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Old 04-22-2012, 03:56 PM   #1
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I'm irked . . .

by an e-mail I got from my father's wife this morning. I don't see them very often, and see my brother and his family even less, as they live in Ohio and I'm in California. Anyway, I Skyped with my brother and his family yesterday, so it's the first time they've seen me since I started losing weight. I told my SIL, Claudia, about my recent hypothyroidism diagnosis. Apparently, she said something to my step-mother, and here's part of the e-mail she sent me:

"Claudia and I were talking yesterday and she said that you had had some medical problems and as a result, had lost a lot of weight. If it did not make you really sick, good going, girl!!!"

I know it wasn't mean-spirited, but I can't help feeling let down, like I haven't worked for my weight loss. I know the truth, but it bothers me that others think I'm losing weight because of a medical problem. Ugh.

Okay, vent over.
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Atkins 10/24/11 @ 277.6
JUDDD 12/12/11 @ 267.8
January 2013 @ 165.0: Maintaining however feels the most comfortable with little bouts of WLM thrown in here and there.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:07 PM   #2
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Dawn: You absolutely need to email her back and set the record straight!!! Tell her, no, you lost the weight through determination and only recently got the diagnosis. If anything, the condition is one which makes it infinitely harder to drop unwanted pounds. Don't let her get away with a snarky comment like that, ok? You deserve better and I think that was disrespectful especially since she has no idea what your life has been like at all.

Big and Whether she knows it or not you are a rock star! We all know it for sure. You are inspiring so many people! Don't let a comment like that get to you.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:08 PM   #3
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Or we can write to her and tell her how hard you've worked!!

HUGS!!
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:33 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Yam-Yam View Post
Dawn: You absolutely need to email her back and set the record straight!!! Tell her, no, you lost the weight through determination and only recently got the diagnosis. If anything, the condition is one which makes it infinitely harder to drop unwanted pounds. Don't let her get away with a snarky comment like that, ok? You deserve better and I think that was disrespectful especially since she has no idea what your life has been like at all.

Big and Whether she knows it or not you are a rock star! We all know it for sure. You are inspiring so many people! Don't let a comment like that get to you.
^^^ THIS!! Times a thousand!

Set her straight.

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Or we can write to her and tell her how hard you've worked!!

HUGS!!
Poor woman would never know what hit her! She'd be inundated!!
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:12 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yam-Yam View Post
Dawn: You absolutely need to email her back and set the record straight!!! Tell her, no, you lost the weight through determination and only recently got the diagnosis. If anything, the condition is one which makes it infinitely harder to drop unwanted pounds. Don't let her get away with a snarky comment like that, ok? You deserve better and I think that was disrespectful especially since she has no idea what your life has been like at all.

Big and Whether she knows it or not you are a rock star! We all know it for sure. You are inspiring so many people! Don't let a comment like that get to you.
Thanks Yam! Don't worry about me holding my tongue. I'm not made that way. I e-mailed her back almost immediately, and was very polite, but stood up for myself. I pointed out that of my 55 lbs, 45 was lost before I even knew what was wrong.

Thanks Vicky and Sheridan. I just needed a little vent and I'm feeling better now. You ladies are awesome!
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post

"Claudia and I were talking yesterday and she said that you had had some medical problems and as a result, had lost a lot of weight. If it did not make you really sick, good going, girl!!!"
That's just a stupid thing to say all the way around. "If it did not make you really sick, good going, girl???? Like being sick ever deserves a "good going girl"???

I think you should just ignore her. I wouldn't bother trying to set her straight. I won't help. Her brain is on a different level than yours.

OK ... now MY vent is over.
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:24 PM   #7
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Big Dawn! We understand how you feel, and like it's been said, We know you're a JUDDD Rockstar !!
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:51 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
by an e-mail I got from my father's wife this morning. I don't see them very often, and see my brother and his family even less, as they live in Ohio and I'm in California. Anyway, I Skyped with my brother and his family yesterday, so it's the first time they've seen me since I started losing weight. I told my SIL, Claudia, about my recent hypothyroidism diagnosis. Apparently, she said something to my step-mother, and here's part of the e-mail she sent me:

"Claudia and I were talking yesterday and she said that you had had some medical problems and as a result, had lost a lot of weight. If it did not make you really sick, good going, girl!!!"

I know it wasn't mean-spirited, but I can't help feeling let down, like I haven't worked for my weight loss. I know the truth, but it bothers me that others think I'm losing weight because of a medical problem. Ugh.

Okay, vent over.
Sometimes people can be hurtful without ever realizing it. Others don't get their facts straight before passing them down the grapevine. No worries, WE know how hard you've worked to get where you are and so do you.
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:21 PM   #9
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I'd let both parties know that you lost weight because you worked extra hard to do so!

Family can at times be like that!

But we will not be that way ever!!!

Love Ya!
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:35 PM   #10
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I'm glad you set her straight. You deserve to be praised and recognized for your hard work, not put down.

Does your family need to lose weight too? Because I'm wondering if there's a bit of jealousy and self-preservation going on there. Like, yeah, you can lose weight because you are sick, otherwise it wouldn't happen. I'm not sick, so I can't do it, it's too hard. And they are then justified in doing nothing.
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:54 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Margarita :) View Post
That's just a stupid thing to say all the way around. "If it did not make you really sick, good going, girl???? Like being sick ever deserves a "good going girl"???

I think you should just ignore her. I wouldn't bother trying to set her straight. I won't help. Her brain is on a different level than yours.

OK ... now MY vent is over.
My sentiments EXACTLY!

Idk if losing weight because of a medical problem is ever a good thing, even if you're overweight. Weight loss due to a medical issue is a sign that something is wrong in the body (as is weight gain). Neither should be celebrated. It's just a reflection of how thinness is valued over health in our society.
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Old 04-22-2012, 07:23 PM   #12
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Something tells me you did just fine on the return email...
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Old 04-22-2012, 09:45 PM   #13
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Dawn...good for you for e-mailing back quickly. My husband jokingly says sometimes "the world would be a nice place if it weren't for people!!!" What people can say just slays me! As if there isn't enough grief and strife in life to deal with! You had your say and can hopefully move on. Still...deserves a big !!! You know you are one of our all-stars don't ya?

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Old 04-23-2012, 12:56 AM   #14
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That's very disappointing for you, people really can be very insensitive and careless in what they say.

I have to add my name to the list of people who think that congratulating someone on weightloss through what is quite a serious condition is a peculiar thing to do.
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Old 04-23-2012, 01:49 AM   #15
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Dawn.

You come here and scream and throw things whenever you need to. WE all know you are a weight-loss hero who is fighting hard for her health.
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Old 04-23-2012, 04:25 AM   #16
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Old 04-23-2012, 04:34 AM   #17
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ahhhh Keirasmom I am sorry!!! Dont you love how people can say one little thing and set you off! You know how hard you have worked. Thats what counts! Heck with her!!! We still all love and support you thats all you need!!!!
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Old 04-23-2012, 05:06 AM   #18
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Glad you set her straight, Dawn. People don't often engage their brains before they put their mouths (or typing fingers) into drive.

Of course, I'm holding the mirror up to myself too......
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Old 04-23-2012, 06:26 AM   #19
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You are a rock star!!! I never tell family mbrs how I lose weight. Always keep them guessing!! lol. That was a mean comment and glad to hear you set her straight. When you lose more weight just say you are cutting back or "I guess I have a high metabolism..lol".... Otherwise if you say your on a specific diet they can start making fun of the diet and dis credit you . People can be soo mean. The best come back is to eat delicous foods in front of them and make them wonder how you can enjoy such goodies AND lose weight!!! She is probably just jealuous!!!
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:17 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
Thanks Yam! Don't worry about me holding my tongue. I'm not made that way. I e-mailed her back almost immediately, and was very polite, but stood up for myself. I pointed out that of my 55 lbs, 45 was lost before I even knew what was wrong.

Thanks Vicky and Sheridan. I just needed a little vent and I'm feeling better now. You ladies are awesome!
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:27 AM   #21
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Or we can write to her and tell her how hard you've worked!!

HUGS!!
Thats what i was thinking too ..Oh Dawn you have so much to proud of.. and we all know what the truth is.. I hope they get a chance to learn from you the truth! You deserve the credit.. so set the record straight!
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Old 04-23-2012, 11:47 AM   #22
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[QUOTE=KeirasMom;15601567]

"Claudia and I were talking yesterday and she said that you had had some medical problems and as a result, had lost a lot of weight. If it did not make you really sick, good going, girl!!!" /QUOTE]

First, You deserve recognition and respect for your accomplishments. I'm sorry that someone has treated you poorly.

My initial take on reading this was that you were dealing with someone who has NO idea about what hypothyroidism does to a person. Initially I wanted to jump in with all the ways it messes with the body (first hand experience).

I’ve dealt with a passive-aggressive mother-in-law for decades. Your quote seems to fit that type of personality. If so, from my perspective, you can “correct” her all you want about your “medical problems” and tell her how you worked so very hard to lose weight, however please realize that may well be the motivation she craves. Upsetting you, making you defensive IS the “get” for her.

Focus on keeping this HER issue and simply do not allow it become yours.

Make sure her insults belong only to her. I've used these comments on my MIL:

“It sounds like you’ve been unhappy with my weight.”

“You seem disappointed with my appearance.”

“It must be hard for you to feel disappointed so often.”

“When you say those type of things it’s difficult to be around you.”


When she figures out that she isn’t upsetting you she’ll find an easier target.

Hugs to you!
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Old 04-23-2012, 11:56 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heyjupiter View Post
My sentiments EXACTLY!

Idk if losing weight because of a medical problem is ever a good thing, even if you're overweight. Weight loss due to a medical issue is a sign that something is wrong in the body (as is weight gain). Neither should be celebrated. It's just a reflection of how thinness is valued over health in our society.

Wow, this is such a !! Shout it from the mountain tops. WL from poor health is NEVER good. She should not have said "good going; you're sick" which is basically what she said! And you are so right about thin being valued over health. That is so wrong!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
You buddds are the best. I can't tell you how nice it is to know I can have a little pity party and my buddds will know exactly what I'm going through and pick me right back up.
You are always there for us. We want to be there for you, too!
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:01 PM   #24
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On reflection, I wonder how much of this is just your father's wife's own problems? If she struggles with her weight (and let's face it, it wouldn't take a psychic to guess that she does, only a vanishing minority of women don't) and she sees your progress, it's probably easier for her to put it down to a health issue rather than putting it down to your being able to do what she hasn't been able to do.

Feel a bit of sympathy for her, maybe, rather than accepting her bad grace as any problem of yours?
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:02 PM   #25
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Just realized that you posting this made me thankful for my siblings and family. Every one of them struggles with being overweight except for my 80 year old sister who has always been very frail and has heart problems.

Makes me laugh to think about how of the 10 of us (siblings) we are always losing and gaining and gaining and losing. Last year in May I came home to one of my brothers 80 pounds lighter!! I had not seen him in a year. When he walked into the room, we all pounced on him and wanted to know what wonderful secret he had discovered and what new diet he had found. Turns out he did the GI diet and it took him only a year to lose 80.

On the other hand, my younger brother who had lost about 90 pounds on Weight Watchers a few years ago has put it all back on!

The only thing my sisters and I talk more about than weight is how to remove unwanted facial hair! LOL!!!

I seriously can't wait 'til they all see me in a few weeks when I go to Pennsylvania to spend a week with them. They will be excited for me and will grill me with questions about how they can achieve what I have achieved!

Last edited by Yam-Yam; 04-23-2012 at 12:04 PM..
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:16 PM   #26
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As I think about it, I think maybe you are right, and several others who mentioned she may not be happy about my loss because she's not in a good place herself. She is not obese, but is overweight.

She is a retired dentist, and quite intelligent although I honestly don't know her terribly well. I have probably only spoken with her 10 times over the last 4 years they've been married. I guess that's why it surprised me so much. Anyway, I'm not letting it bother me. I have people here, who I've never met, who are kinder and more supportive. Who needs the drama?
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:22 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yam-Yam View Post
Just realized that you posting this made me thankful for my siblings and family. Every one of them struggles with being overweight except for my 80 year old sister who has always been very frail and has heart problems.

Makes me laugh to think about how of the 10 of us (siblings) we are always losing and gaining and gaining and losing. Last year in May I came home to one of my brothers 80 pounds lighter!! I had not seen him in a year. When he walked into the room, we all pounced on him and wanted to know what wonderful secret he had discovered and what new diet he had found. Turns out he did the GI diet and it took him only a year to lose 80.

On the other hand, my younger brother who had lost about 90 pounds on Weight Watchers a few years ago has put it all back on!

The only thing my sisters and I talk more about than weight is how to remove unwanted facial hair! LOL!!!

I seriously can't wait 'til they all see me in a few weeks when I go to Pennsylvania to spend a week with them. They will be excited for me and will grill me with questions about how they can achieve what I have achieved!
I so envy you Yam-Yam! I have one brother, in Ohio, and we're kind of luke-warm with each other, though I'm crazy about his kids. My mom passed away when Keira was 10 weeks old, so she never got to know her. I have a really strained relationship with my father, and only keep in contact with him so Keira can have SOME family. On her daddy's side, he never knew his father, his mother lives 2 hours away, and he has one brother who also lives out of state, in Arizona. Needless to say, holidays are usually just us three, and I sometimes feel that it's not really fair to Keira. Poor kid's probably going to grow up and have 10 kids herself, just because she feels she's missed out!
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:24 PM   #28
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Your In laws aren't too familiar with the words hypo versus hyper. You should explain to them that you lost weight inspite of your medical condition. You have every reason to be proud and they should be made aware of it. Set the record straight girl!
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:29 PM   #29
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Well, your picture and posts show that you're a beautiful woman, inside and out. Maybe she felt that she was in a better place than you weight wise, and feels that the changes in you upset the balance that she'd built up in her mind. It's sad to say, but there are plenty of people in the world who are jealous and competitive and who have to make mental rankings of everyone they know.

Sometimes you don't notice until you make a change yourself.

You're right to be taking the attitude of "poor old her", and letting go.
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:54 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
I so envy you Yam-Yam! I have one brother, in Ohio, and we're kind of luke-warm with each other, though I'm crazy about his kids. My mom passed away when Keira was 10 weeks old, so she never got to know her. I have a really strained relationship with my father, and only keep in contact with him so Keira can have SOME family. On her daddy's side, he never knew his father, his mother lives 2 hours away, and he has one brother who also lives out of state, in Arizona. Needless to say, holidays are usually just us three, and I sometimes feel that it's not really fair to Keira. Poor kid's probably going to grow up and have 10 kids herself, just because she feels she's missed out!
Well, things do change. My family lives in a small coal mining town in PA and rarely travels. My parents never came to my home. DH and I have lived in CA since we got married. His family lives in Minnesota. His Mom died in 1980 and his Dad in 1984. My Dad died in '89 and my Mom in '90. So, it was like our kids grew up without real grand parents. But they did "adopt" some wonderful grandparents from our church.

Our church family and neighbors became our "family". My siblings and I were not too close. They never would travel so every few years I would go back there for a very short visit. Just couldn't stand to be there longer because of all the ongoing drama.

However, when my 62 year old brother got very sick last year and I went back to visit him in the hospital, we all pulled together. When he passed away and I spent a week there with everyone, we all became very, very close. One of my sisters was acting strange and did not recognize me. Shortly after that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It brought the rest of us closer.

Then another brother passed away this February. Now I'm talking to my family members several times a week on the phone. And, they are so excited for me to be coming in May. AND, miracle of miracles, 2 of my sisters are coming to CA in August. I told them if they would come, I would book one of our time share double units in southern CA and we could toodle around and have a blast.

With our oldest sister ill with heart problems and another one with Alzheimer's, the 3 of us sisters that are left just want to hang out together. They are both lots heavier than I am and one of them has diabetes. But we are so close now. Much closer than we used to be.

Maybe things will change with your brother and your father. You never know.

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