most grant money, works the longest hours, or has the most experience. Often whoever matches the head person's personal style/friendship preferences is favored, and qualifications, experience, and productivity count for little.

This is absolutely not about you, and only about what is dysfunctional in your workplace. Lots of hugs from all of us here, who appreciate what a wonderful person you are. :console: :hugs: :heart:

You are the best judge of your situation, but another possibility is to have a confidential talk with a grievance officer at your institution. I had to do that to get the formal title for a job that I had been doing for over a year, without the title, just because an administrator in my department didn't like me. Sometimes an impartial person can act as a mediator effectively.

KeirasMom 02-20-2013 09:25 AM

:hugs: I would hire you. :hugs:

Librarygirl 02-20-2013 09:47 AM

Thanks Everyone.:hugs: I love you guys! I said the other day that I have so much energy on JUDDD, but right now I could take a seriously long nap. Plus all these calories are making me sluggish. :D

Kissa 02-20-2013 10:02 AM

So sorry you have had such a bad day. I would just hate that and would probably have let myself down and howled.

I am glad you decided to vent here and know you are cherished by us.

sunday 02-20-2013 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeirasMom (Post 16269805)
:hugs: I would hire you. :hugs:

I agree. :hugs:

I work in academia as well and have had one such boss. :annoyed: A woman. It wasn't that she didn't like me, I think/believe that she liked me fine. I worked hard. BUT, she was obsessed with a co-worker who I had hired and knew very well. A "pretend friend" of mine. I was never passed up for promotion, but my friend always received perfect evaluations. Everyone else in the department got the "not quite perfect" evaluations. :huh:

After about 3 years of discouragement, I finally decided to move on. I tired of wondering what could have been? And I believed in myself! The last day of work, the dept gave me a big party and eventually my friend was given the promotion to my position but at higher title than mine. :confused:

I am at a job that I love now. I only tell you this, because happiness sometimes happens when we grasp another brass ring.

Librarygirl 02-20-2013 11:05 AM

I was not completely honest with all of you. Over the past few years I have been through some personal things that have affected my professional life as well. Thankfully, things are better now (for one, I'm divorced), but I never shared what was going on with my boss and therefore just accepted less-than-perfect evaluations and more. On paper, I do not fit the "perfect" candidate for the job because of this, in spite of my qualifications, so I have no one to blame. I was just a bit upset by the finality of it all. Anyway, I appreciate all of your advice and love. It means so much! Time to move on and put this behind me now. :)

calichris 02-20-2013 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16270097)
I was not completely honest with all of you. Over the past few years I have been through some personal things that have affected my professional life as well. Thankfully, things are better now (for one, I'm divorced), but I never shared what was going on with my boss and therefore just accepted less-than-perfect evaluations and more. On paper, I do not fit the "perfect" candidate for the job because of this, in spite of my qualifications, so I have no one to blame. I was just a bit upset by the finality of it all. Anyway, I appreciate all of your advice and love. It means so much! Time to move on and put this behind me now. :)

Oh LG ... I don't know all that goes into this or what the availability of jobs in your field is, but is there a possibility of moving on to a new position? I just find myself wishing for a fresh start for you, rather than a place where you are discouraged from advancing even though you are the most qualified and experienced. You've come through the rough patch, and you could start again somewhere fresh, and maybe even be hired into a promotional position. From personal experience, I can tell you that it is so much nicer to work where you are appreciated than try to please someone who has already made up their mind about you, whether it is your "fault" or for no reason at all ... :heart:

hot-in-texas 02-20-2013 11:51 AM

:goodpost:
I agree w/ this sentiment. For me, even though I do no feel like I will get anywhere with my current job, where I have dealt with for 5 years, I know I will not be here for long, as I am renewing my license in my field which I had let expire during my tumultuous marriage. I will have it reinstated by August of this year, so I know I will have a fesh start. But I hate for you to be somewhere where you are under utilized, and not able to ovrcome past struggles.
Is it possible, to schedule a meeting with the dean, and tell her(him?) what you are thinking/feeling? And what your goals are? And ask their thoughts/opinion on the matter?

PS I also want to state that even though I have struggles at work, my bosses (owners) have been good to me, and the other workers that I mentioned, for the most part have been good lately. I am sure I have contributeded a little to the conflicts lol(but just a little ;))

Kismet311 02-20-2013 12:08 PM

I have gone through a simliar situtation and honestly I could not work there anymore due to my boss's attitude towards me. I finally got the courage to change jobs and after a whole year I am sooo much happier. I know it might not be possible for you to leave your current job to find another one but just remember that someday this boss of yours might not have a say (hey, she might get the boot since she's such a party pooper LOL) and you will get your dream job! If I can do it anyone can!

sunday 02-20-2013 12:18 PM

I agree with Chris & Sher. If you don't wish to meet with the Dean personally now, it may be good to let him know when the opportunity arises. The thing is, although, he had no idea about your "personal" life, it is never too late to go to him and say that you are motivated to advance professionally and ask for recommendations. When we go through hard times, I think it shows great determination and incentive when we take the steps to overcome the obstacles and further our own career.

I had a rough marriage as well and although it may not have played into my job situation, I discovered later down the road that my friend shared confidences with my boss when it was convenient for her. I learned a great deal from that experience.

"Moving on" is good for now, but when the time is right "conveniently" share your own growth and create a new path for yourself. :hugs:

Flutter 02-20-2013 12:23 PM

Just sending more love... :hugs:

mom23kids 02-20-2013 12:24 PM

:hugs:

deborahlh 02-20-2013 12:29 PM

I hope you are feeling better as the day goes by....I don't have any wise advice except please be kind to yourself and take that nap if you need it!:hugs:

vanilla_latte 02-20-2013 01:06 PM

That sucks! :console: :hugs:

Carly 02-20-2013 02:17 PM

:console: I hope you are feeling better. That isn't the only job in the world and sometimes just knowing you have options helps one get through the difficult work related days.

jaymar 02-20-2013 02:32 PM

:hugs:..love and hugs to ya, Cindy.

JMBM 02-20-2013 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16269597)
And it's an Up Day! I just found out that the position of head of my dept has been listed and I wasn't even aware of it. Others were told, but I wasn't. I am the most qualified for the position of anyone else in the library, but because of personal conflicts, I will not get it and will probably have to answer to someone with no experience and less than half of my seniority on the job. I knew it was going to be posted soon and I also knew I wasn't going to get it, but the reality is depressing. I am up to 1200 calories already today and haven't even had lunch. Plus it's TOM and I feel like bawling crying. Just needed to vent to someone. Thanks for listening.

Don't you just love the politics of education?:annoyed: When I first started teaching I quickly learned it wasn't what you knew, but who. And it couldn't be more true in the field of education. Sorry to hear your news. I know it must be frustrating. Almost glad I don't teach anymore. I miss the children, but not the drama.:hugs:

Librarygirl 02-20-2013 02:57 PM

I am pretty much stuck at this job. There is no other department that wouldn't be under the same dean. My degree is in library science and there are no other university libraries in this area within driving distance that would pay as well, and I cannot not afford a pay cut. I own my house, I have a life here and a mother in a nursing home in a near-by town, so moving is not an option either. I do hope to move up to Associate Professor, from Assistant, which will be a nice raise...IF my dean ever approves of me trying for it. I have a lot of work to do to get prepared for that, and that's what I'm focusing on now. Thanks for all of your advice and compassion. It means the world to me!

Shari4 02-20-2013 09:06 PM

Oh, Cindy!! :console::console: It always seems to me that politics is in play no matter where you work! I hate that you are so miserable today. And I hope by this time, you are feeling better!!

Don't let these other people rent space in your head! They don't pay rent & you deserve so much more. I hope after a good nights rest, you awake refreshed & raring to go!!:hugs:


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