~*~BiPolar Folks~*~

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

I am on day 2 of a pretty deep depression and crying again/still.
One glaring symptom? I was awake by 8. I do not do mornings. I took the same amount of sleeping meds as usual as well as a small dose of seroquel. I should be out cold. That is one of the worst things about depression. I can sleep with my eds, but only for a few hours and then all I want to do is lay around, no interest in anything to fill a lot of hours till it is time to take my sleeping meds again and can escape a few hours.

My husband sighed and roled over when I was on a crying jag in bed last night. Nice.
Thanks for the hug hunny.

I know what you're saying. I have cried so hard the past few days, my chest muscles are sore. I am up at 3-4 am every morning since quitting everything. I am going to work this morning and will call the doc. See what he says. i still have 2 mg samples of Abilify. I will take them if I have to. Screw the bleeding. I don't care at this point. I just hope I am not a total *itch today and hurt someone I like and normally get a long with. I want to go after management so bad I can taste it though. Are you calling your doc today? I hope you can get something worked out. Here's the hug hubby should have given you. and one from me.

[CurveControl]

Back Atcha!

No, I don;t think I will call Pdoc until later in the week, See if I level out. I do need to cal my GP re: my bruising and general 'feeling Ill'

I hope your day goes better than you expect!

[Houston Heather]

for everyone.

[faithgirl]

How are you feeling now Molly?

I have had a horrid day, but at least I didn't get fired. I want to vey badly to tell management off. The day I get out of this hell hole, they had better hope I am in a good mood or I am gonna burn some bridges with people on them!

I called the pdoc, of course he wasn't in, but the woman I spoke to (I think she must me a PA), said she would talk to him first thing tomorrow and either get something called in or try and get me in. I doubt he will just call something in since I am new and we haven't discussed that much. I don't think I can wait days for an appointment though.

I was feeling horrid after I got off from work, so restless and angry and just wanting to hurt someone. SO I took a benedryl-it felt similar to the akathesia I had last month. I do feel some better, but I don;t know why. ALl I have been taking is the Klonopin and I did take 2 mg Abilify this morning. I think I am going to quit it all. I don't know what else to do. I will call the pdoc if I don't hear anything from them.

[djalomo]

CC and faithgirl

[faithgirl]

I think I will take another 2 mg Abilify. I think it helped some yesterday, although in the evening I was so angry about everything. I hate my job!

Oh, and then on the way home, my car was making horrible sounds. It's old and I need a new one but thanks to the clunkers program, all the car lots are empty of any smaller, fuel efficient and less expensive models. Great. I'd get a used one, but the warranty is an extra $2000.

THEN I got home and my air condition isn't working. It's blowing tepid air. So i sweat all night. I used fans, but you know, they don't do much. Up at 3 again. It has been over a week and I haven't slept past 3:30.

[CurveControl]

That sucks Kathleen! When it rains it pours, and everything goes wrong I hope you can get them fixed soon, and cheap!

I a feeling hung over. because I am hung over.

Things are really really bad here. DH is extremely stressed about his job, the baby, and my uber depression is not helping. I would LOVE to shake it off, for his sake, But I can't. Class last night was just awful.

[Houston Heather]

I wish I could say things were going great. Yesterday was horrible, I had a horrible accident at work, I'm really stiff...

About the only thing I can say is "My mood is OK today".

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

That sucks Kathleen! When it rains it pours, and everything goes wrong I hope you can get them fixed soon, and cheap!

I a feeling hung over. because I am hung over.

Things are really really bad here. DH is extremely stressed about his job, the baby, and my uber depression is not helping. I would LOVE to shake it off, for his sake, But I can't. Class last night was just awful.

I hate the feeling of depression/anger/restlessness or whatever. Hate it. I hope this passes soon. Keep your eye on the prize-that baby. At the last minute my neice, her husband and their just turned 5 month old daughter got to come for mom's funeral. That baby was a sweetheart and took some of the stress of the event away. Babies change everything.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I wish I could say things were going great. Yesterday was horrible, I had a horrible accident at work, I'm really stiff...

About the only thing I can say is "My mood is OK today".

What happened Heather?

[faithgirl]

Iesterday I went back to 2 mg Abilify. I am amazed that after only 2 days, I am feeling better. NOt great, but I don't wish I was dead anymore. Going back to pdoc tomorrow.

[Houston Heather]

Oh, where do I start? Out riding the bus with my hand cart. Handcart was a butt and fell apart. The thing I had was too heavy to carry without the cart. Demon possessed umbrella. Ron could have helped but was drunk and also a butt. My other bag ripped at the bus stop, and I ended up bringing home the stuff I could carry in a huge garbage bag and looking homeless. Lots of disdainful stares.

Get home he is sleeping... I took care of myself and went to bed. He didn't even remember the repeated phone calls with me begging for help and him being a butt, until I said the cart fell apart. Oh, yeah, he vaguely remembered something...

Don't worry, he says, I'll get you over to Walmart so you can REpurchase your item. Except he "forgot" to call in the trip. So I have to take 3 buses. Thanks, I guess. I'm beginning to feel like I can't depend on him emotionally; support and understanding only flow one way.

[big sigh] Then I slept CRAPPY all night. Went to work, and had to wait out in feels like over 100 for the milkman... I fell off my chair and bruised the hell out of my tailbone and thigh. And the forklift operator was nicer than Ron about the accident. I was talking to (married) Mr Forklift about gardening when I just went over. Joys of medication.

[Big sigh] At least people wanted to help when I got hurt. And no one filled out the accident report or called the safety guy . That would have truly, truly sucked. I could go on, a plant died, etc.

I got pukey around dinnertime... but amazingly my mood is OK and I'm just peeved and feeling a bit PERSECUTED and UNAPPRECIATED by my husband, but it's normal considering. I couldn't say that for much of my life!

[faithgirl]

Oh I'm sorry to hear about all of that. Sometimes men can be so self-centered. I swear...I know if it had been reversed, you would have been right there helping him out with whatever he needed. I would have felt the same if I had had to do the black trash bag thing and everyone was giving me the look. Too bad people feel the need to do that to the homeless in the first place. I hope tomorrow will be a better day!

[Houston Heather]

Me, too.

I did get a hysterical quote from the bus driver, when I thanked her for picking up me and my bag:
"Honey, if it ain't stinking, squeaking, or dripping it can ride!"

Gotta love the CITY bus!

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

Me, too.

I did get a hysterical quote from the bus driver, when I thanked her for picking up me and my bag:
"Honey, if it ain't stinking, squeaking, or dripping it can ride!"

Gotta love the CITY bus!

[Nominefili]

I was invited to come over here... I didn't see a board for BP but I assume this is it. Anyway, I'm bipolar II, diagnosed about 5 years ago. Up until recently was taking Lithium, but for a few months now I've been on Lamictal (Lamotrogene) and I've been doing well. I've found that since going low-carb, my moods are quite a bit more stable.

Very tempted to try going without meds, but I know deep down I shouldn't. Seems like everytime I'm feeling good I decide to go off my meds, forgetting how everytime I do that I end up in trouble...

Anyway, just wanted to drop in and say hi!

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by Nominefili

I was invited to come over here... I didn't see a board for BP but I assume this is it. Anyway, I'm bipolar II, diagnosed about 5 years ago. Up until recently was taking Lithium, but for a few months now I've been on Lamictal (Lamotrogene) and I've been doing well. I've found that since going low-carb, my moods are quite a bit more stable.

Very tempted to try going without meds, but I know deep down I shouldn't. Seems like everytime I'm feeling good I decide to go off my meds, forgetting how everytime I do that I end up in trouble...

Anyway, just wanted to drop in and say hi!

Just curious, but if you're feeling stable why would you want to go off the meds? People usually think they're feeling better so they don't need the meds, but don't consider that they're feeling better because the meds are actually working.

It's not gonna go away. I'd stay on the meds unless you're having a horrendous side effect.

[Nominefili]

Originally Posted by djalomo

Just curious, but if you're feeling stable why would you want to go off the meds? People usually think they're feeling better so they don't need the meds, but don't consider that they're feeling better because the meds are actually working.

It's not gonna go away. I'd stay on the meds unless you're having a horrendous side effect.

Nah there's no side effect. Just don't like the idea of being dependent on medication forever. Plus I'm on student health insurance now which sucks and makes my scripts very expensive. :/ But I don't plan on going off anytime soon.

[faithgirl]

I slept past 3:00 this morning-took 2 'simply sleep' last night. Yup, made it until 3:35-don't be jalous!

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by Nominefili

Nah there's no side effect. Just don't like the idea of being dependent on medication forever. Plus I'm on student health insurance now which sucks and makes my scripts very expensive. :/ But I don't plan on going off anytime soon.

Please hang around and let us get to know you. I was just diagnosed 3 weeks ago, but I knew I had bipolar a year ago in May from a hypomanic episode. I was just too scared to go see a psychiatrist. I mean, only crazy people see psychiatrists, right?

Anyway, would love to have you join us. I understand what you're saying about wanting to quit the drugs when you feel stable and not wanting to be dependant the rest of your life. I am the same way-I don't even want to take vitamins everyday! But it has been a rough year and after a week of being off meds becuase it was doctor ordered, all I can say is, gimme my meds! I never want to go through this again. Never.

As for expense, I was reading the book, 'living well with depression and bipolar', and the author says if you can't afford your meds, the drug companies have programs to provide you with your meds. You set it up through your doc and pick meds up at the office. It is something to look into. No sense in putting yourself at risk of doing something crazy or hurting yuorself by being unmedicated. I have never tried a program like this, but I would if I needed to.

[Houston Heather]

I'm GLAD you made it!

That's one reason I take lithium - price. $4 a month. I have awesome control of symptoms, a little clumsy as you read. But no more "Bad Thoughts".

I was misdiagnosed as "clinical depression) for years, and boy, were they wrong. I had a horrible time, delusions, hallucinating, paranoia, UGH. Horrible mixed episodes.

I've had a really bad couple of weeks here, and the nicest thing for me is that I feel I'm reacting normally for the first time in my life. It's normal to feel cranky and irritated when my husband is a butt, someone hacked my debit card, the bank is taking forever to fix it, my husband is still a butt, I had a dumb accident yesterday, and now I woke up with a horrible itchy rash on the backs of my legs.

I would check into what Kath said, and if that doesn't work you could always look at the lithium again. I'm a huge fan of lithium, none bigger. It makes me clumsy and stupid, but it has the ability to settle my mood within an hour if I'm going up, down or mixed. I know you mentioned Lexapro, it works great for me at a very small ($20 a month) dose.

That is so huge to me, I can't tell you how awesome it is to take my little pink pill and know it's going to make everything all better. I still have emotions, but they don't rule me.

I'm so glad you came!

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by Nominefili

I was invited to come over here... I didn't see a board for BP but I assume this is it. Anyway, I'm bipolar II, diagnosed about 5 years ago. Up until recently was taking Lithium, but for a few months now I've been on Lamictal (Lamotrogene) and I've been doing well. I've found that since going low-carb, my moods are quite a bit more stable.

Very tempted to try going without meds, but I know deep down I shouldn't. Seems like everytime I'm feeling good I decide to go off my meds, forgetting how everytime I do that I end up in trouble...

Anyway, just wanted to drop in and say hi!

nice to meet you!

I am tempted to go off my lamictal every single day.
But to do that I would have to go off my ambien and ambien and I will not go without my sleep!!

[CurveControl]

I am pretty stable today, But I didn't sleep well last night. I ea 'thinking' too hard about some stuff and missed the ambien window so I got up and did some laundry.

I am also in PAIN. I either have a pretty entrenched ear infection and no doc till friday, which is a conflict B/C My doc appt (regular doc) is almost the same time as DH's doc (Pdoc) he has finally accepted that he has anxiety and probably depression. God love him. He has lived w/me for 20 years w/o meds, but the upcoming baby and work stress has really gotten to him.

[Houston Heather]

I'll be praying for the whole gang!

So ITCHY!

It's not the Lexapro, I had that once... this is just a localized reaction to God knows what.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

I am pretty stable today, But I didn't sleep well last night. I ea 'thinking' too hard about some stuff and missed the ambien window so I got up and did some laundry.

I am also in PAIN. I either have a pretty entrenched ear infection and no doc till friday, which is a conflict B/C My doc appt (regular doc) is almost the same time as DH's doc (Pdoc) he has finally accepted that he has anxiety and probably depression. God love him. He has lived w/me for 20 years w/o meds, but the upcoming baby and work stress has really gotten to him.

Then that explains a lot! Maybe he's a bit afraid that what he has is bipolar, as well and doesn't want to tell you? Or he's afraid it is the begining of it? Or he's just a man and is a big baby? Maybe regular doc will call in an RX for the ear? Hope you feel better. Let us know how hubby's appointment goes, if he doesn't mind.

[faithgirl]

Heather, I think I forgot to say the other day that I thought your business idea with the seedlings was a good one. It shouldn't take a huge outlay of cash, and as much as I enjoy buying those seed packets, I mostly would rather get seedlings becuase you can watch them grow faster and produce actual food/flowers. You sound like you have a green thumb. Let us know how that goes.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Then that explains a lot! Maybe he's a bit afraid that what he has is bipolar, as well and doesn't want to tell you? Or he's afraid it is the begining of it? Or he's just a man and is a big baby? Maybe regular doc will call in an RX for the ear? Hope you feel better. Let us know how hubby's appointment goes, if he doesn't mind.

No, he is whatever the opposite of bipo is, Just stressed and overwhelmed and IMO a little depressed and very anxious.
My doc will not call in antibiotics, but that is ok, I will take tylenol for the pain. I am used to getting them, I get several a year, Hot pads and tylenol help. If I get dizzy or anything I will just lie down.

[Houston Heather]

Thanks Kath!

Molly, I am convinced my husband is dysthymic. He is always down, always depressed. Constantly. Never abates.

My rash is spreading to my arms. I may need to call my doc.

[CurveControl]

This has hit DH hard just in the last few weeks. He has never had anything like it before. It is in huge part to friction with his boss. He is very frustrated and upset with her, And, I suspect he is getting more and more anxious as Baby D Day approaches.

YES! Have a doc look at that rash!

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by Nominefili

Nah there's no side effect. Just don't like the idea of being dependent on medication forever. Plus I'm on student health insurance now which sucks and makes my scripts very expensive. :/ But I don't plan on going off anytime soon.

Ahh. See I'm cool with being on meds forever. It took a few months but Lamictal has given me my life back. I don't ever want to feel that horrendous soul-crushing depression again. Ever. It was hands-down the worst feeling I've ever felt and I've witnessed some tragedies in my lifetime, and those weren't even close. Bipo out of control was ruining my life.

I was so depressed I thought about taking a 2nd and 3rd job to make life pass faster till I die.