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-   -   I don't like "change" at all (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/juddd/795250-i-dont-like-change-all.html)

Yam-Yam 01-24-2013 10:40 AM

I don't like "change" at all
 
Yikes. I know this about myself: Routines are lovely for me. Finding a home and lifestyle I love and then staying in it makes me happy.

Things are changing right now and the feelings of anxiety are bugging me.

DH retired a month ago. The holidays were hectic, but fun. Now that they are in the rear view mirror, DH's retirement and all that means (not having any solitude any more AT ALL; much less income and MOVING! Yuck!)

I don't want to move. DH does. I guess he wins.

On top of all of this, DD and her hubby are growing their business and need help in the child care department. I love, love, love being a grandma but wow, I'm exhausted all the time. Now I know why God designed women to bear children when we are younger.

Cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, trips to the park, diapers, decisions, driving kids to and fro... I'm not complaining, 'cos I love it, I'm only complaining about being tired all the time!

All of a sudden the landscape is changing from lots of "me" time and lots of fun travel to hectic craziness and trying to figure what to pack and when for moving.

OK, rant over!

Had a very successful DD yesterday and feeling proud of myself. 240 calories total and 96 ounces of water.

The scale was my friend this morning!

JayLynn 01-24-2013 10:54 AM

I hear ya, Yam. I LOVE my "me" time. I'd go insane without it.

I also love time with my grandkids. They're awesome! They help keep me young. But after being with them, I'm pooped! Need to relax and replenish. LOL

Sorry to hear you are moving with your heart not really in it. My DH and I have a similar situation. I'm ready to move to the sunshine. He is happy here. I'm sure someday it will happen because it will be good for us, but right now I'm OK with being here because my elderly Mom is here and of course our kids and grandkids and some lifelong friends.

KeirasMom 01-24-2013 11:00 AM

:hugs: Things will settle down again. :hugs:

sunday 01-24-2013 11:52 AM

:console: Bless you, Yam, I can relate. :hugs:

I understand the moving thing too. I get very sentimental about my home.

LoCarbGal 01-24-2013 12:06 PM

Sorry things are a bit topsy-turvy for you right now Yam-Yam. I sure know what you're saying about "change". I like the kind that Iwant, I plan for, Imake happen, but not so crazy about the stuff that just seems to happen without my input.

This time you're spending with your grandkids is precious, and I know you are enjoying it. Trust me, they will remember these times as so important. I spent lots of time with both my grandmas as a child, and I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

Luna Loca 01-24-2013 12:26 PM

Yam-Yam, my dear sister. :hugs:

Except for the grandkids part I can relate. Since the end of August, we've had all our stuff in storage except for what fits in our car. We're "couch-surfing", staying with friends in varying places. I've gotten very good at living out of a suitcase, wearing the same few clothes over and over instead of a closetful of clothes. I've gone from scads of alone time to staying in others' homes, spending nearly every waking moment with others. The only real alone time I get is taking solo walks, and it's below freezing outside most of the time, so those walks aren't happening very often.

I tell you all that to ask this: what do you need? Figure out your requirements and then ask for them. If you need time off during the day, ask for that. Draw boundaries around the things you need and defend them. You may find that those desires melt away when you know that you can still have them. For me, I've found that I didn't need my alone time as much as I thought I did, and that putting earphones in and listening to music while working on the computer is good enough. People tend to leave me alone when I'm doing that.

Change is scary, and out of control feeling, and can be hard. But you can change along with it, and then it's not so out of control, because you're then driving it. When someone else is in the driver's seat, I resist, I pout, I drag my feet. When I'm co-creating the change, I'm feeling like I have a say in what happens, I can ask for what I need and choose the things that really matter to me.

You may always look back on the period just ending as an idyllic time. I know I do, and miss my old loft apartment and the beautiful lifestyle that came with it. And I know that the time for that ended, and now it's time for something different. Not lesser, not worse, just different. Your new life will be filled with new, unexpected blessings that you will treasure because you're not clinging to the past.

:heart:

KeirasMom 01-24-2013 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luna Loca (Post 16217051)
Yam-Yam, my dear sister. :hugs:

Except for the grandkids part I can relate. Since the end of August, we've had all our stuff in storage except for what fits in our car. We're "couch-surfing", staying with friends in varying places. I've gotten very good at living out of a suitcase, wearing the same few clothes over and over instead of a closetful of clothes. I've gone from scads of alone time to staying in others' homes, spending nearly every waking moment with others. The only real alone time I get is taking solo walks, and it's below freezing outside most of the time, so those walks aren't happening very often.

I tell you all that to ask this: what do you need? Figure out your requirements and then ask for them. If you need time off during the day, ask for that. Draw boundaries around the things you need and defend them. You may find that those desires melt away when you know that you can still have them. For me, I've found that I didn't need my alone time as much as I thought I did, and that putting earphones in and listening to music while working on the computer is good enough. People tend to leave me alone when I'm doing that.

Change is scary, and out of control feeling, and can be hard. But you can change along with it, and then it's not so out of control, because you're then driving it. When someone else is in the driver's seat, I resist, I pout, I drag my feet. When I'm co-creating the change, I'm feeling like I have a say in what happens, I can ask for what I need and choose the things that really matter to me.

You may always look back on the period just ending as an idyllic time. I know I do, and miss my old loft apartment and the beautiful lifestyle that came with it. And I know that the time for that ended, and now it's time for something different. Not lesser, not worse, just different. Your new life will be filled with new, unexpected blessings that you will treasure because you're not clinging to the past.

:heart:

:goodpost: Perfect.

Yam-Yam 01-24-2013 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoCarbGal (Post 16217009)
Sorry things are a bit topsy-turvy for you right now Yam-Yam. I sure know what you're saying about "change". I like the kind that Iwant, I plan for, Imake happen, but not so crazy about the stuff that just seems to happen without my input.

This time you're spending with your grandkids is precious, and I know you are enjoying it. Trust me, they will remember these times as so important. I spent lots of time with both my grandmas as a child, and I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

Gosh! Never thought of it that way, but you are sooooooo right. If I'm making the change in my time on my terms, I love it. Not so much otherwise. I find myself crying a lot. Mostly because I don't want to leave my house.

I absolutely know what you mean about this time with the grandkids being precious. They are so wonderful. Such gifts from heaven. :love:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luna Loca (Post 16217051)
Yam-Yam, my dear sister. :hugs:

Except for the grandkids part I can relate. Since the end of August, we've had all our stuff in storage except for what fits in our car. We're "couch-surfing", staying with friends in varying places. I've gotten very good at living out of a suitcase, wearing the same few clothes over and over instead of a closetful of clothes. I've gone from scads of alone time to staying in others' homes, spending nearly every waking moment with others. The only real alone time I get is taking solo walks, and it's below freezing outside most of the time, so those walks aren't happening very often.

I tell you all that to ask this: what do you need? Figure out your requirements and then ask for them. If you need time off during the day, ask for that. Draw boundaries around the things you need and defend them. You may find that those desires melt away when you know that you can still have them. For me, I've found that I didn't need my alone time as much as I thought I did, and that putting earphones in and listening to music while working on the computer is good enough. People tend to leave me alone when I'm doing that.

Change is scary, and out of control feeling, and can be hard. But you can change along with it, and then it's not so out of control, because you're then driving it. When someone else is in the driver's seat, I resist, I pout, I drag my feet. When I'm co-creating the change, I'm feeling like I have a say in what happens, I can ask for what I need and choose the things that really matter to me.

You may always look back on the period just ending as an idyllic time. I know I do, and miss my old loft apartment and the beautiful lifestyle that came with it. And I know that the time for that ended, and now it's time for something different. Not lesser, not worse, just different. Your new life will be filled with new, unexpected blessings that you will treasure because you're not clinging to the past.

:heart:

:notwrthy::notwrthy: Awesome post! I already know that I will look back, especially on these last seven years, as a very idyllic time. Very special.

In our 40 years of marriage, those were the only years DH did not have a traveling job which was very disruptive for me.

When he took this job, it was a daily 9 to 5 gig. I got up, prepared breakfast, we had our coffee together. I either packed his lunch or he came home for lunch. Then we had dinner together every night.

That's over (and it's something I always dreamed of and longed for, especially when our kids were little). Now it's being replaced with something totally unknown. I don't have any kind of a routine to lean on. And, never any privacy.

I really liked what you said about asking for what I need and setting boundaries. As much as I can I will try to do that. Being a classic "people pleaser" I find it hard not to put everyone else's needs above mine.....ever. I just hate to feel like I'm letting anyone down or disappointing someone, especially those I love the most.


Sigh.....I'll figure it out.

Thanks for all your kind words, everyone. This is one routine I need to find time for in my life. Hanging out with the JUDD BUDDS is like food for the soul. :hugs::heart:

Carly 01-24-2013 02:18 PM

All I can add is :hugs: and that I too, don't enjoy change unless it's of the variety that I chose, when I chose it!

hot-in-texas 01-24-2013 02:25 PM

wow, just wow. What wonderfully insightful people we have on this board. Yam-Yam(if I may call you that lol) my mother was in your shoes. And for yearssss... She has 8 grand children from us 4 children(including my 2) and she has helped us all sooo much. She is always there, to the point of, I dare say, being taken advantage of. We have all lived with her and my father during times when we were saving money or what not. My mom never had a career, so I guess we kids and OUR kids, were her career. She babysat 4 of her grandchildren full time throughout the years. I appreciate her so much, and was just thinking today, what can I do, is there anything I could EVER do to re-pay her and my father? The sacrficies they made for all of us. The time, the care. The love.And there isn't. I don't know what I can ever do, other than tell them. I like what Luna said, an LCG. You just really do have to set boundaries. That will make it easier for you, and happier. Make sure you have some time just to yourself, and just to hubby and you. And you're not mom, you're grandma. I think that is the hardest part. Grandparents are supposed to enjoy the grandkids, and sometimes, if you are a caregiver much of the time, that is hard to do. So figure out a way that you can just enjoy them. and not have to be the 'parent figure' all the time, if that's possible.
I think it will work out fine. Sending love your way:heart:

Debrat3 01-24-2013 02:42 PM

I watch my 2 grandkids too and I can relate. It can be exhausting. There are days when I want to pull my hair out cause it can be stressful. I too get tired and realize my life has been taken over. I know time with my grandkids are precious but sometimes I just want it to be on my terms when I spend time with them. Then theres the part of me that feels guilty if I dont watch them then they will be in a daycare where they wont get nana's extra special love and care.
I guess long story short we do it for our kids cause thats what moms do.:hugs:

hot-in-texas 01-24-2013 02:53 PM

:heart::console:to you too Debbie:)

Librarygirl 01-24-2013 04:11 PM

:hugs:Yam Yam. I understand what you mean about needing privacy. My bf works from home, so I am never alone much either. However, most nights he does his own thing and I do mine, and we're both fine with it. I retire to my room after I log off my computer (what?! I do spend time away from this thing! :D) and read, and he stays on the other end of the house on his computer doing his thing. I guess if the grandkids are there, that's a different story, but maybe you can just have some "me" time in your own space, when it's just you and dh. I love that we can all talk about things in our lives and offer advice to one another.:love:

Yam-Yam 01-25-2013 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hot-in-texas (Post 16217227)
wow, just wow. What wonderfully insightful people we have on this board. Yam-Yam(if I may call you that lol) my mother was in your shoes. And for yearssss... She has 8 grand children from us 4 children(including my 2) and she has helped us all sooo much. She is always there, to the point of, I dare say, being taken advantage of. We have all lived with her and my father during times when we were saving money or what not. My mom never had a career, so I guess we kids and OUR kids, were her career. She babysat 4 of her grandchildren full time throughout the years. I appreciate her so much, and was just thinking today, what can I do, is there anything I could EVER do to re-pay her and my father? The sacrficies they made for all of us. The time, the care. The love.And there isn't. I don't know what I can ever do, other than tell them. I like what Luna said, an LCG. You just really do have to set boundaries. That will make it easier for you, and happier. Make sure you have some time just to yourself, and just to hubby and you. And you're not mom, you're grandma. I think that is the hardest part. Grandparents are supposed to enjoy the grandkids, and sometimes, if you are a caregiver much of the time, that is hard to do. So figure out a way that you can just enjoy them. and not have to be the 'parent figure' all the time, if that's possible.
I think it will work out fine. Sending love your way:heart:

Thanks for this. :hugs: It's funny you should mention about me being the gramma and not the mom. I get in trouble with DD for spoiling them and letting them do things, eat things, etc. that she forbids or won't take the time to do with them. I saw a bumper sticker the other day and it read: GRANDMA'S MY NAME AND SPOILIN' IS MY GAME!!! :hyst:

I have finally had to tell my DD and DS "Grandma's house; Grandma's rules". I just hate it when the kids get yelled at for doing something at my home that I think is perfectly fine and allow them to do when I'm babysitting them. (Stupid stuff, too. Like, my 4 year old grandson got a spanking from his mother for playing with a pair of rubber gloves he found in my laundry room. I told her "it's fine. No big deal." But she and my DS said "you have to support us when we tell him NO." Oh, brother. Or, my grand daughter asked me if she could eat two cookies in the living room and I said "sure". DD came into the room and went ballistic!!! "You know it's against the rules to eat anywhere but in the kitchen!" I just told her excuse me, that's the rule at your house. Here? Grandma's house, grandma's rules!!!!:stars:

But, when I have them all the time now, I find myself having to discipline them like I'm their Mom. It's hard to get them to obey sometimes or deal with the sibling rivalry. Just stressful sometimes, I guess.

I really like your perspective though. Thanks for sharing with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debrat3 (Post 16217267)
I watch my 2 grandkids too and I can relate. It can be exhausting. There are days when I want to pull my hair out cause it can be stressful. I too get tired and realize my life has been taken over. I know time with my grandkids are precious but sometimes I just want it to be on my terms when I spend time with them. Then theres the part of me that feels guilty if I dont watch them then they will be in a daycare where they wont get nana's extra special love and care.
I guess long story short we do it for our kids cause thats what moms do.:hugs:

:heart: your post. Yep. That's what we do. And we love it even in the midst of all the stress and exhaustion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16217437)
:hugs:Yam Yam. I understand what you mean about needing privacy. My bf works from home, so I am never alone much either. However, most nights he does his own thing and I do mine, and we're both fine with it. I retire to my room after I log off my computer (what?! I do spend time away from this thing! :D) and read, and he stays on the other end of the house on his computer doing his thing. I guess if the grandkids are there, that's a different story, but maybe you can just have some "me" time in your own space, when it's just you and dh. I love that we can all talk about things in our lives and offer advice to one another.:love:

Ditto! That's one of the things I just love about this forum. Everyone is so supportive and there is always someone who either has experienced the same feelings or they are going through the same thing as me. I don't feel so isolated.

I need to take your advice and remember how I carved out little bits of "me" time when my own kids were young. Feels like a learning curve right now!

zipp2play 01-25-2013 11:08 AM

Yam - I am a working Mom of 2. My parents live 2 hours away. There were times when my kids were younger that I really wished they lived closer...but I think it is best they didn't. Like what you described, it would be just that for my parents. Now, when they see them/spend time with them/ it is all FUN TIME! I joke and call my parents house:

THE LAND OF NEVER NO!
My children are extremely close to my parents and love spending any time they can with them. My son is 14 and my daughter is 11. Sometimes distance is a good thing.

Not that I offered up anything, but I think what you are doing is amazing and I hope your Daughter doesn't complain much about how you handle things. You are the GRANDMA, to expect you to act as anything but, would not be fair!

My kids eat/do/get entertained to the HILT when they are with my parents. I love that they get that time together. If they all puke because they ate XX or XX, no one suffers that badly. KWIM? ;)

Flossyliz 01-25-2013 02:15 PM

I think children soon learn that there are different rules in different homes. For example, we never allowed my granddaughter to play near the fireplace when she was a toddler and she still doesn't, even though she played in the actual hearth at her mum's house (their fire was never used!) It was never an issue in either home.

I do sometimes have run-ins with my son who's very strict about Ps and Qs, while I'm less vigilant, so long as the kids are basically polite. My own mother was an amazing grandma and I don't come even close. However, she let the kids do things I didn't really approve of but I let it ride. It was never a problem unless we were together with the children. That's the difficult one, when the kids don't know who has ultimate say-so. I think the my house my rules is a good one but both mums need to respect it. Otherwise, children are very good at playing one adult off against another, then everyone loses.

I hope you manage to carve yourself some me-time. Enjoy your grandchildren.We'll forever be indebted to my mother. My children were so lucky to have spent time with her!

Beeb 01-25-2013 06:39 PM

OMG, I give you credit for saying the course and even doing great DDs. Last year when one change after another kept coming I totally went off plan and there has been no coming back!

You are my HERO!! :high5::notwrthy:

Kissa 01-26-2013 10:56 AM

Sending hugs Yam-Yam. You are going to be fine, My DH retired 16 years ago and we are always together. But I love it now.

No grand children so can't help there. But I know that your whole family are lucky to have you.

Yam-Yam 01-26-2013 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flossyliz (Post 16219389)
I think children soon learn that there are different rules in different homes. For example, we never allowed my granddaughter to play near the fireplace when she was a toddler and she still doesn't, even though she played in the actual hearth at her mum's house (their fire was never used!) It was never an issue in either home.

I do sometimes have run-ins with my son who's very strict about Ps and Qs, while I'm less vigilant, so long as the kids are basically polite. My own mother was an amazing grandma and I don't come even close. However, she let the kids do things I didn't really approve of but I let it ride. It was never a problem unless we were together with the children. That's the difficult one, when the kids don't know who has ultimate say-so. I think the my house my rules is a good one but both mums need to respect it. Otherwise, children are very good at playing one adult off against another, then everyone loses.

I hope you manage to carve yourself some me-time. Enjoy your grandchildren.We'll forever be indebted to my mother. My children were so lucky to have spent time with her!

I'll bet you are a fabulous grandma! My belief is that most new parents these days are more strict with their little ones. There is so much pressure for kids to be perfect. Of course, it gets better with the second one, but still... my ds and his wife had their first child listening to "Little Einstein" cds when he was in the womb!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beeb (Post 16219817)
OMG, I give you credit for saying the course and even doing great DDs. Last year when one change after another kept coming I totally went off plan and there has been no coming back!

You are my HERO!! :high5::notwrthy:

:hugs: and you are mine! Love your avatar picture! You look so happy. Well, I'm patting myself on the back this week because I lost 5.2 pounds which is huge for me.

I just read "The 5:2 Diet Plan" and got so motivated by it. The author watched the Horizon video on August 6th last year and started IF on August 9th. If you want to get really motivated, check it out. She is funny, interesting and informative. She includes entries from her diary and also lots of testimonials.

She started out with 5:2 but then went to ADF to speed up weight loss. She quotes Dr. J quite a bit. It's an easy read and not too much heavy scientific stuff. Just motivation. I really enjoyed it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kissa (Post 16220876)
Sending hugs Yam-Yam. You are going to be fine, My DH retired 16 years ago and we are always together. But I love it now.

No grand children so can't help there. But I know that your whole family are lucky to have you.

Thanks, Cindy. :hugs: it's been a really hectic morning but I finally have the little one down for a nap and the girls are playing games on their Kindles. Whew!

BTW, read what I wrote above to Linda. I think you are the one who told me about the Horizon video. The author of the 5:2 Diet Plan is a Brit, so you will enjoy her writing.

I was able to borrow and download the book on my Kindle Fire because I have Amazon Prime and it was free. She talks a lot about Mosley and Dr. J and I liked reading it very much. Also got some new DD ideas and went shopping to fill my kitchen with easy DD foods. :hugs:

Congrats on getting on so well with a retired hubby for 16 years! I have a friend who told her newly retired hubby "I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch!" lol. :laugh:

I'm getting a bit better about asking DH for help with little things (used to do absolutely everything myself) and even having him fix his own breakfast and sometimes lunch.

I told him I want to teach him how to cook because now that he has so much time on his hands, it seems fair that he should cook some dinners now and then.

Well, I have to go do a load of laundry and take some salmon out of the freezer to thaw for dinner. I made an awesome DD friendly lunch. Baked chicken thighs (I brush some BBQ sauce on top and take the skin off my piece before baking) with salad and steamed corn. I feel very happy with myself! Everyone loved it and I get to stick to my rotations.

It's only 1:45 in the afternoon and I'm already feeling exhausted again. Bleah!:p

Seabreezes 01-26-2013 02:11 PM

Can DH watch the girls for a bit and you take a nap, too?

Glad he is doing his breakfast and lunch - that really helps.

Hugs:hugs:


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