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Old 05-22-2012, 07:20 AM   #271
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I have a chance to go to Mohegan Sun for a conference-room and food free and be with a favorite broker co-worker-but today is a DD and I don't want to screw it up. I'm not sure if this is wonderful discipline or plain stupidity.

I am finally seeing nice losses, merely by sticking strictly to the diet, so here I stay...
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:47 AM   #272
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:49 AM   #273
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Originally Posted by Scotty View Post
I have a chance to go to Mohegan Sun for a conference-room and food free and be with a favorite broker co-worker-but today is a DD and I don't want to screw it up. I'm not sure if this is wonderful discipline or plain stupidity.

I am finally seeing nice losses, merely by sticking strictly to the diet, so here I stay...
Wonderful Discipline!
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:44 AM   #274
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Hi all! I'm back

I spent about a week in San Francisco at my company's user conference-- work-wise, I did VERY well, and I'm super pleased.
I came back on Thursday for about 8hrs, and then DH and I drove to Quebec for my friend's 42nd birthday up at his cottage. Drove home yesterday, then had to head back out (1.5hrs round trip) to pick up the dogs at the sitter.

I'm wiped!

I also wasn't eating very well while I was away... so I'm VERY happy to be back on a DD today! It's mid-day here, and so far, so good. I feel a little lightheaded, but I'm just taking it easy and mostly working from the couch.

Trying to get in lots of fluids, and rinse some of the JUNK out of my system... I'll weigh tomorrow, and just take things from there.

Anyway-- just wanted to say and get back into the JUDDD swing of things!
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Old 05-22-2012, 01:28 PM   #275
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Wonderful Discipline!
Thanks Sonica! Just what I wanted to hear!
However, DD and sons are coming over tonight for dinner and Papa decided they needed pizza....grrrr, but it's better than cooking....
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Old 05-22-2012, 03:36 PM   #276
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Oh, "excursion", what a wonderful word, and so happy to see it paired with a 2.2 loss recovering from a gain, ellgee.

I believe I have been on an excursion, but unhappily it started with food poisoning and that was not funny at all. I had to abandon some plans and still didn't feel "right" for several days. This resulted in a gain (wouldn't you hope for a loss in that situation? Nope.)

I am not going to admit to any actual numbers for the gain for a while, though. Strange for me not to weigh every morning, but I'm going to give it a couple days.

circusgirl it is brave to treat the scale like the powerless inanimate object that it is. Go back to it when it pleases you!

Delighted to see I made Dawn laugh over ice cream!

"bounce range" is a good concept, mykidsteacher.

Thank you, northandcold. We had baby raccoons in our yard - I believe I'll take those over the bear. Isn't he a little rude, picking on the hummingbirds?

Noweigh, that's great to hear you are doing so well in spite of thyroid issues.

Carla, how true about feeling better in general on JUDDD, certainly hormonally.

Tanya, do you have a little breakfast on DDs? I'm just wondering if you are somehow signalling your body to feel unwell by skipping breakfast - don't know.

Smart to have a standard DD menu and not reinvent the wheel every time, Georgene.

It was dd for me today and I stayed at 600. I did have bread, which is not ideal, but not so bad either. Part was an Atkins shake. I don't mind the Atkins so much because it does have fiber. When I go with Whey Protein shakes I make myself, it's true they can be healthy (coconut milk) but there is little to no fiber.
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:50 PM   #277
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Tanya, do you have a little breakfast on DDs? I'm just wondering if you are somehow signalling your body to feel unwell by skipping breakfast - don't know.
No I dont eat til as late as possible!!! I had to switch up my rotations last weekend and since I did, I have not had that sick feeling. I still wonder if maybe I had a bug after all!
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:12 PM   #278
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So I am having a bit of a problem at work. I dont know how to word this so not to have the post deleted. (please dont delete this, I really need help with this and no one to talk to about it). I am not sure how to handle this situation at all! Its making me be in such a bad mood, hating myself, hating the world, crying at the drop of a hat over anything and everything (see my frustration post ugggh)...so on....because I am so very miserable!

So most of you all know I am a caregiver. I have worked with the same man now for 3 years. I am at his house around 10 hours a day. Ok so in a nursing home setting, its quite normal for old men to be......a bit perverted. You just laugh it off and move on.

However, I am one on one with this man 50 hours a week. I cant take this harrassment anymore. I tell him all the time, I am his caregiver thats it, that I am not there for the reasons he wants. Today was 10 hours of comments like "your so beautiful, if I wasnt so crippled I would attack you and you would like it." uggghhh it makes my skin crawl!!! He was "accidently" grabbing my upper lady parts when I would try to put him in a wheelchair and say "oops I was grabbing for your arm". Hes forever staring at me, looking down my scrub top when he can, or watching me when I have to bent over. But in a home setting, I cant laugh it off and move on.......I am stuck with him!!!

My problem is I NEED THIS JOB!! If I tell his wife, she will freak and I can imagine what she says about me. When he was drinking way to much and almost through himself down the steps, and I told her she snapped and told me to mind my own business, that I am not there to monitor his drinking, hes not a drunk (he is). I cant tell my husband because he is the jealous type and he will flip.

I was thinking maybe just deal with it til the end of summer and then once the kids go back to school, look for another job. At this point with summer coming any job is gonna be a temp job. I have always said when this job was done, I was done with nursing, I am just really burnt out. Right now I am doing my best to take care of him but ignore him at the same time. If hes watching tv I go in another room. If he is up and about I go watch tv. You know.

This really is just a huge monkey on my back so to speak. What is a tactful way to tell his wife without being fired or called some aweful names...........She called me trailor trash once over not taking her grandchildren home off the bus one day when it was raining. I told her I couldnt because her husband was trying to decided if he was gonna go upstair or downstairs and by the time he decided the bus had already came. Didnt matter that my kids also walked home in the rain with them (we are all neighbors).
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:24 PM   #279
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Tanya-- are you able to find another job first, and then quit this one?

I would normally advise that honesty is the best policy-- but dealing with the immediate outcome (feeling bad b/c they yell at you THOUGH YOU DON"T DESERVE IT) etc will suck.
And your husband has nothing to be jealous about-- unwanted sexual harassment is NOT like you're flirting with the cute UPS guy in an office... I would want for him to support you, maybe even come to the house with you when you tell the wife and husband, both, at the same time, that this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.

I understand the situation you are in, with $ vs. your sanity. It's really how much you can handle, physically and mentally. But I'd spend all my time finding a new job, like, bring a laptop or something with you, and get to searching.
Then tell the old pig (seriously, ick) to grab someone else's b88bs, and have a nice life.

whatever you do-- you are NOT in the wrong. Sexual harassment is all about how you feel, not what was "intended". If you feel harassed, you are.

HUGS to you
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:30 PM   #280
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You have my respect and empathy for the job you do and the things you put up with. You deserve to be respected and feel safe in your profession!! My heart goes out to you and your situation, I feel your frustration radiating off the page.

Leave this situation as soon as possible. It is toxic. Once again, it is an amazing thing you do, I am so sorry that you are surrounded my such negativity.

On another note, if your beautiful smile is anything to go by you have a wonderful spirit, don't let the bastards get you down!

Kind regards,

D
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Old 05-23-2012, 02:13 AM   #281
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Don't think I can say much more than has already been expressed, but I do want to say I feel your frustration (I just thought I was unhappy with my work situation - yours is WAY awful!!!)

Find a way out, if you can. Seems like to me your biggest problem is the lack of support you are getting from your husband. I have a feeling if he was on your side in a good way, this situation would be much easier to handle. So, I am not trying to tell you what to do, but your real problem is not with the old man.
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Old 05-23-2012, 03:44 AM   #282
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You are correct in that there is more support in a Nursing Home setting.
I work on a dementia unit. Yes, we see this in the male population.
There are medications for this behavior.
Google/Bing search the internet to find a reputable site that you can print off and give to the wife...to support your position.

But you are also correct, you have no power...he is the husband and holds all the power in "who is telling the truth" in this situation.
Staying in this situation will only bring you to the "no power" position over and over again.
Staying in this situation is in fact self depricating...self destructive.
No doubt your husband would not see it from a medical approach...he would protect you and tell you to quit.
By staying you would show (in some other peoples minds) that you really infact like that kind of attention...
.....YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK..
Feeling powerless in any situation only leads to destruction of the person who feels powerless...

Approach it from a professional approach. Take your personal self out of the equation. Let the family know ....by providing them with the printed professional article that your client suffers from a behavior that you can no longer tolerate....either he gets treatment or you will have to terminate.

Either way you look at it, the only power you have is your professional assessment of the situation and guidance to proper treatment. Then act to terminate your employment.

If you have a nervous breakdown because of this job....what good is the job?
Provide your professional assessment, involve a community social service if you can to get support for this....they should help guide you.

If you do not take the "professional stand" ....it will only turn sordid, and you will be the 'fall guy'.....no amount of money should take the place of your sanity. Your dignity as a care giver will be preserved if the professional stand is taken.

Arm yourself with the education re: this behavior....it is not acceptable. You have a professional obligation to observe and report......your sanity (and your children!!!) depend on you performing your professional duty!

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Old 05-23-2012, 04:42 AM   #283
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Do you work for a company, or for yourself? If you work for a company, there should be something in place to deal with this type of situation. I would suggest speaking with your supervisor or HR and mentioning that you're working in a hostile work environment. They will direct you to whatever resources needed to resolve the situation. If you work for yourself, you should still address it with your client and/or his wife. If you address it and document it, you have recourse if you're not able to stay in the situation. You could even get unemployment benefits if you're forced to resign because of an unbearable situation.

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Old 05-23-2012, 07:19 AM   #284
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Tanya, you have received excellent advice-just want to add a to you and all like you who do this meaningful, difficult work.
Thanks!
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Old 05-23-2012, 11:57 AM   #285
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Tanya, for what it's worth, you are not the first person I've heard of going through something like this and I think you are a saint already. If he has dementia, perhaps you could tell yourself he doesn't remember all the times you have told him to stop it, or doesn't remember proper behavior. But even if that were true, this is an unacceptable situation. You deserve to feel that you have some control.

As a stop-gap measure (while looking for another job), could you wear something completely different to change the situation? I'm thinking thick, multi-layed, high-necked, or even ugly. A big jacket. You could just tell him you have to wear this because he harrasses you, and you won't stop unless he stops. This way, you are still at work and no one can say you are not doing your job, but you have a little bit of control. If this situation ever comes out into the open in a way that is unfavorable to you, you'd be able to point to wearing the odd jacket as some proof of your side of things.

I will be a little different here from other good advice, and say I don't think you should talk to the wife after how you have described her. She herself sounds incompetent to treat this with maturity. Also, it would be better if you could leave on civil terms with her because it is she who might be a recommendation for you in the future. And you have to continue a neighbor relationship.

Even if you are self-employed, are there other professionals who have to come into the house? Therapists, other nurses? Is there someone professional who also knows the household with whom you could talk?

Another thought would be that every time this happens, could you just SAY you were going to ask your husband about it? I mean, the man doesn't know you don't want to talk to your husband, right? You could even come up with answers "from my husband" if he asks later - nothing threatening. If you are neighbors, does your husband ever visit? It would seem to me that just seeing your husband might give the man pause. At the very least, say, "Let's ask (wife's name) about this," and go in search of his wife, even if you ask her what the temperature is!!! At least for a moment, the man will have to come to grips with what could happen.

All best wishes. You are doing the best that anyone could do.

Last edited by Whitlin'; 05-23-2012 at 12:04 PM..
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Old 05-23-2012, 01:17 PM   #286
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galveston Gal View Post
You are correct in that there is more support in a Nursing Home setting.
I work on a dementia unit. Yes, we see this in the male population.
There are medications for this behavior.
Google/Bing search the internet to find a reputable site that you can print off and give to the wife...to support your position.

But you are also correct, you have no power...he is the husband and holds all the power in "who is telling the truth" in this situation.
Staying in this situation will only bring you to the "no power" position over and over again.
Staying in this situation is in fact self depricating...self destructive.
No doubt your husband would not see it from a medical approach...he would protect you and tell you to quit.
By staying you would show (in some other peoples minds) that you really infact like that kind of attention...
.....YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK..
Feeling powerless in any situation only leads to destruction of the person who feels powerless...

Approach it from a professional approach. Take your personal self out of the equation. Let the family know ....by providing them with the printed professional article that your client suffers from a behavior that you can no longer tolerate....either he gets treatment or you will have to terminate.

Either way you look at it, the only power you have is your professional assessment of the situation and guidance to proper treatment. Then act to terminate your employment.

If you have a nervous breakdown because of this job....what good is the job?

Provide your professional assessment, involve a community social service if you can to get support for this....they should help guide you.

If you do not take the "professional stand" ....it will only turn sordid, and you will be the 'fall guy'.....no amount of money should take the place of your sanity. Your dignity as a care giver will be preserved if the professional stand is taken.

Arm yourself with the education re: this behavior....it is not acceptable. You have a professional obligation to observe and report......your sanity (and your children!!!) depend on you performing your professional duty!

, especially the bolded parts. Would there be any harm in recording his harrassments on your cell phone or something like that? Best wishes to you in whatever you decided, but I hope you decide to tell your husband and/or get out of this job pronto. I think it's adding to the frustrations in your other thread post, possibly.

Despite this aggravation, I have to say kudos to you in your profession!
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Old 05-23-2012, 03:34 PM   #287
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Tanya, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I have nothing to add to what's been said. I wish you could share it with your husband, but I certainly understand why you feel you can't. If I were in the situation, my dh would insist I quit immediately.
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:11 PM   #288
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Thank you sooooooooo much everyone with your replies!!! I am gonna do my research and see what I can do. I didnt know I could still get unemployment with being self employed!!

I am self employed. I am the only one in the house, I take him to the other appointments, like therapy and such. I have to wear scrubs no turtlenecks....lol!! Only because I dont want to ruin my everyday clothes! Oh he is just a stroke victim no other issues like dementia or alz.

I did talk to my hubby last night. I was bawling and he flipped. He was still flipping today. We are gonna see what we can do about me finding another job with in a month or so. If I quit with no other back up plan, I will lose my car because I make those payments!! Oh and groceries are all me too!! Hubby said if I get fired I get fired thought. This is how my client kinda was before the stroke my hubby said. He said he would "skirt chase" alot at the bars. Hubby just though he mellowed with the stroke, because I didnt say anything. Told hubby I was scare to tell him because I know how mad he gets, but I wasnt sure if I would be believed. Hubby said he loves me and supports me! When I got home today he asked how it went. I told him details and he said soon enough I can leave!
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:32 PM   #289
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Tell your husband, he is a good man....a keeper!!
Tell your kids they have a good Dad....a keeper!!
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:53 PM   #290
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Tell your husband, he is a good man....a keeper!!
Tell your kids they have a good Dad....a keeper!!
I will!!! I tell him all the time!! I always make sure he knows he is appericated!! Funny thing with him and I..........21 years together and only maybe 2 honest to god fights. The one time we still laugh about. Kids were way tiny and him and I had a fight over his mom. SHe was going to dialysis at the time and I was so sick the one day that I asked my sis in law if she could take my turn and I would pay her back. My sis in law (she was like 18 at the time) made a big deal about it and hubby got mad. We had a screaming match in the living room. He ended up storming out and leaving. I said heck with it I aint staying either, loaded up the kids and went for a drive. Felt so bad I stopped and got us McDonalds for dinner and went back home............only to find him with the same meal sitting on the table for us when we got home!!!! Now if we start to disagree its always....lets stop, not in the mood for Mickey D's tonight lol!!!

He and I are day and night, but we get along soooooooooo dang well!!!! I wish what we have for our kids someday!!!
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:37 PM   #291
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So glad to hear that now you have your husband to share this burden. Can't help but think how you had been feeling sick without knowing for sure why. Wonder if that was partly a reaction to the stress.

Ordinary up day for me today. Wish I could say my eating was great, but it was okay. Needed more veggies.
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Old 05-24-2012, 05:01 AM   #292
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Tanya,
Don't you love the way it feels when the tide begins to turn?

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Old 05-24-2012, 08:44 AM   #293
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So glad you told your hubby. I'll inject here - if you're a prayin' woman, let God take care of this. One door closes, another will open.
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Old 05-24-2012, 11:07 AM   #294
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Tanya, record it! You can get cheap recording devices that record for hours. Then if/when you tell the wife, she can argue. My thoughts are with you!
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Old 05-24-2012, 03:37 PM   #295
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How do you weigh yourself after days of not weighing in and you're scared of the number on the scale??!
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Old 05-24-2012, 04:00 PM   #296
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Just chiming in, Tanya on your work issue - remember, you are providing a professional service and deserve to be treated as a professional - not as a servant. Can you register with other home care agencies now before the current situation ends poorly? I work with disabled and geriatric adults and it is no favor to them to endure such unacceptable behavior (and I'm talking about the wife too)....

Glad you let your family know so at least you're not bearing it all alone. Take care

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Old 05-24-2012, 04:05 PM   #297
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How do you weigh yourself after days of not weighing in and you're scared of the number on the scale??!
I felt that way before I got on track this year...and the # was as bad as I expected - it sure spurred me to try JUDDD though.

Waiting will make it worse I suspect - have courage, dckisses....and weigh the morning after a good DD. Good Luck!

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Old 05-24-2012, 04:16 PM   #298
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WOE: formerly LC; trying JUDDD 2322.464
Start Date: 5/4/12
Hi everyone - I'm jumping into your chat group - trying to stay on course with JUDDD. Am in my 7th month of recovery from heart surgery (aneurysm/dissection) and did nothing but eat until starting here on 5/4. I'm three weeks in and down 11+ lbs. Starting to get the hang of JUDDD but need to stay connected to other JBs to stay on track...

tomorrow is Day 21!

Catherine
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Old 05-24-2012, 05:46 PM   #299
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Location: lees summit,mo
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Stats: 291/260/140 5'2"
WOE: low carb
Start Date: May 1,2012
I'm new and in need of help. Today was to be a DD and I blew it 1300 instead of 463. What do I do?? Should I make tomorrow a DD or just stick to the rotation? If I posted this in the wrong spot I am sorry. Lisa
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Old 05-24-2012, 06:39 PM   #300
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WOE: JUDDD
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalaw View Post
I'm new and in need of help. Today was to be a DD and I blew it 1300 instead of 463. What do I do?? Should I make tomorrow a DD or just stick to the rotation? If I posted this in the wrong spot I am sorry. Lisa
Glad you joined us here!

Just stick to the rotation! The down days do get easier. Allowing yourself to go over by a hundred calories (or even two hundred, if needed) makes them easier, especially at first. Get the hang of restricting your calories on DD's, then try to do the calculator numbers.

Don't beat yourself up over this! Just have a good UD tomorrow and make sure you eat all of your allotted calories so you'll be very well nourished when the next DD comes.
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