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Old 08-03-2012, 12:00 AM   #1
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Minor Meltdown Today

Mercury is in retrograde, so I should know better than to expect smooth sailing.

I had an appointment for an ultrasound to check for fibroids today. I'm supposed to have an IUD put in next week and the doctor insisted I do this first. It took my forever to get to the clinic because a rude bus driver decided to whiz past me as I waved for him to pick me up.

I check in and the receptionist asks me if I've had my water. Duh! I didn't drink any water at all. I've never had an ultrasound and if my referring doctor told me to drink some before the appointment, I forgot. It's been 2 weeks since the appointment was booked for me. A rookie mistake. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't do the ultrasound at all.

This shouldn't be a big deal, but I just broke down. I left the clinic and started bawling my eyes out. I am sensitive about having to do this ultrasound in the first place. I think they've sent me to do it because I'm too fat for a regular pelvic exam.

I spent 2 hours commuting to an appointment that was humiliating and now I have to do it again. Then, when I got home I was so upset that I broke down and cried to my boyfriend.I finally had to admit to him that my weight embarrasses me. He loves me unconditionally, but it's still hard for me to show that level of insecurity.

I wish I could just hide out until I've lost the weight. I don't even want to see my friends these days because I'm embarrassed.

This is an all time high weight and all time low emotional period for me.

Sorry for the whine!
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:03 AM   #2
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Awww sweetheart big hug from me! I would post one of these smilies for you but I'm typing this one my phone and can't find them. I truly know how you feel. A long time ago, I had some issues with my foot, and my doctor told my mom and me, that my weight playes a role with that, but I wasn't that heavy at all!!! I'm also someone who has days where I don't want to see my friends at all, and just hide in my room. In the past I would surely eat junk during those days, to get me over my emotions. Argh so bad!
I'm sure you will get over these days, and with every pound you are losing you will start to feel better! From what I read you have a very lovely and concerning boyfriend, concentrate on that!
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:18 AM   #3
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Toomuchbooty! I haven't seen your lovely face in quite a while!

I saw your post, and wanted to pop in and send a big, supportive hug to you -- I am sorry you are struggling right now.

Remember this: Our friends love us for who we are, not how we look in a swimsuit, or jeans, or what have you. If someone is judging us based on that, it isn't a friendship worth having at the end of the day! I'm glad you have a supportive boyfriend who can appreciate you in all your beauty, physical and emotional.

Sorry your day was such a bummer -- I hate days like that -- and I hate busdrivers who do that (it happens around here a fair amount.)

I hope your IUD insertion goes well -- the first couple of weeks can be a bit uncomfortable for some women. I have the copper coil -- my second one, actually -- I love it, but the insertion and the aftermath was pretty unpleasant! It was worth it, though, and I hope you find the same thing to be true.
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:19 AM   #4
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Thank you! I appreciate the kind words. I'm so motivated to lose right now, I didn't turn to food for comfort. So that is a positive.
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Old 08-03-2012, 04:33 AM   #5
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That truly is positive! I'm in a weight loss mood too, so we both are gonna rock the fat off! So great to know we have each one here on the board to support another!
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Old 08-03-2012, 04:36 AM   #6
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Sweet, sweet lady, I am so sorry you had such a rotten day.

You know in your heart that that being heavy doesn't make you a bad or unworthy person. You are loved and admired by your boyfriend you family and, I am sure, all who know you. With all the health issues you have just now it is wonderful that you are even addressing your size.

You did right in coming here and unloading, this is why we are here. The fact that you didn't turn to food for comfort is a huge triumph.

You are doing yourself such a favour by following JUDDD, for the health benefits alone. And soon you will see the losses you long for.

Now, blow your nose, and let me see that lovely smile of yours.
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Embrace a little hunger. It is the sign of healing.

Relax, rotate, reduce, rejoice.

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Old 08-03-2012, 04:37 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toomuchbooty View Post
I am sensitive about having to do this ultrasound in the first place. I think they've sent me to do it because I'm too fat for a regular pelvic exam.
It's not the case, ultrasounds are really necessary, they show way much more than a doctor can get with a regular pelvic. It has nothing to do with your weight.
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Old 08-03-2012, 06:21 AM   #8
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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OH I am so sorry you had a rough day! That stinks. Please know the test was ordered because it was needed! I hope today is a much better day for you!
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Old 08-03-2012, 06:56 AM   #9
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TMB, you are so beautiful in your avatar, and even if you're not as thin now, I'm sure you're still gorgeous. We all have insecurities, and we all have rough days, and it just sucks when we have them at the same time. You'll get through this and we're here to make sure you do.
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Old 08-03-2012, 06:59 AM   #10
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I agree with Dawn!

You are beautiful and I think you should always feel free to whine away to your buds. We all enjoy your posts here and wish you a much better day today!
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:20 AM   #11
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I just wanted to say I agree with the others. The fact that you need an ultrasound has nothing to do with your weight. I just had my Mirena replaced Wednesday after 5 years (they only last 5 years). But when I had the first one placed 5 years ago, they did an ultrasound first. I have something called uterine hyperplasia, which is why I have the Mirena (in addition to birth control). I had been on oral medicine for the condition prior to the Mirena and they did an ultrasound to make sure the uterine lining hadn't built up again.

It has absolutely nothing to do with your weight. I hate gyno visits also, mostly because of my weight...it's embarrasing. But a necessary evil I suppose.
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:30 AM   #12
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Well now your boyfriend probably just adores you because you let him see he was needed. Men respond to need and in fact are searching for it. I think it was Dr. John Gray who said men are always asking the question, "What do you need?" even though they aren't saying those words.

I had to have the ultrasound one when I weighed less than 150 - it had to do with being absolutely accurate about something, but I can't remember what it was now - ovary related maybe. Not a big deal.

You should have been given clear instruction. And you should not have been turned away because you hadn't had water to drink early enough. As I recall, I was instructed to drink water when I arrived (by the staff there), and then the ultrasound was done 20 mins later, maybe 15. It's not like it takes a long time for water to reach the bladder, so I am mystified that you were turned away.
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Old 08-03-2012, 08:48 AM   #13
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They told me I'd have to come back because my appointment was the last of the day. I don't blame them for wanting to go home. It was already 8:30pm.

Thank you all! Of course I woke up this morning with my period. I should have seen that coming based on my excessive emotional response!

I'm feeling better after reading all your posts. I feel fortunate to have such great support here and at home.

Thank you all!
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Old 08-03-2012, 09:18 AM   #14
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Wouldn't you know, the scale took pity on me and let me see a 1/2lb loss.
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Old 08-03-2012, 09:20 AM   #15
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oh sweet lady, I do feel your pain coming through your cyber words. These kind of situations are things most of us on this forum can relate too. The struggle with weight issues can truly take an emotional toil on us and sometimes it just gets the better of us.

I try to look at these kind of situations as the universe's way of keeping me motivated to lose the weight and stay on course. Think of your tears as healing tears. The will inspire you to stay on the JUDDD path. And as we progress, we are also then further motivated with our scale and non-scale victories. You did rise to the occasion and did not eat to comfort yourself. That is powerful!! Keep that motivation going and you will be victorious!!

I agree with the others- you are beautiful!!
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Old 08-03-2012, 10:56 AM   #16
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Dear, dear TMB--(though I'd love to see your screen name instead as JRB--just right booty! because my belief is, we're all just fine exactly the way we are): Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream: that one day we are judged not by the "size" of our skin, but by the content of our character...actually, I have a more modest dream, since I believe in achievable goals---my dream is that we all choose to judge OURSELVES by that criterion, and screw what anybody else thinks! I think lovely partners like your boyfriend are in our lives to teach us to love ourselves the way they love us---without conditions like "I'll love myself when....(fill in whatever b.s. blank you have that interferes with you loving yourself right damn NOW!).

absolutely current, as-you-are-right-now love to you,
--patty
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Old 08-03-2012, 11:01 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by divinemsm54 View Post
Dear, dear TMB--(though I'd love to see your screen name instead as JRB--just right booty! because my belief is, we're all just fine exactly the way we are): Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream: that one day we are judged not by the "size" of our skin, but by the content of our character...actually, I have a more modest dream, since I believe in achievable goals---my dream is that we all choose to judge OURSELVES by that criterion, and screw what anybody else thinks! I think lovely partners like your boyfriend are in our lives to teach us to love ourselves the way they love us---without conditions like "I'll love myself when....(fill in whatever b.s. blank you have that interferes with you loving yourself right damn NOW!).

absolutely current, as-you-are-right-now love to you,
--patty
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Old 08-03-2012, 11:01 AM   #18
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Remember this: Our friends love us for who we are, not how we look in a swimsuit, or jeans, or what have you. If someone is judging us based on that, it isn't a friendship worth having at the end of the day! I'm glad you have a supportive boyfriend who can appreciate you in all your beauty, physical and emotional.


What she said. And what my mother used to say -"this too shall pass"
Your boyfriend loves you; we love you too!
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Old 08-03-2012, 12:17 PM   #19
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I am prone to meltdowns myself, so my heart goes out to you.

I have felt like this so many times (wanting to stay in and hide) - even in my younger days, when I was hardly even overweight. It's crazy how the mind can sabotage us.

I'm not sure where you are in your WL journey. But I have found that even losing the first 5 - 7 lbs, and then getting something new to wear that SHOWS the world, and ME in the mirror, that I am even just the teensiest bit smaller... really helps shut my sabotaging mind up. And every few pounds, I do it again. It has a huge positive impact on my mental state.

I know a lot of people refuse to buy anything new until they're closer to goal, but looking at it the opposite way works far better for me. It's hard to "see" weight loss (both in the mirror and to the outside world) in baggy old clothes.

You are young and beautiful NOW. Be proud of yourself that you're taking care of this now, and not waiting until periods and IUD's are a thing of the past!

And hang on to that boyfriend!

Last edited by buttah; 08-03-2012 at 12:19 PM..
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:06 PM   #20
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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All your kind words have really perked me up today. I'm usually very kind to myself, I try not to allow negative internal chatter. Yesterday, I slipped up but it's okay. I'm taking a mental health day. I left work early and now I'm going to go to the Museum of Anthropology with my boyfriend and his mother. I think that's a good way for me to decompress.
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Old 08-03-2012, 04:02 PM   #21
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Hope your day just gets better and better.
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