~*~BiPolar Folks~*~

[faithgirl]

Everyone! Ya'll better not be lettin' me kill this thread! I expect posts from you all!

So what's up? What's new?

I thought the new me had ditched me the last couple of days since I didn't do any house work. But today she was back and worked on the garage for almost an hour. That's like a record or something!

(I better quit talking about myself in the third person or someone may haul me off to the looney bin!)

[CurveControl]

I saw the new Pdoc yesterday. Not new because I didn't like the old one, He was swamped and is trying to get 'stable' (Ha) patients to see her, she is new to the practice. She is OK, Easy to talk to and gave me my meds.

I feel OK mood wise DH says I am more cheerful and chippers since I quit drinking entirely. It must have something to do with how alcohol affects the med working because I did not drink enough to actually be crabby the next day, 3 or 4 (Ok once in a while 5) drinks is not a huge amount!

(I will say that the sleep meds work better. Odd....)

[faithgirl]

Hee...love your new avi

I'm glad you're feeling better. I didn't think you could drink with any of these meds, but then I don't drink, so I don't know. Alcohol's depressant effect could have been intensified by something? I'm suddenly sleeping better too.

I am not feeling as well as I did before we stopped the meds-I was taking Abilify and Cymbalta and was feeling pretty darn good, except for that 6 week long head ache, so I think I do need an antidepressant. i go back in 2 1/2 weeks so I will ask him then. On Monday I will make my first ever therapist appointment. Same office, different doc. Not sure how I feel about it, but I'm sure I will just talk and talk becuase that's how I am these days.

[CurveControl]

I hate therapy. It is stressful for me. Plus I always used it as a big B* fest.

You are not supposed to drink with these meds.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

I hate therapy. It is stressful for me. Plus I always used it as a big B* fest.

You are not supposed to drink with these meds.

Hee, I wasn't sure. I have always wanted to try different fruity drinks like Pina coladas, but with all the alcoholics in my family, I figured I better not. If I like it, I am going overboard on it.

[Houston Heather]

I have freaky scary delusions and hallucinations if I drink - it's like being stuck in a really bad horror movie. Plus, it always made my mood WORSE.

Hives are a little better, but still utterly miserable. My mood is fantastic off the Lexapro, and it would have taken something like this to get me to stop it. I was convinced I'd fall into a suicidal depression if I stopped it.

Ugh... so ITCHY. 11 days later; after Benadryl every 4 hours, 4 days of steroids, and 12 applications of steroid cream. UGH. I even keep benadryl in a little cup on my bedside table and take it when I wake up itching.

[CurveControl]

Dang Heather! I hope stopping that aspartame works for you!

[Houston Heather]

It seems to be more a factor of waiting too long on Bendryl - if I wait too long new hives. If I take it 4 hours I'm OK. I don't know what the hell is going on.

The oldest hive areas are healing nicely, no itching. The newer areas that popped up this week are the ones bothering me... but it goes away in about 1.5 hours as soon as I can take more Bendryl. I am trying to focus on other things during that period.

My body's in revolt. Ron and I plan to go to Walmart tomorrow, I'll get some Milk Thistle. That'll help my healing, it's very good for the liver. From what I could read, Lexapro is processed through the liver.

I got plenty of iced tea with splenda, some stevia packets, etc. From what I read the Merck Manual says some drug rashes can last for weeks to months after stopping the drug. I am going to get better eventually - no permanent damage.

Living with a guy who can't sleep through the night after HIS bad drug reaction, and still can't eat poultry, makes me appreciate what I do have, and anticipate my recovery.

[faithgirl]

Shoot Heather! Months? I'd be crying over that one. I wonder if it's unusual to have a reaction like that when you've been taking the drug for a long itme? Pretty scary stuff.

[Houston Heather]

Not that unusual, according to my research. It's like a penicillin allergy - you can be fine taking it off and on for decades, and then all of a sudden it kills you.

One thing that is severely pissing me off, are family members freaking out because "I stopped taking my medication." I stopped ONE out of THREE. I have not stopped the lithium, the one everyone should be worried about.

"Aren't you taking something to replace it?" They wail.... NO.

The last antidepressant almost killed me - what, they want to finish the job? I am not clinically depressed and even if I were, this is a lot worse than that. People on lithium, even without an anti-d, don't suicide.

But the don't see it, as far as they are concerned, I am OFF MY PILLS and the more pills I take, the better.

[CurveControl]

I am sorry Heather. I am sure that Ron would be all over you if your behavior changed, Other than that the family doesn't see you every day (I am assuming here!) so they can take a hike. They will see that you are OK w/o that med.

I am a little Hypo. No mixed, just a bit of the Hypo. I am kind of liking it, LOL

[Houston Heather]

Oh, Ron's very vocal. Dr P says the married ones always do better than the singles because they get feedback. It's kind of insulting to me, I'm so stupid, I'm going to make myself miserable again?

I like having a good life, and I resent the implication that I can't take care of myself. Yes, I have brain damage, I have a mental illness, but THEY DON'T HAVE ME. Most people in my shoes would be screaming and whining, but I'm not.

I know complaining, going to ER's, and screaming for answers won't help. I already know it's just going to take time to get over this allergic reaction. I thank God it DIDN'T kill me or make my skin fall off - I venture to say I was pretty close to it, as I'm not even halfway healed after 2 weeks.

I will take my lithium. I will take my antipsychotic, even though the auditory hallucinations I've been suffering the last couple years go DIRECTLY back to Lexapro! I will take care of myself.

I am just hurt that every seems to think I can't do that.

[CurveControl]

I understand.

I have to say that my DH is much quicker to see a mood change in me than I am.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

Oh, Ron's very vocal. Dr P says the married ones always do better than the singles because they get feedback. It's kind of insulting to me, I'm so stupid, I'm going to make myself miserable again?

I like having a good life, and I resent the implication that I can't take care of myself. Yes, I have brain damage, I have a mental illness, but THEY DON'T HAVE ME. Most people in my shoes would be screaming and whining, but I'm not.

I know complaining, going to ER's, and screaming for answers won't help. I already know it's just going to take time to get over this allergic reaction. I thank God it DIDN'T kill me or make my skin fall off - I venture to say I was pretty close to it, as I'm not even halfway healed after 2 weeks.

I will take my lithium. I will take my antipsychotic, even though the auditory hallucinations I've been suffering the last couple years go DIRECTLY back to Lexapro! I will take care of myself.

I am just hurt that every seems to think I can't do that.

I agree with this completely. I don't want to use my bipolar as an excuse for anything. I'm sorry your family is giving you trouble.

[Houston Heather]

Well, my sister is cool. She told me some hive horror stories of her own. She has allergies, too.

Now she knows to stay away from Lexapro.

Now I want something SALTY for dinner, but no idea what. I made Ron hide the bag of chips. He is hiding them by eating them. Good. Less temptation for me.

Scroll down for gruesome rash photos: Picasa Web Albums - Heather - August 2009

[faithgirl]

I've got my first therapists appointment tonight. Woo! I need to get started on a list of stuff to go over. Mostly I want some coping strategies for right now. I just need to know what to do when I feel really miserable and when it's time to call someone and stuff like that.

[CurveControl]

good luck! Remember to try to think of a therapy goal! I was always bad at that.

[faithgirl]

That's what I'm thinking about. Goals. I want to stop some of the things I have been doing fo so many years to self-medicate and really get a handle on what is normal and what isn't with this illness and when to get help. I feel like I am white knuckiling it through the day still becuase my regular doctor did not want me taking too much Klonopin. I can't remember what the pdoc said about it other than 'as needed'.

[CurveControl]

Klonopin can be addictive. Too much is hard to wean off of.

[faithgirl]

I know...but then what? we haven't gotten my meds adjusted yet. I hate, hate, hate when i get these stabs of fear through out the day. Hate it. No reason for them, they just happen.

[CurveControl]

One a day (they are longer lasting than Xaxnax) is not so much an issue. It is when/if you need more and more. At start of treatment they like to caution you to be aware of that.

[faithgirl]

Right now I take a half mg in the morning and at night. Not much, but i will have to watch and see if I feel like I need more.

[djalomo]

I take Xanax XR once a day (if that - don't even need it every day) and it's enough for me. Now that I'm stabilized I don't feel the desire to abuse it and so forth -- it's one of those highly addictive meds too. I have BAD anxiety issues.

[Houston Heather]

I am so, so, burned out on medication right now.

I'm taking my lithium and anti-psychotic, but that's it.

Kath, one fun thing I learned was making a "Things you love" list. For me, that's watching scary movies, cooking, gardening, etc. When my life is "whack" I try to work them in - so even though I can't have my "Days Out" like I normally, do, I can still read my romance novels. I can't take a long hot bath, but I can play around with cooking. I can't garden, but I can play with graph paper and enjoy my plans. Having a long, detailed list is great.

I think the more "little" things you can do, the better.

I haven't really had any major anxiety issues since I started the lithium... but I swear, if the lithium didn't help so much I'd be off EVERYTHING. This rash is going on 2 weeks, and people are STILL EWing over it when I show them.

LONG SLEEVES AND PANTS! IN AUGUST! IN HOUSTON!

AGH.

[djalomo]

Heather

[faithgirl]

Aw Heather, that's crappy! What does your pdoc say about it? Anything new? The list sounds like it may be helpful. I just really need some coping skills. Binging and purging has got to stop.

And um, therapy may not be for me...at least not with this guy. He was nice enough and concerned enough, but we really just meandered all over. But maybe it was just a get to know you meeting? I don't know. I really don't think he understand bipo, but then maybe not many who don't have it, would. He seemed genuinely surprised that I knew much about bipo and knew the difference between mania and hypomania-I told him I had really just been hypo and he said well that's not really bipolar, that's more bipolar 2. Put any number you want behind it darn it, it's bipolar! I may give it another shot, but I don't know. We'll see.

[CurveControl]

'not really BiPo'? What a dink.

[faithgirl]

Yeah, he was an older guy and I thought, well maybe he mis-spoke and didn;t mean it that way. I don;t know. But there is no way I would not educate myself, whatever it was I had. Maybe other people don't do that and he was surprised?

[djalomo]

Yeah, as far as therapy, I dunno. I think you really need to look hard to find someone familiar with the disorder. Otherwise it's just not nearly as helpful.

[faithgirl]

That's what I'm thinking now. Oh well, it was a nice thought anyway, and I was at least trying to work on things.