Spring BiPo Thread~

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I think a guy at work is bipolar.

He acts so much like I used to it's scary, now he thinks we're out to get him.

I am dying to drop a lithium and a risperdal into a soda, and give it to him. I bet it would work.

I won't... but I'm tempted.

I feel the same way about my brother -- he has REALLY obvious, glaring symptoms but he doesn't believe that mental issues need medication. My dad I think is, to...he self-medicates with cocaine and booze apparently.

[Houston Heather]

Yike. The guy was totally going off on us today. Why are we persecuting him? You can read it in my blog, it's pretty scary to me.

What's more alarming is the fact that the guy has guns.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

Yike. The guy was totally going off on us today. Why are we persecuting him? You can read it in my blog, it's pretty scary to me.

What's more alarming is the fact that the guy has guns.

can you try to report him to police as a danger to self or others?

[djalomo]

Hey CC -- did Lamictal give you CRAZY dry mouth at first? OMG I was uncomfortably dry and puffy at like 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. I've been chugging water and chewing gum all day.

[CurveControl]

I don't think so. I don't remember having it.

[djalomo]

OK so I finally got back into a pdoc again (my old one left the practice, and i'd been seeing an internist who really preferred I see a pdoc instead) and she seems...skeptical of the idea that I'll have success on Lamictal. In her defense she took a long long history and had my charts, and she actually said that my self-reflection and abiility to communicate what was going on with me was "awesome," but she really for some reason wants me to be on Abilify or Lithium instead.

I'm certainly starting to "feel" that my dose is prob too low still on the Lamictal, but I'm feeling good enough to take it slow. Really, I haven't felt this "normal" in ages. I FINALLY have a sense of perspective -- I don't have those debilitiating lows or the stupid crazy highs right now.

I totally get why she wants me to be open to Lithium -- maybe because she suspects I rapid-cycle? I'd say I'm down most of the year but hypo naturally in the fall from Sept. to November. BUT, i can totally see how as I age and since having taken the stimulants for ADD that I may cycle more rapidly and I'd never ever had a mixed episode before the past few years.

So, I can totally see that.

But the Abilify is what I don't get vs. Lamictal. I'm VERY sensitive to akathisia and restlesness - it's AWFUL and I get it if I just LOOK at an atypical antipsychotic or anything near that class.

I haven't had anything horrendous happen yet with Lamictal and seem to be responding to it ok...but it wasn't a 'hey if this doesn't work, we might wanna try Lithium or Abilify,' it was a 'hmmmmmmm have you tried Abilify?'

Like seriously, she wants to marry Abilify. LOLOL. It was a weird appointment.

I'm trying to find out what benefits Abilify would have over Lamictal but i can't seem to find an experience comparing the two where someone didn't quit Lamictal because of the rash thing and just actually preferred Abilify.

[CurveControl]

that is odd. I wonder why she wants you to change if you are having success on Lamictal.

Maybe you are still a little 'up'? I tend to come off a little 'up' at appointments just because I want to get as much info to him and from him in the time allotted for my appointment.

[Houston Heather]

I tend to run up most of the time and I'm on a tiny dose of anti-d.

My P-doc doesn't care, as long as Ron is with me and says he is happy.

I tend to run a little paranoid... I would wonder why the doc wants to take you off something that works.

Of course, you know I love my lithium! Don't worry, I've left you some DJ! The stuff by Roxane is the best, IMO. They do generics.

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

that is odd. I wonder why she wants you to change if you are having success on Lamictal.

Maybe you are still a little 'up'? I tend to come off a little 'up' at appointments just because I want to get as much info to him and from him in the time allotted for my appointment.

That's a good point - I wondered that too. I know I have a limited amount of time at appt's and I tend to speed it up a little because I wanna get it allll in.

[djalomo]

Oh this seems lovely...LOL! My mention of my former Hydroxycut addiction led me to this

VPX Meltdown

Meltdown will radically increase energy levels, take mental acuity and alertness into the stratosphere and induce an intense mood-altering euphoric effect that is going to re-write fat loss biochemistry.

LOL! I'm glad I know better now. Oh god I woulda jumped ont he mood-altering euphoria years ago.

[CurveControl]

Oohhhh.I want!!!

[djalomo]

I feel SO.DAMN.NORMAL today!

I thought I've had a few good days over the past year -- but I haven't woken up and STAYED this balanced feeling in years. Maybe 2004 or 2005?

No racing thoughts, can fall asleep normally, not unusually depressed or anxious or restless, just normal and fairly optomistic. And I don't feel "drugged."

And GOOD memories are coming back to me...good things I'd forgotten over the years have oddly come back to me all of a sudden.

I hadn't thought about this in YEARS -- but once right after I finished college I went out a few times with a guy I knew through friends, and he took me on a drive one night and when we got out of the car we walked through a little park and all of a sudden there were these gigantic sculptures of teddy bears. TEDDY BEARS. LOL! It was the cooolest weirdest thing I'd ever seen. I was driving to grab lunch today and this popped in my mind for some reason.

Stuff like that has been happening lately...memories I haven't had in YEARS...it's like my brain is finally ok with remembering them. For years all I'd had was negative thoughts. This is so bizarre.

[CurveControl]

But more important~ Can you Poop?

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

But more important~ Can you Poop?

I can! LOL!

[faithgirl]

I'm really glad you're doing well, DJ, it's really good to hear that.

In my quest to figure out what the heck is wrong with me i have been reading crazymeds a lot. It seems like most of the mood stabilizers are meant to control manias. IF I am indeed bipolar, and of course i have at least suspected it for a while, I have very little hypomania at all. No real manias at all. What medications are generally prescribed for something like this? DJ, I saw where you said you are mostly depressed. Crazymeds says Lamictal isn't supposed to be prescribed as the first medication for someone diagnosed bipolar. Just wondering what else is out there for someone who is so chronically depressed, as a mood stabilizer I mean.


This thought has ocurred to me: How the hell does one make REAL decisions in life, when all of their decisions are being dictated by illness? I think back over big decisions I have made in my life and I feel like the majority of them have been such bad decisions...most made in a state of anguish becuase of the depressions. Or maybe some of them were correct decisions for me, but the depression clouds my judgement of them afterwards. I'm just tired of this nameless fear driving me to do things I might not do when calm and thinking rationally...

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

But more important~ Can you Poop?

Originally Posted by djalomo

I can! LOL!

A key question, indeed!

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

I'm really glad you're doing well, DJ, it's really good to hear that.

In my quest to figure out what the heck is wrong with me i have been reading crazymeds a lot. It seems like most of the mood stabilizers are meant to control manias. IF I am indeed bipolar, and of course i have at least suspected it for a while, I have very little hypomania at all. No real manias at all. What medications are generally prescribed for something like this? DJ, I saw where you said you are mostly depressed. Crazymeds says Lamictal isn't supposed to be prescribed as the first medication for someone diagnosed bipolar. Just wondering what else is out there for someone who is so chronically depressed, as a mood stabilizer I mean.


This thought has ocurred to me: How the hell does one make REAL decisions in life, when all of their decisions are being dictated by illness? I think back over big decisions I have made in my life and I feel like the majority of them have been such bad decisions...most made in a state of anguish becuase of the depressions. Or maybe some of them were correct decisions for me, but the depression clouds my judgement of them afterwards. I'm just tired of this nameless fear driving me to do things I might not do when calm and thinking rationally...

Hmmm, when I went in the first time I was diagnosed bipo, I was coming off an Adderal crash and self-medicating with Paxil AND Prozac because I didn't know what else to do -- I was so epically depressed. So, I was a lot more hypo than I usually am and we went with Geodon first. It seems like Abilify and Zyprexa and a new version of Zyprexa with Prozac-like qualities are the ones that are really common, besides Lamictal. For rapid-cycling I think Lithium is the drug of choice.

My first doc ONLY talked to me about Geodon, Abilify and Lamictal because those are really the most weight-neutral options, and, me being a chick, he knew that would concern me.

And actually, my new doc was concerned about Lamictal putting me into mania, but I haven't had that issue. But I would guess if she was worried abotu that then the drug probably has potent AD effects.

NOTHING has helped lift this depression like this, ever. Today is potentially the first day of the rest of my life.

I'm RARELY naturally hypo - maybe a month or two a year. I've always had depression. Just awful, awful depression. The only persistent "up" symptoms I've really had are horrible insomnia and racing thoughts. Like, when I'd try to sleep my brain would just go a million miles an hour.

I'm pretty sure Abilify is being used pretty commonly off-label as a booster to AD's now, I see that commercial for it all the time. I wanna say it's the first one approved to be used in addition to an AD to fight resistant depression? Maybe that's why my doctor wants to marry it. LOL! She wants to have little Abilify babies.

I get what you're saying about the decision-making. Seriously, I was thinking about this today because I feel like almost all my decisions have been fight-or-flight type things that just had to be done. But seriously, if I hadn't had these issues with concetnration and had the abilty to self-actualize better, I might have had a different major in college or a differnt career. I DEFINITELY wouldn't be living HERE. But thank Gawd it's all ok so far.

I feel normal for the first time ever...I cleaned my apt. today (well, sorta) and it wasn't the psychological ordeal it was before. I didn't know where to begin before.

I actually went grocery shopping and I'm COOKING. COOKING LOL.

My cat has never seen me do this before. He's so confused.

[djalomo]

Faithgirl here's that commercial I see all the time.

YouTube - Treating Depression by Adding ABILIFY®...

[faithgirl]

Yeah, all my decisions have been made from the fight or flight mind set as well. It sucks. Abilify sounds good until they get to the list of side effects. Everytime I see a commercial for medication, it osunds good until they get to the side effects and then I think, my gosh, the disease sounds more tolerable than the drug to cure it!

I need to do something becuase Pristiq just isn't getting it done...

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Yeah, all my decisions have been made from the fight or flight mind set as well. It sucks. Abilify sounds good until they get to the list of side effects. Everytime I see a commercial for medication, it osunds good until they get to the side effects and then I think, my gosh, the disease sounds more tolerable than the drug to cure it!

I need to do something becuase Pristiq just isn't getting it done...

LOL yeah - I was just about to mention the side effects. The ones I had with Geodon were BAD. They DO fade with time but they were still really hard for me. But not everyone gets the side effects. And in the beginning the med was REALLY a godsend -- if it hadn't worked overnight i never would have believed ANYTHING could help me.

[springalong]

Hi everyone, I hope its ok I jump into your thread here?

I have a question re someone I was briefly dating last fall (for about 3 months) who has bi/polar. He is a widower and still was dealing with grief re his wife (she has been gone for 3 1/2 years now), so he started to back off well its been 6 months and he recontacted me to talk with me and share his regrets how he treated me. Im cautiously open to the possibility of it going somewhere we have started again as just friends - the basis for any good relationship I think. Anyways it seems hes backing off again, and i find it upsetting if not rude. What is your opinion/s?


I know this to be a difficult thing to answer, I just needed some feedback from people who struggle with bi/po. Again, he is an amazing man, very sensitive and honouring. Im just not so sure on if I should throw in the towel, or try to be more understanding. It just leaves the emotions to flip/flop.

I thank you for any bit of advice.

Dana

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

I'm really glad you're doing well, DJ, it's really good to hear that.

In my quest to figure out what the heck is wrong with me i have been reading crazymeds a lot. It seems like most of the mood stabilizers are meant to control manias. IF I am indeed bipolar, and of course i have at least suspected it for a while, I have very little hypomania at all. No real manias at all. What medications are generally prescribed for something like this? DJ, I saw where you said you are mostly depressed. Crazymeds says Lamictal isn't supposed to be prescribed as the first medication for someone diagnosed bipolar. Just wondering what else is out there for someone who is so chronically depressed, as a mood stabilizer I mean.


This thought has ocurred to me: How the hell does one make REAL decisions in life, when all of their decisions are being dictated by illness? I think back over big decisions I have made in my life and I feel like the majority of them have been such bad decisions...most made in a state of anguish becuase of the depressions. Or maybe some of them were correct decisions for me, but the depression clouds my judgement of them afterwards. I'm just tired of this nameless fear driving me to do things I might not do when calm and thinking rationally...

I had AD's for years before my DX. They did bad things to me.
Lamictal and Seroquel were the first 2 diagnosed for my BiPolar. when I went depression sided a few weeks ago increasing lamictal brought me back to baseline within a few days. My depressions can go from sad to very bad very quickly. My hypomania is closer to my baseline and so more frequent but I have never gone to full mania but I have been, many times in a deep very dangerous depressions.

I know it is still off label for BiPo. I researched the heck out of it.
the combo with Seroquel did not work for me, too sedating and caused lots of weight issues, but serouquel is known for that, so I dropped to just lamictal and have been on that and a sleeping med and some xanax for over a year.

Originally Posted by springalong

Hi everyone, I hope its ok I jump into your thread here?

I have a question re someone I was briefly dating last fall (for about 3 months) who has bi/polar. He is a widower and still was dealing with grief re his wife (she has been gone for 3 1/2 years now), so he started to back off well its been 6 months and he recontacted me to talk with me and share his regrets how he treated me. Im cautiously open to the possibility of it going somewhere we have started again as just friends - the basis for any good relationship I think. Anyways it seems hes backing off again, and i find it upsetting if not rude. What is your opinion/s?


I know this to be a difficult thing to answer, I just needed some feedback from people who struggle with bi/po. Again, he is an amazing man, very sensitive and honouring. Im just not so sure on if I should throw in the towel, or try to be more understanding. It just leaves the emotions to flip/flop.

I thank you for any bit of advice.

Dana

If he is diagnosed is he medicated?

Grief takes time, some more than others He could be still going through that process and not have anything to do with BiPo at all.

Sadness and grief are not at all the same chemicals that cause depression though they can trigger the other chemicals.

If I were you I would stay at the friend stage until he is ready to take it to another level. If he is bipo and unmedicated I would walk away. Now.

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

I had AD's for years before my DX. They did bad things to me.
Lamictal and Seroquel were the first 2 diagnosed for my BiPolar. when I went depression sided a few weeks ago increasing lamictal brought me back to baseline within a few days. My depressions can go from sad to very bad very quickly. My hypomania is closer to my baseline and so more frequent but I have never gone to full mania but I have been, many times in a deep very dangerous depressions.

I know it is still off label for BiPo. I researched the heck out of it.
the combo with Seroquel did not work for me, too sedating and caused lots of weight issues, but serouquel is known for that, so I dropped to just lamictal and have been on that and a sleeping med and some xanax for over a year.




If he is diagnosed is he medicated?

Grief takes time, some more than others He could be still going through that process and not have anything to do with BiPo at all.

Sadness and grief are not at all the same chemicals that cause depression though they can trigger the other chemicals.

If I were you I would stay at the friend stage until he is ready to take it to another level. If he is bipo and unmedicated I would walk away. Now.

THIS. If he's unmedicated it's going to be up and down and heartbreaking. When he's at his best it WILL be the greatest emotion you've ever felt -- he WILL be amazing, charming, charismatic and unlike anyone you've ever met. When he's down he will probably slip off the face of the earth and you will feel jilted and forgotten and confused. He will overanalyze everything and think maybe he never cared about you at all, that it was just hypomania.

My ex (seriously, love of my life) and I are back in each other's lives on a friendship basis, and we both happen to be single and the first 4 years we were on and off were TOUGH. I was completely devastated before I knew what was happening. We broke up once and he moved across the country and actually quit his job and moved BACK so we could give in another go once...but he was so imbalanced I finally had to end things.

Before i started to have SERIOUS depression it was HARD not to take his bouts of depression and not wanting to see me personally. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the concept. When we were apart for 3 years and I started to have symptoms, it KILLED me because I finally understood what was happening to him. When you're that low you do NOT want to be around people. And everything EVERYONE does annoys you. It's hard not to take it personally.

Anyway I missed him badly for 3 years. Like, BADLY and thought about him every day. Seriously, I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else...and I met him 7 years ago. And I have plenty of...options. LOL. Pretty much anyone I've ever dated treats me better than well.

BUT that said -- I will NOT get romantically involved with him again unless he medicates. He's been stable for 2 years now...but that doesn't matter. I know symptoms can hit him again at any time.

[Houston Heather]

Dana, I will be incredibly blunt here.

Is he taking his meds regularly? If not, it would end there for me. One of the worst things I see with some people with this illness, they walk around unmedicated or improperly medicated, skipping doses, etc. They walk around sick dumping on others, and then blame the illness.

It's not the illness, it's them, for failing to manage it. Recently I got the best compliment ever. A family member refused to believe I was bipolar, until I took 2 prescription bottles of lithium out of my purse and showed them to her! I have a "big" lithium and a "Little" one, I keep on me at all times.

If I go up or down, I will take the appropriate dose as needed. I am extremely committed to my medication and my husband and doctor really respect me for that.

When I'm getting my butt kicked with side effects, or I crawl out of bed, with a migraine, to take my lithium, DH can't stop saying how much he respects me. He knows I will do whatever I can, in my power, to keep my illness for affecting him in any negative way.

He suffered enough before my diagnosis!

I am OK with my lithium side effects, it doesn't matter if I'm slow at times, as long as I'm nice.

[springalong]

Thanks for all of the advice Heather, Molly and DJ. You all have lots of life experience and wisdom to share and I greatly appreciate it He is on his medication. As for this weekend it was a misunderstanding he thought we were getting together Monday eve and I was expecting him Sunday eve, so I had just "assumed" he was going back to his "caving" again. Thats what I asked him I asked him if maybe he was "caving" again, and he said no, and that he would let me know if he was. Im learning its a lot about communication, and not assuming things, but at he same time Im really cautious.

Last December he warned me that it might be a little difficult for him re his wifes passing and it was - I think it was mainly the grief, not the bi/po but who knows. We are definitely going at this really slow. Im just not sure anyways but I want to be open to any possibility and at the same time use lots of wisdom and take advice when necessary.

Dana

[faithgirl]

Dana-not diagnosed bipo, but I was thinking when you first posted that there was going to have to be a very open line of communication there and he is going to have to be honest with what is going on with himself. I'm glad you guys are working it out.


As for me, I just got back from the doctor's and he switched my meds to Lexapro. I am taking a half Pristiq and half Lexapro today and tomorrow and then the full Lexapro dose after that.

I told him I was frustrated with trying different things and them not working and my feeling that I may be bipolar. He said his knowledge on these drugs was only so large, (which I knew-he is a family doctor) and if this didn't work we would schedule for a psychiatrist when I go in at my appointment for next week.

He also wants me to see about getting some counseling at a local church, as a way of doing something for the panic/stress. I am not excited about this, but I know it is a good thing for me since I have been hiding myself away for so long. So I am going to do it for him, 'cause he's just such a nice, caring person. I have never really found anyone as compassionate as he is, you know? And hopefully this counseling thing will turn out well and be something that helps me.

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Dana-not diagnosed bipo, but I was thinking when you first posted that there was going to have to be a very open line of communication there and he is going to have to be honest with what is going on with himself. I'm glad you guys are working it out.


As for me, I just got back from the doctor's and he switched my meds to Lexapro. I am taking a half Pristiq and half Lexapro today and tomorrow and then the full Lexapro dose after that.

I told him I was frustrated with trying different things and them not working and my feeling that I may be bipolar. He said his knowledge on these drugs was only so large, (which I knew-he is a family doctor) and if this didn't work we would schedule for a psychiatrist when I go in at my appointment for next week.

He also wants me to see about getting some counseling at a local church, as a way of doing something for the panic/stress. I am not excited about this, but I know it is a good thing for me since I have been hiding myself away for so long. So I am going to do it for him, 'cause he's just such a nice, caring person. I have never really found anyone as compassionate as he is, you know? And hopefully this counseling thing will turn out well and be something that helps me.

Do you need a referral from your family doc to see a psychiatrist? If not I'd really start calling around now -- some of the wait lists to get in are ridiculous, like 3 weeks or even months. It never hurts to get a 2nd 3rd and 4th opinion -- in fact every doctor I've been to is happy that I've seen a LOT of docs and encourage it. My method has been to just go to my insurance directory and search for pdocs close to me and call them up. First appointment wins. LOL. If I have a suggestion for a GREAT doc I'll call them and get on the wait list too. I'm working with someone right now and I don't know if she's the right doc for me but I'm doing well so there goes.

I'd really try and get in with a psychiatrist ASAP -- I'm worried that if you wait till the next appt. with the family doc and then have to wait another 3 weeks or 4 months to see a pdoc that you'd have to feel lousy for another month or four or so. You don't have to work with them forever -- due to insurance, docs leaving the practice and varying levels of quackery I've probably worked with 5 pdocs, 1 family doc, 1 internist and a neurologist.

Out of curiosity, wasn't it Cymbalta that you had the most luck with? Why did he pick Lexapro?

[faithgirl]

I don't really know if I need a referral or not...

Honestly, I didn't bring up the Cymbalta after he mentioned wanting to try the Lexapro. I didn't bring it up becuase of how bad the Cymbalta eventually gets for me. I was just hoping a smaller dose would work, but have no idea if it would or not. My wanting to go back to it had more to do with my frustration at not knowing what to do, and it did work temporarily. But nothing has ever worked for me beyond 10-12 weeks or so. So really, Cymbalta would have been a temporary fix. Lexapro? I don't know. Will either not work at all or will only work temporarily. I am losing all hope that there is any AD that will work for me.

[CurveControl]

Family docs are very undereducated about psychiatric illnesses.

It frustrates me when they try to treat them.
ADs make some things worse. Fast.


Call your insurance customer care # (it should be on your card) and ask

1~ Do you need a referral

2~for a list of Pdocs within the distance you feel comfortable driving. I went fort a radius of 50 miles, ended up w/ a Pdoc 20 min away.

It can't hurt and since you arew missing work, and obviously in a bad state of mind and health it could do a world of goo. Personally I wouldn't wait to start the med the regular doc gave you but I would find a Pdoc to manage your mental care from here on out. ASAP.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

I don't really know if I need a referral or not...

Honestly, I didn't bring up the Cymbalta after he mentioned wanting to try the Lexapro. I didn't bring it up becuase of how bad the Cymbalta eventually gets for me. I was just hoping a smaller dose would work, but have no idea if it would or not. My wanting to go back to it had more to do with my frustration at not knowing what to do, and it did work temporarily. But nothing has ever worked for me beyond 10-12 weeks or so. So really, Cymbalta would have been a temporary fix. Lexapro? I don't know. Will either not work at all or will only work temporarily. I am losing all hope that there is any AD that will work for me.

no AD ever worked for me either. It works on the wrong brain chemicals. It would temporarily help but the crash was worse than the original depression OR I would go Hypo and the crash from THAT was 100x worse.