~*~BiPolar Folks~*~

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Mom is gone. I thought we had at least a couple more days. I miss her. I miss the woman she was before this horrible disease stole her from me. But I know where she has gone and I know she is okay. God is also looking out for me. Before I got the call that mom had passed away, I got a call from the scheduler for the original pdoc that my regular doc had wanted me to see in the first place-the one I couldn't get in to see until September. He had an appointment open up for tomorrow morning. God knew I was going to need it. I really hope he is awesome.

[Houston Heather]

I'll be praying for you.

I've lost some family members. You never stop missing them, but the pain isn't as bad in time.

I will also be praying for you to really hit it off with the good doc.

[dmvgirl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Mom is gone. I thought we had at least a couple more days. I miss her. I miss the woman she was before this horrible disease stole her from me. But I know where she has gone and I know she is okay. God is also looking out for me. Before I got the call that mom had passed away, I got a call from the scheduler for the original pdoc that my regular doc had wanted me to see in the first place-the one I couldn't get in to see until September. He had an appointment open up for tomorrow morning. God knew I was going to need it. I really hope he is awesome.

[faithgirl]

Thanks girls. I can be doing okay, and then suddenly find myself crying. She suffered so much and I know she is so much better off now. It just seems wrong not to have her here anymore. I will never stop missing her, I know.


I did go to the pdoc appointment and was so pleased to find out that I think he is really going to work out. He was appalled at my treatment from the first pdoc and he asked lots of in-depth questions. And yes, I am bipolar, but we all kinda knew that, didn't we? We are cutting the Cymbalta back to 20 mg and increasing the Abilify to 5 mg. and i will continue with the Klonopin.

[djalomo]

I hope he works out well faithgirl. I'm glad you have a diagnosis - now it'll just be a matter of finding your med groove. I like his plan with cutting the AD and increasing the Abilify. I'm assuming he knows about your mom too right? Hopefully increasing the Abilify will help with some of the depressive feelings you might be having as well - the mood stablizing is awesome on the bipo meds. Seriously Geodon lifted the depression for me and NO AD I'd tried could do it. Be sure to tell him if you start having that restlessness, but your Klonopin should help cut that.

[faithgirl]

Yes, he does know about my mom. He was very supportive. I think we may eventually cut out the Cymbalta since he knows it has given me trouble in the past. I do hope I get my moods leveled out. I am wondering if that is what I have needed to get on a diet plan and stick with it. And honestly-even though I am on such a lose dose of the Abilify, it has helped me with the loss of my mom. If I weren't on it I think I would be out of my mind with grief. As it is now, I have periods where I am fine and periods where I break down, but it is not a horrible, helpless feeling like the world is coming to an end. It's bad, but not like it would be otherwise.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Thanks girls. I can be doing okay, and then suddenly find myself crying. She suffered so much and I know she is so much better off now. It just seems wrong not to have her here anymore. I will never stop missing her, I know.


I did go to the pdoc appointment and was so pleased to find out that I think he is really going to work out. He was appalled at my treatment from the first pdoc and he asked lots of in-depth questions. And yes, I am bipolar, but we all kinda knew that, didn't we? We are cutting the Cymbalta back to 20 mg and increasing the Abilify to 5 mg. and i will continue with the Klonopin.

So glad you found a doc that sounds like he will be good for you!

[Houston Heather]

No comparison here, but the only "person" I lost after my diagnosis was my cat, Frosty. He was like my child and my best friend.

It wasn't easy, I had a horrible depression, and I still miss him, but even as we put him down I knew I was going to "make it". I was still functional and rational... I just cried and cried.

Then I planted a little memorial garden. It makes me feel better when I see it.

I'm glad you have a good doc now.

[faithgirl]

Thanks Girls. We made the arrangements today. I would like to read something at the funeral, but I don't know if I will be able to. I have lots of times I'm perfectly fine, and then times I fall apart. I am wondeirng if the Abilify is taking too much of my emotions away. I have nothing to compare it too, so I don't know. I increased the dose and man talk about drowsy! I took a nap, but don't feel like I got anything out of it.

[faithgirl]

Heather, i did order that bipolar book you mentioned a few days ago plus a couple of others. I am getting them from half.com, though so it will be a while until I get them. We were at Barnes and Noble after I was diagnosed, and I wanted to buy up every book there on it, but I didn't. Of course, I am on half right now filling my shopping cart with a bunch of books now. Hey, if I'm going to buy way more than I need, at least i will get it at a bargain.

[CurveControl]

Library Babybee! Mine has tons of stuff on BiPo and they order in for me too.

[faithgirl]

I know I should hit the library, but dang, I gotta have me some books! What else am I gonna clutter up the place with and spend money I shouldn't?

[Houston Heather]

The nice thing about the books, you can give them to newly diagnosed family and friends.

I gave some to my aunt's SIL, who's adopted son is manifesting all the symptoms but no clear diagnosis yet. She found them very helpful.

[faithgirl]

I just found out my niece and her family are coming out for the funeral. I have never met her husband and the baby is only 5 months old. I am so excited! My Niece is my baby girl and now I get to meet her baby girl!

On the Abilify-I keep thinking I am missing something, you know? Part of it is the constant fear I was in over getting the phone call saying my mom was gone, but I don't know. How do I describe this? There's a bit more calmness, and the general sense of fear is gone, or mostly gone. I think I'm feeling guilty becuase I am not a total mess from losing my mom. I mean, I am greiving her, but I am functioning and can be normal a lot of the time. Is this wrong? Is the Abilify taking my grief? I just don't know. I am still on a small dose-5mg. What happens when we increase that?

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

I just found out my niece and her family are coming out for the funeral. I have never met her husband and the baby is only 5 months old. I am so excited! My Niece is my baby girl and now I get to meet her baby girl!

On the Abilify-I keep thinking I am missing something, you know? Part of it is the constant fear I was in over getting the phone call saying my mom was gone, but I don't know. How do I describe this? There's a bit more calmness, and the general sense of fear is gone, or mostly gone. I think I'm feeling guilty becuase I am not a total mess from losing my mom. I mean, I am greiving her, but I am functioning and can be normal a lot of the time. Is this wrong? Is the Abilify taking my grief? I just don't know. I am still on a small dose-5mg. What happens when we increase that?

I am still sorting out what emotions are 'normal'. What regular people feel at what level they feel it. Just go with how you feel. That is all anyone can do.

I have a Pdoc appt today.

[faithgirl]

I'm surprised a pdoc works on a Saturday. What do you guys go over when it's not an initial appointment?

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

I'm surprised a pdoc works on a Saturday. What do you guys go over when it's not an initial appointment?

He'll ask how you're feeling - just be as honest and truthful as possible. Any little thing you're feeling, mention it. From the sounds of your post, despite the recent tragedy it sounds like you've gotten some stability and your depression's lifted a bit sicne the Abilify. But be sure to tell him anything bad you've noticed, if you're having restlessness or trouble sleeping or anything like that.

[CurveControl]

My Pdoc is always in on Sat because he is the volunteer director of the county Mental Health clinic 3 other days a week (I see him in his regular office)
My appts usually go:

How are you?

I am ok.


Do you need refills?

Yes.

then we chat a bit.
Today we talked about my mini breakdown and bruising and fatiguge and being cold and losing so much weight in a short time (11 pounds in less than a month w/o doing anything except have stomach issues)

he said to get a Complete blood count and a Chemistry profile through my regular doc.

Gah! I dont wanna spend the $$ to go, ask for the test order, then pay $$ to go back and get the results.

[faithgirl]

I didn't realize you were losing weight like that Molly. I would try calling his office and telling them what the pdoc wants and telling them you will be by to pick up a lab slip. I don't see why you need to see the regular doc unless you need his opinion on what's going on.

I think I am getting some stability, in fact I know I am. But the Klonopin is supposed to be as needed and not the twice a day I am still taking it. I decided I was in such a good mood with my niece and her family coming I would skip this morning's Klonopin. Within a couple of hours I was so angry and irritated I wanted to hurt people at Kmart. Seriously there was some announcment that was so freaking loud I wanted to track down the woman doing it and strangle her. Then everyone irritated me and I had a case of road rage. Since the Klonopin is only for anxiety attacks, I think there is something wrong with the other meds, and I am voting for the Cymbalta since that was happening anyway vefore the Abilify.

[CurveControl]

Personally I would blame the dropping of the klonopin for making you crabby. Too fast. Dropping a dose that fast can do that. It is a taper off kinda drug once you are established on it. Plus you said that was the main change. Maybe try dropping a half, or even a quarter dose for a few days.

Sadly I should see my regular doctor, because the GI issues are probably not from my meds, and have gone on more than 1 week and have caused marked wt loss bla bla blah (I hate going to the doc though I do just LOVE my do!!)

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

Personally I would blame the dropping of the klonopin for making you crabby. Too fast. Dropping a dose that fast can do that. It is a taper off kinda drug once you are established on it. Plus you said that was the main change. Maybe try dropping a half, or even a quarter dose for a few days.

Sadly I should see my regular doctor, because the GI issues are probably not from my meds, and have gone on more than 1 week and have caused marked wt loss bla bla blah (I hate going to the doc though I do just LOVE my do!!)

Do you think that's what it is? Since I was able to skip a couple of doses with no trouble a couple of weeks ago, I just assumed I could do that today. I don;t know how long it takes to be dependant on it, but since it's a psychotropic, probably not long. I really can't go permanently with not taking this med during the day, so maybe I shouldn't even try?

I hope they get to the bottom of your GI issues, but maybe the weight loss will stick? Heh...everytime I get the flu, I look forward to the weight loss. Twisted, I know...

[CurveControl]

I don't think it is a matter of becoming dependent so much as needing to have it leave your system slowly if you have been taking it on a regular schedule. I do not think you are dependent, mostly because YOU do not feel dependent on it. It is just safer, in general, to taper anti anxiety meds (it is a benzodiazepine) or any psych meds very slowly.

[Houston Heather]

Yeah. I had a migraine today, my day off, of course...

As soon as I could eat 450 mg of lithium, quick and slow release combined, down the hatch. I did not want my well-controlled depression to come back and kick my butt!

The phenergan I take for migraines raises my lithium levels, so I don't drop them too fast if I have to wait a day or so before eating/taking meds.

[faithgirl]

You're right Molly, I'm not dependant on it because on easy days I would like to not take it. Unfortunately, even after taking it I am just pissed off. No reason for it. I just am. If this continues I will have to get back to the pdoc. I cannot go on like this.

That sucks with the migraine Heather, especially on your day off. I forget, does the Lithium contribute to them, or are you just prone to them? I use to have some horrednous ones every month from about 12-30. Now I only get them occasionally.

[Houston Heather]

No, the lithium's pretty neutral with the migraines. I have read that lithium is good for the immune system, so who knows?

I DO know that risperdal has been linked to "headaches" and high blood sugar. My blood sugar tends to run high right as I'm getting a migraine; so if I had to point the finger it would be at the Risperdal.

ONE reason I am taking half the smallest dose. It does help tremendously with the delusions, paranoia, and hallucinations, so as Dad would say "It's better than the alternative".

Totally sleep deprived today, and required to do a lot. I was not a B. I was so proud of myself. Normally I get MEAN when I am sleep deprived.

[djalomo]

I'm skeered. I start 100mgs in the morning. I hope I don't wind up mixed all day. Tomorrow's my production day when I have to work with The Most Annoying Woman to Have Ever Roamed the Earth, Really a Screeching McCaw at the Zoo Would Be More Pleasant.

[Houston Heather]

I'll pray for you!

Piper's got your back.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by djalomo

I'm skeered. I start 100mgs in the morning. I hope I don't wind up mixed all day. Tomorrow's my production day when I have to work with The Most Annoying Woman to Have Ever Roamed the Earth, Really a Screeching McCaw at the Zoo Would Be More Pleasant.

Oh that sucks. Changing meds never happens on a good day, does it? At least that's been my experience anyway.

I think I am way too touchy still. I hope it settles down.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I'll pray for you!

Piper's got your back.

Piper's good like that.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by djalomo

I'm skeered. I start 100mgs in the morning. I hope I don't wind up mixed all day. Tomorrow's my production day when I have to work with The Most Annoying Woman to Have Ever Roamed the Earth, Really a Screeching McCaw at the Zoo Would Be More Pleasant.

dose increase of the lamictal? It should be ok. If I have a bad (read 'mean') reaction to an increase it takes a couple of days and I can feel it creeping up.