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Old 04-03-2012, 01:15 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yam-Yam View Post

I'm pretty good at taking the food I'm offered, playing with it, talking, telling stories, then offering, "can I take your plate?" if someone's plate is empty. I stand up, take all the empty plates and slide mine underneath and toss them (since we usually use paper plates at family get togethers).

Then I say, "Can I get anyone anything while I'm up??" And I re-fill my glass with ice water.

That's my DD plan!! Woo-Hoo!
This is so great...I sure wish I could pull it off. I have the hardest time not cleaning up my plate, even if I don't like it!

Last edited by shirlc; 04-03-2012 at 01:17 PM..
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:33 PM   #32
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You're definitely not alone. I can relate.
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:47 PM   #33
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WOE: Back to JUDDD!
As I age, I find I care less and less what other people think. I know your situation's difficult because it's family, but really, does it matter what she thinks of your WOE? Think of it this way: She's controlling you even now when you aren't even there yet, because you're having to devise ways to explain yourself and your WOE. You're a beautiful, vibrant, grown woman and don't need to worry about making her happy with something like your food choices.
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:58 PM   #34
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WOE: JUDDD range: 2200/500
Start Date: LC Jan 2003 restart Jan 2012- JUDDD start 04/2012
I hear you Dawn. Thanks for the kind words too

I just don't like the fighting... and if I just ignore her and avoid talking about it if it's brought up, then, well, why am I visiting? We're a verbal family, talk about everything... can get messy.

I'm really hoping it just doesn't come up, and if it does, I'll go with "trying something new, calorie cycling, still LC generally" and hope for the best.
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Old 04-03-2012, 06:41 PM   #35
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I learned with my mom that when she asks, I just say "It was doctor recommended". And she is always good with that. I just dont tell her which doctor, Atkins, Johnson, oz, phil.......you know!!!!
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Old 04-05-2012, 06:55 PM   #36
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Hope you're all doing well on this family oriented weekend!

I just have to report in and say that things went REALLY well with my mom today.

Among other things, she admitted to not really understanding other people, including me, very well, and not being empathetic. Cool, as long as she understands that, I'm actually happy with that.

I emailed the other day saying, if you hadn't planned to, can I have a salad for dinner on Thursday.
She replied with-- beg your pardon?
So I called, and she was basically joking-- they eat salads here ALL THE TIME, and I generally have never *requested* one in my life.

When I walked in today, she saw the bag of groceries I brought with me, and was like ???
So I said, I'm doing a new thing in addition to the LC-- every other day is very low calorie, like 500 (she said, wow, that is low calorie), and I explained a bit about the SIRT being activated, and how it's anti-inflammatory, and how it's easier to diet every other day.

As I expected , she said something like, oh, that makes sense, I do that too but at least she didn't hassle me about it.

And then she asked a million "can I put X in the salad" and I answered, any other day, but not today, I didn't account for that (cheese, pear, etc).

Anyway-- we got through dinner, we even went shopping together and talked about both deep and superficial things, and no one is dead yet!

Soren
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Old 04-05-2012, 06:59 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sorenkkg View Post


Anyway-- we got through dinner, we even went shopping together and talked about both deep and superficial things, and no one is dead yet!

Soren
Loved to hear this went well!
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:59 AM   #38
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Pleased to hear it is going well!!

So glad my Mum, is Kissa!!!!
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:05 AM   #39
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WOE: JUDDD/PHD, LC now that my BG is getting weird
Start Date: JUDDD 1/1/12 + LCHF 12/1/13 (controlling diabetes)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sorenkkg View Post
Among other things, she admitted to not really understanding other people, including me, very well, and not being empathetic. Cool, as long as she understands that, I'm actually happy with that.
From what you said in the beginning, that actually sounds like a breakthrough. I hope you come away from this visit feeling good, like you related adult to adult.

I also want to thank everyone who talked about their unique relationships with their frustrating, complex, controlling mothers. My mother is sliding down the long good-bye. Huge chunks of what she once was have dropped away. Reading about your challenges allowed me to remember good times and the complex, interesting person she used to be. I feel for all of you, you carry pain that continues to impact your lives, but I enjoyed my own trip down memory lane.
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GOAL 10/3/12
Still at goal 2/6/13
STILL below goal 2/15/14

I did not "lose" weight. I evicted it. It is gone and it ain't coming back!

JUDDD cares about calories. JUDDD does not care what you eat. Your body probably does.

Last edited by gotsomeold; 04-06-2012 at 03:06 AM..
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:05 AM   #40
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WOE: Low/Mod Carb, JUDDD (JUDDD, 10/25/11 at 141.5)
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:06 AM   #41
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Stats: 144/128.5/130-5'5"
WOE: Low/Mod Carb, JUDDD (JUDDD, 10/25/11 at 141.5)
Start Date: March, 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by gotsomeold View Post

My mother is sliding down the long good-bye. Huge chunks of what she once was have dropped away. Reading about your challenges allowed me to remember good times and the complex, interesting person she used to be. I feel for all of you, you carry pain that continues to impact your lives, but I enjoyed my own trip down memory lane.
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:10 AM   #42
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WOE: Back to JUDDD!
Quote:
Originally Posted by gotsomeold View Post
From what you said in the beginning, that actually sounds like a breakthrough. I hope you come away from this visit feeling good, like you related adult to adult.

I also want to thank everyone who talked about their unique relationships with their frustrating, complex, controlling mothers. My mother is sliding down the long good-bye. Huge chunks of what she once was have dropped away. Reading about your challenges allowed me to remember good times and the complex, interesting person she used to be. I feel for all of you, you carry pain that continues to impact your lives, but I enjoyed my own trip down memory lane.


I lost my mom 7 years ago--she was only 54. She was difficult in her own way, but I still miss her.
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:21 AM   #43
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WOE: JUDDD FOR LIFE!
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Well for me i guess i must be the ODD EGG or the red headed step child.. My mom dint ask.. and if she did.. she reallly could care less.. in part cuz she thinks every i do is a faliure any way lol... So.. the interesting thing was while we at familys home this past weekend i only needed to say i alternate fasting and today i wont be eating.. to my surprize.. They were fine with that! Worked quite well.. i was amazed!!
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:42 AM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sorenkkg View Post
Hope you're all doing well on this family oriented weekend!

I just have to report in and say that things went REALLY well with my mom today.

Among other things, she admitted to not really understanding other people, including me, very well, and not being empathetic. Cool, as long as she understands that, I'm actually happy with that.

I emailed the other day saying, if you hadn't planned to, can I have a salad for dinner on Thursday.
She replied with-- beg your pardon?
So I called, and she was basically joking-- they eat salads here ALL THE TIME, and I generally have never *requested* one in my life.

When I walked in today, she saw the bag of groceries I brought with me, and was like ???
So I said, I'm doing a new thing in addition to the LC-- every other day is very low calorie, like 500 (she said, wow, that is low calorie), and I explained a bit about the SIRT being activated, and how it's anti-inflammatory, and how it's easier to diet every other day.

As I expected , she said something like, oh, that makes sense, I do that too but at least she didn't hassle me about it.

And then she asked a million "can I put X in the salad" and I answered, any other day, but not today, I didn't account for that (cheese, pear, etc).

Anyway-- we got through dinner, we even went shopping together and talked about both deep and superficial things, and no one is dead yet!

Soren
Soren, I am so happy for you!! When my last visit with my mom went so well, I felt a kind of a healing going on. It felt good . We all want to be accepted but having a mother's acceptance is always going to be a HUGE deal to us. Way to go.
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:44 AM   #45
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WOE: JUDDD
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My mom was always large. 5'11", always fighting with her weight, stopped fighting with her weight while I was somewhere in my 30s. She was always sympathetic to my dieting efforts, she has had a lifetime of it.

I was always the one to say I was never going to be that big, but genetics are genetics. Plain and simple. You can't argue a fact away with good intentions or delusions.

To give you some advice, Soren: I would simply start by bringing my own food for down days.

Then I would sit Mom down, tell her I was doing very well on a new diet, it's sustainable, and I eat healthy. There is only one oddity you will have to deal with, for two days during my trip, it's going to appear that I'm refusing food. I am not. I am turning my body into an engine that burns fat, and needs a surplus of calories one day and a deficit the next, to fool my metabolism into working all the time. It's working, and I'm happy.

If you're interested, I can show you a forum where many women who have struggled for years with other diet methods are at goal and doing very well. Nobody is starved, nobody is sick. Nobody feels deprived, even. We are all proud of our accomplishments.

If you would rather I eat what you prepare, then please prepare it in a small portion without fat so I can enjoy what the family is eating. Otherwise I'll have to make my own meals.

Edit: I didn't see your response until I posted this! I'm really glad this is working out for you, Soren!!! Stay sane!

Last edited by Spank'd; 04-06-2012 at 08:49 AM..
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:53 AM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiebubb View Post
I learned with my mom that when she asks, I just say "It was doctor recommended". And she is always good with that. I just dont tell her which doctor, Atkins, Johnson, oz, phil.......you know!!!!
That takes the cake here!! i laughed so hard when i read this lol thanks!!
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Old 04-07-2012, 09:39 AM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiebubb View Post
I learned with my mom that when she asks, I just say "It was doctor recommended". And she is always good with that. I just dont tell her which doctor, Atkins, Johnson, oz, phil.......you know!!!!
Oh, Tanya, That's a good one. I'm going down to San Antonio this week to finalize Mom's Taxes and pay the attorney/CPA that prepares them. My first day there is an UD, so no problem. My Mom is advanced enough with dementia now I'm not sure she'll notice my DD the next day. I told her I had lost 10# recently and will just tell her eating light every other day seems to be doing the magic for me. I subsist mostly on vegetables and eggs on DD's. She's a veggie advocate, so I doubt she'll even notice.

My brother, on the other hand, is a nutrition fanatic and his next visit from Seattle, he is BOUND to notice the DD's. But I don't really care. Now THERE's the controlling one in my life. You'd think he'd give it up at age 65!!! As he is always want to say to me or my mother when he disapproves of something we do: "I guess we all get to make our own choices in life (food included)." I plan to remind him of that when he asks why I'm not eating more.
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