BiPolar~ Because we need our own thread~

[CurveControl]

Magic~ How do you sleep??

Seroquel has really been the only thing to ever put me to sleep without adding booze.

And I have tried a LOT of meds.

[magickal1]

honestly when i stick to stillmans diet and my meds i take up to 300mg of lamictal a day and 2 1 mg klonapin 3 times a day works for em but i can managae to get to sleep at 1or 2 am now but there used to be a time i was up for days then sleep 3 hours in the morning couldnt function but i get real manic at nite , life of the party at nite lol ok thats not funny but really when u said they put u on lamictal i was glad hope it works for u as it did for me , im very spiritual i practice shamanizm so i candle meditate alot that helps me , not sure if any of this will help u , but i hope it does but i always new i would get better when i was low carbing but when i took it to stillmans which is the strictest i think u can i started to be able to sleep ...... and by me being spiritual i use alot of natural herbs they help me alot theres a tea i make ill get the ingredients for u but no man made chemicals all natural essential oils and herbs i drink that at nite and does help ill have to look up in my book so i give u right my spelling is horrible gonna go get that for u now its really easy to make and u will like it for many reasons.....

[sweet&sugarfree]

Hi Heather, you crack me up a squeaky toy that doesn't squeak is no fun! OMG how true!

Molly, I really adore your attitude. Thinking you can do it is half the battle.

Wifezilla, love that name, you are so right about the caffine. I adore caffine and Diet Dew is the bomb. But it can make me jittery and not sleep and less peaceful.

Majical, Thats sounds really painful not being able to leave the house and fighting bipolar disorder at the same time. Hugs!

I think we are all taking the right step in taking care of ourselves. I am hoping every day to get stronger!

[Houston Heather]

Wow, Magick! You have lost an amazing amount of weight!

I tried making some tinctures and stuff but it didn't really work very well for me. My best sleeping pill is one of the house cats in the bed. If they're in with me I will sleep great.

Sorry to hear about Grandma, Molly. That's always tough. My "Good" grandma knew she would die soon. One of her last acts was rallying the family to support me after DH'S accident. You never know, though. DH was supposed to be an organ donor. We all know how that went.

[magickal1]

thx u all , and yes its hard but im getting alot better , really am so im doing more than i have in years and yes ive los 133 total so far thx chamomile, i ad a lil lemmon and lavander helps to sleep its worth a try i liek it but i love almost all natural herbs ...

[Houston Heather]

My favorite soap ever is Dr Bonners Rose.

DH said at first that I smelled like "Old Ladies". He's quiet about it now.

[dmvgirl]

My name is Val and I'm bi...... polar 150mg Lamictal a day, and a very (normal) happy camper. I think spent from 16 to 35 undiagnosed, did some crazy stuff and thank God met and married an angel right in the middle of it all. During the winter I used to take Wellbutrin, but man I got nasty, this winter I tried Lexapro and all I wanted to do was sleep. I'm so glad spring is here and I can get rid of the anti-depressents.

[cenicienta]

Hi Everyone!

Maybe you can help me or shed light on my situation. I think that I may have bipolar disorder. My mother and all of her sisters have it, so I wouldn't be surprised if I do too since it seems to run in families. I currently see a psychiatrist, but she doesn't think that I show signs of bipolar, that my current symptoms have more to do with anxiety in my life (my son has autism) than having bipolar disorder. I am currently on Zoloft and I keep going up in my dosage but it seems to poop out on me and then I have to go up to a higher dosage due to breakthrough depression.

Anyhow, I know what depression feels like, but I don't know what mania truly feels like. I think that I may have had one major episode of mania during college. At the time, I was not on any sort of antidepressants, nor was I a drug user nor an alcohol drinker. I was dating a guy but seeing other guys behind his back (yes, I know I was a rat). It was weird, when I was with these other guys (and when I say "with", I don't mean that sexually. Although there were about three that I actually slept with) I knew what I was doing was wrong, but didn't care and felt like I was living a totally different life apart from my real one. This "life" went on for about a year. It was my "real" life with my boyfriend and my "other" life with the other guys. It stopped for about six months and then it hit again for about another year or so. My boyfriend and I broke up after I confessed about what was happening. I became a Christian and met my husband, who was fully aware of all of my escapades.

Right now, my love for my husband and faith in God keeps me in check. I have no desire to seek out other men's attention. That being said, I think that I no longer have the wild mania, but hypomania. What happens now is that I get in moods in which I feel that I can do many things at once and I can accomplish anything like writing the next big novel (yeah....whatever) I feel very, very creative during this time and I am easily obessed by finding out as much as I can to help my son with autism which leads me to spend hours on the computer looking for the latest research. These days I feel very good about myself and feel emotionally stable, but then the bottom drops out. Some situation arises and boom...I am back in the "woe is me" or irritable, unhappy, tired place. Sometimes a situation doesn't even have to happen, I just feel depressed and feel like crying for no reason at all. In my mind, I know that my life is great, but I, for some reason feel like crying and feeling sorry for myself.

This hypomania waxes and wanes. It can last two to three days and then I am back to "normal" or a "woe is me" state. The crazy thing is that when I am in my "woe is me" state, I can put on a really good act in front of other people that I am not depressed and nothing is wrong. I think that all of my doctor's appointments fall on days where I am "normal". I never have gone in on one of my flight of ideas days. I have noticed my doctor studying my body language though. She has things on her table that you can fidget with and I always seem to pick them up to fidget with them. I see her looking at my hands when I do this. I describe to her what has been going on and she really doesn't make anything of it. Although, I must say that at our last appointment that she wanted me to schedule to see her a little sooner than normal. She was more concerned about the breakthrough depression I think.

Does any of this sort of describe what any of you went through/presently go through? When I go back and read what I just wrote and think that if someone else other than myself had written it, that I would be positive that they were suffering from bipolar disorder.

What are all of you taking to treat it? My mom is currently on Depakote. She tried others, but they didn't work for her. I can truly say that Depakote has been a huge blessing to her and our family. Growing up, all of us used to walk on eggshells with her. You would never know what would set her off. It took nearly 25 years for her to get the correct diagnosis. Isn't that sad?

Any input that you can send my way would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[wifezilla]

What happens now is that I get in moods in which I feel that I can do many things at once and I can accomplish anything like writing the next big novel (yeah....whatever) I feel very, very creative during this time and I am easily obessed by finding out as much as I can to help my son with autism which leads me to spend hours on the computer looking for the latest research. These days I feel very good about myself and feel emotionally stable, but then the bottom drops out.

Sounds BP to me. Also, mania can sometimes manifest itself as anxiety. Not everyone gets those soaring manias like my hubby.

Antidepressants alone aren't great for people with BP.

Hubby did well on lamictal. He hated lithium, but others love it. Another relative is on Depakote and Welbutrum. This is the only combo that has ever helped her.

Things are SOOOO individual. You have to have a doc that is willing to work with you. Just dismissing half of your problem isn't helping. Can you get a second opinion? Convince your current doc that regardless of what he wants to call it, you feel your total symptoms aren't being addressed???

[cenicienta]

Thanks Wifezilla!

My mother's bipolar is irritability, so I always have been looking out for that as well.

[CurveControl]

cenicienta~ sounds a lot like BiPo to me too. And the family history is a huge factor.
I would see another psych for a second opinion. Not that anyone wants to carry this diagnosis, but life is so much better when your meds are right.
Mostly I had mixed states and hypo mania, not true manias (thiough possibly 1 manic episode in college) But the depressions were deep an dark. My Mixed episodes were anger. My family walked on eggshells a lot too.

Hi Val! Wellbutrin made me mean too! Probably the worst, most dangerous mixed state I had was wellbutrin induced.

I have settled back into Seroquel 100mg at bedtime and 100 mg of Lamictal in the morning. with the occasional Xanax.

[cenicienta]

Hi!

I never quite understood what mixed states are. Could someone explain that to me? Is like being depressed and manic at the same time?

Funny that Wellbutrin is brought up. It was horrible, horrible, horrible for me. Made me more of an insomniac than I already am, mean as can be and anxiety attacks. Not a good one for me.

I can see clearly that I most likely had a couple of true manic episodes in college, but hypomania since then. Another question, do some people who have bipolar only have one truly bad manic episode in life and the rest could be just hypomania? I don't think that what I did in college would ever happen again (the thing with men), but fear that it might come back and manifest itself in a different way. You know, you guys are right. I really need to see another doctor. I have been through three psychiatrists already. One thought that bipolar was a possibility and wanted me on Effexor - I refused taking that one. The other two didn't think that I had a problem with bipolar.

It is not that I want the diagnosis, but I would love to be able to control my mood swings.

[magickal1]

well i can say when im manic i think i can do it all at the same time , super women!!!!!

[wifezilla]

do some people who have bipolar only have one truly bad manic episode in life and the rest could be just hypomania?

Well, my husband only had 1 depression episode. All the others were pure mania which gradually led up to psychosis.

[CurveControl]

I don't think mania always manifests the same way. The mania I had as a young adult was not something in my control, and while I was promiscuous when I was manic, It wasn't JUST the mania. I was a partier, I had lots of friends and we went out a lot, so meeting men was a part of my life then. Its not now, so I think if I had a true manic episode it would be more than likely and exacerbation of things I already do, Like shopping or cleaning.

For Me in a mixed episode I am very depressed, but and angry depressed more than a hopeless depressed.

I have been told that mixed is the dangerous state because one can be depressed enough for suicide and have the energy and determination to carry through.

I definably believe that.

[cenicienta]

Thanks Everyone for your input!!! I will have a heart to heart with my doc next time that I see her (in a few weeks).

[sweet&sugarfree]

Hi Cenicienta! I dont have any input but wanted to say hugs!
Hi Wifezilla! You are so right things are really individual!
Hi Magickal, you are right about mania, it scares me to death. I think Im invinsible and I dont have any control over my thoughts or behavior. The lithium keeps that at bay. I think of it as an insurance policy.
Hi Molly! I've never experienced mixed really but I think it could be really scary. I am either all or nothing!
Hi Heather!

I have to work all weekend. I had a good morning. I worked all night and I have a friend-who is cuter than cute hahaha- we eat together on payday fridays. So we did our breakfast and talked until noon which sucks because it means I have to work tonight on little sleep. But when your in love...you loose track of time! He is really sweet and an amazing listener.

I hope everyone has a great Memorial day weekend. It makes me feel really at home to have a bipolar thread here! I love my bipolar low carb friends!
Molly

[Houston Heather]

Mixed states for me: I wanted to kill myself and I felt like I had taken some "uppers" Or I was very angry and suicidal. Incredibly strong impulses to hurt myself and the desperate energy to do it. Molly's right, I'm a lot more liable to attempt suicide in a mixed state than a "straight" depressed state.

Manias for me start with talking a lot, then move to spending a lot, then move to being very angry and hostile (at this stage). Generally they don't get past the talking a lot because I have no problem taking an extra lithium if I need to. I also get extra symptoms of paranoia, hallucinations (seeing, hearing, smelling, and feeling things that aren't there), and compulsions - like the time I wanted to build a fallout shelter in the hall. I'm dead serious.

Mine is considered pretty bad because I was undiagnosed for years. They saw it as anxiety and post traumatic because I had a rough time as a toddler. Even though I told my parents I KNEW my 4 yo brother was going to kill me (I was 7), they asked the doctor, but every time they asked if I needed "help" they were told my brain was fine. I struggle with a lot of bitterness. My life would have been a lot easier had I been properly diagnosed at a young age.

I became so depressed at age 12 they put me on Prozac. I became intensely suicidal and "sought help" as they say. That's why they have the warning on the antidepressants now, a lot of kids like me get suicidal after taking them. I was hospitalized, my dose was doubled, and they sent me home after the insurance ran out. The antidepressants made me a bad kid. The real me is quiet and easygoing. Manic me was shoplifting, breaking rules, telling my parents to F off for the fun of it. Amazingly I remained a virgin until I met my husband.

They finally took me off the antidepressant when I was 17 and I settled down, but I was definitely getting manic by then. Again, my parents asked because my birth mother is bipolar. No, Heather is fine, she's had trauma. Ugh.

In my late teens my manias were more of the wild, sexy, adventurous type. DH loved it the first several years. "You're not like any other woman". Then they turned into mean manias.

I have heard that the longer the disease goes unmedicated, the worse it gets. It's called the kindling effect. Now I am a type 1 with mixed episodes, rapid cycling, delusions and hallucinations. I would hate to see how much worse it could get.

When I finally got diagnosed it was a huge relief. At least it could be medicated! DH had been on the verge of checking himself into a nursing home, it was so bad. He was willing to give up the business, the house, the cats, his whole life just to get away from me when I was sick. I remember that every day.

Now he is very happy, we both are. My medication isn't cheap, we make too much for charity, and we can't afford health insurance but we manage. The Lithium itself is pretty cheap.

With it getting hot quickly here, I got a little manic (just talking a lot). I took an extra lithium at lunchtime and I'm normal again. Maybe all the water I drank flushed some out? I don't know.

I gotta eat soon so I can take my fourth lithium pill. I don't want to get careless with dosing when I'm already manic.

[cenicienta]

It seems like a lot of you are talking about taking Lithium. My mom tried that too, but she had a bad reaction to it (couldn't move her body). I think that maybe her doctor had her on too high a dose, but she, and her doctors, are a little frightened about trying it again. She is doing so well on Depakote (minus the huge weight gain) that why mess with it now?

I have hypothyroidism, so I think that Lithium and my body might not get along so well. I also heard that starting up on it is kind of hard on the body (feeling sick etc.) One of my obsessive things is fear of getting sick to my stomach. I know, it's silly, but that is just me. I have gotten a little better with this since starting the Zoloft.

What were your experiences starting off on Lithium? How soon did it take effect and you started to feel better/get things under control?

For you rapid cyclers, do you find that you tend to cycle more before you get your period? I have noticed the last several days that I am majorly PMSing. My mood can change on a dime.

[Houston Heather]

I felt better almost right away on lithium, it was like eating when I'm hungry. "Oh, THAT'S it, mmmmmm..." I felt like my brain was saying. It helped with the bad thoughts right away. I wanted to take it, starting at about day 2. My mother had done well on Lithium but it never worked for her if she drank. I was a little bit of a zombie the first day or two but he started me on 3 meds all at once (and I was a wreck too). I told my doctor I wanted to start on Lithium because I felt more comfortable with the side effects. I only have the fatigue now (I need a nap every day) when I eat low carb. I had other side effects when I ate sugar, mainly low blood sugar and dizzy spells (due to antidepressant). My antispychotic causes diabetes. My sister had a low blood sugar seizure on it so her DR took her off but I've been OK. I'm just aware I need to eat l/c or that will be me, too.

I have never had a problem with stomach upset if I took it with a real meal, a couple of eggs and some bacon/a chef salad with some cheese and meat/a ready-to-drink low-carb shake, etc. I will get a little indigestion and burning if I don't eat enough when I take it. I think it helps me to eat more often too, I have to take it in the morning, noon, and evening. My urine smells awful. No one told me to expect that. I urinate more and drink more water because I generally have the dry mouth. I had a metal mouth taste for a couple of weeks at first but that went away, too.

I really like what my DR does (maybe because I have brain damage too), he started me on a very low dose (600 mg), and went up very slowly until we arrived at the 1200 I take every day. He did lots of lithium blood level testing. I was able to tell him "I need to take more lithium" and he would order the blood test, see my level was low, and increase it. He's a very good listener and he says I know my body/brain better than anyone. I have to ride 2 hours each way to see him but he's worth it. I have heard that some docs start at a high dose and see how that works. NO THANKS.

Hope that helps! I'm gonna go make a lazy woman's chocolate protein shake for dinner. It's nice in the house but too hot to cook!

[Houston Heather]

Here's a question I've been meaning to ask:
Do you ever have really detailed dreams? If you sleep too long, do they get creepy?

I seem to be the only person I know who can have these long detailed dreams, one example is a dream I have about getting to the airport to catch a flight, I can see the color of the carpet, the uniforms of the attendants, the other people on the concourse...stuff like that. Of course I'm dreaming so there's a mall in the airport too, the mall has 3 levels.... when I tell people they just look at me like I have 3 heads.

Maybe it is bipolar? Maybe it's just me? I'd love to hear if anyone else has really detailed dreams like that. You don't have to tell me what they are but I'm curious.

They did get a lot closer to what DH describes as "normal" dreams once I started on my meds.

[dmvgirl]

"Anyhow, I know what depression feels like, but I don't know what mania truly feels like. I think that I may have had one major episode of mania during college. At the time, I was not on any sort of antidepressants, nor was I a drug user nor an alcohol drinker. I was dating a guy but seeing other guys behind his back (yes, I know I was a rat). It was weird, when I was with these other guys (and when I say "with", I don't mean that sexually. Although there were about three that I actually slept with) I knew what I was doing was wrong, but didn't care and felt like I was living a totally different life apart from my real one. This "life" went on for about a year. It was my "real" life with my boyfriend and my "other" life with the other guys. It stopped for about six months and then it hit again for about another year or so. My boyfriend and I broke up after I confessed about what was happening. I became a Christian and met my husband, who was fully aware of all of my escapades.

Right now, my love for my husband and faith in God keeps me in check. I have no desire to seek out other men's attention. That being said, I think that I no longer have the wild mania, but hypomania. What happens now is that I get in moods in which I feel that I can do many things at once and I can accomplish anything like writing the next big novel (yeah....whatever) I feel very, very creative during this time and I am easily obessed by finding out as much as I can to help my son with autism which leads me to spend hours on the computer looking for the latest research. These days I feel very good about myself and feel emotionally stable, but then the bottom drops out. Some situation arises and boom...I am back in the "woe is me" or irritable, unhappy, tired place. Sometimes a situation doesn't even have to happen, I just feel depressed and feel like crying for no reason at all. In my mind, I know that my life is great, but I, for some reason feel like crying and feeling sorry for myself."

This was me to a T!

[dmvgirl]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

Here's a question I've been meaning to ask:
Do you ever have really detailed dreams? If you sleep too long, do they get creepy?

I seem to be the only person I know who can have these long detailed dreams, one example is a dream I have about getting to the airport to catch a flight, I can see the color of the carpet, the uniforms of the attendants, the other people on the concourse...stuff like that. Of course I'm dreaming so there's a mall in the airport too, the mall has 3 levels.... when I tell people they just look at me like I have 3 heads.

Maybe it is bipolar? Maybe it's just me? I'd love to hear if anyone else has really detailed dreams like that. You don't have to tell me what they are but I'm curious.

They did get a lot closer to what DH describes as "normal" dreams once I started on my meds.

I do when I sleep in too long. If I get up to take the dogs out or something at 7am, then go back to sleep the dreams are bizzare. 2 days ago I had one about Cooperhead snakes living right outside my patio door and my son opening the door and they almost flew in to bite him. I could see the markings and coloring on the snake, which t-shirt DS was wearing, I saw everything probably in better detail than if it happened IRL.

[wifezilla]

I have a friend with autism who dreams like that. Of course, she has trouble telling dreams from awake a lot....so who knows. It is a brain thang.