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-   -   Let's face it, we want to lose! (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/juddd/791743-lets-face-we-want-lose.html)

Librarygirl 12-19-2012 07:15 PM

Let's face it, we want to lose!
 
All the flowery words in the world are not going to make me believe I look better or even ok, 70 lbs over my "normal" weight. If I was happy with the way I looked I wouldn't be here. Although I admire those who are "comfortable in their own skin" regardless of how they look, I am not one of those people. I cannot help that I am 48 years old, and I cannot help that I am caucasian, 5'4 and female. However, I can help that I have eaten myself into obesity, and that is not something to embrace or love about myself. I just wanted to express this because I felt bad about expressing some things about myself that I'm not happy about, and why not? I think if you want to change a behavior, or your body, you first have to be uncomfortable with it and designate it as a negative thing that is not taking you in the direction you want to go. Sorry if this is offensive or not lovey dovey, but I need some tough love!

ETA: I actually have gotten comfortable at being overweight, for far too long. I deluded myself into thinking I did look good, or ok, for someone who wasn't "ideal". Pictures prove otherwise. Very few people have had the guts to say anything to my face about my weight, but I do know that they are not oblivious to it. Just because people don't confront me or because I am unaware of what they say about me doesn't mean they don't notice. Sorry, this seems confrontational and it's not meant to be, but the fact is, I am extremely overweight and I can't hide from that fact. I am moving forward, embracing the new-found energy, loving fitting into my clothes better, enjoying looking healthier, but I cannot get complacent and decide it's ok to stop trying.

Luv2Eat 12-19-2012 09:39 PM

That's the spirit, LG! You can do this! Even if you fall off sometimes, just dust yourself off and get back on the horse. That's the beauty of JUDDD - tomorrow is always another day.

I'm gonna share the gorilla in the room for me, if that's okay. I'm a little embarassed to offer this encouragement because I really don't know what it's like to be faced with such a large weight loss issue. Even though I've lost 27% of my body weight from my highest weight, it's not as much as many on this board. Also, I like to talk about percentages because I'm so far on the edge of the bell curve, that even shorter folks can't relate to my numbers. I hope folks on this board don't think I'm flaunting my light weight - if they could see me in real life, they would see that I'm the height of the average third grade child - this skews the numbers in more than one dimension.

I figure you need to lose 37% of your body weight, and you've already lost almost 7% of that - which is almost 20% of the weight you want to lose, according to your numbers. You're one fith of the way to goal!

You're right, we have to admit we have a problem before we can address it over the long term. I love your upbeat ending to the post, this should carry you through the tough times.

Kettleboy 12-20-2012 01:00 AM

I totally agree with the sentiment, been there. woke up one day late April, looked in the mirror, and for the first time I saw something I really did not like. this gave me the motivation to do something about it. I truelly believe you have to be "Ready" to act, when you are you will follow it through.

The "Ready" has to be you being ready, not everyone else.

Your confronting it, first step, you'll get there...

Carly 12-20-2012 05:02 AM

I understand. For me- pain is a great motivator- whether it is physical pain or emotional pain- and on Fenruary 21st, 2012 I was in PAIN! I hated how I looked and I hated how I felt. I decided on that day I would do whatever it took to no longer feel that way. On the other hand, one would expect that at this point I would not be so disastisfied with my appearance after having lost 65 pounds. I look better in clothes- yes- undoubtedly, but when I look at myself undressed or partially clothed I am not happy with what I see. I may never be and that is where on some level I do have to love and embrace myself for who and what I am. I don't know if these last 15 or so pounds will yeild the results I want. The results I think will make me satisfied with my appearance, but yes- I'm here because I needed/need to lose weight. My prior weight was very unhealthy for me.

adillenal 12-20-2012 05:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kettleboy (Post 16145119)
I totally agree with the sentiment, been there. woke up one day late April, looked in the mirror, and for the first time I saw something I really did not like. this gave me the motivation to do something about it. I truelly believe you have to be "Ready" to act, when you are you will follow it through.

The "Ready" has to be you being ready, not everyone else.

Your confronting it, first step, you'll get there...

I totally agree with this. You have to be ready to do it or you won't really try. I too woke up one day and decided I had better do something before it got really bad. :dunno:

KatinaZ25 12-20-2012 07:30 AM

Seriously great post, LG! That's exactly how I feel! I'm not going to allow myself to feel comfortable anymore. Thank you for putting into words exactly hoe I feel!

Katina

GrannyPants 12-20-2012 08:24 AM

LibG
I am finding it so very hard to stay even close to a plan this week. Just planning the foods for the parties/holidays has got me into a feeding frenzy:stars:...It is very frustrating with having all these foods shoved in front of your face, eyes, and nose by the TV/Internet/Circulars etc... I'm on my way to the market right now to buy a ham!!!! I wish I could hide in my bedroom under the covers away from all this temptation and not have to cook for anyone... We started about the same date:shake:...Mine was a re-start Nov. 14.. (I hate admitting that), since I was on in the summer...But this time it is truly, truly hard...It is the season for eating...cold weather... food food food all over the place...Calgon take me away........

Alright that rant being done...I started that Potatoe hack Tuesday, since I have 4 days without any planned parties...It stopped my eating frenzy right in its tracks...
I wasn't going to try it until after New years, but I was getting out of control..I'm glad I did, if only to put me back in control for a few days...

Librarygirl 12-20-2012 08:44 AM

GrannyPants, this is where we can say the things we can't say (about our weight) anywhere else. There is no shame in starting over, in my opinion. I have not been stellar in my journey either, but I won't let it get to me and make me give up completely. As long as we're here and we're documenting the days, that's progress. :) I AM going to eat this holiday, and throughout the year regardless of special occasions, lol. EOD! :D:hugs:

Librarygirl 12-20-2012 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carly (Post 16145194)
I understand. For me- pain is a great motivator- whether it is physical pain or emotional pain- and on Fenruary 21st, 2012 I was in PAIN! I hated how I looked and I hated how I felt. I decided on that day I would do whatever it took to no longer feel that way. On the other hand, one would expect that at this point I would not be so disastisfied with my appearance after having lost 65 pounds. I look better in clothes- yes- undoubtedly, but when I look at myself undressed or partially clothed I am not happy with what I see. I may never be and that is where on some level I do have to love and embrace myself for who and what I am. I don't know if these last 15 or so pounds will yeild the results I want. The results I think will make me satisfied with my appearance, but yes- I'm here because I needed/need to lose weight. My prior weight was very unhealthy for me.

I hear you, Carly.:hugs:I am not, of course, talking about things we cannot change. Extra skin after a big weight loss is one of them. I will have that to deal with myself eventually, but I'd rather have that "problem" than the weight. I look at you as a success story, and where I would like to be one day.:heart:

ravenrose 12-20-2012 09:13 AM

I'm sure you want it, and so do the rest of us. Just be careful of the judgmentalism that can happen when the (formerly) fat start losing weight. I can speak to this since I remember it happening to me, once upon a time. We figure that if WE can shed this awful weight, the other fat people should be able to cowboy up and do it too. But the fact remains, we didn't do it for a long time, did we? and we weren't inferior people for it. Neither are they.

And some of us get to the point where we are metabolically unable to get to a "normal" weight, no matter how little we eat. So rejoice if you are able to lose that weight, consider yourself blessed, and be grateful every day you manage to keep it off. Best of luck!

sterlinggirl 12-20-2012 09:15 AM

:hugs: Marking my place for reading later~ :heart:

Librarygirl 12-20-2012 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ravenrose (Post 16145592)
I'm sure you want it, and so do the rest of us. Just be careful of the judgmentalism that can happen when the (formerly) fat start losing weight. I can speak to this since I remember it happening to me, once upon a time. We figure that if WE can shed this awful weight, the other fat people should be able to cowboy up and do it too. But the fact remains, we didn't do it for a long time, did we? and we weren't inferior people for it. Neither are they.

And some of us get to the point where we are metabolically unable to get to a "normal" weight, no matter how little we eat. So rejoice if you are able to lose that weight, consider yourself blessed, and be grateful every day you manage to keep it off. Best of luck!

No, I am not standing in judgement of anyone but ME. People can do what they want, or not do anything and that is their decision. I am only saying that it's not wrong to be unhappy with your (physical) self and to want to change something that is making you unhappy. In my case, it's my weight. I also had a breast enlargement (ironically 70 lbs added about another size or two) in my early 30s after my divorce. Some people thought that was vain or that I should have been happy with what "God gave me", but I paid for it (took out a loan, lol) and I was very pleased with the results...I want to be comfortable in my own skin, but I will have to do some things in order for that to happen.:high5:

divinemsm54 12-20-2012 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16144853)
All the flowery words in the world are not going to make me believe I look better or even ok, 70 lbs over my "normal" weight. If I was happy with the way I looked I wouldn't be here. Although I admire those who are "comfortable in their own skin" regardless of how they look, I am not one of those people. I cannot help that I am 48 years old, and I cannot help that I am caucasian, 5'4 and female. However, I can help that I have eaten myself into obesity, and that is not something to embrace or love about myself. I just wanted to express this because I felt bad about expressing some things about myself that I'm not happy about, and why not? I think if you want to change a behavior, or your body, you first have to be uncomfortable with it and designate it as a negative thing that is not taking you in the direction you want to go. Sorry if this is offensive or not lovey dovey, but I need some tough love!

ETA: I actually have gotten comfortable at being overweight, for far too long. I deluded myself into thinking I did look good, or ok, for someone who wasn't "ideal". Pictures prove otherwise. Very few people have had the guts to say anything to my face about my weight, but I do know that they are not oblivious to it. Just because people don't confront me or because I am unaware of what they say about me doesn't mean they don't notice. Sorry, this seems confrontational and it's not meant to be, but the fact is, I am extremely overweight and I can't hide from that fact. I am moving forward, embracing the new-found energy, loving fitting into my clothes better, enjoying looking healthier, but I cannot get complacent and decide it's ok to stop trying.

Cindy, nobody's disputing your right to motivate yourself whatever way works for you. For me, self-judgment just fueled the "feel bad, punish myself, feel worse, eat to feel better" loop that I needed to break to make a change. And I really do believe down to my bones that beauty comes in all forms, shapes, colors and abilities. It's been my experience that the inner critic's big lie is that you need it in order to progress; and maybe some people do. But it works better for me to support and encourage myself than to tear myself down. I think alot of people do better under positive reinforcement than negative, and I haven't progressed as far as I have because of being hard on myself, but in spite of those harsh self-critical backslides. Again, ymmv.
For me, I stop trying when I decide I'm not okay, not beautiful, not worth loving the way I am...we all have our own journey, I wish you well on yours.
:heart:--patty

C'Marie 12-20-2012 12:14 PM

LG, I have issues with how I feel *now* versus how I felt before losing 100 pounds. NOW I feel impatient, irritated, and unloving toward myself. But before I lost any weight, I had given up, and I had to get to a point where I did feel that I could accept myself BEFORE the answer (for me) came and I was able to be successful in losing. It's weird that I may have to come to believe I am OK NOW even with another 20-40 to lose and accept myself in order to move forward. I am a self-punisher by nature and anything I do that keeps that ON top of me is very counter productive. When I let go and love myself right where I am at is usually when I start becoming successful.

Rayne_W 12-20-2012 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divinemsm54 (Post 16145861)
Cindy, nobody's disputing your right to motivate yourself whatever way works for you. For me, self-judgment just fueled the "feel bad, punish myself, feel worse, eat to feel better" loop that I needed to break to make a change. And I really do believe down to my bones that beauty comes in all forms, shapes, colors and abilities. It's been my experience that the inner critic's big lie is that you need it in order to progress; and maybe some people do. But it works better for me to support and encourage myself than to tear myself down. I think alot of people do better under positive reinforcement than negative, and I haven't progressed as far as I have because of being hard on myself, but in spite of those harsh self-critical backslides. Again, ymmv.
For me, I stop trying when I decide I'm not okay, not beautiful, not worth loving the way I am...we all have our own journey, I wish you well on yours.
:heart:--patty

:goodpost:

Quote:

Originally Posted by C'Marie (Post 16145970)
LG, I have issues with how I feel *now* versus how I felt before losing 100 pounds. NOW I feel impatient, irritated, and unloving toward myself. But before I lost any weight, I had given up, and I had to get to a point where I did feel that I could accept myself BEFORE the answer (for me) came and I was able to be successful in losing. It's weird that I may have to come to believe I am OK NOW even with another 20-40 to lose and accept myself in order to move forward. I am a self-punisher by nature and anything I do that keeps that ON top of me is very counter productive. When I let go and love myself right where I am at is usually when I start becoming successful.

:goodpost:

GrannyPants 12-20-2012 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16145525)
I AM going to eat this holiday, and throughout the year regardless of special occasions, lol. EOD! :D:hugs:

You and me both...:hyst:

I don't know about you, but by this date (almost every year) I have already gained approx. 10 lbs., with Christmas and New Year to come yet...

Because of JUDDD and reading this board, so far so good... I have lost a litttle, put on a little, lost a little etc... (Like a normal or thin person would)...

So I count this as losing 10 lbs...(sort of) :D

Librarygirl 12-20-2012 01:35 PM

That's right GP!!:high5: I am starving right now and it's a DD. I need to hold out just until I get home, because I'm going to get some chili on the way. :) I think I can make it!

jaymar 12-20-2012 03:31 PM

I see so much wisdom in what all of you have said here...I look at it as everyone having their own individual issues with weight...I have changed my attitude since coming here and reading everyday...I'm more patient with myself..and at the same time, I am becoming more willing to do what it's going to take to get me to the weight that I want to be....some of this is because I am getting some pain relief for the first time in years...that , alone, is encouraging.
My up days and down days are a little mixed up because I have company here for Christmas...I won't deny the kids the cookies and brownies etc...but I noticed that I don't crave them..I had one thing, here and there..but the temptation has not been anything like it's been on other programs..I find myself thinking...wow..when the holidays are over..I can get really serious, and also go back to the pool for exercise...this is a big change for me...I believe it has come about because of the fact that I come here and read and think about my problem more realistically....thank you everyone for sharing how you feel..I believe as individuals you are a very wise and caring group of people.

tooraloora 12-20-2012 06:33 PM

Quote:

Cindy, nobody's disputing your right to motivate yourself whatever way works for you. For me, self-judgment just fueled the "feel bad, punish myself, feel worse, eat to feel better" loop that I needed to break to make a change. And I really do believe down to my bones that beauty comes in all forms, shapes, colors and abilities. It's been my experience that the inner critic's big lie is that you need it in order to progress; and maybe some people do. But it works better for me to support and encourage myself than to tear myself down. I think alot of people do better under positive reinforcement than negative, and I haven't progressed as far as I have because of being hard on myself, but in spite of those harsh self-critical backslides. Again, ymmv.
For me, I stop trying when I decide I'm not okay, not beautiful, not worth loving the way I am...we all have our own journey, I wish you well on yours.
--patty
word.
:goodpost:

for sure when I feel ugly, gross, ashamed, and lowly because of my excess weight (and eating), I get deflated, discouraged, and only more likely to turn to food for comfort and to shy away from moving my yucky body. for me, to be discontent with my overfatness, including my appearance, and to be discontent with my WOE (and movement) that leaves me overfat is one thing, but that is not the same as self-loathing... or to conflate my worth or self-esteem with my body being larger or smaller. I found that when I judged myself and/or felt judged by others, I also tended to deny or rebel or otherwise not face or deal with my weight. And it can make it a little bittersweet when people treat you so much better when you are thinner too.

I know we look better when we are not overfat, and I know appearance is part of how we humans roll and relate. I just find it sets me up for failure when I put too many eggs in this basket, and not enough in the wellness, vitality, taking good care of already-valuable me basket.

But as Patty noted everyone's mileage may vary... peace out (and sorry if I sound too intense, I just hate how I spun around this axel for about 20 years, suffering).

Librarygirl 12-20-2012 06:55 PM

I do feel better about myself than I did a year ago. Much, much better. That is because I finally feel like I have a chance at getting this weight off. I hated feeling helpless and fat. I tried overcoming it, and I said to myself, damn it, I'm smart, I have a good job, I look pretty good, considering...but, I was completely ashamed of how I looked in pictures. I would see it and think, THIS is not me. This is not who I feel like. In my head I was 125 lbs, but the reality was very different. I'm tired of being ashamed to be the biggest person in my family, I'm tired of hiding from the camera, I'm tired of hiding from people I haven't seen in a long time, I'm just plain tired of being fat. For me, I have to constantly remember how I "really" look, because I don't dwell on it, or I couldn't go on trying... I'm not saying that everyone here is not beautiful, no matter what their size. I see the beauty in everyone, if it's on the inside. For me and only me, it's imperative to not believe I am ok just as I am (on the outside).

ETA: Yesterday a co-worker was talking about a clothing store she visited and she said, you little women, Wanda and Marcy, need to go and look at these dresses. They are so beautiful and they would look so good on you! Another co-worker, Brenda, said, you didn't say me, and this woman said because you're not one of (the little people), and no one else here is either (except Wanda and Marcy). She was joking and everyone took it good-naturedly, but I thought to myself, I *will* be one of the little people again, damn it!!! :)

WantToBeSlim 12-20-2012 07:42 PM

Great thread Librarygirl. I feel part of me being in denial was avoiding my reflection so much, I kinda managed to make myself believe I looked a lot slimmer than I was which really was not the case. At only 5'2" and weighing almost 220 lb I did not look as slim as I THOUGHT I did (I say slim, not really, I guess in my mind I felt I looked about a size 16-18 UK size... I was really a size 22-24).

adillenal 12-20-2012 08:00 PM

I am happy in my skin NOW but was not a year ago. I too was in denial about how I looked. I guess my wakeup call was when I bought a new pair of jeans in a size 12 without trying them on. Same style as always. I had gotten rid of all of my over size 10 clothes when I lost weight back in 2003. Oops, WAY too small. Got a pair of 14's. Again without trying them on. Oops again. Too small. Had to buy a pair of 16's. That did it. So on January 8, 2012 I started my journey. I worked my way down to the 14's, then the 12's then to the 10's I had kept and on to the 8's in my closet. That makes me 5 sizes smaller than I was a year ago. Certainly a valid reason to NOW feel comfortable in my own skin. I am not even sure how I managed to NOT realize how much weight I had gained. I could not see it in the mirror. Don't remember being in any pictures but oh how the jeans told the story.
So like many I had a wakeup call that made me realize I was "ready" to stop the weight gain and work on weight loss. So here I am. Successful and as happy as a clam. Took a year unlike the LCLF version of LC I followed in 2003 where I lost 25 pounds in 6 weeks. Had to get used to the SLOW losses but it was fairly easy. UD/DD over and over. Actually more like UUAD/DD over and over. I can't believe I lost 36 pounds eating really low calorie DD's and really high calorie UD's. I am maintaining the same way. Makes it an enjoyable and sustainable way for me to maintain. Loving JUDDD.

After reading about others and their entire lives spent trying to lose weight, I realize how fortunate I have been. I was thin for the first 40 years of my life. My Mother was always supportive of me no matter what and never made me feel self conscious about my appearance although she didn't like my ponytail much. And that was a minor detail. My only child is a boy and he is slim and trim like I was for many years. He also eats when he is hungry and doesn't when he isn't so that will serve him well.
I wish everyone could be happy but I know everyone is different. Come Janaury I will be here logging my daily weight so I can keep myself accountable. It helps me face the truth by sharing.
OK ramble over.

Carly 12-21-2012 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16145580)
I hear you, Carly.:hugs:I am not, of course, talking about things we cannot change. Extra skin after a big weight loss is one of them. I will have that to deal with myself eventually, but I'd rather have that "problem" than the weight. I look at you as a success story, and where I would like to be one day.:heart:

:hugs: thanks Cindy!

Galveston Gal 12-21-2012 04:54 AM

:shake: ....THANKS !
How we think inside our heads guides how we behave with our food!
The first book that I read "Listen To The Hunger" gave me that understanding so vividly, that I read the whole book onto tape, and played it over and over while in the car...back and forth to work.

Not only do some of us have broken metabolisms...but our 'how we think about food' needs adjusting too....:annoyed:..that would be me!!!

Thank you all for sharing! It is so good to know we aren't alone on this journey! :console:

Librarygirl 12-21-2012 05:38 AM

I have to add...it used to make me so angry that I couldn't be "as good as" I was when I was thin. I remember reading Dr. Phil's book, one my sister and her partner said helped them to lose a lot of weight, and getting so pissed off at his attitude. One part I remember is when he described an obese woman who carefully applied her makeup each day and dressed in nice clothes "hoping the unsightly weight would be less noticeable". That made me so angry. I felt like Dr. Phil was a know-it-all and how dare he act like people were inferior because of their weight. I still feel like he's a know-it-all, but the truth hurts. It hurts a lot. I've got to face this truth and finally do something about it.

LoCarbGal 12-21-2012 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Librarygirl (Post 16146964)
I have to add...it used to make me so angry that I couldn't be "as good as" I was when I was thin. I remember reading Dr. Phil's book, one my sister and her partner said helped them to lose a lot of weight, and getting so pissed off at his attitude. One part I remember is when he described an obese woman who carefully applied her makeup each day and dressed in nice clothes "hoping the unsightly weight would be less noticeable". That made me so angry. I felt like Dr. Phil was a know-it-all and how dare he act like people were inferior because of their weight. I still feel like he's a know-it-all, but the truth hurts. It hurts a lot. I've got to face this truth and finally do something about it.

Don't get me started on Dr. Phil. By all means, the obese woman should forego all makeup, don't style her hair, and wear ratty old ugly clothes. Why bother anyway? ARE YOU KIDDING? Whatever....

Sammyann 12-21-2012 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoCarbGal (Post 16147138)
Don't get me started on Dr. Phil. By all means, the obese woman should forego all makeup, don't style her hair, and wear ratty old ugly clothes. Why bother anyway? ARE YOU KIDDING? Whatever....

I agree, LCG. That is horrible. No one is inferior because of how much they weigh.

Flutter 12-21-2012 08:31 AM

Oh boy, it's a good thing I never picked up his book. I'd be livid with that kind of talk...not to mention, where does he get off being judgemental? Pretty basic rule of what NOT to do in the counseling professions. {sigh}

deedee 12-21-2012 09:04 AM

Quote:

Don't get me started on Dr. Phil. By all means, the obese woman should forego all makeup, don't style her hair, and wear ratty old ugly clothes. Why bother anyway? ARE YOU KIDDING? Whatever....
Seriously, wth is that? As if it's not possible the overweight woman just liked looking nice, and enjoyed makeup and nice clothing? Women are judged on their appearance before all else, it's sickening sometimes. No one would ever say "how dare that fat man wear a nice suit, what a futile effort to hide his fat!" Dr. Phil is the worst.

Librarygirl 12-21-2012 11:23 AM

Wait, wait I am not saying I agree with Dr. Phil. He sickens me. What I was saying is that I cannot hide my obesity behind makeup or clothing, and in that regard he was correct. The way he goes about his lecturing (ugh!) is both wrong and hurtful, IMHO.


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