HCG and food/diet/body issues, working with the inner self.

[minimonkey]

I think I have a lot of that going on as well, Nola -- particularly about the gut, which has been a big problem for me (of course, not all of that is from the abuse -- some of it is organic, from the Lyme and the long years on antibiotics).

I am still in fear, though -- and still fighting my body -- the scale was up today, so it may well be that I am already stalling out.... I hope not. It's too early to tell anything -- I had a lousy night's sleep, am under a lot of stress, and my gut (yes, that!) is unhappy with me at the moment, so any one of those things could be responsible for the scale.

I am riding it out this round -- continuing to do the inner work -- and continuing to do the outer work as well --- lots of internal ugliness coming to the surface, though, and I think that must represent some kind of progress.

[minimonkey]

I must say, it is truly wonderful to hear that you are feeling joyful and free -- you absolutely deserve that!!!

[nola baxter]

At the moment I have observed that my body does seem to be shedding fat out of proportion to any calorie deficit.
For a few days (maybe 4) - I was eating about 2400 - 2800.
Which was when I was still using some artificial restraint (eating a bit less than my hunger would dictate).
Now that I have fully let go, I am eating a good 3000 or a bit more.

Which ends up a negligible amount of lesser calories eaten;
but my face and body is reflecting more than that in terms of
actual fat shedding.

I even afraid to to say it in case I jinx the results - lol!

I gained weight, eating an average amount of calories (for me);
and now I appear to be losing- with an amount that looks like it is going to end up at the same calorie level!

Time will show more of what is going to happen , for one way or the other!

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

I think I have a lot of that going on as well, Nola -- particularly about the gut, which has been a big problem for me (of course, not all of that is from the abuse -- some of it is organic, from the Lyme and the long years on antibiotics).

I am still in fear, though -- and still fighting my body -- the scale was up today, so it may well be that I am already stalling out.... I hope not. It's too early to tell anything -- I had a lousy night's sleep, am under a lot of stress, and my gut (yes, that!) is unhappy with me at the moment, so any one of those things could be responsible for the scale.

I am riding it out this round -- continuing to do the inner work -- and continuing to do the outer work as well --- lots of internal ugliness coming to the surface, though, and I think that must represent some kind of progress.

A few of your phrases are flashing out at me Mini- keynotes?

"riding out this round" , having to "ride it out"?
"stalling out"?
and
"fighting my body" ( what are you fighting your body about? is it something your body trying to tell you or show you?)
"gut is unhappy"- (your gut instinct telling you you are doing something that is not advantageous?)

And "organic".. its organic? , somehow that stuck out too?
I suspect its origin may not be organic?
Or - its not organic in the way you think it might be?
or -your body has made it organic (your body encoded the original abuse/cause- made it 'organic")?

"I am still in fear"- being inside of fear- or within fear- brings an image to me of being literally encapsulated within fear,
enclosed within a circle of fear, so that you cant see out and around it- maybe to a different world-scape (is it a word - lol?)

Are you okay for me to say this stuff?

Words flash for me like neon lights at the moment, and I see the myriad of meanings and manifestations of them,
both within myself,
and when I hear other people saying them.
I find it hard to say nothing sometimes- and mainly think I should keep my mouth shut;
but I am trying to work out the time/times when it is good and appropriate to say something!

[minimonkey]

Totally ok to say that stuff -- in fact, I very much appreciate it.

I hear you loud and clear on the "riding it out" phrase -- it's amazing how much of that is in my language. And yes, I do feel encapsulated in fear.

I guess the organic/not organic distinction isn't terribly useful -- except to say that there are factors other than the abuse involved -- bacteria, antibiotics, and so forth. But all of it becomes organic at a point -- by organic, I simply mean physical as opposed to mental.

Who knows how much is the abuse and how much is the Lyme? The current thinking on Lyme going chronic is that there is a genetic type that is most succeptable (sp?) to it -- but in any event, healing the body/mind connection can only help the healing process as a whole.

[minimonkey]

Speaking of organic vs. not -- I feel like bursting into tears today -- and I can't figure out how much of that is emotional, and how much might be hormones. This mind/body stuff is a pain in my jiggly butt...lol!

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

Totally ok to say that stuff -- in fact, I very much appreciate it.

I hear you loud and clear on the "riding it out" phrase -- it's amazing how much of that is in my language. And yes, I do feel encapsulated in fear.

I guess the organic/not organic distinction isn't terribly useful -- except to say that there are factors other than the abuse involved -- bacteria, antibiotics, and so forth. But all of it becomes organic at a point -- by organic, I simply mean physical as opposed to mental.

Who knows how much is the abuse and how much is the Lyme? The current thinking on Lyme going chronic is that there is a genetic type that is most succeptable (sp?) to it -- but in any event, healing the body/mind connection can only help the healing process as a whole.

Yep, I know that that is what you did mean , about it being organic;
physical rather than mental/emotional in origin.

Though,
this is the way the phrase came at me;
I understood it like this;
"the body making it organic"
the body has made it organic!
Like this;
the body makes the original abuse/trauma organic,
it becomes part of the warp and woof of the body (and soul),
becomes part of the "organic" substance of the body,
literally forms the organic substance of the body.

What is coming to me,
(I know this is way way out in the left field and I may be marked as a crazy woman!)
- is how words are made manifest in our body.
Or to put it a few other ways;
words are encrypted in our body, and we manifest them
we encrypt words in the cells of our body
the cells of the body are "ENCRYPTED" by our words!!!

Like this;
The very substance and cells of our body, our DNA code,
are somehow made or encrypted by words.
Our words, or others words, or words from somewhere, create an encryption that manifests a code or a command to our body.

If I say or think; "eating dairy makes me fat" the body obediently complies by gaining weight!

Ok- I know I havent got the full pic here- but just putting out the bits I can explain so far.

Related bits-
In the bible
(I think there are spiritual truths encoded in the bible- though a lot of it has been interpreted detrimentally)
it says;
"In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God , and the word was God"
Holy Shoot- that says it all!!..lol
ie, words are the force of creation.

Jon Gabriel, who writes, The Gabriel Method, says this;
"Our conscious higher mind (what we generally think of as our 'mind') simply doesnt know how to communicate with our 'unconscious' mind.
The unconscious mind is the part of our mind that controls our "animal brain"
(which I personally would call the body mind- or the body's mind, or maybe more simply - the body)
(what he is talking about- is how we can communicate to our body or body brain in a way that it will get the message)

His way of communicating with the "animal brain"/"body brain", is by pictures and visualization.
However for whatever reason, my psyche doesnt visualize in pictures as such.
What I did realise though this morning (triggered by your phrase of yesterday; 'word imagery')
is that I visualize through the imagery of words!!
And I believe the body does too.

(on a humorous note- a medium once told me I was clairvoyant-
I thought- quite clearly I am not! because I don't see a thing- I dont visualize in pictures!
But now I am realizing- I "visualize' things very clearly through words!!)

Editing to say this;
How this has been coming to me,
is because over the few weeks I have been shown hundreds of words and phrasings that I am living and manifesting on the emotional /physical/mental levels,
I have seen the patterns and multiple meanings of these words- then seen and understood all the ways that I have played out and manifested these words in my life,
my body(how my body interprets what I think and feel) , my mind (how I think about myself ), my emotions (how I feel about myself), and my relationships (how others think of me..lol).

I have started to feel, see, and understand how it is that these word patterns are literally forming the substance of my body and life!!
To tell you the truth- I am finding the whole process amazing and mind-blowing, and I keep pulling myself back from it,
because it seems so enormous!.
However- I feel like all this stuff is the key to a quantum leap in consciousness - or maybe already has been..lol

[SueQ]

"In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God , and the word was God"
Holy Shoot- that says it all!!..lol
ie, words are the force of creation.

I love that. Thank you.

I was just reflecting on your post -- and it still fills me with fear to think about eating in an unconstrained way -- lots of work to do there. I guess I am rather attached to my outside authority giving me permission to sate my hungers -- lol, and....ugh.

Yes, on so many levels.

I'm in some really unfamiliar space right now with emotional work. I blogged a whole bunch about it, but the jist of it is that I am ok with being ok and can see the acceptance of having what I desire without having to always work for it. Shocking how difficult it is to just be ok. My fear of maintenance is passing or at least set aside as something it doesn't do me any good to try to prepare for now. My job right now is just be. Whatever that means.

[minimonkey]

Sue, I so hear you -- and I am rather glad to just be able to set the maintenance fears aside, for now.

Nola -- my mom has done a lot of reading of the sort you are mentioning -- esoteric/metaphysical interpretations of the bible. She was a Baptist when I was a kid (so I was raised Baptist) -- but then she went over to the esoteric side and got on the new age bandwagon. I'm not dismissing it, at all (hey, after all, I am the one tapping and moving my eyes around like a crazy woman!)

There is power in words, no doubt. Phrases do become encoded in us -- and yes, perhaps encrypted, as well --

[minimonkey]

And... since you are willing to share your clairvoyant insights... what are you seeing in my phrase "stalling out" ?? I feel stalled on so many levels .. not just with diet, but with my writing, my future.... I could use any insight you have into that one. I probably should see something glaring in the phrase, but I am rather blind to my own processes a lot of the time.

You're probably right about the Lyme, on one level or another -- there's a high correlation between abuse and chronic conditions.

Abuse damages the immune system, and then the body is a lot less able to fight off invaders -- now, there's a phrase for you! And, while we are going metaphor crazy -- the very thing (antibiotics) that kept me alive, also did a lot of damage. How's that for abuse from a parental figure?

[minimonkey]

For all my occasional balking at anything that smacks of the new age, I am also strongly attracted to a lot of this stuff... and I do have an open mind.

Freud, himself, said the age of reason was way overrated (I'm paraphrasing, badly!) -- and I certainly agree that there is much more to human experience than meets the eye.

So, that said -- if any clairvoyant channelings come your way that you feel are helpful to me, I am completely open to hearing them -- and since we are indeed strange mirrors for one another, you may well hit a gold mine. Or a land mine. Or, probably, both all in the same moment.

[minimonkey]

I'm rambling, now, but one of my favorite song lyrics of all time is from a Leonard Cohen song:

Bless the continuous stutter, of the word being made into flesh

[minimonkey]

Oh, and while I am busy monopolizing the thread, and trying to get free psychic-hotline advice... lol....

I have had a lot of stuff come up recently about what is "my share" of things... particularly the rent, the housework, space -- what I am entitled to having, and what I am responsible for giving. Also, my roommate pointed out that I often say I will "take what is left over" -- she meant the rent (I tend to cover way more than anyone else does every month) -- but she's noticed me saying that about other things as well.

I can run with the obvious interpretations, but any thoughts on that one?

[SueQ]

I am so cracking up here, Mini. You are adorable. I love it when other people ramble like me! I want keep coming here and updating about little things I am thinking. I feel like you all get me And actually want to know!

I love the idea of being intuitive but am not comfortable with whether that is real for me sometimes and would love to experiment on your thoughts. I think I may be more clairsentient that clairvoyant; I don't get visualizations at all, but more feelings from what I read or hear.

"My Share" brought up something for me so I'll ramble a bit because I'm not clear on what it is.

Keeping things balanced, being a giver, not a receiver
You don't deserve more than your "fair share"
Have to give in order to receive (that feels very strong), in fact have to give more than others to make up for shortcomings/not being good enough as you are/compensating
Yes, that is it. Compensating for what you lack. Making yourself valuable and worthy.

Of course I do believe we are all mirrors so I may very well just be talking about myself here.

[SueQ]

Oh and stalling out - Nola, don't read what I say first because it may bias you and the directions you go are so cool -

Stalling is being stagnant and stagnant is bad if we are not good enough where we are. Must always be changing to get better. Can't move forward and if we can't move we have to stay in what we are. What happens if you be still and quiet? No tapping, no writing, no working. Do you still have value in that moment?

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

And... since you are willing to share your clairvoyant insights... what are you seeing in my phrase "stalling out" ?? I feel stalled on so many levels .. not just with diet, but with my writing, my future.... I could use any insight you have into that one. I probably should see something glaring in the phrase, but I am rather blind to my own processes a lot of the time.

You're probably right about the Lyme, on one level or another -- there's a high correlation between abuse and chronic conditions.

Abuse damages the immune system, and then the body is a lot less able to fight off invaders -- now, there's a phrase for you! And, while we are going metaphor crazy -- the very thing (antibiotics) that kept me alive, also did a lot of damage. How's that for abuse from a parental figure?

Lol,
funnily enough I didnt even try to look past or into that phrase "stalling out" and the meaning didnt pop out like the other ones,
however the phrase still stuck out as though it was important!
I see it is for me too- I am trying to "stall" some parts of my process because I am finding it too overwhelming .

Yes- that thing about the immune system and fighting off invaders,
antibiotics hurting and helping-
very pertinent.
There are such a lot of huge dichotomies in abuse, and as I tap, I find everything seems to be in a dichotomy-
I seem to have equal and opposing beliefs all over the place!
ie, all the ways in which I want to be thin
( my mind, my social conditioning, parts of my body)
and , all the ways in which I want to be fat
(underlying sabotages or unwitting defences of the body.)


Okay so the stalling out bit is popping into my mind-

"even though I am stalled"
(in the sense of stopped, not moving, not going anywhere- FEAR IS STALLING ME, or " I AM BEING STALLED BY FEAR"
"I AM STALLING WITH FEAR")

"even though I am always stalling"
(trying to stall the abuse, holding back, pulling back, looking for ways to stall the abuse;
ie, the fat as an underlying defence to stall abuse)

"even though I am stalling in my diet"
(afraid to stop the diet, want to keep dieting , have to keep dieting;
ie- you are stalling within your diet, because being in or on the diet is a place where you feel you are kept safe;
hence the need to stall the weight loss- so you have to be forever on a diet;
the diet is a place of control,
where uncontrolled ,unexpected, or unknown things wont happen to you)

"even though I am stalling in my future"
stalling the future, want to stop the future, hold it back , pull back from it, stay in the present;
again- the present is known, it is the safe box around you, that keeps you from unknown and fearful things that might leap out at you when you are unsuspecting.
[That phrase- predators lurking in the corner- ie, the abuse brings this fear that feels something like predators lurking in every corner; so you have to stay with the tried and true, the trusted and sure places..]

Underlying keynotes;
fear is part of the stall;
fear around abuse- need the diet as a defence, need some fat as a defence,
the need to control situations around you as a defence

That is what comes to mind straight off

[minimonkey]

Sue -- well, you are absolutely right on all your points, concerning me -- so maybe you are more clair-something-or-other than you think...

I'm thinking there is something about the word "share" that goes deeper, maybe, than that, even. I think it has to do with fairness and equity, and the lack thereof -- or maybe something about sharing as a child... I don't know yet.

I have my moments of bizarre, nearly psychic experiences -- things I can't explain. But, I can't at all control them -- they happen when they want to happen. If I try to intuit something, it is no better than guessing for me.

[minimonkey]

I think you are both on to something -- I actually use the word "stall" a fair amount, I just realized -- I use it to describe procrastinating, too.

I'm going to have to sit with that one for a while.

Procrastination, for me, is a lot like cheating on a diet -- I feel a guilty pleasure in doing it -- like I am getting away with something. I really need to think on that one.

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by SueQ

Oh and stalling out - Nola, don't read what I say first because it may bias you and the directions you go are so cool -

Stalling is being stagnant and stagnant is bad if we are not good enough where we are. Must always be changing to get better. Can't move forward and if we can't move we have to stay in what we are. What happens if you be still and quiet? No tapping, no writing, no working. Do you still have value in that moment?

Ha-ha- I just read this after posting mine!

Yes, we both went in different directions- lol,
there can be so many facets to these things!

[nola baxter]

And since you mentioned about Freud and mirrors Mini, and now you Sue;
I did a funny process around mirrors this morning!;
and being "afraid to look in the mirror"

There were a myriad of meanings and underlying experiences in it for me-
I had to stop because it was doing my head in!
Too many mirror reflections..lol

Sharing..hmm

You had to share your body?
Unwillingly!
You were "MADE" to share
You "HAVE" to share
You have always had to share
You never wanted to share, and you didnt want to share ( in those situations)

You were made to share with your mother
(sharing positions- you "shared" her role)
And because you didnt want to "share" in her role,
you were made to take the leftovers;
ie, you had to take the leftovers that she didnt want (or want to do)
You unwillingly took the leftovers..
And you are still unwillingly taking leftovers?

Now u are really going to think I am crazy!

You shared- when you shouldnt of had to;
You were made a responsible sharing partner in an inappropriate way and in an inappropriate situation and at an inappropriate age-
the sharing was not appropriate
the sharing was not fair
the sharing was a load upon you
YOU ARE STILL TAKING THE LOAD OF SHARING UPON YOURSELF?

You are still in a situation where you are taking an unfair load of the sharing??

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by SueQ

I am so cracking up here, Mini. You are adorable. I love it when other people ramble like me! I want keep coming here and updating about little things I am thinking. I feel like you all get me And actually want to know!

Yes!
It is nice to hear from you!
and what you have to say...

If I would say anything-
I would say keep working on trusting your intuitions, feelings ,and senses.
I think these things take us to the places where we need to go.

[minimonkey]

Originally Posted by nola baxter

And since you mentioned about Freud and mirrors Mini, and now you Sue;
I did a funny process around mirrors this morning!;
and being "afraid to look in the mirror"

There were a myriad of meanings and underlying experiences in it for me-
I had to stop because it was doing my head in!
Too many mirror reflections..lol

Sharing..hmm

You had to share your body?
Unwillingly!
You were "MADE" to share
You "HAVE" to share
You have always had to share
You never wanted to share, and you didnt want to share ( in those situations)

You were made to share with your mother
(sharing positions- you "shared" her role)
And because you didnt want to "share" in her role,
you were made to take the leftovers;
ie, you had to take the leftovers that she didnt want (or want to do)
You unwillingly took the leftovers..
And you are still unwillingly taking leftovers?

Now u are really going to think I am crazy!

You shared- when you shouldnt of had to;
You were made a responsible sharing partner in an inappropriate way and in an inappropriate situation and at an inappropriate age-
the sharing was not appropriate
the sharing was not fair
the sharing was a load upon you
YOU ARE STILL TAKING THE LOAD OF SHARING UPON YOURSELF?

You are still in a situation where you are taking an unfair load of the sharing??

Wow -- well I think that pretty much covers it! You were dead on with pretty much all of this -- and it all ties in to the earlier stuff about illegitimate loves, and so forth. My head is rolling right now.

[minimonkey]

I have a lot of "baggage" around my sense that when I do "far more than my share" of [whatever -- work, money, etc.] it remains invisible and goes unacknowledged --

There's a lot of truth to this in the present day -- and if that is the genesis of the feeling, it was certainly true in the past, too.

This is all linked in to my need to martyr myself, and to suffer, and deserving vs. not deserving pleasure/things/support, etc. -- a pathological need to feel self-sufficient, a need to be without needs and desires, but yet to have others depend on me (the metaphorical wounded birds) -- ack! I think I need a good night's sleep after even approaching all this.

[shelbyla]

Originally Posted by SueQ

Compensating for what you lack. Making yourself valuable and worthy.

Wow. Yes. Now how do I stop doing this? What is the answer?


Mini - just wanted to throw something in about your use of the word "stalling" and "stalls". (And as always feel free to tell me to MYOB but please know as always that it comes from a place of caring!) As I've seen you over the past year, you have very rarely ever been "still" in your diet. When I think of you, I think of a hummingbird. Never still. Always always moving as if you would die if you stopped (sorry if that sounds too strong). Always changing something, always adding or deleting something, always trying something new, even that "new" is to "eat the way your body tells you to." Your stall this time is two days, yes? Not that it doesn't feel awful and frustrating but what I see (and again this is just from the outside so I could be completely and totally wrong) is that your temptation is to try and keep in motion as if just relaxing into the plan and trusting that it will work for you is bad or wrong and you need to change it asap to make sure the "stall" doesn't keep up. If you really feel like adding something will help, then of course you should do so. But are you adding because you need to, you want to, or you need to stay in motion? It's just a thought...

Btw, it always makes me happy when my hummingbirds sit on their perches to eat instead of hovering. I bought special feeders that have places for them to sit just for that reason...

[SueQ]

... your temptation is to try and keep in motion as if just relaxing into the plan and trusting that it will work for you is bad or wrong and you need to change it asap to make sure the "stall" doesn't keep up.

Powerful observation. I haven't been able to be "still" since I started dieting, in my head or in my life. The idea of it was so scary. That is just now starting to change for me. I love the hummingbird metaphor.

Have a great day, all! Off to re-assemble my food to take to work with me. FF yielded at 1.6 loss today, so I'm going to do one more day. Woo hoo!

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by shelbyla

Always always moving as if you would die if you stopped


always changing something, always adding and deleting..

these two statements smacked me in the face!!
particularly the first one

"ALWAYS MOVING AS IF YOU WOULD DIE IF YOU STOPPED"

there is something in it...

And the second one,
"always adding and deleting"

The feeling that comes up with me lately that is still unresolved is a feeling
felt in the original abuse;
of being left stripped and abandoned, as a nothing, as worth nothing!
Kind of like being "deleted" , actually.
Wiped from the slate as if you were nothing!
Used and discarded and put out of mind.

I was "deleted" , so now I feel I need to "delete" people - cut them off!

When someone does something very painful to me in a relationship that gives me this feeling of being made a noneity;
oF having been "deleted" in some way- whether emotional or physical
a feeling like I dont exist - whether physical or emotional
I want to "delete" them!

Applies to two relationships I have right now!
I have been struggling with these over the past few days and have been a bit stuck or stalled (lol) in the issues/relationships ,
and unable to fully clear the painful feelings I have been having around them.
And I dreamed exact replica dreams around this stuff, sad heavy dreams- that were extremely clear.

I am seeing the whole picture more now-
and two phrases come to mind;
I MAKE MYSELF AS NOTHING (as I was made to feel I was as nothing, or as a "nothing")
ITS AS IF I DONT EXIST ( and I can see so many scenarios in my life/relationships where this feeling of feeling that I dont exist has been replicated- a very painful feeling,
and how I have replicated it myself by making myself very "small" in relationships- like I dont exist-
making no demands, causing no conflict, making my needs and desires as if they dont matter or dont exist!)

All feelings of "deletement" - and strong themes in my life

And I see also- the need to want to delete the body!!
ie,
not eat, not feed it, not look after it, "exercise it to death"
Feeling the need to delete my body..

I have to delete my body, as my body was deleted
(made of no importance, wielded as a tool ,
and where my bodily needs or feelings were of no importance- as nothing;
if I was in pain- it was nothing, ignored, and denied any voice)

Another phrase, "I am as a nothing"
Ouch..

But its the keys to my unresolved struggle over the past few days!
I bet you didnt know you were saying all that Shelby?! lol

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

Wow -- well I think that pretty much covers it! You were dead on with pretty much all of this -- and it all ties in to the earlier stuff about illegitimate loves, and so forth. My head is rolling right now.

ok , cool, good to know I wasnt way out of line, its a bit nervous saying
this stuff sometimes..

[nola baxter]

Originally Posted by minimonkey

I have a lot of "baggage" around my sense that when I do "far more than my share" of [whatever -- work, money, etc.] it remains invisible and goes unacknowledged --

There's a lot of truth to this in the present day -- and if that is the genesis of the feeling, it was certainly true in the past, too.

This is all linked in to my need to martyr myself, and to suffer, and deserving vs. not deserving pleasure/things/support, etc. -- a pathological need to feel self-sufficient, a need to be without needs and desires, but yet to have others depend on me (the metaphorical wounded birds) -- ack! I think I need a good night's sleep after even approaching all this.

There is a lot there!
But I find it so for myself,
and there seems to be a multitude of interrelated stuff.

I am trying to work out how I can short-cut the process of processing it all actually;
kind of like putting things under headings- then being able to clear the
heading, and then all the stuff underneath it falls away?! lol

You are using the word "baggage" again..lol
I have had a lot of stuff come up around this and similar concepts.

carrying your baggage- carrying others baggage (we carried the baggage of the abuser- became the tool of them offloading their issues and crap)

carrying a burden- carrying others burdens
(physically carrying the burden of the abuser- and now emotionally carrying others burdens,
or carrying another's physical burdens,
and emotionally carrying our own burdens-
unable to offload!)

being crushed
(under physical weight of abuser)- crushed by guilt, crushed by shame, crushed by life!, and "feeling crushed"

having a weight on your chest
(someone lying on you) ,
feeling sad, "heavy of heart", "carrying around a weight",
being "weighted down", (weighted down with your weight-ie, getting fat,
being weighted down by your worries and obsessions around weight)

When I did this process about "weight on the chest" - it popped into my mind how literally I reproduced this-
during bench pressing- there have been times I havent been able to get the weight back up,
and I have literally had 60 kg of iron lying on my chest!
It made me laugh- and the weight on my chest went away...lol
( I had been feeling it physically during the processing)

[minimonkey]

Shelby, you're right about a lot of that. I am rarely still in any way.

But ... as far as the weight goes.... I've been at the same weight for the most part (with little ups and downs) for months now (in fact, I am higher than I was for a bit). All this while dieting, with the exception of the interrupt/load. So yes, it's frustrating.

This is the fifth protocol day that the scale hasn't moved anywhere but up .8 -- and I am just hoping that isn't predictive of the rest of the round. If it is, I will likely extend this p2, but the thought doesn't thrill me much.

My first protocol round, I was at a stall for 2 weeks solid -- but it did pick up again after that. Hence my tendency to extend the round, rather than stopping right as the losses are likely to start again.

It wouldn't feel so crucial to get the darn scale moving in a timely manner if the rounds weren't time limited -- but given that they are, I'd like to see a net loss from the effort of doing a protocol round... y'know?

[minimonkey]

What I did my first round, when I didn't see any scale progress for two weeks, was just stayed off the scale and stuck to the protocol. Eventually the losses did pick up again -- that might not be a bad solution this time around, too -- but I did end up doing a longer round than I initially planned.

I'll see where I am next week. If it looks like I want to extend, I need to order the hcg -- it takes a week or more to arrive.