Not a word? Seriously (Beware venting)

[Lildrew]

I am SOOOO annoyed right now. I just had dinner with my family and not ONE of them made any comment about my weight loss. Seriously, not a word? I have lost over 20lbs since they saw me last and they didn't even seem to notice!!!!!!!!!!

It's not like I need their comments to feel validated, but I was so expecting them to say something...anything.

Argh! Okay, I will calm down now that I have that off my chest. So glad I can vent to you all.

[mama_2_3]

I've heard of people being hesitant to comment on someone's weight loss in fear insulting or embaressing them...maybe that was the case with your family? I'm sure they noticed, and were just too uncomfortable to say so.

Either way, 20 lbs is something to be proud of! Congrats!

[LilacBruze]

Agreed. But what those people don't realize is how we like (and need) their acknowledgment! My husband doesn't give me many kudos and it drives me nuts because I feel I need it the MOST from him!

You've done a GREAT job! Your goal is totally within reach!

[Sheshe6]

My husband and I are doing this together and I have lost 33 and he's lost 28 everyone notices he's lost weight and talk to him like I'm nowhere around let alone noticing that I have lost any weight uuuggghhhhhh!!!!! I feel better anyway.

[julieboolie]

- That's stinks!! They didn't say anything like "you look nice?" Maybe they didn't want to offend you? I'd be mad too. You've done great!! You keep going and show 'em all!

[~PaperMoon~]

Originally Posted by Lildrew

I am SOOOO annoyed right now. I just had dinner with my family and not ONE of them made any comment about my weight loss. Seriously, not a word? I have lost over 20lbs since they saw me last and they didn't even seem to notice!!!!!!!!!!

It's not like I need their comments to feel validated, but I was so expecting them to say something...anything.

Argh! Okay, I will calm down now that I have that off my chest. So glad I can vent to you all.

Maybe they didn't notice? I know some people may not recognize weightloss until you lose like 40 or more pounds unless you actually tell them, then they will notice. Maybe they noticed something was different but didn't know what. Another idea is that maybe they feared if they mention your weightloss you might try to get them to lose weight or ask them when will they lose weight etc if they are heavy themselves. But don't feel bad, don't let it get to you, just keep going on whether they say something or not.

[Angel In TN]

Some people don't know how to say something. A co-worker of mine that hadn't seen me since I started this saw me the first time and didn't say anything at first until someone else (a child) said it. She said I noticed but didn't know how to approach it because you are always beautiful and didn't want you to think that you weren't before. She followed that up with asking about it. I wouldn't let it get to you. Some people just don't know how to approach the subject.

[verbqueen]

Honestly, I think my friends and family are AFRAID to say anything to me any more. My weight has gone up and down so much in the last six or seven years that nobody really believes me when I lose it...

[jnaakins]

Originally Posted by verbqueen

Honestly, I think my friends and family are AFRAID to say anything to me any more. My weight has gone up and down so much in the last six or seven years that nobody really believes me when I lose it...

THIS EXACTLY for me too I think no one takes me seriously when I lose weight because it always comes back :blush:...but not this time!

Anway, I dont have any real advice for you Lildrew, but I wanted to say that would have really hurt my feelings too......

[catkin]

Do they need to lose weight?

[Wigglesmom]

Originally Posted by verbqueen

Honestly, I think my friends and family are AFRAID to say anything to me any more. My weight has gone up and down so much in the last six or seven years that nobody really believes me when I lose it...

This is true for me too. My husband is excited that I have lost this weight but he keeps saying...let's see if you keep it off.

Sometimes people are jealous or all wrapped up with themselves. You've done a great job and have worked hard for this! KUTGW!!

[Balance101]

I've been there before. I try to look at it like this: When I gain 20 pounds, I really don't want anyone to notice, so hopefully they just don't pay close attention to things like that. There will be a point that it can't be denied, but for now cut them a little slack, you know what you've done. You've been working your @ss off....literally!

[Solstyce]

Originally Posted by Lildrew

I am SOOOO annoyed right now. I just had dinner with my family and not ONE of them made any comment about my weight loss. Seriously, not a word? I have lost over 20lbs since they saw me last and they didn't even seem to notice!!!!!!!!!!

It's not like I need their comments to feel validated, but I was so expecting them to say something...anything.

Argh! Okay, I will calm down now that I have that off my chest. So glad I can vent to you all.

My folks didn't notice either. I had to tell them, and then they noticed. At work, some people noticed and said something, some just said "There is something different about you" or "Did you get a hair cut?" or "You look good, what's different?". Some people didn't say anything about the weight loss, and then when I told them, they said they could tell I lost weight, but didn't know if it was ok to comment on it.

[RedsSkinnyJeans]

This happens to me with my family too. I think it's for a few reasons. I see them looking - so I know they notice. But, for them, it's 2 things. 1. They are used to seeing me at all ranges of weight through my life - although this is the least in the last 10 years. 2. They are in a constant campaign to get me to eat their pies, cookies, and cakes and always chide me for my eating habits - (although not one of them weighs under 200 pounds - and they constantly talk about food and eating). And 3. I know, in more honest moments, they get sad about their weight - and they would love to be at a healthy weight.

BUT....I hear it from other people.

[E.W.]

I have a close friend who also strugles with her weight. She told me she does not like
comments about her weight either when she gains or loses weight.

And sometimes people may not notice as hard as that seems to believe. Years ago I
lost about 50lbs then had some unrelated health problems and regained 20 lbs. Then
after I gained that 20lbs people asked me how much weight I had lost.

[privatediva]

"you look nice" or "what a great dress" really is some people's approach to noticing and commenting...even "good to see you" can mean "dang, Girl!"

on the other hand, people can be pea green with envy...even family members

[metqa]

I had a friend of the family comment that my butt looked bigger, after having not seen her for over a year. No one else said anything to me though I'd lost a lot of weight.

My response was " Actually I've lost 15lb, but thanks for thinking I'd gained "
Everyone in the family, including her, had gained weight so I guess she assumed I had also.

Maybe my butt looked bigger because my waist was smaller, still, it wasn't a very nice comment to begin with. she's a bit tactless and naive and doesn't realize she says things that are out of line so I could forgive her.

[verbqueen]

Originally Posted by metqa

I had a friend of the family comment that my butt looked bigger, after having not seen her for over a year. No one else said anything to me though I'd lost a lot of weight.

My response was " Actually I've lost 15lb, but thanks for thinking I'd gained "
Everyone in the family, including her, had gained weight so I guess she assumed I had also.

Maybe my butt looked bigger because my waist was smaller, still, it wasn't a very nice comment to begin with. she's a bit tactless and naive and doesn't realize she says things that are out of line so I could forgive her.

Oh. My. God. Who SAYS something like that, seriously?

You are a saint for not slugging her! Sheesh--you are a kinder and more forgiving person than I am...

[C'Marie]

I had the same issues. Some people didn't even notice WHAT it was that was different, I think. And like someone else said, I sure don't like it if someone noticed I gained 20 pounds, so I guess the loss of the first 20 doesn't seem like alot in most people's books... besides, I really didn't change clothes, or the way I dress to start showing my new shape until I lost 55, after my 2nd round. So it really wasn't very noticeable at all at 20-30 anyway. I kept draping myself in extra fabric like I had been used to doing for years.

[metqa]

Originally Posted by C'Marie

I had the same issues. Some people didn't even notice WHAT it was that was different, I think. And like someone else said, I sure don't like it if someone noticed I gained 20 pounds, so I guess the loss of the first 20 doesn't seem like alot in most people's books... besides, I really didn't change clothes, or the way I dress to start showing my new shape until I lost 55, after my 2nd round. So it really wasn't very noticeable at all at 20-30 anyway. I kept draping myself in extra fabric like I had been used to doing for years.

That too. I like to wear comfy clothes so my clothes are loose fitting no matter my size.

Verbqueen, I think I got the comment cause I was wearing a close fitting knit dress and that was so different from my loose clothes and she may have had a smaller image of me inside than when she saw I actually have a shape. My butt does stick out as my back is very curved, but still, BF complained that my butt was getting smaller!:blush:

[verbqueen]

Originally Posted by metqa

Verbqueen, I think I got the comment cause I was wearing a close fitting knit dress and that was so different from my loose clothes and she may have had a smaller image of me inside than when she saw I actually have a shape. My butt does stick out as my back is very curved, but still, BF complained that my butt was getting smaller!:blush:

Hey, I hear you. I have the exact same thing--lordosis of the spine, my doctor told me, which gives me quite a "shelf" in the back. I said, "ok, ok...lordosis is alright, but DON'T tell me I have LARDosis!"

[metqa]

Originally Posted by verbqueen

Hey, I hear you. I have the exact same thing--lordosis of the spine, my doctor told me, which gives me quite a "shelf" in the back. I said, "ok, ok...lordosis is alright, but DON'T tell me I have LARDosis!"

Oh my Gosh!!!!
Thanks for the laugh, AND for the name of it. I always got flack for "sticking my chest/butt" out but I had no medical explanation. I've heard it called swayback, but seriously I could be ridden like a ostrich without bending over much! i feel better knowing what it's called.

[verbqueen]

After spending years lecturing me about "straighten your back up and hold your stomach in," my parents finally took me to an orthopedist when I was a kid. After a bunch of x-rays and exams and stuff, my doc told my parents I had a slightly abnormal spine--I have an extra vertebra, and that the sway was not bad posture, but skeletal. He did say that if I strengthened my back and abdominal muscles, it would help with the posture, so I have tried hard to do that through the years.

(P.S. Sorry to the OP for the thread-jack!)

[fozzie99]

I went to my doctor for a checkup. Since he had seen me last I lost 15% of my body weight. He looked at me in surprise and exclamed"You look good!" but he didn't know why! I had to tell him I had lost 60lbs.! People you see often adjust to your changes gradually so don't always notice....and there is the fear factor...weight loss might be for a bad reason.

[BlueMonday]

I tend not to say "you lost weight" because it sort of implies "you were fatter before" and I don't know how comfortable the person might be talking about it. I usually say "you look great" and then if they say "Yeah, I lost 2o lbs." I will say "wow, good for you. It certainly shows." or something along those lines.

But to say nothing at all.... that's pretty cold.

[bacon bit]

There's a certain man who stares at my body more than anyone else...and he didn't notice when I lost 28 pounds. It was 34 pounds that he finally went, "OK, yeah you're smaller all over!" Odd, because after I lost 4 pounds, everyone at work could tell-obviously because I'd lost a lot of inches already.

[Jody100467]

I know how you feel - I lost 50 pounds...went from a size 20 to a size 12...and my brother and sister in law never said one single word to me about it. I was offended. But...in all honesty...they may have not said anything because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. Don't feel to bad about it...you aren't losing weight because you want others to notice (even though it's great confirmation). You are losing weight to get healthier and look and feel better - no matter if anyone else ever notices....you are the winner in this game!

[verbqueen]

Originally Posted by bacon bit

There's a certain man who stares at my body more than anyone else...and he didn't notice when I lost 28 pounds. It was 34 pounds that he finally went, "OK, yeah you're smaller all over!" Odd, because after I lost 4 pounds, everyone at work could tell-obviously because I'd lost a lot of inches already.

I think there's definitely a "magic number" for many of us--a tipping point where we go from looking dowdy to looking noticeably good, and other people don't seem to pay much attention one way or the other till you pass that point.

[Zbunny]

Originally Posted by Balance101

I've been there before. I try to look at it like this: When I gain 20 pounds, I really don't want anyone to notice, so hopefully they just don't pay close attention to things like that. There will be a point that it can't be denied, but for now cut them a little slack, you know what you've done. You've been working your @ss off....literally!

My thoughts exactly!

I had the same thing with some close friends, Lidrew. It took awhile for anyone to say anything -- I think I was down 25 pounds before people started mentioning how good I looked, and even then one of my closest friends didn't say anything until her mom came to town to visit and commented. I told her I was down 25 lbs. and my friend said, "You have been looking better and better every week!" So I wondered why she didn't say anything? But, as Balance says, I wouldn't want everyone to comment when it goes up, so I should just be satisfied with DH's admiring glances

Soon enough, they won't be able to not comment on your losses! You're doing GREAT!

[metqa]

A guy at the store I used to work at Saw me at the counter, after I'd been gone about a year. He said something to the effect of " Did you have a baby?"
I was like "What Did You Say?!?!"
He said, "well you were gone for a while and you've put on some weight so I assumed ..."
What an arse. All the wrong people notice the wrong things and open their mouths. All the people that matter either don't notice the right things or are afraid to mention that they notice. It's so BACKWARDS!!