HCG and food/diet/body issues, working with the inner self.

[minimonkey]

Well -- I think doing EMDR on myself to try to shift other peoples' energy might be just a little *too* esoteric for me, at the moment -- but I can certainly do it to shift my own energies.

I am way overloaded -- and way under soothed -- though I am feeling a bit better today, as the hormones calm down.

As much as I love my roommate a lot of the time, she gets very jealous if the focus of the household is on anything but her -- so I am in need of soothing, and she is creating drama so that *she* gets the soothing (she is always having to be the one hurting the most) -- and so I can't focus on the things I need to do (hence withdrawing my attention from her). This is a constant pattern -- and if she doesn't get her way, she keeps upping the ante until things explode (picking fights, doing things to cause discord, and so forth). It is like living with a petulant teenager.

This is one of those things that I wonder about ... why do I live with someone like this?

As for the "middle position" -- it may be safe on the dieting front, but it sure isn't on the thesis front! Sadly, it is a common dynamic when hugely egocentric, great minds are trying to work together -- and that is just what is happening with the two members of my thesis committee. Neither one will give ground.

I don't have the energy to do a lot of work around the emotions right now -- I just need to be able to move through all of this without breaking down and quitting altogether.

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

Well -- I think doing EMDR on myself to try to shift other peoples' energy might be just a little *too* esoteric for me, at the moment -- but I can certainly do it to shift my own energies.

I am way overloaded -- and way under soothed -- though I am feeling a bit better today, as the hormones calm down.

As much as I love my roommate a lot of the time, she gets very jealous if the focus of the household is on anything but her -- so I am in need of soothing, and she is creating drama so that *she* gets the soothing (she is always having to be the one hurting the most) -- and so I can't focus on the things I need to do (hence withdrawing my attention from her). This is a constant pattern -- and if she doesn't get her way, she keeps upping the ante until things explode (picking fights, doing things to cause discord, and so forth). It is like living with a petulant teenager.

This is one of those things that I wonder about ... why do I live with someone like this?

As for the "middle position" -- it may be safe on the dieting front, but it sure isn't on the thesis front! Sadly, it is a common dynamic when hugely egocentric, great minds are trying to work together -- and that is just what is happening with the two members of my thesis committee. Neither one will give ground.

I don't have the energy to do a lot of work around the emotions right now -- I just need to be able to move through all of this without breaking down and quitting altogether.

Well,

Is there anything you can let go of in your household,
whether its emotional or physical,
to free up a bit more of your energy so you can sustain yourself?

I saw a lot of things during my processing to do with my man yesterday that showed me that he is just not going to do it for me.
I have been mothering him, in the sense of catering to all his immaturities,
and allowing for them/him;
while really actually getting nothing out of the relationship for myself.
Virtually none of my real needs are getting met.
In short, he is creaming me, sucking me dry, and not returning me any favours, or doing me any favours.
And I am not doing myself any favours by
continuing to allow it!

So I pulled all the psychic boundaries in close around myself,
and mentally severed the connection,
and deleted all his numbers.

[shelbyla]

Oh Nola! You are incredibly beautiful. You don't know how much! I just wish you could see your physical self through my eyes. You are amazing. And your soul frankly just shines with goodness. Please have a care for yourself. You ARE wonderful. Really. Truly.

[SueQ]

Originally Posted by nola baxter

Well,

So I pulled all the psychic boundaries in close around myself,
and mentally severed the connection,
and deleted all his numbers.

I love this imagery. My friend talks about how we protect our own energy by "unplugging" from other people's negative energy. She visualizes cords coming out of her abdomen with electrical type plugs going into certain people, and in her visualization, unplugs them. She also fills the void with pink light (unconditional love) so as not to leave a "void".

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by SueQ

I love this imagery. My friend talks about how we protect our own energy by "unplugging" from other people's negative energy. She visualizes cords coming out of her abdomen with electrical type plugs going into certain people, and in her visualization, unplugs them. She also fills the void with pink light (unconditional love) so as not to leave a "void".

I like the idea of "unplugging" from others negative energy. Too often we end up "wearing it!" , or taking it on ourselves.
(probably my next post! - this issue has come up for me in a big way over the past two days;
I am still processing all the ins and outs of it)

In this case I feel the need for protection- because I know he will try to hook into my energy again (on seen and unseen levels) and drain me dry with no or negligible return.

It is not a conscious mechanism, but more a result of his underlying angers, hates, and conflicts/resentments towards women;
where he is afraid of them and wants to pay them back for the (perceived) loss of his power (past and present).. (because of all of the ways in which he feels they have "power over" him..)

He will never "love" a woman, because he will always be "hating" them at the same time - in his inner psyche and through his unconscious "killing" behaviours.
He wants to "break" them (good term thanks Mini), and then once he has "broken" them, he leaves them lying on the ground , and in derision, because they have been proved no longer "good" enough for him -
because they "succumbed" to him, which means they must be worth sh**
because he actually hates and loathes himself and considers himself as worth less than nothing,
at the deeper levels.

In a nutshell..

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by shelbyla

Oh Nola! You are incredibly beautiful. You don't know how much! I just wish you could see your physical self through my eyes. You are amazing. And your soul frankly just shines with goodness. Please have a care for yourself. You ARE wonderful. Really. Truly.

Ah , Shelby, thankyou! That is lovely of you to say it.

Though it is true;
that I dont think it would even matter if I was a supermodel right now-
I would still be feeling as ugly as sin!
It is all this inner stuff, when I feel it it has the capacity make me feel so ugly,
through and through.
I just trust that at the end of it, when I have shunted it all on -
that I will feel better on the inside and the out.

[nola baxter]

I was thinking over my last conversation with my man, and why I was feeling so "sick" about it , and angry and "violated".
Then the word came to me "accountability". He doesnt want to be made accountable for his thoughts , actions words etc.!
He was wiggling out of it, leaving me carrying it all,
and leaving me as the unwitting and unwilling recipient of all his crap!
(unwitting and unwilling - because it is a subtle mechanism that is hard to perceive and defend yourself from)
And at the same time, he was inadvertently making me responsible for it.

Then I "saw" (and am continuing to see), all the ways in my life where I have "worn it"
for someone else!
Sadly, I have spent my whole life in fact, "wearing" other peoples stuff.
I have taken inner and outer blame for things which I am not actually to blame for.
I have made myself "accountable" for all of those other people's stuff-
ie, I have made their burdens , my burdens!
I made it my fault (unconsciously), so I had to take all the burden and responsibility of it.

The initiatory experience for me was in abuse where I "wore it" in so many painful and excruciating ways!
This set me up for continuing to wear it for the rest of my life, because I had unwittingly taken (and accepted?) the blame,
despite the parts of me that felt anguished and innocent and profoundly misjudged.

Literally I "wore" him,
and;

--- I wore the abuse emotionally- all the rage, anger, hate, conflicts and resentments that he felt (why he was abusing in the first place),
were pumped into the me -
I became the offload site - the rubbish dump!

---I wore it because I unknowingly made myself as the guilty one;
though on one level I felt profoundly innocent and wronged,
at another level I felt I must be something bad or horrid or disgusting that he could be doing this to me! ,
and within the twistings of my psyche made it so that I actually "deserved it", on some level or other.

---I wore it in other ways
ie, my abuser was not brought to account.
So I wore all the shame and guilt and pain and anguish,
and had to suffer all the emotions involved without anywhere to offload it.
There was no where else to put it, no one else had been made responsible for it, so I had to "hold it all" within myself. (and I have still been holding it- feeling like I cant let it go?)
No on else was made "accountable" for it,
so I took it on and made it and believed it to be "accountable" to me.
(ie, it was because of me , something wrong with me, it was my fault)

I was either not believed, or it was not known, or I was not protected in the situation-
so I "wore it" there too:
While the abuser carryed on his normal life as a respected member of society,
I was left carrying an enormous load of shamefulness, pain, anguish etc,
and the inner sense of being an "exile" from society.
That I was something foul and disgusting and shameful, that needed to be hidden, and that I needed to "hide" myself (fat, and other ways of hiding..)
I became the "carrier" of all his stuff!


Well, it is enabling me to see and understand more of the patterns of my life;
and how I have never been able to bring myself to stick up for myself,
or bring myself to make others to be accountable for their actions towards me.
I have let myself be downtrodden in so many ways.

However I have already noticed that I am starting to spontaneously speak up for myself, and for my son , a whole lot more.
I just open my mouth now, and it comes out.
Whereas before, I always had an inner mechanism that kind of locked me into a certain place (the place of a victim?),
and made it virtually impossible for me to say anything!
"I just felt I couldnt say anything!"

Ah, yes - thats it..
This mechanism of "wearing" it ;
has made me a victim over and over again in my life,
where I have continued to "wear" stuff , that is not mine to wear!
I have allowed myself to continue to be abused, because it is my fault (at a subconscious level), not their fault,
so I take it on both within myself (take emotional responsibililty for others),
and without myself (taking on others physical burdens in life, or responsibilities, or whatever)

Taking on other peoples loads.. and becoming "overloaded"!
No wonder my body wants to get fat.. lol -
it is externally manifestating the "overloading",
and an internal manifestation of the need to be heavier, in order to be able to carry the "load" (emotional?)

[nola baxter]

I was going into the kitchen to make/eat food the other day when this thought came to me
"hunger is an instinct"
And it was coming to me, hunger and eating is meant to be instinctual,
and instinctually driven?
Not a planned , premeditated, carefully thought out event? ( lol..nearly my entire life)

ie ; when the body is hungry it drives us to food, and often to a certain type of food,
and that is how it is meant to be?

We are not supposed to "second think" it.

The bodies instinct of hunger, and for certain foods is there for a reason:
it is our bodies communication to us about what it needs?

So when we deny our "instincts" we are denying our body,
unwittingly punishing our body
not trusting in our body,
not believing in our body ,
or something of a similar vein,
( underlying unconscious mechanisms)
??

Working on it..
but I do notice now, that my eating is a lot more instinctive,
and that it no longer feels so right to deny my body's hunger or the specific food I feel like eating,
and also that I am kinder to my body during exercise!
I no longer want to push myself past a certain barrier of uncomfortability, and it feels wrong/yuck, to try to do so.

[nola baxter]

I have been thinking,
and noticing, that with every belief and desire we have , there seems to be an equal and opposite one.

ie, I want to be thin/lean;
however, I have discovered within myself many sabotaging factors, and
ways in which conflicting parts of me
are not wanting to be lean, and in fact, are wanting to be fat!

So I thought;
We manifest what is inside of us- whether we realize those things or are aware of them or not.

So therefore, if I am currently manifesting "fat"
then the balance of beliefs and needs within me are more to the fat side.

And if I am manifesting "thin";
then the balance of needs and reasons within are more to the thin side.

So if I want to be thin, I need to have more reasons and more parts within me that are wanting to be thin,
than parts within me that are wanting to be fat!

And if I look at the path of my life, mostly, in order to be thin, I have had to fight and force my body;
with the underlying obvious deduction being that my body, and inner self,
has had more reasons for being fat;
than my logical mind,
which wants to be thin.

So in order to be "naturally thin",
ie, thin in a way that is unforced,
by just eating and following the bodies natural appetite without artificial
restrictions;
then I need to have removed from within myself enough of the sabotaging factors by which my body has been wanting to be fat-
to swing the balance back to the thin side!

I have literally processed screeds of sabotaging factors- nearly everything in my psyche seemed to be connected to thin and fat!
But I am still not manifesting thin (thought I was but the tide swung back again);
so there is still more to go.
Or is there a king pin I can remove, so the whole house falls down?
(the whole house of sabotaging thin..lol)

[minimonkey]

Interesting insight, indeed, Nola!

I am staying away from the heavy processing for the time being -- I've unearthed a lot of stuff lately, and I am still working through that -- and the additional academic stress on top of that is plenty for me to handle -- but I do want to keep reading and posting here.

I'm feeling a bit better on the whole, though the external situation has gone nowhere at all -- I'm just going to write tomorrow, and try not to worry what anyone has to say about it.

I'm starting to feel depleted on this round already (only 15 days in)-- but I would so like to hit goal and be done with that part of things, I am going to try to keep going, and see what happens. I may have to add a little bit more protein, though, in order to keep from getting so depleted that it interferes with my ability to function well.

As long as I keep seeing results, I can keep going with this -- even slow results are worth it.

[SueQ]

Mini, I am doing affirmation work and came across this one you might like. "I allow life to flow through me." Seems like a good one given that you don't want to do a lot of deep work and just be able to process through stuff.

Hang in there, 15 days is only 9 away from 23 if you end up wanting to make it a short round. Must be time for a lb to two to melt off

Nola, love the fat/thin concept. I'm going to think about that when I have a little bit more time.

Shelby, good to see you pop in and love on Nola

I am sooo excited about my first P3 day tomorrow. I have my food mostly planned and it isn't over the top, but lots of yummy ideas in there. Eggs, bacon, alfalfa and brussel sprouts, mushrooms, asparagus, chicken, papaya...I'm drooling so i better just go to bed so tomorrow can get here!

[minimonkey]

I can probably get away with holding on to the new bottle for a week or two after it comes if I don't open it.... so if I want to do a short p3 break, I can. The supplier says that is ok, in any case -- they sell two bottle sets for long rounds. I may opt to do just that if I don't stop feeling so depleted -- we'll see. And, we'll see where I am on the scale at this time next week, too --

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

Interesting insight, indeed, Nola!

I am staying away from the heavy processing for the time being -- I've unearthed a lot of stuff lately, and I am still working through that -- and the additional academic stress on top of that is plenty for me to handle -- but I do want to keep reading and posting here.

I'm feeling a bit better on the whole, though the external situation has gone nowhere at all -- I'm just going to write tomorrow, and try not to worry what anyone has to say about it.

I'm starting to feel depleted on this round already (only 15 days in)-- but I would so like to hit goal and be done with that part of things, I am going to try to keep going, and see what happens. I may have to add a little bit more protein, though, in order to keep from getting so depleted that it interferes with my ability to function well.

As long as I keep seeing results, I can keep going with this -- even slow results are worth it.

Just writing what you want sounds good Mini - and on the mark.
Let yourself flow, and maybe everything else will flow around you?
(Sue's affirmation..lol)

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

I can probably get away with holding on to the new bottle for a week or two after it comes if I don't open it.... so if I want to do a short p3 break, I can. The supplier says that is ok, in any case -- they sell two bottle sets for long rounds. I may opt to do just that if I don't stop feeling so depleted -- we'll see. And, we'll see where I am on the scale at this time next week, too --

I would go with the P3 break, and flow with your body too?

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by SueQ

Mini, I am doing affirmation work and came across this one you might like. "I allow life to flow through me." Seems like a good one given that you don't want to do a lot of deep work and just be able to process through stuff.

Hang in there, 15 days is only 9 away from 23 if you end up wanting to make it a short round. Must be time for a lb to two to melt off

Nola, love the fat/thin concept. I'm going to think about that when I have a little bit more time.

Shelby, good to see you pop in and love on Nola

I am sooo excited about my first P3 day tomorrow. I have my food mostly planned and it isn't over the top, but lots of yummy ideas in there. Eggs, bacon, alfalfa and brussel sprouts, mushrooms, asparagus, chicken, papaya...I'm drooling so i better just go to bed so tomorrow can get here!

Lol ! enjoy all the food, it sounds good. Heaven after a P2..

I like the affirmation, I will affirm it for myself .

I see you are giving Mini different advice re diet.. lol
I know she will do what she will do anyway! No stopping that girl

[minimonkey]

Your advice isn't different, actually -- I'll definitely be finishing the minimum dosing round plus three days -- so that's not at stake. What IS at stake is whether I roll right into the second bottle and do a long round with no interruption, or whether I interrupt between legs of the round.

I will play that one by ear -- if I am feeling ok, and if there isn't a built in delay due to shipping issues, I think I will just roll right into it. I am feeling pretty good this morning, all things considered -- and the scale continues to drop, which is a big motivator.

[C'Marie]

Hey ladies.

Busy busy I am right now, so much so that the chest tightness starts up again with constrained throat muscles and everything. It's almost an inside-outside type of feeling, like I can feel it happening but it's happening to *someone else* not me, like I'm an observer. I literally am sometimes forgetting to breathe deeply. We have 2 audits going besides normal client load during our busy season and computer problems and my weight isn't so far staying stable in this P3 and classes/homework are ongoing..... Yikes. No wonder I feel stressed. But I have some supremely happy moments too, anyway, or in spite of it all.

Just stopping by to say hello. I do read but I don't comment much at this point. We all have such similar issues it's quite revealing. I think about what you all are saying and realize you're blazing a bit of a trail for me. Thanks, and (((HUGS))).

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

Your advice isn't different, actually -- I'll definitely be finishing the minimum dosing round plus three days -- so that's not at stake. What IS at stake is whether I roll right into the second bottle and do a long round with no interruption, or whether I interrupt between legs of the round.

I will play that one by ear -- if I am feeling ok, and if there isn't a built in delay due to shipping issues, I think I will just roll right into it. I am feeling pretty good this morning, all things considered -- and the scale continues to drop, which is a big motivator.

Well, do what you feel.
Though a break could be good- and also give you some clues as to whether you are going to stabilize successfully or not?

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by C'Marie

Hey ladies.

Busy busy I am right now, so much so that the chest tightness starts up again with constrained throat muscles and everything. It's almost an inside-outside type of feeling, like I can feel it happening but it's happening to *someone else* not me, like I'm an observer. I literally am sometimes forgetting to breathe deeply. We have 2 audits going besides normal client load during our busy season and computer problems and my weight isn't so far staying stable in this P3 and classes/homework are ongoing..... Yikes. No wonder I feel stressed. But I have some supremely happy moments too, anyway, or in spite of it all.

Just stopping by to say hello. I do read but I don't comment much at this point. We all have such similar issues it's quite revealing. I think about what you all are saying and realize you're blazing a bit of a trail for me. Thanks, and (((HUGS))).

That chest tightness and constrained throat muscles sounds like a very telling and important issue Marie. Something is knocking at your door!
I would say dont put it aside for too long... It seems important.
Look after yourself, first and foremost..

I am glad for the happy moments!

[nola baxter]

I went to the gym yesterday, and did one of my long workouts- 2.5 hrs.
I blasted every muscle I could, and at the end I was doing farmers walks with 45kg dumbells, and still feeling pretty good!
And I felt really glad, and ecstatic, for the power and strength that I could feel in my body, and being connected to that.
I am working within more of my comfort zone in exercise now, and it feels good - and far kinder to the body.

I can feel more muscles when I walk now- I can feel more of the legs, inner thighs and abs, and kind of working together in a concert,
something that I didnt feel before.
Sometimes I feel like my body is walking itself! or the muscles are walking my body? something like that..
I think its a result of being more connected to my body and feeling more "within" and "inside" of it.

My son wanted to go to a buffet restaurant yesterday, so we did, though I didnt really care too much for it myself. However I enjoyed the food- and ate as I pleased..
I noticed I was not nearly as hungry as I normally would be when I go there- because in the past I would eat less for a couple of days beforehand so I would be truly hungry and ready for it!
But now I am generally so well fed,
and am not in any depleted or deprived state,
that I do not need to eat so much to bring myself up to the level of normal satiation or hunger fulfillment.

I find my hunger is very even and flowing, I eat and satisfy it without too much overthinking.
There are times when I do a little mental freakout and think - I am going to gain weight, or I am never going to lose this weight, or similar.
But I still continue to eat and feed my body to its needed level of satiation and satisfaction- because that is what feels right at good at the body level these days.

[minimonkey]

Well -- it remains to be seen how well I will or won't stabilize -- but the fat is dropping off like crazy right now. Not a whole lot of movement on the scale this past week (TOM) -- but the inch loss is nuts -- and it is ALL coming off the lower body!!!

Nola -- I love times like that when I can really feel my muscles working when I move-- it is such a cool feeling! I am very, very glad that you have found a place of peace with eating, and I applaud you for doing so.

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

but the fat is dropping off like crazy right now. Not a whole lot of movement on the scale this past week (TOM) -- but the inch loss is nuts -- and it is ALL coming off the lower body!!!

Wow, I'm jealous! I've got to get that going on for myself somehow!


TOM here too..

[nola baxter]

Processing in my sleep!

The last four nights I have noticed I have been processing in my sleep, using phrases and things, and actually feeling energy shifts in the body at times, so that I know its not just my head going round and round!
I notice these things in my moments of wakefulness or semi-wakefulness during the night.

Last night I was dreaming and processing , phrases were in my head,
"having no rights"
"having no power"
and I was dreaming about doing ab rollouts (a hard exercise), and showing one of my gym friends how I could do it now (the hardest version of it- which I hadnt been able to do before).
I was waking around this point and started to reflect on the phrases that were coming into my mind;
"being divided from within, divided from within, having no power, no rights.."

So I got up and scribbled randomly in my writing book;
"no power, not connected,
more connection, more power, more rights.."
having no rights from within, no rights within.."
No power over myself, divided from myself, divided from my core,
"no core power"

At which point I realised my dream! Ab rollouts are about having power in the core- "core power"

Then I saw and understood more ;
When I am not connected to within, I have no "core power";
ie, I am not connected to my core,
and cannot access that power from within,
because I am not truly connected to or connecting to , myself!

I know there is a lot more to be seen and understood on this issue, because I have only just got the initial look in, and there is more there..
and there is something to do with "having no rights" too..

But I just thought I would write that for now, because it was interesting,
and synchronistic the way it was working between the dream and the phrases..

[ellenalesa]

Just wanted to say hi. I am on VLCD Day 2. I had done 14 days and lost 4.5 pounds so I decided to start over. I am back to my preload weight, which is only .5 up from "all" the weight I lost in 14 days.

Mini, so glad the inches are coming off! How are you going to transition to P3, when the time comes?

Shelby, looking at your stats gives me hope! Do you have a journal?

Sue, lucky you, P3. Enjoy! I can't WAIT to get back there.

Nola, I really get what you're saying about manifesting fat or thin. I want my physical form to reflect who I am, and this excess weight is NOT how I see myself....except, of course, for the fact that I often take on more than I need to and use food to medicate.

One of the things I am doing is learning how to speak my truth. In the past, I would never stand up for myself because I feared confrontation. I had so little self esteem that I needed approval, even if I didn't particularly like/respect/admire the person/people whose approval I sought.

I am starting to read books about communicating, and learning how not to be co-dependent.

I look forward to the day that I can eat in a way that works for my body and not have to keep dieting/bingeing/self loathing. I am in the process of creating that for myself now.

[minimonkey]

Ellen -- I am going to try a slow transition to p3, I think -- just add foods in slowly -- one at a time -- and a couple hundred extra calories a day and make sure I stay stable.

I've gone a bit more rogue due to seriously tanking energy, so am hoping I can keep losing on an 800 calorie plan that includes more protein and a little bit of fat. If so, the transition to p3 shouldn't be too drastic -- though I will definitely up the fat in p3.

I will probably do fat fasts for the correction days.

[minimonkey]

Nola -- the processing in your sleep is crazy cool -- I think most of us do our best processing while dreaming!

[ellenalesa]

[QUOTE=minimonkey;15439990]E I've gone a bit more rogue due to seriously tanking energy, so am hoping I can keep losing on an 800 calorie plan that includes more protein and a little bit of fat. If so, the transition to p3 shouldn't be too drastic -- though I will definitely up the fat in p3.
/QUOTE]

That is right along the lines of what I'm trying to do. Start out on protocol...actually trying to stay at 500 calories (ish, may be a bit more than 500). Will up calories via protein if I need to, and may even add in the fruit/popcorn at a later time.

If I really start to feel crappish, I will add some fat in, and then try to come back to protocol.

Good luck!

[minimonkey]

Good luck to you too, Ellen -- I hope we both have success with this.

If I don't have to come back to protocol, I won't -- but I'll do it if that is what it takes. I felt quite a lot better today, though, with a little more food.

[SueQ]

Just popping in to say hi! I've been working a lot but P3 so far is going well. I wanted to apologize for raving about the food I wanted to eat when you all are still on P2. That probably wasn't very nice. I was just excited and didn't think about it. Hopefully will have a lot more downtime this weekend and can say more than hello!

[ellenalesa]

I have to confess, I am feeling very uncomfortable lately. Reading these posts has made me start thinking about my relationship with food.

Cheryl just posted on another thread about being a closet eater, to which I replied that eating in secret is MUCH more satisfying that eating what I want in public. WHY? It's the same food...but sneaking it is more like a "F*** you" to whoever/whatever is troubling me.

Maybe because no one can judge me?

Also, I can then shovel it in as fast as I want, I don't have to mind my manners. Now THAT's embarrassing to admit!

I have used food to take care of myself for years. And when life is going well, I am able to lose/maintain EFFORTLESSLY. When I feel stressed, I use food.

I think I need to find better ways to comfort myself.