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Old 04-25-2012, 07:45 AM   #31
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Sorry to hear you are still not 100%!
I had this nasty cold too and it took a while to get over it completely, but at least know that after a few days of feeling absolutely like death, you will feel tons better!

Take care of yourself and get well soon!
xxx
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:46 PM   #32
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I've not given up. In fact I have lost 1lb of the 3 I put on in the last while. For some reason I couldn't juddd so I did some fast 5 to limit my damage. So then oddly enough my appetite went away, well the bad monster appetite!! It seems to be all I can emotionally manage at the moment. Calories averaging around 1500 per day.

Cold/flu was very bad for a few days but gone now except for blocked nose which won't go away. Lease was signed today finally and going on holidays Sat week and desperate to loose 5lbs lmao

We are getting the car tomorrow, would have had it sooner but I got sales man to fit cruise control and bluetooth for free. Told him I saw a luxury model up the country with less mileage and had the luxury pack....well I didn't.......I had looked at so many ad's I mixed them up which resulted in me believing there was a better car and holding out 2 more days but there wasn't so told sales man if he added the extras we'd take it because we prefer silver my imaginary car was black!! I do make myself laugh.

However we rented a van over the weekend to pickup an electric scooter from up the country, it's a fixer uper. So dont even get the dam van out of the gargae and hubby has scraped van off the corner of the building we get out and a member of staff said it's ok go away it's not a problem. So after we take the van away we realize it has more problems, back won't lock without pushing yourself up against the door at the same time. No seal on drivers door,Then door handle came off in OH hand so he took it back for a different one, we were afraid it wouldn't make the 3hr journey to Dublin and 3 hrs back. So they said it is fine just looks bad and don't worry about scratch we'll get our deposit back. WELL Monday morning van returned, head mechanic making huge fuss over scratch!! Def no deposit back and we will be billed for the rest of the paint job. Did I mention we bought 2 new cars from this place since 05 and serviced them there too!!! OH makes app with operations manager to explain all this and she is having none of it!! OH wanted to show her the van but they had already rented it out!!! with scratch and other problems. I was so upset not only have we lost our €113 deposit but they will charge us more I don't know how to fight this, he did scrape the van and it's on cctv. I can see an episode of judge Judy here and us losing. We never signed any contract or anything just gave deposit and got the van. Not sure if they can hunt us for more money. Yes we were insured but don't want to make a claim. OH did this to our last new car 2 months after we had it, misjudged the corner and tore the car off the side of a building. It was well over €1300 to fix it so we had to claim from insurance. I'm terrified he'll do the same to the new car and it's worth more then the last one so ya nothing I can do but nothing happens. And I am praying because we are taking this car to france and we'll be driving on the other side of the road increasing the chance of a mistake. I could keep complaining but I need to go to bed
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:55 PM   #33
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Majella, I am feeling your pain. Nothing I can do, but I am feeling your pain!
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:20 PM   #34
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So sorry for your stress. I haven't been here much for several days. Very busy. I sure hope things have smoothed out for you since you posted your difficult situations. Let us know if you are okay!

Phyl
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Old 05-07-2012, 03:36 AM   #35
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:52 AM   #36
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Where have you gone Majella????
We're all rooting for you here
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Old 05-09-2012, 01:36 AM   #37
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Popping in to see if you've updated on your troubles and life here...

Come say hi Majella, sending good thoughts in the meantime! xxx
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:34 AM   #38
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Sorry I just withdrew into myself and just generally not dealing with things at all. My parents are a huge cause for concern at the moment and causing me great pain and frustration. My father is still on hospital and quiet confused and in my opinion on too much medication. My mother is not coping, doesn't want to go see him or bring him home and wont take responsibility for his care at all instead she has been manipulating all of us to come in a take over by telling us all he is dying. He isn't dieing, he isn't even in a medical ward in the hospital he just needs better care.

Everything has left me feeling angry and upset and most of all powerless. I have been acting out of control and out of character and I feel I'm going down a slipper sloop of self destruction. My eating is out of control, I want to self harm (but haven't) I say horrible hurtful things to my OH in fits of anger and just so horrible. We leave for France in 2 days and OH says it's possible I'll ruin the holiday for myself and everyone else involved as well and thus missing the point of the holiday.

So I was awake all last night totally restless and annoyed and decided to look up antidepressants again. I came across zoloft and feel it would be a good one for me, it is not as difficult to come off of as cymbalta was and will hopefully even me out for a while. I will do 6 months on it and then reassess things and may come off it. If I wasn't reopening the shop in July I'd consider more meditation,yoga and things like that but I am beyond that now and have too much to loose. I have an appointment with my gp this evening and I'll see what she thinks. I feel like I have failed and I know it's not good to be on medication all the time but I dont feel like I have a choice right now sorry for all the negativity and thank you all for your concern it helps to know I am not alone
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Old 05-09-2012, 06:15 AM   #39
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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It sounds like Zoloft or similar may be the best option, along with a nice, relaxing holiday. Please be kind to yourself (and your OH), and know that this too shall pass. It's never easy when the world feels like it's crashing down around you. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this stress.
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Old 05-09-2012, 06:28 AM   #40
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Oh my dear! I hope your doctors appointment goes well, and that you get the medication you need to help you recover. It is never bad to reach out for help, and if this help involves medication to get you on the path of recovery, then go for it! Good for you for recognising the situation!

I am sending continued good thoughts for you, your father, your mother, your OH and your whole family.

Please know, you can always come here if you need support.

Enjoy your holiday, it is maybe the last thing on your mind right now, but probably a very nice thing to be away from it all for a bit. Enjoy!

Big hugs,

xxx
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Old 05-09-2012, 08:41 AM   #41
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Thanks Dawn I feel better now I've made my decision.
thanks also Mimosa I welcome all the prayers and positive thought's I can get for them and each night I pray for strength and courage. I have embraced all my emotions as they are mine, they are me. It never occurred to me the anxiety/worry would be the crippler, I was so afraid of my own emotions but not anymore. My life is actually a lovely one. Supportive OH nice home and place where we will. I see the news each evening and see the pain and suffering of those ppl no different then us who lost everything because they lost their jobs . It's easy to get lost in everything that goes on around me and not to be grateful for what I do have. I never want to take my life for granted.

I have sold my 2 seater sofa for €80 lol and I am buying vibro plates for the same price second hand of course I have a whole month when I get back to get into shape ( a nice one!) I will not binge on holidays either and enjoy what I do eat! I have started taking digestive enzymes and they are helping me so much. Ever since I had my gallbladder out it's like everything goes straight through me. Now I feel full quicker, no quesyness or mad dashes to the loo. As a result my hernia's are causing me less pain too. Also taking D vitamins can't remember why but OH went off one day while I was in the loo of a shopping center and came back with all this stuff to help me I was so scared about driving for so long and needing a loo in a hurry and in France well public toilets are a disgrace. I was in St Tropez 7yrs ago and needed the loo and it was a hole in the ground with a toilet seat put over it so we went to the cafe and bought drinks and used toilet there. What a shocker I tell ya, Thailand had better cleaner public toilets. Oh boy I'm waffling again!!
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Old 05-09-2012, 01:15 PM   #42
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Majella. Enjoy that holiday.
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:32 PM   #43
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Thanks Kissa I sure will!! Doctor agreeded that the situation with my family is causing most of the problems and zoloft,lustral as it is know here would be a good choice and much easier to come off of if I want to in the future. I'm scared it will somehow set off a hungry monster in me and I'll gain weight so I shall monitor my false hunger signs if any arise. Fingers crossed it'll be ok
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Old 05-10-2012, 03:17 AM   #44
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I am sure it will help you and if you are aware you can strike that hunger monster dead in its tracks.
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Old 05-10-2012, 01:51 PM   #45
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Yep awareness is half the battle! Apparently they will upset my stomach for anything up to 2 weeks I'm getting sea sickness pills tomorrow in case the crossing is rough. I'm looking forward to going now, we have never done such a long roadtrip before. I am making mp3 cd's and going to take a couple of books along as well.
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Old 05-10-2012, 02:04 PM   #46
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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I am a little envious. We should have left on a 3 week road trip around France on Monday last. We had to cancel because of my FILs hospitalisation. Today we were looking at nursing homes for him.

Say hi to France for me.
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Old 05-11-2012, 01:12 PM   #47
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Aw sorry Cindy we had this trip planned and booked for last year but had to cancel it. I was very worried about my father and thought we may have to cancel it again. I hope you get some sort of break away though. I took the first Lustral today felt fine initially and then quiet restless but a few hours later and I feel very tired. Bit spaced out and slight headache as well. And for the first time in a long time my cravings are less!
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Old 05-29-2012, 12:28 PM   #48
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I'm back home with a bang got a phone call last Tuesday to tell me to come home as my father had a mini stroke and was going into organ failure. We had only arrived from our week in France to Holland Sunday evening and I had just started to relax. I took the flight out that evening and it was so stress-full and heartbreaking. He is still with us but still dieing. He is almost completely lost his mind now and is very confused and wants to go home all the time. Or else he is telling stories from way back when that don't make much sense. My own mind isn't working great either! Due to stress and not being able to eat my tummy has shrunk but that's not the best way for it to shrink. I now purposely skip breakfast everyday which is something I quiet like doing. Anyway I'll check back in later when I can think better
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Old 05-29-2012, 12:33 PM   #49
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Sending you Majella.
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Old 05-29-2012, 12:48 PM   #50
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You and your father are in my thoughts. Take care.
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Old 05-29-2012, 12:51 PM   #51
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Aw honey. So very sorry to read this.
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Old 05-29-2012, 08:17 PM   #52
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for your family.
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Old 05-29-2012, 08:26 PM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Majella View Post
I am starting a little journal here because I find talking everything out really helps me stay on track.

Yesterday I almost gave up and was going to torture myself and do a liquid diet again because I felt I couldn't control myself so had to take choice out of my life. How sad that was, it's my body and my choices and removing control of my food is not a long term solution and not very responsible. So I decided to use some of my leftover soups and shakes on my DD's to keep calories low. My aim is to totally fast on my DD's anyway so this is a way to step it down. I'm searching for yoga classes in the area but maybe I'll just get a DVD and do it at home. So here's to taking control back and taking back my life!!
Its ok to have thoughts like that, but your strong will prevailed. Im a big believer in mind over matter, and believe we can talk ourselves into just about anything good (and bad).

Stay strong and well done.
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Old 05-30-2012, 12:03 AM   #54
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Magella...You have my for you and your family too. Please take good care of yourself and stay in touch with all your caring JUDDD BUDDS.

Phyl
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Old 05-30-2012, 08:04 AM   #55
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Thank you so much everyone I am at my home today and I slept in till midday! My cat slept with me last night and his purring seemed to calm me down, oh doesn't like the cat in the bed so he slept next-door so I had to bed to myself I still feel very tired today and no appetite at all but that maybe because of the bag of crisps I ate last night and boy did I eat too many of them. Will be going to visit my father tomorrow but not staying with my mother because right now I can't deal with her. Sounds bad but she was getting on my nerves and we don't need to argue about stupid things right now.

Got the keys to the new shop today, all the renovations have been done and it looks great. I have a lot of painting to do though but at least it is all white paint. Well except my studio which I want to paint blue. Think I have leftover blue paint in the house which I was going to dilute with white to make more paint and lighter shade. I have a seaside theme in my head for the studio. I collect stones and shells so I can put them all in there and have a kind of sanctuary. I'm actually very glad I choose to go back on antidepressants because I feel I wouldn't be coping so well now
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Old 05-31-2012, 08:47 AM   #56
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Silly question what does OH stand for? Yes your blond looks really pretty. We are thinking of going to Ireland for vacation this summer. It looks so beautiful there. We've been to England but didn't have a chance to really travel anywhere else on that trip.
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:51 AM   #57
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Other Half
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Old 06-03-2012, 04:46 AM   #58
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I'm going to a BBQ today, weather isn't great but we have a gazebo to go into. My father is doing well and I will be going to see him tomorrow. Then from Tuesday on I'll be doing my up day down day rotation again yippee. I was in a charity shop last week and came across a pair of MBT shoes in my size for €15!!! these shoes are €180 - €200 in the shops here so I was so thrilled. I can feel my stomach muscles working and muscles in my back too oddly enough.

Muffabuff it is beautiful here and well worth a visit! Just make sure you rent a car let me know if you do decide to visit I always have a spare bed or 2 here for anyone wanting to see the area I live in
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