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Old 07-19-2012, 06:52 AM   #1
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JUDDD Day 12Bring it on!after D11 Food Fest

Well Day 12 here. It's a DD. After a really rough UUAAD. I have been feeling really annoyed lately at home. MY DH is relatively thin, he's 46. He also is a little OCD, in my opinion. He started P90X about a year ago and has done well. Now he's doing Insanity, and I think he is insane! He's driving me nuts. I'm trying to decide if I'm jealous that he seems to believe he has the 1-3 hours a night, after work to spend exercising, and biking...while I'm cooking and taking care of the kids, etc. I have also recently gotten a day job, which I love.

I am annoyed that he spends so much time exercising. I don't think I'm jealous, I think I'm annoyed that he chooses to spend so much time and I don't feel he chooses to spend any with me. We've been married 19 years. The past 4 have been hard financially and we have spent a lot of time working. That's over now. Thank God! I thought we would have time to do things together but apparently my version of together and his are very different.

Sorry about the blabbering on. Day 11 was an UD and I proceeded to eat everything I could find. Even when my stomach physically hurt-I kept eating. I was disgusted with myself while doing it, but I kept going!

Anyway, today is a new day. DD! I'm going to spend some time planning menu's and Big plans for the day! My son is at Boy Scout camp and it's family night. Can't wait to see him!! My sister is also coming over with her kids to swim. I took a vacation day so I'm going to relax and get on with it. No more boohooing over yesterday. Holly
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Old 07-19-2012, 07:06 AM   #2
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Well, if it is any consolation, MY DH drives me insane at times too and we have been married 34 years and only child just graduated from college so it is just the two of us now.

BUT I do see your point about all of that time spent exercising. May be the mid-life crisis for him.

AND TODAY IS A NEW DAY. And a DD at that. I have been very guilty of too many UUAD's in the past. So I certainly can't fault you for that. Have a great DD and keep busy.
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Old 07-19-2012, 07:27 AM   #3
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((Holly)) Nope, he doesn't have the time for it if it means someone else (you) has to do his work for him and take over all his responsibility while he is "away" working out. He couldn't simply say to his boss and coworkers - sorry, guys, you take over for a while and I'll be exercising in for the next couple hours. And it's not fair to say it to you.

It's hard to deal with because it IS a healthy outlet for him (much more wholesome than some), and it's good that he has a goal and is succeeding. I hope you can reach a compromise. Maybe together make a loose schedule for the afternoons/evenings that shows you that he understands he's a parent and husband, too.

All best wishes. It's wonderful you care so much about your husband that you are hoping to spend time with him - maybe he'll start appreciating that!
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Old 07-19-2012, 10:23 AM   #4
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Holly: Good for you! You did the deed, ate the food and now you are settling in to a great DD. That's one thing to love about JUDD WOE, don't you think? No guilt about having a fun-fest food-fest. I've done it. We all probably have. But then the DD welcomes us with open arms and it's fun and refreshing in a different way. Give your digestive system a nice break today and enjoy your family.

One thing I've learned. You cannot change what other people do. But, you can change how you react to what other people do. It's weird how we sometimes "take it out on ourselves" in one way or another. Comfort food does not comfort me or change the way in which a loved one might be annoying me. I'm still learning that!
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Old 07-19-2012, 10:37 AM   #5
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Insanity is an hour long workout...(maybe a little more on some). Is he biking too because he's training for a triathalon or something?

Maybe talk to him and tell him that you need help? Working out can be addicting like anything else - especially when you get to a level that you've never been before. It becomes fun to see how far you can push yourself. Anyway, just trying to lend a llittle insight into his brain...maybe he doesn't realize how much you need him? I'm sure he'll be willing to compromise. I'm sorry that you are stressed!
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Old 07-19-2012, 10:43 AM   #6
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Holly, that would really bug me too. I think you should talk to him about it if you tend to be a more straight forward person, or stop doing things for him (i.e. cooking, only his laundry, cleaning) if you are more passive aggressive.

Good on you for embracing your Down Day and moving on!
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Old 07-19-2012, 11:15 AM   #7
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good for you seeing that you were emotionally eating on the up day. awareness is our first tool in helping ourselves. Next time you may be able to limit that and find another solution. I have learned to HATE that feeling of wanting to eat to fill an emotional pit. Yeah, I'm a hater..but that's how it has to be. It is really difficult to share a life with someone when you are feeling like you aren't a priority. Why else would any of us be trying to lose the fat and get healthier, if it weren't for making the decision that we DO have value and are worth working for? I hope your marriage communication takes a turn for the better and that you find a little time for you and with your hubby, because you are worth it (as are the family, it is quite the balancing act!). the beauty of intermittent fasting like judddd is that freedom to learn, the minimal impact of one very up day, and the joy of a nice low down day that takes away living in a state of guilt and self-condemnation. Be free-er today for yourself dear heart.
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Old 07-19-2012, 11:34 AM   #8
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Yes, it happens. You have faced it and now it is behind you. JUDDD is here with open arms, and a DD!

You are doing great Holly.
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Old 07-19-2012, 11:48 AM   #9
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I am an emotional eater too. And lately there has been stuff to eat about!

But good for you for not letting it get you off track. I have learned, and it's so empowering, is that I can choose my reaction to the desire to eat the world, as I put it. It's when you feel like you could just eat and eat and eat and never fill up the hole, because the hole is not about food or hunger, it's about something else. Fear, or not feeling loved, or a zillion other things.

But I get to CHOOSE my reaction. I can choose to eat. But I've been there, done that, had the 3X t-shirt to show for it. So today I choose to do other things that nurture myself instead of punish myself with food.

I support you in your desire to curb the emotional eating. And you're taking great steps to get and keep yourself healthy. You'll have a nice down day today, and take care of yourself in as many ways as you can, and figure out how to deal with the core issues.

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Old 07-19-2012, 01:15 PM   #10
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(((Hugs)))

Maybe one way to approach your husband is to tell him that you support his getting healthier, as you hope he supports your efforts too, because you both want to live a long and healthy life for your kids. But you also need to find balance in your lives while they still _are_ kids. And tell him maybe that you're ok with taking on some of his responsibilities in the short-term, but you need to know what the end date to this fitness plan is. If there is never an end date and it is always going to be 1-3 hours, maybe ask him to spend some of those hours before work instead of after it, when you need him at home helping with the kids. Or maybe you could ask him to find an exercise plan you could both do together--like walking after work.
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Old 07-19-2012, 01:49 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna Loca View Post
I am an emotional eater too. And lately there has been stuff to eat about!

But good for you for not letting it get you off track. I have learned, and it's so empowering, is that I can choose my reaction to the desire to eat the world, as I put it. It's when you feel like you could just eat and eat and eat and never fill up the hole, because the hole is not about food or hunger, it's about something else. Fear, or not feeling loved, or a zillion other things.

But I get to CHOOSE my reaction. I can choose to eat. But I've been there, done that, had the 3X t-shirt to show for it. So today I choose to do other things that nurture myself instead of punish myself with food.

I support you in your desire to curb the emotional eating. And you're taking great steps to get and keep yourself healthy. You'll have a nice down day today, and take care of yourself in as many ways as you can, and figure out how to deal with the core issues.

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Holly, I sure do understand. So many of us do. There are better ways to deal with "stuff".

Make a list of little things - the more, the better - of things you're going to do before you even think of eating when "stuff" comes up and you want to "eat the world" (seriously love that phrase). Things like:

Get up and walk down to the corner and back.
Go up and down a flight of stairs 3 times (if available)
Do 10 jumping jacks
Wash your face or touch up your lipstick (if you wear it)
Make a list of your top 10 all time favorite songs
Do the "Tarzan" yell
If you're a believer, pray
Rip/tear scraps of fabric

Things like that, your list will be different than mine. Keep adding to your list, but force yourself to write it down. Put the list somewhere you can easily find it. Pull it out at the very first inkling that you're teetering on the Eat-The-World ledge and make yourself actually DO all of those things. Like I said, try to get as many things on the list as you can. This sounds pretty goofy, but it's a strategy that works for me.

My best to you, always.
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Old 07-19-2012, 03:24 PM   #12
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Marriage is tough. But it is ether than many options.
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Old 07-19-2012, 05:40 PM   #13
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Marriage is tough. But it is ether than many options.
what??? lol
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Old 07-20-2012, 02:13 AM   #14
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Studip me..... better than. Though on occasions a little ether might not go amiss.
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:40 AM   #15
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Emotional eating is rarely a productive 'fix' for stress - it usually just adds to the frustration. It sounds like something is escalating in your family. Does your job or his offer an employee assistance program? Maybe seeing a counselor (alone or with DH) would provide an outlet and suggest options.

Last edited by gotsomeold; 07-20-2012 at 03:42 AM..
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:39 AM   #16
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You're all very sweet, thanks for the advice.

Thanks for the concern and advice. Kissa, you are right about the alternatives. It's not that bad. I probably need to speak up instead of venting here and that may solve the problem. That being said, I've never, ever been able to communicate my feelings, I usually just eat instead and then things blow over.

But, good news. Down day yesterday, went well. Back on track and down .2 to new low weigh of 173.6. I feel 169---bring it on baby!
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